APOCRYPHON/FABRICANT SPLIT EP NOW AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDER VIA HORROR PAIN GORE DEATH PRODUCTIONS

via HPGD Productions:

"Making their HPGD debut are two of the Bay Area's most promising new death metal bands, joining forces for a 5-song EP of jarring, psychedelic, grinding dissonance culled from the very darkest bowels of the human psyche!

Apocryphon hails from both San Francisco and the Oakland area, and have established themselves as one of the most sought-after metal acts in the area since the release of their 6-song, self-titled demo in 2011. Incorporating electronic noise, strange samples, insane drumming, and angular riffs into their overall sound, Apocryphon has quickly gained a reputation as both brutal and bizarre. The two songs present on this EP were some of the last to be completed by legendary engineer Jeff "Leppard" Davis before his untimely death in June of 2012, and stand as a testament to both his talent and integrity. For fans of: early Cryptopsy, Death, and ayahuasca vision-quests.

Fabricant hails from the sleepy town of Lafayette, California, and display a flair for all things weird, technical, and ugly. Light-speed blastbeats, odd time signatures, and off-the-wall chord structures are all hallmarks of this young and hungry band, whose innovative 4-song, 2010 demo became a quick favorite in forward-thinking death metal circles. Still at the precipice of great and terrible things, Fabricant remain an unpredictable force to be reckoned with in the Bay Area metal scene, and promise unmatched imagination and brutality in the years to come. For fans of: Demilich, late-era Gorguts, and all manner of gruesome, dissonant deathgrind."

Track listing:

1) Apocryphon: "Cydonian Enigmas/Berzerker"
2) Fabricant: "Impotent Creed"
3) Fabricant: "Terror Gland"
4) Fabricant: "Craving"

OFFICIAL RELEASE DATE FOR THIS RECORDING IS 3/19/13, BUT YOU CLOWNS CAN ORDER IT NOW, RIGHT HERE ($8, FREE SHIPPING!):

BOOM.


U GONNA GET EAR-RAEPED


Sample the brutality here:





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ATTENTION ALL C.H.U.D.S

Illogical Contraption Radio has a new home, Sundays 6-8pm PST on Radio Valencia! This means we’ll be broadcasting LIVE on TERRESTRIAL radio (87.9 FM in San Francisco), as well as streaming live and podcasting! Archives will now be kept on our Radio Valencia page in ADDITION to here on IllCon Classic, but fear not, if you’re already subscribed via iTunes, that feed will remain active as well. We have tons of crazy guests and new features lined up, so prepare to have your face melted!

ALSO: BIG APOCRYPHON NEWS COMING SOON, AS WELL AS UPDATES REGARDING THE FUTURE OF "ILLCON CLASSIC"...

Stay tuned.

 

 

APOCRYPHON SPRING DATES 2013

- THURSDAY, MARCH 21ST, @ DNA LOUNGE, SAN FRANCISCO
W/ LANDMINE MARATHON
MAN AMONG WOLVES
AT OUR HEELS

- FRIDAY, MARCH 29TH, @ ON THE Y, SACRAMENTO
W/ FACINOROUS
FIENDS AT FEAST
EMBODIED TORMENT
FALL OF MAN

- SATURDAY, MARCH 30TH @ JOHNNY V'S, SAN JOSE
W/ CYANIC
FIENDS AT FEAST
+1 MORE TBA

- FRIDAY, APRIL 12TH @ HEMLOCK, SAN FRANCISCO
W/ HAZZARD'S CURE
NECROT

- FRIDAY, APRIL 26TH-SATURDAY, APRIL 27TH: "FESTUM CARNIS", SODA SPRINGS, CA
W/ ABSU (!!!)
GRAVEHILL/WITCHAVEN/NOCTURNAL FEAR
NUCLEAR DESECRATION/VALDUR/HELLHUNTER
BADR VOGU/MINENWERFER/ROTTEN FUNERAL
NIGHT NURSE/BLACK FUCKING CANCER/HUMAN FILTH
VILE MASS/CYANIC/BLASPHEMOUS CREATION
TEMPLE OF DAGON/MALEFICUS/HELLBOMBER
HEMOTOXIN/XENOTAPH/DEMON SEED
VALLEY OF THORNS/ARCHEA/ More TBA...

- THURSDAY, MAY 2ND @ THE SHANTY, EUREKA, CA
W/ BANDS TBA

- FRIDAY, MAY 3RD IN SEATTLE, WA
VENUE AND BANDS TBA

- SATURDAY, MAY 4TH @ ASH STREET SALOON, PORTLAND, OR
W/ BANDS TBA

Split album (+ vinyl!) and new shirts on the way soon! Catch updates via Apocryphon's Facebook page...

PS: ILLOGICAL CONTRAPTION IS NOT DEAD. Complete re-design and re-launch coming in the very near future! Any and all brogrammers, artists, writers, or other assorted freaks looking to toil under the IllCon banner for little or no reward (especially brogrammers) write to Cobras at illogicalcontraption(at)yahoo(dot)com. ALL I ASK IS THAT YOU OBEY ME AND I WILL BE YOUR SLAVE.

REJOICE!

Forget all the Ron Paul Pokemon Bronies on Reddit. Forget the libertarian furries and Dr. Who fandoms on 4Chan. Forget Parks and Rec GIFs and seapunk and soft grunge. The REAL internet lives at one place and one place ONLY. HERE.

Illcon Radio is BACK, tonight 10pm-midnight PST. (415) 829-2980 . COLD CANS WILL BE CRUSHED!

BIG NEWS

Right: Me, being excited.

That's right, gang. The image you see above is not just a clever Photoshop creation--Illogical Contraption "Death To False Radio" T-shirts are NOW AVAILABLE (for only $12, plus shipping!) via our good pals over at Hide The Bodies Press (go "like" them on Facebook while you're at it). I think we can all agree that this is a pretty fucking sick design, so save up your fuckin' paper-route money, then head over HERE to buy one. HUGE thanks to Paul and the gang at HTB for making this happen, we will soon grow incredibly wealthy off the hard-earned cash of these idiotic rubes our dear readers and hopefully leave our "internet" jobs forever. God willing.

IN OTHER NEWS: APOCRYPHON MINI-TOUR COMING UP AT THE END OF THE MONTH!

THURSDAY, NOV 29 @ THE COLONY, SACRAMENTO, CA with:

KILLGASM
CHRONAEXUS
EMBODIED TORMENT

FRIDAY, NOV 30 @ SPIKE'S BAR, ROSEMEAD, CA with:

NIHILITUS
DRACONIS
EXHAUSTED PRAYER
INSENTIENT

SATURDAY, DEC 1 @ TIL TWO BAR, SAN DIEGO, CA with:

GHOULGOTHA
DRACONIS
EXHAUSTED PRAYER
ONEIROGEN

SUNDAY, DEC 2 @ MERCHANT'S SALOON, OAKLAND, CA with:

SCORCHED-EARTH
BURNING MONK


IN OTHER NEWS: IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT, AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS...

That's right, bitches! IllCon Radio is back, 10pm-midnight, with a special appearance by everyone's favorite sex-rapper, BLOWFLY! Shit is bound to get weird, as we talk dead Burners, half-speed Rings of Saturn, breakfast food, and explore the personal vendetta between myself and host/ungrateful butthole CORY. You know where to go.

And hey, give us a call, live on the air. 415-829-2980.

COBRAS COMMANDS IT!

PS Happy Birthday, Carl.

RYAN vs RYAN FLEX-OFF 2K12 Tonight on IllCon Radio!

TONIGHT ON ILLOGICAL CONTRAPTION RADIO: THE REAL PAUL RYAN DEFENDS HIS GOOD NAME ON BEHALF OF ALL DEATH METAL. BEHOLD THE RYAN VS RYAN 2012 FLEX-OFF! The place: FCCFreeRadio. The time: 10pm-midnight PST. Call in at 415-829-2980 and/or find us on iTunes via podcast HERE.

TO ALL MY FRIENDSHIP BUDDIES:

Wow. Sure has been awhile, eh guys?
My bad. Anyhow, Ol' Uncle Cobras is back, with lots of updates and exciting news for the IllCon Universe. I hope you guys can forgive me for my long absence, I've been super busy Gangnam-styling, watching Iggy Azalea videos, jerking off to presidential debates, rocking out to Slayer with my cat, and taking part in all sorts of illicit, undisclosed activities which are best not discussed here. Add a shitty update to the Blogger template system and multiple suspensions of my vast and untraceable Mediafire accounts, and you've got quite a recipe for overall inactivity and frustration from your favorite blogger (me) on your favorite site (this one). Pathetic. Just pathetic.

But hey, I ain't here to sweat the petty shit. I'm here to pet the sweaty shit. Illogical Contraption--while relatively slow in the Blogspot World--has been going nuts in other realms, which is what we're really here to talk about today. First and foremost, IllCon Radio has been going bananas as of late, which you would never know if you happen to download episodes off the "show archive" column over there on the right. Out of a general sense of spite toward the file-sharing world (what is it, illegal all of the sudden?), I haven't updated this page for a FULL EIGHT EPISODES, which I admit is both bogus and sad. I know lots of you dudes out there get the show that way (at least a couple hundred per episode, if Mediafire is telling the truth), so rejoice in the fact that I finally got off (on?) my ass and uploaded episodes 43-50. That's almost 16 hours of drunken fun! Have at it.

(Seriously though, you're better off just subscribing via iTunes.)

But I have not only been a chode in my weekly maintenance of new podcasts here on the old Blogspot. Mediafire, being the dick that it is, has also offed several CLASSIC episodes for whatever reason, and I've only just recently had the time and momentum to find and re-up those fuckers, too. These are actually some of our best. Please use them wisely:

#21: GENESIS P-ORRIDGE and AESOP DEKKER
#33: SAM McPHEETERS and CAPTAIN AHAB
#34: TOMMY BLACHA (CO-CREATOR OF METALOCALYPSE!)
#35: PEACHES CHRIST
#36: NO ONE IN PARTICULAR
#37: EUGENE ROBINSON and AESOP DEKKER (Can't get rid of this guy!)
#38: TIM SWARTZ and MC CRUMBSNATCHER
#39: THE GHOST GIRLS, and lastly:
#40: A DOUCHEY MARINA BRO

So I guess that means the show archive is (at present, at least) "up to date". Thanks a lot to all the readers who have gone out of their way to support the show, too. You guys are awesome!

ALSO: Two weeks ago, while I was in New York City, I had the opportunity to guest host one of my favorite podcasts, Kissing Contest. It was super fun, and Mike, Sawyer, and Doan are some down-ass bros. Subscribe to that shit NOW. They even made this sweet custom image to celebrate my appearance:

You can find the Cobras Episode (#106, wherein we discuss East Coast vs. West Coast gang movies, metal, Channing Tatum, and Greyhound bus rides) HERE. It was an epic time.

Let's see, what else...?

Oh yeah! Here's a picture of the IllCon Radio Team partying with our favorite punk vocalist/ladies' man/puppeteer David Liebe Hart:

L to R: Erik, Cobras, some black guy, Cory, Peter

Crazy times, man.
Oh, we're also gonna have some shirts and stickers and shit, too. And Apocryphon is putting out a split and doing a West Coast tour soon. And I might even find the time to write some shit about aliens or conspiracies or technical death metal or clown porn at some point as well.
Maybe.

KARP - Demo 1993

KARP is the best.

Karp are universally hailed as the great lost hope of metal. Those that were lucky enough to see them live had our faces melted off our asses kicked. I'm not going to go into too much about this great band from Washington because we all know almost everything about these bros (Cobras wrote about them here). Jared is in Big Business now, who are also in Melvins. Sheesh.



Karp released 3 full lengths and a crapload of singles and eps in their short (8 year) career. There is a recent documentary about them that you should check out.

Last year this amazing demo suddenly appeared from 1993. It was released on cassette shortly before their first album was released. It rules. Get it here. 

A Beginner's Guide To Ejaculating Everywhere.

Rising from the dollar bin like a coked-out phoenix clad in midriff-baring shirt and three days worth of stubble comes fucking Diamond Reo. Not to be confused with the country band whose name only varies by one letter (apparently this particular band took their name from the same automotive company that supplied the appellation for Reo Speedwagon), the group of lowlives in question came out of Pittsburgh in the early 70s, offered up a few albums, much of which was thoroughly forgettable Mott The Hoople knockoff bullshit, but in the middle managed the brilliant scum-rock sleaze of Dirty Diamonds.

Most of it's mid-tempo Rust Belt butt-rock of the sort that saw its apex between 1971 and 1974. Copious cowbell abuse propping up the basest of Mark Farner aspirations. The album's opener, “All Over You,” is about ejaculating (all over, as the title specifies) somebody. And while none of the other songs really get to that level of base dumbness, it definitely establishes the general tone of the album. Take “It's A Jungle Out There” - a tribute to the toughness necessary to survive the rough-and-tumble urban life, that sounds like a half-speed prophecy of “Welcome To The Jungle” both in riff and lyrical conceit and is especially funny considering none of these dudes look exactly like the kick-ass-and-take-names type. Or “Boys Will Be Boys,” a paean to dudes who do dude stuff with other dudes (possibly as homoerotic as I just made it sound, I dunno). A few tracks pick up the pace to something not a million miles removed from the NWOBHM that was congealing across the pond around the same time, but this had nothing to do with leather and spikes crowd singing about swords and dragons.

It's pure id music, all libido, adrenaline, and testosterone - subtlety (and shirts that cover the full torso) be damned. It ain't special but there's not much better for drinking a few six packs of Mickey's alone on the porch in the middle of the afternoon with all the doors open or changing your own oil or something. It's ridiculous as shit and twice as dumb but it's a fun listen, a regional anachronism, a time capsule from the era of quadrophonic sound and quaaludes. Turn the shit up and get dumb as fuck.

                                                                                     

"It on your face / It's in your hair / It's down your back / Girl, it's everywhere"

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL? The Music of NFL Films!

OHHHHH YEAH IT'S FOOTBALL SEASON, Y'ALL. GRAB SOME COLD CANS AND CRUSH EM' DOWN YOUR FUCKIN' THROAT. ARE YOU READY TO WATCH THE BOYS THROW SOME PIGSKIN?

Here at IllCon we aren't really into the "sports" world even though senior editor Shelby Cobras is commonly seen around the office wearing various metal branded basketball shorts.

The metal world has long been connected to the gridiron. The Oakland Raiders famously use AC/DC's "Hells Bells" when entering the field. The Kansas City Chiefs like to come out to Motley Crue's "Kickstart My Heart." As obscure as those songs are, my very favorite football themed song comes from the late Layne Staley's pre-Alice In Chains project aptly titled "Alice N' Chains" (formerly Sleeze). Their love letter to the game is one of the best slap-bass GnR ripoff songs of all time. Check out these lyrics:

(Yup. This is a real thing.)

Something that we ARE actively interested in are hard-to-find soundtracks. That's why I was stoked to come across this amazing gem of a collection - Autumn Thunder: 40 years of NFL Films Music. A 10 disc compilation highlighting the kick ass compositions that accompanied the overly dramatic and amazingly photographed NFL Films productions of the 1970s. This shit fucking rules. I couldn't find the whole thing and I doubt that any IllCon reader would download everything anyway. Here now are discs 5-9. It's PLENTY to hold you over until someone gets you the whole set for Hanukkah. Most of the set highlights the work of Sam Spence. Spence was a former music professor at USC, who while in Munich in 1966, was asked to score some highlight reels for the NFL. His work has since become iconic and his music just as much as part of American culture as the game itself. According to his wiki: "...he can arguably be credited with a significant role in making American football the top professional sport in the U.S." No lie. This dude rules. Also featured here are the songs of David Robidoux, Tom Hedden and William Soden.

Disc 5. Disc 6. Disc 7. Disc 8. Disc 9.

BUY THE WHOLE AMAZING 10 DISC SET HERE

BTW we like the Redskins here because they are the most racist team.