APOCRYPHON/FABRICANT SPLIT EP NOW AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDER VIA HORROR PAIN GORE DEATH PRODUCTIONS

via HPGD Productions:

"Making their HPGD debut are two of the Bay Area's most promising new death metal bands, joining forces for a 5-song EP of jarring, psychedelic, grinding dissonance culled from the very darkest bowels of the human psyche!

Apocryphon hails from both San Francisco and the Oakland area, and have established themselves as one of the most sought-after metal acts in the area since the release of their 6-song, self-titled demo in 2011. Incorporating electronic noise, strange samples, insane drumming, and angular riffs into their overall sound, Apocryphon has quickly gained a reputation as both brutal and bizarre. The two songs present on this EP were some of the last to be completed by legendary engineer Jeff "Leppard" Davis before his untimely death in June of 2012, and stand as a testament to both his talent and integrity. For fans of: early Cryptopsy, Death, and ayahuasca vision-quests.

Fabricant hails from the sleepy town of Lafayette, California, and display a flair for all things weird, technical, and ugly. Light-speed blastbeats, odd time signatures, and off-the-wall chord structures are all hallmarks of this young and hungry band, whose innovative 4-song, 2010 demo became a quick favorite in forward-thinking death metal circles. Still at the precipice of great and terrible things, Fabricant remain an unpredictable force to be reckoned with in the Bay Area metal scene, and promise unmatched imagination and brutality in the years to come. For fans of: Demilich, late-era Gorguts, and all manner of gruesome, dissonant deathgrind."

Track listing:

1) Apocryphon: "Cydonian Enigmas/Berzerker"
2) Fabricant: "Impotent Creed"
3) Fabricant: "Terror Gland"
4) Fabricant: "Craving"

OFFICIAL RELEASE DATE FOR THIS RECORDING IS 3/19/13, BUT YOU CLOWNS CAN ORDER IT NOW, RIGHT HERE ($8, FREE SHIPPING!):

BOOM.


U GONNA GET EAR-RAEPED


Sample the brutality here:





<

APOCRYPHON SPRING DATES 2013

- THURSDAY, MARCH 21ST, @ DNA LOUNGE, SAN FRANCISCO
W/ LANDMINE MARATHON
MAN AMONG WOLVES
AT OUR HEELS

- FRIDAY, MARCH 29TH, @ ON THE Y, SACRAMENTO
W/ FACINOROUS
FIENDS AT FEAST
EMBODIED TORMENT
FALL OF MAN

- SATURDAY, MARCH 30TH @ JOHNNY V'S, SAN JOSE
W/ CYANIC
FIENDS AT FEAST
+1 MORE TBA

- FRIDAY, APRIL 12TH @ HEMLOCK, SAN FRANCISCO
W/ HAZZARD'S CURE
NECROT

- FRIDAY, APRIL 26TH-SATURDAY, APRIL 27TH: "FESTUM CARNIS", SODA SPRINGS, CA
W/ ABSU (!!!)
GRAVEHILL/WITCHAVEN/NOCTURNAL FEAR
NUCLEAR DESECRATION/VALDUR/HELLHUNTER
BADR VOGU/MINENWERFER/ROTTEN FUNERAL
NIGHT NURSE/BLACK FUCKING CANCER/HUMAN FILTH
VILE MASS/CYANIC/BLASPHEMOUS CREATION
TEMPLE OF DAGON/MALEFICUS/HELLBOMBER
HEMOTOXIN/XENOTAPH/DEMON SEED
VALLEY OF THORNS/ARCHEA/ More TBA...

- THURSDAY, MAY 2ND @ THE SHANTY, EUREKA, CA
W/ BANDS TBA

- FRIDAY, MAY 3RD IN SEATTLE, WA
VENUE AND BANDS TBA

- SATURDAY, MAY 4TH @ ASH STREET SALOON, PORTLAND, OR
W/ BANDS TBA

Split album (+ vinyl!) and new shirts on the way soon! Catch updates via Apocryphon's Facebook page...

PS: ILLOGICAL CONTRAPTION IS NOT DEAD. Complete re-design and re-launch coming in the very near future! Any and all brogrammers, artists, writers, or other assorted freaks looking to toil under the IllCon banner for little or no reward (especially brogrammers) write to Cobras at illogicalcontraption(at)yahoo(dot)com. ALL I ASK IS THAT YOU OBEY ME AND I WILL BE YOUR SLAVE.

BIG NEWS

Right: Me, being excited.

That's right, gang. The image you see above is not just a clever Photoshop creation--Illogical Contraption "Death To False Radio" T-shirts are NOW AVAILABLE (for only $12, plus shipping!) via our good pals over at Hide The Bodies Press (go "like" them on Facebook while you're at it). I think we can all agree that this is a pretty fucking sick design, so save up your fuckin' paper-route money, then head over HERE to buy one. HUGE thanks to Paul and the gang at HTB for making this happen, we will soon grow incredibly wealthy off the hard-earned cash of these idiotic rubes our dear readers and hopefully leave our "internet" jobs forever. God willing.

IN OTHER NEWS: APOCRYPHON MINI-TOUR COMING UP AT THE END OF THE MONTH!

THURSDAY, NOV 29 @ THE COLONY, SACRAMENTO, CA with:

KILLGASM
CHRONAEXUS
EMBODIED TORMENT

FRIDAY, NOV 30 @ SPIKE'S BAR, ROSEMEAD, CA with:

NIHILITUS
DRACONIS
EXHAUSTED PRAYER
INSENTIENT

SATURDAY, DEC 1 @ TIL TWO BAR, SAN DIEGO, CA with:

GHOULGOTHA
DRACONIS
EXHAUSTED PRAYER
ONEIROGEN

SUNDAY, DEC 2 @ MERCHANT'S SALOON, OAKLAND, CA with:

SCORCHED-EARTH
BURNING MONK


IN OTHER NEWS: IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT, AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS...

That's right, bitches! IllCon Radio is back, 10pm-midnight, with a special appearance by everyone's favorite sex-rapper, BLOWFLY! Shit is bound to get weird, as we talk dead Burners, half-speed Rings of Saturn, breakfast food, and explore the personal vendetta between myself and host/ungrateful butthole CORY. You know where to go.

And hey, give us a call, live on the air. 415-829-2980.

COBRAS COMMANDS IT!

PS Happy Birthday, Carl.

RYAN vs RYAN FLEX-OFF 2K12 Tonight on IllCon Radio!

TONIGHT ON ILLOGICAL CONTRAPTION RADIO: THE REAL PAUL RYAN DEFENDS HIS GOOD NAME ON BEHALF OF ALL DEATH METAL. BEHOLD THE RYAN VS RYAN 2012 FLEX-OFF! The place: FCCFreeRadio. The time: 10pm-midnight PST. Call in at 415-829-2980 and/or find us on iTunes via podcast HERE.

A MESSAGE FROM ILLCONBOT

Important stuff:

Follow Shelby Cobras on Twitter.
Follow Cory on Twitter.
"Like" IllCon on Facebook.
Follow our Tumblr.
"Friend" us on Last.FM.
Check out IllCon Radio on FCCFreeRadio.com.
Likewise, subscribe to us on iTunes.
We're also on NetworkedBlogs (I don't even know what that is).

Now that you've done all that:

Go "like" Apocryphon on Facebook.
Listen to (and download) our music for free on Bandcamp.
Add us to your Last.FM music library.
Review our music on Metal Archives.
Buy a shirt on BigCartel (sorry, most of our other shit sold out on tour, more coming soon...).

Extra credit:
Buy stuff from Hide The Bodies Press.
Check out our podbros Pool Party Radio, Junk Food Dinner, Kissing Contest, and Hand Ov Doom.

Not enough shameless plugging? OK then....

ILLOGICAL CONTRAPTION RADIO IS OFFICIALLY "OVER THE HILL" TONIGHT WITH EPISODE NUMBER 40!!!

After a long absence, I (Cobras) will be back amongst my dumb friends this evening, discussing the finer points of frat-funk, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, ill-fated mushroom trips, and the devastating break-up of longtime IllCon favorites Chumbawumba. You know where to go (link up top).
Be there at 10pm PST. Give us a ring: (415-829-2980)

(also: super secret special guest)

/spam

ALAIN GORAGUER - LA PLANETE SAUVAGE/FANTASTIC PLANET SOUNDTRACK (1973) (+OTHER STUFF)

Okay, everybody just fucking chill out.

Are you chill? How chill are you? I'm afraid that's not chill enough. You're gonna need to bring it down a couple notches. Right now you're at "chill as a polar bear's toenails", but I need you to go even further. I'm talking only the chillest of chills. I'm talking Fantastic Planet chill.
Now before you get all sassy and point out that our long-lost chillbro Seanford posted this album as a footnote to his French workout-disco post HERE, I'd like to remind you that a) it has since been deleted from the great Mediafire Septic Tank in the Sky, and b) if ever there was a movie soundtrack fully deserving of its own post, it is this mellow gem, swan song of French pianist/composer/Gainsbourg collaborator Alain Goraguer. So here it is again. If you didn't jump on this thing before, now is the time.
SMOKE WEED EVERY DAY AND LISTEN TO THE FANTASTIC PLANET OST. THIS IS SOLID ADVICE FROM ONE CHILL-ASS DUDE TO ANOTHER. PLEASE CHILL RESPONSIBLY.

Download HERE
Purchase HERE

PS: This sucker has been sampled by Big Pun, Madlib/Quasimoto, and J Dilla, for those of you keeping track of that kind of stuff.



ALSO OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE:

DEAD CONGREGATION
GRAVE MIASMA
ANHEDONIST
VASTUM
MORTUOUS
APOCRYPHON

This is TONIGHT at the Oakland Metro Opera House! Get there early (7pm) to see Apocryphon and Cobras my drummer will buy you a beer. This show will be one for the fucking ages!

But that's not all!

Even the 99% of you that don't live in or around the San Francisco Bay Area still have a shot at IllCon-flavored goodness! If you can't fall gently asleep to the dulcet tones of our Grecian pals Dead Congregation, you might as well settle for the drunken babblings of our uber-buds Cory, Erik del Tigre, and Aloysius T. Yothers over at Illogical Contraption Radio! Shit goes live on FCCFreeRadio.com at 10pm, and, as always, phone lines will be open to you, the undeserving public! (415) 829-2980.

EPISODE 39: HIGH NOON AT MAGIC MOUNTAIN

Let's rock.

DARKTHRONE - SOULSIDE JOURNEY (1991)

Hate to disappoint the wax-moustache-and-skinny-pants crowd, but I've never been much of a Darkthrone fan. Transilvanian Hunger (just about everyone's original introduction to the band, it seems) always struck me as a low-quality, repetitive bore, and their following albums just got worse and worse as the years progressed. I even tried tuning back in recently after reading some positive press on their "newer" stuff (F.O.A.D., Circle The Wagons, Black Flags, et al.), but I found those albums to be a cross between laughable and cringe-inducing, just sloppy black and roll with some of the worst, self-referential lyrics possible ("I Am The Working Class"? Huh?). Honestly, I just don't get it. Fenriz is probably a rad dude to sit and guzzle suds with, but I'm just not feeling his jams. Sorry. Any and all hate mail should be sent directly to illogicalcontraption(at)yahoo(dot)com.
There are exceptions within Darkthrone's lackluster discography, though, mainly (and predictably for ol' Uncle Cobras), their "death metal" album Soulside Journey. I fucking love this album, and even the handful of scratchy demos that preceded it. Sure, it's not much of a departure from the millions of other DM albums that were floating around Scandinavia at the time, but the riffs are pretty cool, the grooves are crushing, the drum work is solid, and the overall tone, atmosphere, and aesthetic is just leaps and bounds beyond the generic corpsepainted cemetery tomfoolery that this band immediately adopted upon the release of 1992's A Blaze In The Northern Sky.
Boring band, awesome album. Let's fight.

Download HERE
Purchase HERE

Metallum/Last.FM

LOLS.

THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING

ATTENTION, ASSHOLES:

If you dwell in the Pacific Northwest, your attendance is MANDATORY at any of the three "heavy metal concerts" listed above. Mention the code word "Mantlers" and be bought a drink by our extremely wealthy drummer! Don't miss out! We are surprisingly genial and well-mannered dudes!
Let's rock and/or roll!

I'M GOING TO STEAL THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

OK, maybe not.

I'm way too busy for such shenanigans, what with all my sweet guest appearances on heavy-metal-and-conspiracy-themed podcasts (OH HEY, did I mention that the "Illogical Conspiracy" episode of Metal Injection's Hand Ov Doom--featuring Yours Truly--is up now?), tours, forays in the IllCon clothing line, and the impending move from SF to Oakland... Shit, I've hardly got time to brush my teeth, much less accompany Extraterrestrial Nic Cage on his next adventure through the catacombs of subterranean Washington, D.C., searching for hidden messages in the text of ancient documents.

But long story short: The Apocryphon show in Arcata (Vallejo got cancelled--long story) was a fucking blast (see photos below for evidence), and thanks to all the die-hards who showed up. Dates are solid on our next Northwest tour, more on that in a second.

Now is the part where I devolve into an extended period of shameless self-promotion. Apologies in advance:

THIS SUNDAY, APRIL 29TH @ HEMLOCK, SF:

BADR VOGU

PRIZE HOG

APOCRYPHON

and motherfucking AUTHOR AND PUNISHER! Get a load of what this guy is all about:

What a freak.

Then, the following Friday, @ The First Church of The Buzzard in Oakland:

THE HAUNTING PRESENCE

MUKNAL

SUTEKH HEXEN

CRUCIFIXION (impossible to Google)

APOCRYPHON

Be there.

Then Apocryphon plays with Cerebrate (from Eureka) and Bone Sickness (ex-Funerot, Olympia, WA) at The Elbo Room Saturday, May 19th.

Then the mighty DALTON has a show at an art opening for our pal Ben Venom (remember him?) at Guerrero Gallery in SF with our bros Hazzard's Cure on June 9th.

Then Dalton is playing an epic "Rock and Roll Bro-B-Q/Fucking In Tents Fest" camp-out type thing in Half Moon Bay with Total BS (they're a Bob Seger cover band), Beer Drinkers and Hell Raisers (they're a Zed Zed Topp cover band), Chablis, Bar Fight, and Girl Problems on June 16th. We might even get a mechanical bull for this one. Seriously.

Then Apocryphon is playing in Eureka Thursday, June 28th (local bands and venue TBA).

Then Apocryphon is playing at Slabtown in Portland Friday, June 29th (local bands TBA).

Then Apocryphon is playing The Kraken (formerly Galway Arms) in Seattle Saturday, June 30th (local bands TBA).

And then...

That's right, motherfuckers. Apocryphon with Anhedonist, Grave Miasma, Vastum, and fucking DEAD CONGREGATION at the Oakland Metro Friday, July 6th.

More summer shows to be announced in the near future. Meanwhile...

Check out IllCon Radio tonight for an interview with the porn-soaked YouTube enigma known as The Spelunker, whose Smut Cave videos were previously featured on the blog RIGHT HERE. Tune in to FCCFreeRadio.com at 10 pm PST, and J.O. into the vortex with us!

"unfortunately terms like 'tin foil hats' may be amusing but serve the purpose to discredit conspiracies before fact 1 has even been looked at. Well done for being patronising (sacracsm)"

- some guy commenting on my episode of Hand Ov Doom

T-SHIRTS, TOURS, DOOM, ETC... (The IllCon Empire Never Sleeps)

ATTENTION HESSIAN MINIONS: ILLOGICAL CONTRAPTION NEEDS YOUR HELP!

First off, you can "help out" ol' Uncle Cobras by tuning in to the Hand Ov Doom show on Emerson College radio tonight, where I'll be appearing to discuss conspiracy theories, metal, conspiracy theories in metal, and all things great and small pertaining to the IllCon Universe. The show streams live 5-7pm PST (that's 8-10 EST, dummies) right HERE, then goes up in podcast form (via Metal Injection.com) right HERE. While you're at it, why don't you "help out" Metal Injection too, by heading over to iTunes and subscribing to their entire podcast roster, which includes not only Hand Ov Doom but a veritable multitude of excellent metal-oriented broadcasts as well: Metal Injection podcasts on iTunes!

Secondly, we implore the more artistically-minded amongst our dear readers and listeners to help us out with yet another podcast/radio-related item--of course, I'm speaking of the IllCon Radio T-Shirt Design Contest!
This really cool bro from Rochester, NY's own HTB Press has put an offer on the table in regards to producing some IC Radio-themed garb, and we're fully stoked on making it happen. The only problem: WE SUCK AT DRAWING THINGS. Can you draw good? Are you a fan of the show? Would you be interested in seeing your very own alien-smoking-a-bong-on-the-back-of-a-unicorn design emblazoned on the front of an IllCon Radio shirt, and would you be psyched to receive said shirt, for FREE, in the mail? Well shit, dude. The address is illogicalcontraption(at)yahoo(dot)com. What the fuck are you waiting for? We'll accept sketches, written ideas, scribbles on bar napkins... Whatever. Let's do this.

Thirdly (and most important): Let's hook up some Apocryphon dates for this summer! If you're an Illogical Contraption reader, you're also undoubtedly an Apocryphon listener, so how 'bout you help out your favorite psychedelic deathgrind homies with a couple tips on booking West Coast dates? We've only got a couple small windows of opportunity to get out of town this June, and the specific dates we're looking to book are as follows:

- Thursday, June 7th: Eureka/Arcata, CA
- Friday, June 8th: Portland, OR
- Saturday, June 9th: Seattle, WA

- Friday, June 22nd: Los Angeles, CA
- Saturday, June 23rd: San Diego, CA

Do you live in any of these places? Where are all the metal-friendly venues and easy women? Who has the cheapest booze? WE WANT TO PARTY WITH YOU. Let's make it happen!
Again, illogicalcontraption(at)yahoo(dot)com, or check us out (if you haven't already) on Bandcamp/Facebook/Last.FM. (Groovy DALTON news coming up in June as well, stay tuned...)

Speaking of epic tours:


This Friday...


Apocryphon is slated to devastate "The Dank Room" in Vallejo on 4/20, along with Short Fuse, Ill Content, Viral, and ZombieDeathFuck (Newtdick dropped off this one). Facebook "event page" HERE.

Then, Saturday:


Back up to the 'ol hometown (namely The Alibi in Arcata) for a night of cacophonous, sludgy, schizophrenic chaos with our best bros Hazzard's Cure. NOT TO BE MISSED.


Thanks again for your encouragement and support in all things IllCon. We'll be seeing you out on the road soon!