ALL YOUR BASS ARE BELONG TO US

Is it just me, or does anyone else miss that whole Miami Bass/Custom Mini-Truck trend that went down in the early 90's? I'm not sure how pervasive of a cultural movement The Bass actually was, but my early high school memories (hazy though they may be) are populated with images of ridiculous, low-riding neon mini-trucks, bumping Bass Jams at impossibly low frequencies as they cruised "The Strip" in the small town where I grew up.
As a musical genre, Mini-Truck Bass-Hop had it all: slow, repetitive, easy to follow beats rarely interrupted by "vocals" or "changes", cool album covers (often featuring butts, cyborgs, outer space, chicks in bikinis, spray cans, or cyborg chicks in bikinis), massive distribution, mysterious, enigmatic artists, and lots of neon colors to lure in the kids. It was the ultimate in superficiality -- Music without music, whose sole purpose was to rattle the windows of your Nissan.

Join me today for a brief sojourn into the short and illustrious history of Mini-Truck Bass-Hop, a genre that had as much in common with classical minimalism as it did with any sort of popular music of the era. Of course, no actual music will be discussed today -- The Bass wasn't about that. It was about cool packaging. It was about 'Warning - May Cause Speaker Damage' labels. It was about a snuggy full of woofers, gullwings, dangle balls on the headliner, tandem axles, stickie outies and a dancing bed. Style over substance. The REAL SHIT.

BASS BOY's 1992 classic I Got the Bass, home to such epic jams as "Bass Boy Crazy", "Non-Stop Bass", "Bass Me Up", "I Got The Bass", "Blinded By The Bass", "Bass Wave", Mo' Better Bass", and "Funkin' Bass".

How 'bout motherfuckin' BASS PATROL?
These guys BASSically blew the lid off of the Bass-Hop world by actually rapping over their Bass jams, throwing a complete curveball at a genre unaccustomed to change. These guys had it all: butts, awesome cartoons on their CD covers (see below), style, but most of all -- BASS. Lots of Bass.
Their dystopic, far-futurist vision and use of technology as metaphor for man's struggle against the self was aptly summarized on the cover of 1990's Rock This Planet (below).

1992's The Kings of Bass

Below: Custom graphics on your camper shell = PANTY INCINERATOR.

BASS JUNKIE's game-changing 1995 release System Terminator, home to such hits as "Pump The Bass", "Man With The Bass", "We Got That Bass", "Prepare For Digital Bass", "Confronted With Bass", "G-Funk Bass", and "Bass Junkies Power (Lowest Bass on the Planet)". And of course, who could forget the heart-wrenching ballad "Bass Craft"?

BASS OUTLAWS: Illegal Bass, 1992.

Track list:

1. 3 Kinds of Bass
2. I Want Some Bass
3. Slow Down the Bass
4. It's Bass
5. Slo Mello Bass
6. Bass My Beat
7. Bass on It
8. Beau's Bass
9. In Your Bass
10. Boomin' Bass
11. Illegal Bass
12. Stereo Bass [Extreme Woofer Test]


TECHMASTER P.E.B. (Patrick E. Baker) was a Bass renegade who refused to play by the established rules of Bass. Mashing up low-frequency Bass with the robotic compositions of Kraftwerk, P.E.B. created a Bass sound that felt more at home in the discos of Berlin than the warm beaches of Sarasota.
Although he was considered something of a "nerd" by the Bass Cogniscenti, no one could deny the thump of P.E.B.'s ULTRA LOW BASS, and today the Techmaster is remembered as one of Bass-Hop's finest.

Above: Techmaster P.E.B.'s It Came From Outer Bass II, which contained such Bass anthems as "Dragon Bass", "Eurobass", "It Came From Outer Bass", "Invading Bass", and "Do You Like Technobass?"
Below: Bass Computer (1991), home of mindbending hits such as "Bass By Numbers", "Scratchin' Megabass Mix", "Techno Bass Beats", "Power Bass Ultra Mix", "Bassgasm", and "Outerbass Mix".

Of course, if it's 1994 and you're looking for a place to stick your new BASS PATROL disc, you're gonna need wheels.
The Japanese Minitruck Forum is a good place to start, but if you're having trouble locating the perfect 1992 Mazda Scrum there you can always check out the Old-School Mini-Truck Trends message board, too. If that fails as well, I recommend pumping the GREATEST MINITRUCK ANTHEM OF ALL TIME until inspiration finds YOU.

Above: BASS 305, "bad boys" of the Mini-Truck Bass-Hop world. Their Best Of album sold over 750 thousand billion copies.
Below: Who could forget DJ LAZ, whose 1993 Bass epic Journey Into Bass featured as its centerpiece the one-two punch of "Stick Out Your Butt" and "Freak Bendover"? And who could forget his trademark lazer-eyed Rottweilers?

DJ Magic Mike's "Power" controller doesn't even HAVE an "off" button!

Let us not forget the innovative DJ Magic Mike, who Amazon describes as "... the music's most crucial recording artist. An underground label impresario on the order of Master P, Mike's productions were much rougher than the slick Miami bass sound and pursued a gritty old-school vibe."

Above left: DJ Magic Mike's 1990 album Bass Is The Name of the Game which contained the timeless Bass jams "Feel The Bass Again" and "Drop The Bass (Pt. 2)".
Below: 1993's Bass: The Final Frontier, often considered to be Magic Mike's finest hour. This is where you will find the genre-defining gems "Bass to the Interprise", "Man With the Bass", "My Bass Machine", "Bass Check II", "Feel The Bass 4", "Drop the Bass (Live)", and "This for the Bassheadz".

Hopefully this post has served to educate you - at least a little bit - on the major players, the customs, the aesthetics, and the culture of Mini-Truck Bass-Hop. The overarching theme here is clear: there is nothing more fulfilling or rewarding in life than the consant pursuit of BASS. Spouses come and go. Children grow up and move away. Pets die. But BASS will never let you down. BASS.