Friday, December 31, 2010


90's Death Metal Week, Part 4

Paul Ledney is a busy guy. Sure, he played drums in Incantation for a bit, but everyone played in Incantation for a bit, right? Seriously, EVERYONE. But Ledney's done a shitload of other stuff too, such as his one-man black-wizard-metal project Havohej, which followed stints in Toten and Abomination, which led to ANOTHER solo project called Crowned In Semen, which followed a joke band called Connecticut Cocksuckers--all of which happened while he was being all creepy and naked in Profanatica. Dude's kind of a schizophrenic genius, no big deal.
But what was quite possibly Ledney's finest hour was the time he spent in New Jersey's Revenant, a brilliant, Lovecraft-obsessed death-thrash juggernaut that released only one spectacular full-length in 1991. Sure, we've already walked some well-trodden ground during the course of this 90's Death Metal Week, exploring the wonders of some wholly generic DM from around the globe, but Revenant was onto some truly Next Level Shit way back when, wandering into similar territories of otherworldly dissonance as the mighty Morbid Angel during the course of several 7+ minute tracks on Dying World. Long story short, this fucking album is just plain REALLY GOOD and REALLY WEIRD, and any Hessian worth his spikes should know it cover to cover. Thinking man's moshfest? Moshing man's thinkfest?
Fuck it, Bro. Just play it LOUD.

Download HERE
Purchase HERE


That's a lot of posts

As the IllCon Global Elite already know, we like to kick back and celebrate every 500 posts or so around here, taking a moment to pontificate on the wonderful, wacky universe that has been created herein over the course of the last two years and thirty days. Our last retrospective, ONE FUCKING THOUSAND, was published March 15, 2010, and its predecessor, The IC 500, hit the presses on May 15, 2009--how fitting that lucky post number 1,500 lands right square on New Year's Eve 2010. Anyhow, we need not spend any time fellating ourselves over the huge cultural impact IC has had on society at large, nor do we need to expend any unnecessary energy fist-bumping over the huge piles of cash and hot babes this blog has scored us. Suffice to say that WE'RE SUPER EXCITED, and a quick walk down memory lane, encompassing the high points of the last half-thousand posts, should be celebration enough.

IllCon came strong out of the gate right after post number 1,000, publishing the highly influential and Earth-shattering GLOM (Gorgeous Ladies of Metal) post on March 17. This post was written as a response to Revolver magazine's exceedingly patronizing "Hottest Chicks In Metal" yearly feature, showing that chicks have chops in the game, and that success in the metal genre doesn't always depend on cup size. I think our friend Generic Viagra summed it up pretty well in the comments section, when he claimed (and I quote):

"That is the real deal, no playing around with girls that are in the spotlight just because they are hot. That is not Metal, that's fashion with a riff. This is Metal for real and these bands simply kick ass.

Viagra Online Cheap Viagra"

Speaking of ladies in metal, Seanford followed up the GLOM post with a fascinating Blackholicus interview on March 18, in which he quizzed bassist/vocalist Margaret mercilessly on the mind-numbing minutae of everyday life in one of the NWOAHM's finest new bands.

The People Vs. Joey DeMaio (March 19) was some fucked up shit, and was immediately followed by further fucked up shit in the form of March 24th'sFrom Philly To Montauk post. Is the Montauk Monster indeed a multi-dimensional visitor from astral planes unknown?

Yes, of course. Don't be an idiot.

An old classic:

A new classic:

The Second Annual IC Coloring Contest (left) once again reared its ugly head on March 25, bringing in approximately 10 times the entries it did in Year One, many of them disturbing, all of them awesome. The results were published on April 1, and the winner was announced the next day (it was my nephew, whose entry is shown below). But even the most innocent contest can turn ugly in a heartbeat, and my failure to send Nephew Carlos his prize in a prompt fashion raised the ire of my sister, who hired a mercenary rapper to extract revenge. The saga closed months later, when I was thoroughly PWNT by Rap Master Maurice via voice message on September 13th. Harsh.

Speaking of controversy, who else remembers the hubbub that followed my post about Bobby Liebling (right) and his young, pregnant wife Hallie on March 28? Man, people got pissed about that. Good times.

The Goodkind's first post, The Forgotten Revolution, was published the following day, followed by Helm's epic Prog-Metal Interlude on April 2nd. Speaking of Bromantic Interludes...

BradethQ (Apr 5)
Mike Desert (Apr 9)
Phelpster (Apr 12) / (May 21)
Crankenstien (Apr 19)
Steven (Apr 26)
Aylmer (May 15)
Hell Crust (May 17)
Helm (7/19)
Wendy Stonehenge(10/10/10)
JGD (Dec 13)

The Manslaughter Devirginization happened on April 6, 2010.


We then interviewed Mike Scalzi, guitarist/vocalist for The Lord Weird Slough Feg, on April 20, and explored the wonders of grindcore ho-bag Cyco Eva the following day. That shit was brutal.

Two days after that, we tried to decide if Suffocation's Frank Mullen is emo, and a week and a half later we caught up with modern times via
Observations on the State of Modern Metal (May 4). Part 2 came on August 25.

BOOTY BASS, published on May 5, 2010, was a personal favorite of mine. Whose soul is so dead that they can't appreciate the exquisite intricasies of BOOTY BASS? Especially when it's coming out of the back of a mid-90's mini-truck? Not I.

IllCon participated in The Blair Blog Project on May 12, reviewing the Leslie Nielsen/Linda Blair classic Repossessed! in the process. We thank Mr. Goodkind for our inclusion.

Yachtmystium (May 12) was wacky fun, but things soon got somber with the death of IC Hero Ronnie James Dio on May 16. Our reactions to the passing of a heavy metal icon can be found here,here. and here.

June 7, 2010: NPR reads IC? (It's true, and so does Stephen Colbert.)

June 16, 2010: David Icke Mega-Post. The IC/Reptoid saga continues...

Question: Are Parrotheads Worse Than Juggalos? (June 17)

No matter which side of the fence you're on in regards to the Juggalo-Parrothead controversy, I'm pretty sure we can all agree that Hipsters Can't Name Bands For Shit (July 1).

On July 4, IllCon asked for requests. These were the results:

- Genesis P-Orridge
- Short Songs
- Music Movies
- Future Sportz (Aylmer)
- Total Copout

Local metal goodies! S(ean)F(ord) 0n SF: Saros, Walken, Grayceon, Champs & Cretaceous!

Manslaughter on SF: Giant Squid, MS on BA, MS on BA, Round 2.

Cobras: SC on SF.

All of the fuss about San Francisco's metal scene was followed by a quick departure to Austin, Texas, as Seanford introduced us to the History of Fancy Metal (July 11).

The Thing That Should Not Be arrived on August 18th. The universe trembled.

Oh, and for the record, THIS DOES NOT COUNT AS A POST.

We were introduced to the technicolor douchery of Burning Dan on August 23, 2010, and were genuinely saddened to hear of his death less than a month and a half later. RIP Burning Dan. You might have been a douche, but it seemed like you were at least a nice douche.
Has anyone else noticed that all the cool people are dying? Captain Beefheart, Dio, Swayze, Gary Coleman, Cory Haim. What gives? I guess some folks are just too good for this Earthly plane. Speaking of death and sadness...

Schultz arrived on August 29th, 2010. The universe cowered in fear.


Things have remained strange and fascinating here in IllCon land recently, as we've checked in with our favorite reader Generic Viagra not once (10/15), but twice (Dec 20). It's almost TOO MUCH stimulation!

Cory brought us some extremely HARSH VIBES on October 28, and the conspiracy deepened with the New Mexican Alien-CIA Lazer Battle 1979 on November 18.

The Goodkind was nice enough to invite us back for Kotto Week on November 19, and IllCon obliged with a detailed post about the insurmountably amazing Yaphet Kotto/Gary Busey star vehicle Eye of The Tiger. Hopefully we'll see more collaborative film blogging in the future.

Bullshit For Shitty Boy (11/21) was a fine venue for me to express my rage. I'm glad you all felt it too.

But nothing, and I mean nothing, could have prepared me for the reaction to what happened on December 6: HOLOCAUST! Seriously, that shit was fucked up. Who knew that having opinions on the internet was so frowned upon, and could get you in so much trouble? It was SO bad, in fact, that I had to return to make amends on December 9: APOLOGY. I guess I'm still learning the proverbial ropes, eh?






Let's end it right there, with what might possibly be the most inspiring image ever seen on this blog (or elsewhere).

I thank you all for your continued patronage. Let's talk again at 2,000.


When in Rome....

I figured for my final post of the year, I wouldn't rock the boat, and I'd stick with Cobras 90's Death Metal thang. So, here you have one of MY personal favourite 90's Death Metal records - 'Thresholds', the second album by the almighty Nocturnus, from 1992....except it ISN'T really from 1992! No sir! It's actually from a far-flung future in which we can control the climate, alter reality in Arctic crypts.

Adding a vocalist for this one, a guy named Dan Izzo - presumably because it was all getting a bit much for Drummer/Vocalist Mike Browning - 'Thresholds' really stepped the whole 'science of horror' thing that Nocturnus had going on up a notch. Sadly, people really didn't seem to dig it. Fucked if I know why, I thought it was ACES, and I STILL do.

I was lucky enough to see 'em tour for this, along with Confessor, and they were pretty darned good, so I'm really stumped as to why people didn't warm to 'em more. My only real guess is that they were too far ahead of their time, somewhat ironically. Pearls before swine, clearly. They managed one more record after this, a self-titled EP that we have already featured here at Ill Con before, before calling it a day. I dunno about YOU folks, but I sure miss 'em.

Aaaaaaanyhoo, go git it.

*Oh, also, if anyone knows where I can pick up a Nocturnus T-shirt in a size medium, puh-LEEZE let me know. I would literally KILL for one.

Thursday, December 30, 2010


90's Death Metal Week, Part 3

In case there's anyone left out there who I haven't scared away by posting nothing but generic death metal this week, here's some more generic death metal--brought to you courtesy of Poland's Betrayer. These guys followed the standard blast-stomp-grunt-chunk routine rather well, producing a couple demos, this full-length album, and surprisingly, a "best of" compilation in their short, shredding run. Something to write home about? Hmmm. I guess it depends how much lead you have in your pencil. But it is notable that they shared a bassist with Vader for awhile before they disintegrated. And they looked super cool in their band photo.
Get it. Or don't. I don't care. Maybe you're burnt out on this shit already. That's fine. Go listen to Contaigeon instead.

Download HERE


Wednesday, December 29, 2010

GRANDMA'S COOKIES (pssst....they're WEED cookies)

May I present Nona Leveroni. Grandmother to my best friend and a friend of mine indeed. Now Nona LOVES to bake, and if you've ever met her she will send you the BEST italian cookies year round. You can't not get fat when Nona's around. But today Nona wants to show you how to make something special. WEED BUTTER.


I love you Nona. Send me some cookies.


90's Death Metal Week, Part 2

We continue our quest into the darkest realms of sonic mayhem today with Zurich, Switzerland's Sickening Gore, via their only release, 1994's Destructive Reality. Serviceable if not wholly unique and challenging death metal, appropriate for its time and place in the world. If you are a fan of early-to-mid 90's deathgrind, you will like this. If not, maybe you should just come back next week when we are up to our usual non-metal poser business once again.
Not much needs to be said about Sickening Gore. None of these dudes played in any other notable bands, although their original singer (not on this recording) was also in some band called Babylon Sad, who in turn shared a guitarist and drummer with one of The Thing's favorites, Calhoun Conquer. OK, fine.
Allow me digress for a moment, though, on the sculpture that appears on the cover of Destructive Reality. That, of course, is French artist Auguste Rodin's Gates of Hell. Rodin worked on this enormous piece (19.69'H × 13.12'W × 3.29'D) for 37 years, until his death in 1917, and it contains over 180 individually casted, detailed figures. It depicts a scene from "The Inferno", the first section of Dante Alighieri's Divine Comedy, and was inspired by such works as Delacroix's painting Dante and Virgil Crossing the Styx, Michelangelo's The Last Judgment, Honoré de Balzac's book La Comedié Humanine, and Baudelaire's Les Fleurs du Mal. That, my friends, is information that you would never find on another "metal mp3 blog", and a fine example of the detailed research and deep knowledge of the arts that establishes Illogical Contraption as head and shoulders above our peers. Suck it, Lucid Media.

Download HERE
Purchase HERE


Tuesday, December 28, 2010



That's right, gang. Enough with all the rap and movie soundtracks and Joe Pesci novelty albums and shit. This week on IC I'll be posting nothing but the classics, lost gems from the finest era of the finest genre of music mankind has ever known. Seven albums in six days, all of them released between 1991 and 1997, all of them sharing several key elements: sweatpants, leather jackets, crunchy guitars, double-kick, ambient keyboard intros, and an undying allegiance to the dark lord Satan.

Right: Universal Small Soldier? What the fuck is happening to this blog?!?!

To kick things off, I've chosen Sweden's Excruciate, whose 1993 album Passage of Life is an excellent (if slightly lesser known) entry into the fascinatingly overpopulated realm of early 90's Swedeath. All the usual symptoms are here, from tasty blastbeats to Cookie Monster vocals to a guy wearing his own band's T-shirt in their group shot (metal faux pas bro, major metal faux pas). This was Excruciate's only proper full-length release, and while it might not be anything life-changing or groundbreaking, it is nonetheless a brutal and pleasing chunk of cryptic effluvium from a forgotten age.

Download HERE


Saturday, December 25, 2010


Anxious Death

Forever Under

Fuck Jesus. Fuck Christmas. Fuck happiness. Fuck toys. Fuck Santa. Fuck holiday "music". Fuck Starbucks. Fuck Black Friday. Fuck fat, stupid Americans watching football and yelling at their fucking television sets. Fuck joy. Fuck stockings hung by the mantle with care. Fuck reindeer. Fuck eggnog and that stupid fucking sweater you're wearing. Fuck parades. Fuck claymation Christmas specials. Fuck Frosty. Fuck your tree. Fuck all the fucking gifts underneath it. Fuck the manger. Fuck the wise men. Fuck the North Star and your goddamn fucking "virgin birth". Your "holiday" is a lie. Your fucking religion is a farce.


Dagon (above right) got you a present this year. It's an hour of face-melting blackened technothrash via Inquisition's first two releases, 1990's two-and-a-half song EP Anxious Death and 1993's full-length demo Forever Under.
All of the sudden, it appears that everyone is swinging from this band's nuts. And for once, I feel that they totally deserve it. Ominous Doctrines of The Perpetual Mystical Macrocosm is a lock for IllCon's Best Album of 2010, and Inquisition, from all accounts, still seem to be just getting warmed up. Not everyone realizes that these guys have been around since 1988, though, and that Dagon used to be "Jason Wilson", and that they used to be a thrash band from Colombia, and that Dagon's pinch harmonics from this era are some of the finest ever played. This shit is every bit as ripping as anything on their later releases, albeit in an entirely different way. Sure, the bass is out of tune and too high in the mix on Anxious Death, and apparently no one told Dagon that thrash songs should be under 9 minutes or so. But ALL of Forever Under is near-perfect (if a bit rough around the edges), and Dagon's unique and captivating approach to the art of axe-wielding is evident throughout.
Go ahead and worship Inquisition guilt-free. I see absolutely nothing wrong with a killer fucking band finally getting their balls washed after 22+ years of hard work.
Merry Christmas, assholes.

Download HERE
Purchase both releases via 2006 Nuclear War Now! re-issue HERE


Friday, December 24, 2010

All Seanford Wants For Christmas Is A Pair of Ed Hardy Uggs


Out of the goodness of my heart, which THIS year (for a change) is positively brimming with festive cheer, I have decided to give you TWO, count 'em, TWO christmas gifts.

The first one, have to get yer ass over to MY blog and get my second favourite record of all time...and the SECOND one is just about THE most METAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL christmas gift that I could think to give to you wonderful people.

There has been a lot of bolshy talk about the falseness of Cobras of late, and well, we don't want that to tarnish the rep of this esteemed and noble blog as a bastion of AWESOME METAL, amongst other things.

Sooooooo, with that in mind, I give you - ROB HALFORD'S CHRISTMAS ALBUM.

YEAH. That's right. YOU HEARD ME. Rob Halford's deadly-serious, not-fucking-around, christmas album.

You're welcome. Enjoy in a non-ironic fashion.....and don't get me socks this year.

WEAVING SPIDERS COME NOT HERE: Alex Jones Infiltrates The Bohemian Grove Power Cult


"Every Summer in Mid-July, this country's corporate, military and political elite attend their annual retreat in the old growth redwood Bohemian Grove, along the Russian River in Monte Rio, California. As their first order of business, they stage an elaborate ritual called the "Cremation of Care". Their ritual utilizes red hooded robes, high priest and acolytes to incinerate what they term the "dull cares of the market place" at the base of a 40-foot owl totem, so that they can frolic in the woods unencumbered by business worries." (

"The Club motto is "Weaving Spiders Come Not Here", which implies that outside concerns and business deals are to be left outside. When gathered in groups, Bohemians usually adhere to the injunction, though discussion of business often occurs between pairs of members. Important political and business deals have been developed at the Grove. The Grove is particularly famous for a Manhattan Project planning meeting that took place there in September 1942, which subsequently led to the atomic bomb. Those attending this meeting, apart from Ernest Lawrence and military officials, included the president of Harvard and representatives of Standard Oil and General Electric. Grove members take particular pride in this event and often relate the story to new attendees." (Wikipedia)

"The Bohemian Club is a private club; only active members of the Club (known as "Bohos" or "Grovers") and their guests may visit the Grove. These guests have been known to include politicians and notable figures from countries outside the U.S. Particularly during the midsummer encampment, the number of guests is strictly limited due to the small size of the facilities. Nevertheless, up to 2,900 members and guests have been reported as attending some of the annual encampments.

The membership list has included every Republican U.S. president since 1923 (as well as some Democrats), many cabinet officials, directors and CEOs of large corporations including major financial institutions. Major military contractors, oil companies, banks (including the Federal Reserve), utilities (including nuclear power) and national media (broadcast and print) have high-ranking officials as club members or guests.
" (Wikipedia)

"There are also sleeping quarters, or "camps" scattered throughout the grove, of which it is reported there were a total of 118 as of 2007. These camps, which are frequently patrilineal, are the principal means through which high-level business and political contacts and friendships are formed.

The pre-eminent camps are:

- Hill Billies (Big Business / Banking / Politics / Universities / Media);
- Mandalay (Big Business / Defense Contractors / Politics / U.S. Presidents);
- Cave Man (Think Tanks / Oil Companies / Banking/DefenseContractors / Universities / Media);
- Stowaway (Rockefeller Family Members / Oil Companies / Banking / Think Tanks);
- Uplifters (Corporate Executives / Big Business);
- Owls Nest (U.S. Presidents / Military / Defense Contractors);
- Hideaway (Foundations / Military / Defense Contractors);
- Isle of Aves (Military / Defense Contractors);
- Lost Angels (Banking / Defense Contractors / Media);
- Silverado squatters (Big Business / Defense Contractors);
- Sempervirens (California-based Corporations);
- Hillside (Military—Joint Chiefs of Staff);
- Idlewild (California-based Corporations)


"When doing research into the New World Order, you will repeatedly come across information that the 'Brotherhood' pulling the strings has a serious loyalty to all that is evil (by definition)... One of the ancient and now well researched Canaanite deities that was and still is worshipped by the 'Brotherhood' is often symbolized as an owl and is referred to as Molech (sometimes Moloch)." (

"Leviticus 18:21

You must not give any of your children as an offering to Molech, so that you do not profane the name of your God. I am the Lord!

The Lord spoke to Moses: “You are to say to the Israelites, ‘Any man from the Israelites or from the foreigners who reside in Israel who gives any of his children to Molech must be put to death; the people of the land must pelt him with stones. I myself will set my face against that man and cut him off from the midst of his people, because he has given some of his children to Molech and thereby defiled my sanctuary and profaned my holy name. If, however, the people of the land shut their eyes to that man when he gives some of his children to Molech so that they do not put him to death, I myself will set my face against that man and his clan. I will cut off from the midst of their people both him and all who follow after him in prostitution, to commit prostitution by going after Molech.

"The Cremation of Care ceremony was first conducted in the Bohemian Grove at the Midsummer encampment in 1881, devised by James F. Bowman with George T. Bromley playing the High Priest. It was originally set up within the plot of the serious "High Jinks" dramatic performance on the first weekend of the summer encampment, after which the spirit of "Care", slain by the Jinks hero, was solemnly cremated. The ceremony served as a catharsis for pent-up high spirits, and "to present symbolically the salvation of the trees by the club..." The Cremation of Care was separated from the Grove Play in 1913 and moved to the first night to become "an exorcising of the Demon to ensure the success of the ensuing two weeks." The Grove Play was moved to the last weekend of the encampment.

The ceremony takes place in front of the Owl Shrine, a 40-foot (12 m) hollow owl statue made of concrete over steel supports. The moss- and lichen-covered statue simulates a natural rock formation, yet holds electrical and audio equipment within it. For many years, a recording of the voice of club member Walter Cronkite was used as the voice of The Owl during the ceremony. Music and pyrotechnics accompany the ritual for dramatic effect."

"Great attention was paid to all the details, and the Druid priests who figured prominently in the show bore all the insignia of their order on their vestments. Over 500 persons figured in the spectacle, and electric and calcium lights were used to illuminate the tableaus. There was a symphony orchestra and a grand chorus. A Druids' altar and sacrificial stone lent an air of realism to the scenes. Mr. Redding served as High Priest of Bohemia. Then came a procession of eight Druid priests bearing six chained captives-- a Gaul, a Celt, a Roman, a barbarian, and two men from the Far North. Each captive was in costume and each in turn pleaded his cause before the assembly, but was condemned to death.

Only the Gaul, who represented Bohemia, was able to make a defense that lifted the sentence from the heads of the captives. A loving cup was then drunk by Druids, captives, and Bohemians. Mephisto and a number of devils rushed in and attempted to rescue Care from the catafalque. The devil made an impassioned address, saying that goodfellowship was a mockery and that care could not be banished. Then the Druid leader drove them into the woods with a lighted torch, which he at once applied to the funeral pyre. After this came the low jinks, a species of amateur minstrel show. Then the Bohemians retired to their tents and to such sleep as the wags and practical jokers of the club permitted them to take.
" (New York Times, June 25, 1899)

From via

According to “Treee,” a young Las Vegas woman who claims to have contacts inside the secretive club, a ritual sacrifice of Mary Magdalene takes place Tuesday July 21; and the ritual sacrifice of Jesus Christ takes place Wednesday, July 22. A human body or effigy is burned in front of an large owl symbolizing Moloch, the pagan Canaanite God. Alex Jones filmed a similar ceremony called “Cremation of Care” July 15, 2000.

If having our world leaders belong to a satanic cult weren’t bad enough, the Las Vegas woman says the Illuminati are actually an alien reptilian species that occupies human bodies and feeds off our energy. I find this hard to believe, but then I would also find it hard to believe the world leadership is making sacrifices to owls. So, I listen and reserve judgment.

Black Mass at Bohemian Grove, 1927

She says: This reptilian species is called “Sangerians;” they are a “fourth dimension race” and make up 3% of the world’s population. She claims to have met “more than one, more than once.” They have three-hearts, shift shapes, are cold blooded, but are developing human feelings from devouring human flesh and blood. “Ten per cent now get their blood from the Red Cross.” Except for sacrifice, their every ritual involves sex. Queen Elizabeth is a leading reptilian. “It all sounds sci-fi and unbelievable,” the woman says. “But everything fits.”

"The Bohemian Grove, that I attend from time to time—the Easterners and the others come there—but it is the most faggy goddamn thing you could ever imagine, that San Francisco crowd that goes in there; it's just terrible! I mean I won't shake hands with anybody from San Francisco."

- President Richard M. Nixon on the Watergate tapes, Bohemian Club member starting in 1953