Wednesday, June 16, 2010


It's insane that with all the time and space IC has devoted to conspiracy theories, reptilian shapeshifters, Freemasons, the Illuminati, and the New World Order, we've never dedicated an entire post to the zany theories and massive amounts of media devoted to Mr. David Vaughan Icke. After all, Icke is widely considered the supreme authority (if there is such a thing) on the subject of reptoids and mass mind control, and besides a few quotes or a link here and there, IllCon has managed to avoid him for the most part. Maybe it's the controversy that surrounds him. Maybe he's just too "mainstream" (irony?). Maybe it's the lingering traces of anti-Semitism that surround his work (see also: David Dees) or that whole "Matrix" concept that's been sneaking into his work in recent years (more on that later). Whatever it is, it ends now. Let's talk Icke.

Right: Visual approximation of David Icke's current self-image.

We might as well start at the beginning:

Once upon a time, David Icke was a baller.

A footballer, to be exact (that means "a soccer player", to all of our fairweather American "I go to the pub once a year to get hammered and cheer loudly for a sport I don't understand" readers). David was a goalkeeper for Coventry City, and also played for Oxford United, Northampton Town, and Hereford United before arthritis in his knee forced him to retire at age 21 in 1973. Undaunted, he went on to become a sports reporter for the Leicester Advertiser that same year, eventually moving on to become a television reporter too, well known in the 80's due to his presence on the BBC's South Today. But around 1989/1990, things started getting weird.
At the end of the 1980's, David Icke was getting more and more into New Age philosophy and becoming more active with the Green Party, visiting mystics and healers frequently to ease the pain of his worsening arthritis and meeting with politicians and celebrities to promote the Green Party's cause. Icke began travelling the world in search of "a higher truth", becoming more and more aware of a mysterious, magnetic presence around him as he did so. The kundalini was fucking with Dave's chakra, man, and things were starting to get heavy. In 1990, he was visited by channeler Betty Shine, who claimed to have a message for him... FROM THE BEYOND!

Wikipedia: "She told him she had a message for him. He was a healer who had been sent to heal the Earth, she said, and would become world famous, but would face enormous opposition. The spirit world was going to pass on ideas to him, which he would then speak to others about, sometimes not understanding the words himself. He was told he would write five books in three years; that in 20 years there will be a different kind of flying machine, where we can go wherever we want and time will have no meaning; and that there will be great earthquakes in unusual places, because the inner earth is being destabilized by having oil taken from the seabed." (AHEM!)

In 1991, Icke (still known as a TV sports broadcaster) went public with his message on the BBC's Wogan Show. He claimed to be "the son of God" and was greeted with laughter and humiliation. Host Terry Wogan politely informed him that the audience was "laughing at him, not with him". It was brutal. Here's a clip, interspersed with footage from Icke's return to the show almost 20 years later. WHO'S LAUGHING NOW, WOGAN?!?!?!

Currently reading:
(thanks to The Heckler for loaning it to me)

David Icke seems to be a guy that almost thrives on humiliation and ridicule, though, and he indeed perservered, going on to not only write the five books that Shine prophecied but several more as well.
Among them: 1999's The Biggest Secret (often referred to as the "conspiracy theorist's Rosetta Stone"), The David Icke Guide To The Global Conspiracy (left) in '07, ...And The Truth Shall Set You Free, Tales From The Time Loop, Children of The Matrix (where he reveals that - HOLY SHIT! THE MATRIX WAS A DOCUMENTARY!), and I Am Me I Am Free - The Robots' Guide to Freedom (notorious for its SUPER SEXY cover art). But all this tells us very little about Icke's actual worldview and take on global politics. What's up with that?

Easy: As we already know, the world is run by a small group of reptilian shapeshifters from the Draco System, who control the populace ("sheeple" in Ickespeak) through a constant onslaught of holographic subliminal messages in advertising and media (see also: They Live). These reptoids (Zionist reptoids, I might add, hence the charges of anti-Semitism), known as the "Babylonian Brotherhood" and counting amongst their ranks the Bushes, Obama, The Queen, Kris Kristofferson and Boxcar Willie (?), created humans as a sort of "breeding program" and intend to microchip us all as they establish the New World Order. The Brotherhood (or "Anunnaki") consists of members of the Illuminati, Bilderberg Group, UN, Trilateral Commission, etc. etc. and many members often double as Satanic pedophiles and/or neo-Nazis.

David Icke's commentary on "The Global Awakening", from Alex Jones' Prisonplanet TV:

Part 2, 3, 4, 5

Pretty basic stuff, right? Sure. But it's the interdimensional and astrophysical aspects of Icke's theories that appeal to me personally. To wit:

"In The Biggest Secret (1999), Icke introduced the idea of the "Reptoid Hypothesis." He identifies the Brotherhood as originating from reptilians from the constellation Draco, who walk on two legs and appear human, and who live in tunnels and caverns inside the earth. They are the same race of gods known as the Anunnaki in the Babylonian creation myth, Enûma Eliš. (Icke skeptics) Lewis and Kahn write that Icke has taken his "ancient astronaut" narrative from the Israeli-American writer, Zecharia Sitchin. Icke's idea of "inner-earth reptilians" is also not new, though (author) Barkun writes that Icke has done more than most to expand it.
Sitchin writes that the reptilians came to Earth for its precious metals. Icke argues that the Anunnaki came specifically for "monoatomic gold," a mineral he says can increase the carrying capacity of the nervous system ten thousand fold. After ingesting it, the Anunnaki are able to process vast amounts of information, speed up trans-dimensional travel, and shapeshift from reptilian to human form. They use human fear, guilt, and aggression as energy in a similar way, part of the reason they organize human conflict. The more negative emotion we emit, the more the reptilians absorb:

'Thus we have the encouragement of wars, human genocide, the mass slaughter of animals, sexual perversions which create highly charged negative energy, and black magic ritual and sacrifice which takes place on a scale that will stagger those who have not studied the subject.'
" (direct quote from Icke)

In addition, Icke claims that the Anunnaki come from a higher "dimensional level" than humans, meaning that they inhabit the lower end of the Fourth Dimension, just outside of terrestrial perception. This, in turn, points toward the existence of a Fifth Dimension -- wherein another larger and more sinister race exists. Yikes.

All of this, of course, ties in with The Bible, as the Anunnaki's original breeding program (200,000-300,000 years ago) was responsible for the first human aka Adam. The Anunnaki were, in fact, the Grigori/Nephilim/Watchers/fallen angels we all know and love from Biblical times, the OG space-race that first bred with terrestrial women to produce Sumerian civilization. Good times.

But they didn't stop there. The Anunnaki (according to Mr. Icke) performed two more versions of their breeding program, 30,000 and 7,000 years ago, leading up to the creation of the highly-reptoid, cross-bred, humanoid creatures currently in charge of the planet. To complete the transformation between their human and reptilian forms, these hybrid monstrosities need to consume large amounts of human blood. Hence the blood sacrifices and rituals and whatnot.

Icke's astrological chart (click for full size):

Need proof of reptilian meddling in pop culture? Look no further than this website, which lists literally hundreds of films featuring our scaly friends -- from Pterodactyl Woman In Beverly Hills to Nymphoid Barbarian In Dinosaur Hell. But my own personal favorite has got to be the original, animated G.I. Joe Movie from 1987. Hollow Earth Theory, reptilian shapeshifting, and a HAARP-esque device capable of mass mind control? It's all there. And more:

From Wikipedia: "While Cobra Commander and Serpentor accuse each other's stewardship of Cobra as the root cause of the organization's failures, a mysterious woman breaks into the Terrordrome. Cobra Commander leads the counter-attack, but in an attempt to rid himself of Serpentor, allows the intruder to escape. Reaching Serpentor, the intruder reveals herself as Pythona, who comes from a secret civilization known as Cobra-La. Pythona states that they were responsible for causing Doctor Mindbender to create Serpentor through dream manipulation..."

"... Pursued by a cadre of G.I. Joe troops, Cobra Commander leads his forces to Cobra-La. An army of insect-armor wearing soldiers attack the Joe forces and imprison them within the Lovecraftian living environment of Cobra-La. The Cobra soldiers are met by Cobra-La's leader, Golobulus
(let's not forget that Golobulus is part man/part reptile - Cobras).
Golobulus orders Cobra Commander arrested as the rest of the group learns the secret origin of both Cobra-La and Cobra: Cobra-La was an ancient civilization that ruled the earth, in part due to their advanced scientific knowledge that allowed them to manipulate and convert living creatures into advanced bio-organic technology. Their society was devastated by the onset of the Ice Age, forcing the survivors into caves within the Himalayan mountains..."

"...As centuries passed, Cobra-La rebuilt their society in secret. Golobulus, hating humanity due to their polluting technology and ecologically unfriendly ways, vowed to wipe them off the face of the earth, and found an agent in the form of a former nobleman who was working on biological weapons of mass destruction. A lab accident caused the nobleman's face to be permanently disfigured. Equipping him with a featureless silver facemask that allowed his multiple eyes to work normally, as well as a uniform that allowed him to pass for human, the nobleman became Cobra Commander and was charged with conquering the world for Cobra-La. However, Cobra Commander's failures led Golobulus to arrange for Serpentor's creation.
Golobulus punishes Cobra Commander for his crimes, exposing him to the biological weapon Cobra Commander disfigured himself developing years earlier: mutative spores that slowly transform Cobra Commander into a large snake..."

"...With Serpentor freed, Golobulus orders the rest of Cobra to aid him in his scheme to destroy humanity. Golobulus intends to launch mutagenic spore pods into orbit and use the BET to hatch the spores, mutating all of humanity into mindless animals to be controlled by Cobra-La..."

Pull back the veil:

In one of his more peculiar theories (which is saying something!), Icke addresses the upper echelon of the Babylonian Brotherhood -- a nefarious group he calls the "Red Dresses" (see illustration at right be Neil Hague). The Red Dresses don't actually "exist" in the purely physical sense of the word, as they are in fact bits of what Icke calls "reptilian software" -- holographic programs designed to coax the "sheeple" into unknowing submission. Bush is a Red Dress. Queen Elizabeth, ditto. Think about that shit next time you see someone rocking said garment.

Think about it. Think about it. Think about it.

David Icke and Bill Maher, in a prolonged outtake from Religulous (excellent film!):

Not everyone loves David Icke, though (above). His open dalliance with Holocaust denial has won him few friends in the Jewish community, but even while questioning that anything remotely fucked up might have happened in Eastern Europe in the late 30's and early 40's, Icke maintains that he is anything but an anti-Semite. In his own words:

"I strongly believe that a small Jewish clique which has contempt for the mass of Jewish people worked with non-Jews to create the First World War, the Russian Revolution, and the Second World War. This Jewish/non-Jewish Elite used the First World War to secure the Balfour Declaration and the principle of the Jewish State of Israel in Palestine (for which, given the genetic history of most Jewish people, there is absolutely no justification on historical grounds or any other). They then dominated the Versailles Peace Conference and created the circumstances which made the Second World War inevitable. They financed Hitler to power in 1933 and made the funds available for his rearmament."

So wait, self-hating Jews were responsible for Hitler's rise to power and the resulting World War? Wow. It all makes complete sense. How could anyone misconstrue that as anti-Semitic?

This is all really just the tip of the iceberg, though, when it comes to the fractalized psychedelic conceptualizations of David Icke. His ideas just get weirder and weirder as the years pass, and whether you love him or hate him you have to admit one thing: The guy has balls.

Now that we're all on the same page...

wICKE-apedia. Dude's website (HOURS OF FUN).


The Thing That Should Not Be said...

I could never figure Icke out. I remember him as a sports commentator, then I remember him on Wogan wearing that HIDEOUS shellsuit and talking about being 'the son of god', and saying something about the colours he was wearing being important. I listened to him, I mean I was only a kid really, but all the while I was wondering if he'd had some kind of psychotic episode. I saw no physical evidence of that - he seems calm and rational (unlike Charles Manson, who reads well at times but in person comes off as a slavering LOON. Yet, a lot of what Icke comes out with just seems like paranoid delusional fantasy. As I say, I can't get a handle on the guy. I CAN, to some extent, buy into bits of it, but most of it just seems utterly ridiculous. Plus, he was shit in goal.

Anonymous said...

Great stuff!

Steven said...

That pic of reptoid/Nazi Dubya is seriously RAD.

brett said...

hey shelby,
Long time reader. First time comment. My sides hurt from reading this entry and others. I tip my hat to you and the amount of time you put into the conspiracy posts. keep up the great work. P.S. It looks like Embryonic Devourment's new record is about reptoids. Should make for a nice companion piece.