4M22: CONTAMINATED!

First off, I've got to give respect to Mr. Seth J.G. Goodkind, creator of the awesome blogs Progression Toward Something of Questionable Significance and Lost Video Archive, for hipping me to the existence of 1981's Contamination aka Alien Contamination in the first place. Seth is a guru of all things low-budget, gory, and ass-kicking in 1980's VHS lore, and his contributions to the field of Obscure Gorror Blogematography cannot be overestimated. Thanks for the heads-up on this wonderful film, Bro, and thanks for doing such a great job documenting all those other forgotten gems from our videotaped past.

That being said, let's watch the trailer:





Contamination was the brainchild of Mr. Luigi Cozzi (right), who I like to think of as the Godfather of the Italian Knockbuster. You see, Cozzi was also the director of the supremely amazing Starcrash, which was basically his 1978 attempt to piggyback on the success of Star Wars a year earlier. But in creating Starcrash, Cozzi actually surpassed the film he was ripping off in greatness, setting a precedent for all terrible/brilliant Knockbusters to follow.
Contamination was his next attempt at riding the coattails of a popular film to success, and this time his target was Alien.


While Contamination's plot bears little resemblance to that of Alien, there are several details which provide a direct link. Luigi didn't have the budget to set his film in space or the ambition to set it in the future (well, technically I guess it's set in the "near" future), but the homage becomes obvious rather quickly. The story in Cozzi's film is centered around a bunch of eggs from space, which end up in a warehouse in NYC and begin multiplying. These eggs (which are near doppelgangers to the "alien eggs" from Alien) tend to explode from time to time, which is unfortunate, because they are filled with alien acid-blood (Alien), and when you get splashed by said blood it makes your stomach explode (Alien). And let us not forget the "Cyclops Alien" which makes its only appearance at the end of the film, a creature that seems suspiciously analogous to the "Mother Alien" (Alien).

All of which really brings us to the crux of this wonderful film. Despite some truly fascinating dubbed dialogue written by an obvious non-English speaker, Contamination can be kind of a snoozer. It crawls along at times, mired down by some sort of conspiracy plot involving a coffee company and a trip to Mars, but the seemingly random shots of exploding bodies, interspersed tastefully throughout the duration of the film, make it all worthwhile.
Seriously, the gore in Contamination is some of the most over-the-top stuff you'll ever see, and the sight of a guy in a low-budget, early 80's HazMat suit clutching his guts as they explode into a fountain of orange-ish (?) blood and meat clippings is pure cinematic wizardry. Forget the plot. Forget the cinematography. Just suspend your boredom/disbelief and revel in the glory of a whole SHITLOAD of splattering organs and rupturing viscera, delivered via screaming actors in white suits and gas masks.



"Pure gut-busting horror!":



Aside from the exploding stomachs, Contamination has its share of charming side-dishes as well. Cozzi obviously spent about 80% of his budget on the creation of the "Cyclops Alien" and the film's 60-second "trip to Mars" (shown below), and I've got to admit that it was money well spent. The Mars sequence (the only clue that this movie is set in the future...?) has sort of a space-movie-circa-1961 feel to it, with a couple guys walking around in broad daylight in costumes that resemble cardboard and tinfoil. Their arrival at the alien "cave" is both a study in absurdity and high art. The scene in which the "Cyclops Alien" devours one of the main characters with one of its gargantuan appendages is a keeper, too. No homo here, but it's basically a huge, green, uncircumsized phallus chowing down on that poor guy. Yikes.



Oh, and did I mention the soundtrack?
Unsurprisingly, it's another winner from Claudio Simonetti and Goblin (credited as "THE GOBLIN" in the beginning of the film), and adds an ever-present, uniquely Italian funk vibe to background of the movie. Nothing wrong with that.
All in all, a tasty combination of gore, camp, awkwardness, and unintentional comedy make Contamination a must-see. It doesn't quite surpass its inspiration the way Starcrash did, but I challenge anyone out there to name a movie better than Alien.
That's what I thought.

Netflix Contamination/Alien Contamination here. Buy it here.

MONDAY MORNING MOVIE MADNESS 21: ROCK 'EM SOCK 'EM ROBOTS

We are all undoubtedly familiar with visionary director Stuart Gordon, the brilliant mind behind such classics as Re-Animator, From Beyond, Dagon, Castle Freak, Fortress, and Dolls. But somehow, the fact that he directed the 90's-defining masterpiece Robot Jox had slipped entirely off my radar. In fact, I had largely forgotten the movie itself until recently, which is surprising considering how hard it rocked my entire world upon its release. You see, I was 11 in 1990, and the whole premise of Robot Jox absolutely BLEW MY FUCKING MIND back then.
Now that I have become re-acquainted with this film, I must admit that my reaction isn't much different than it was back then.
Observe:



Holy. Fucking. Shit.

How had I managed to not even watch this one for a second time in almost 18 years?



Gordon basically followed a string of home runs with a grand fucking slam, a special effects extravaganza that is not only a feast for the eyes but also a cautionary tale, a morality lesson, and a marathon robot ass-kicking maelstrom.
Set in a post-apocalyptic future, Jox takes place in a society where war is obsolete and mankind is struggling to re-populate the planet. As a result, nations settle their disputes through the use of Robot Jox, men who control giant robots to battle each other in huge public arenas. The winner of each match (and the nation he represents) are the victor of each conflict, bypassing the need for war and the loss of valuable human life altogether.
The story basically follows the trials of Achilles and Alexander, two Robot Jox with a score to settle. Achilles is pretty much the "good guy", representing clean-cut, patriotic Americanism (although America doesn't specifically exist anymore -- we are known as the Western Market), while Alexander is the cartoonish representation of psuedo-Soviet Cold War xenophobia, sort of the Ivan Drago to Achilles' Rocky Balboa. Alexander killed Achilles' bro in an earlier robot battle (as we are informed in the opening scene), so revenge is the centerpiece of this magical film.

Highlights/spoilers:



But despite its ham-fisted approach to social commentary via giant robots kicking the shit out of each other (did I mention that Alexander's robot has a chainsaw weiner?), it's the little things that make Robot Jox a distinctly Gordon endeavor. For example, the repopulation-obsessed society of the film features "sexy" bikini models in billboard advertisements -- who also just happen to be pregnant. The shots are subtle, asserting themselves without hoopla or fanfare. Attention to detail is Gordon's game.
In another scene, Achilles' family members inform him that they will be eating "real meat" for dinner in celebration of his return home. When the "real meat" appears, it is in the form of a sole hot dog floating on top of a bubbling mass of brown gruel. Nice.
Robot Jox went from being an utter obsession to my simple 11-year-old mind in 1990 to being my own personal Sleeper Hit of 2009 in my 30-year-old mind. It rivals Starcrash. There, I said it.

Heresy? Perhaps. But Robot Jox is THAT GOOD.



But apparently not everyone agrees with me.
For one, where was the Robot Jox tie-in toy line? This movie seemed custom-made to move rad toys, so what happened? Where was Hasbro? Where was Kenner?
No Nintendo game? No Underoos?
Someone dropped the ball on Robot Jox, and despite a wonderful novelization (right), it was a potential film franchise left out in the cold. Another surefire, money-in-the-bank empire, forsaken by a foolish public. Captain Power, anyone?
All of which brings me to my next point, the confusing matter of the Robot Jox sequel.

Most people familiar with good-bad 80's/90's science fiction films think that the Robot Jox sequel was 1993's Robot Wars (left). And while this film, whose tagline was "First there was Robot Jox...", shared several members of the Jox production team (Full Moon's Charles and Albert Band, for example), this idea is a fallacy. Wars shared plot concepts and animation style with the superior Jox, but was not "officially" connected to the former film.
That honor belongs to a movie called Crash And Burn aka Robot Jox 2: Crash And Burn (below), hurriedly released in 1990 immediately following Part 1. It's a common misconception, one that I felt needed clarification here. But no one ever saw Robot Wars OR Crash And Burn, so why dwell on it?













Check out the beginning and an awesome fight scene from Robot Jox below. Then watch ALL the rest of it via YouTube playlist here.





Now that we're all super pumped on Robot Jox, why don't you all head over to The Manchester Morgue and download Frederic Talgorn's awesome soundtrack?
Side note: Is it just me, or does the Robot Jox theme bear a striking resemblance to that of Police Academy?
Well played, Mr. Talgorn.

OK. So you have the soundtrack and you've seen the whole thing on YouTube (resolution snobs can get it on Netflix here), why don't you head over to Amazon and BUY IT ALREADY???
It's only SIX BUCKS, for fuck's sake! Not much to ask for the greatest giant-robot-battle-Cold-War-sci-fi-post-apocalyptic-revenge-tale ever told (in 1990).

And I didn't even have to mention the cameo by
Jeffrey Combs.




"WE CAN LIVE!!!"

WE CAN BOTH LIVE!!!

4M20: NO, I'M IRON MAN*

Above left: "I AM IROOOOON MAN."
Above right: "No, I'm Iron Man."
Above left: "But I want to be Iron Man."
Above right: "You always get to be Iron Man."


Above: 1989's Tetsuo: The Iron Man, aka David Lynch, Franz Kafka, and William Gibson's black-and-white version of I Know What You Did Last Summer.



Jesus Christ.
The third feature film by Japanese underground director Shinya Tsukamoto, Iron Man is one of those rare films that must truly be seen to be believed, and seen several more times to even begin being mentally digested. Shot in an unsettling, jerky 16mm format, it plays out like a surreal nightmare, full of creeping paranoia and jarring images, a Kafkaesque (just wanted to use that term) puzzle wrapped up in a mix of high art and vulgar gore.
The film begins with choppy shots of a freaky dude (known only as "The Man" or "Machine Fetishist") surgically inserting a rusty steel pipe into his own leg (above, right). Things go downhill fast from there.

A quick example of Tetsuo's stop-motion awesomeness:



Below: Actually, yeah. He is Iron Man.


Next off, Machine Fetishist freaks out (there is A LOT of "freaking out" in this movie) and runs into the street, where he is promptly hit by a car driven by "Japanese Salaryman". Here's where the I Know What You Did Last Summer connection kicks in, as Salaryman decides to dump Fetishist's body rather than facing up to the consequences of his heinous crime. This, of course, sets off a brutal, twisted chain of events, with the resurrected Machine Fetishist pursuing the Salaryman in an attempt to extract posthumous revenge.
But it gets even more strange. It seems Salaryman is now turning into a robot, with chunks of metal sprouting out of his arms and face (below). What follows are several stylized battles and chase scenes between Machine Fetishist and Salaryman (now becoming "Iron Man"), as well as a disturbing turn for the worse concerning the sexual relationship between Salaryman and his girlfriend. Oops!



Um, OK:



Oh, and did I mention that at one point Iron Man's dink turns into some sort of pneumatic drill (below), which his girlfriend (right) isn't too happy about either?
Because it does, and that's only the tip of the iceberg concerning the weirdness of this particular film. Part J-Horror, part Art House, part live-action anime, and part action movie, Tetsuo: The Iron Man is an absolutely fucked up, absolutely brilliant little chunk of no-budget filmmaking, probably one of the darkest and most surreal creations to ever surface on The Land of the Rising Sun. I used to thik that turning into a robot might be kind of fun. Iron Man changed my mind.



Netflix it here. Buy it here. But don't say I didn't warn you.



Trailer for the sequel, 1992's Tetsuo II: Body Hammer. I've never seen it. Part 3 is reportedly coming in 2010.



*A shiny nickel goes out to anyone who can tell me where the bad pun that serves as the title of this post came from.**

**Supplies are limited, certain restrictions may apply.

MONDAY MORNING MOVIE MADNESS 19: IN CELEBRATION OF HALLOWEEN

Okay, so maybe Trick or Treat isn't the most obscure Halloween-themed horror flick ever made, but I felt like this movie was way overdue for its closeup here on I.C. And Halloween is this weekend.
So let's do this.


I wrote briefly about Trick or Treat on one other occasion, way back in 2008 ('Metal In The Movies', Dec. 31st). And this is what I said (I know, I'm lazy):

"Another total gem from 1986, this one stars Marc Price ("Skippy" from 'Family Ties' - shown above) as a troubled metalhead who receives assistance from a deceased rocker to get revenge on the school bullies. The rocker in question, one "Sammi Curr" contacts Skippy via possessed record passed down from a local DJ named Nuke. Chaos, violence, and gore are the outcome as he wages war on his former tormentors, using his newfound powers to maim, kill, and score chicks. Of course, this movie has to end with a cozy "message" about always using your powers for good, when it would have been way cooler as a straight-up Hessian revenge fantasy. Oh well.
Soundtrack by Fast Eddie Clark's post-Motorhead band, Fastway.

Highlights: Establishing shots of sweet '86 metal merch in dude's bedroom at beginning of film, Walkman demon ravaging chick in back seat of car, Ozzy Osbourne cameo as televangelist.

Lowlights: Toolbag Gene Simmons' cameo as radio DJ."

Pretty much sums it up, I guess...

That being said, let's watch the trailer:



(Bonus Bay Area connection: Anyone else notice that Skippy was rocking an Alternative Tentacles T-shirt for a minute there?)



So yeah, philosophical issues and lame cameos (above) aside, ToT remains a classic in my book, a metal-centric joyride that warrants many repeat viewings, ESPECIALLY on Halloween. The 30 seconds featuring Mr. Osbourne (left) are in fact pretty clever, and Sammi Curr (Tony Fields) is definitely one of the greatest horror/metal movie villians ever created (I have no idea why I failed to include him in my 'Satanic Cinema' post back in February). This movie is basically un-fuckwithable. Cheezy metal jams, drill presses going through heads, corny latex demons that live in Walkmans (Walkmen?), lazers shooting out of guitars, blood, gore, and the nerdy kid from Family Ties extracting brutal revenge via haunted vinyl on a bunch of preppy kids. What's not to love?
Nothing, that's what.


Above and below: Sammi Curr fucking shit up, 80's-metal style.



And let us not forget the soundtrack (left). Manslaughter's got this one on vinyl, and we were actually bumping it REALLY LOUD after a recent Dalton band practice. You know what? It doesn't suck.
Sure, there's a heavy gloss of 80's glam-cheez all over it and the drums are all reverbed out and clicky and it falls into pretty much every bad-metal stereotype imaginable, but SHIT, man. If you're chugging suds with a group of Bros, this record has an unsurpassable sing-along factor. It's fucking PARTY METAL embodied. And believe me, I know my Party Metal. I'll get around to posting the Trick or Treat soundtrack soon enough. Until then, let's go to the clips...

Fastway's "After Midnight", from the film's soundtrack. That's the actor who played Sammi Curr rocking out with Fast Eddie, not the actual singer from the band:



Fastway's "Stand Up", from the beginning credits of the film. Like I said before, this is pretty much the best part of the movie:



Wait, I changed my mind. This is the best part of the movie. Fastway, "Trick or Treat":



It seems pretty lucicrous that this film is basically advertised as a Gene Simmons/Ozzy Osbourne star vehicle these days (right), since their combined screen time adds up to about 2 minutes. ToT is SO much more than that, and you poor malnourished ninnies out there who haven't actually seen it yet need to rectify that situation immediately. Netflix it (enjoyed most by members who also enjoyed the Troll/Troll 2 Double Feature!!!), buy it, live it, love it. Halloween only comes once a year. But movies like Trick or Treat only come along once in a lifetime.

4MIIX: SATAN, HEROIN, MIDGETS, AND THE MYSTIC KNIGHTS OF THE OINGO BOINGO

MONDAY MORNING MOVIE MADNESS, PART 18


Below: Topless sphinxes, bald dudes in thongs, a human frog, and Herve Villachaize all in the same frame. Welcome to the mindfuckingly wonderful world of The Forbidden Zone.


1980's The Forbidden Zone was the brainchild of Mr. Danny Elfman, and served as something of an introduction to his band, The Mystic Knights of the Oingo Boingo (later just Oingo Boingo). Directed by his brother Richard and starring an eclectic cast which included members of the band, homeless dudes, various L.A. drug casualties, and The Kipper Kids (below right, whoever they are), the movie is sort of an art house/comedy/musical/coke binge experiment, making little to no coherent sense but dazzling the audience with its use of ribald imagery, slick tunes, over-the-top costumes, and choreographed stupidity.

The film takes place (for the most part) in The Sixth Dimension, a place bearing passing resemblance to the works of Georges Lumiere, early Betty Boop cartoons, the animation of Terry Gilliam, and a giant checkerboard, in no particular order. It was a critical and commercial failure upon its release, and even stirred up a decent amount of controversy due to the appearance of actors in blackface. Midnight movie screenings, a VHS release, and a whole lot of stoned viewers have kept it alive through the years, though, and to this day The Forbidden Zone is considered a cult classic, sort of like an underground Rocky Horror, or The Apple, had it been stupid ON PURPOSE rather than on accident. In 2004, it was digitally remastered, and in 2008, it was colorized. For no good reason.

Trailer:



I'm not a big Oingo Boingo fan, but I do have to admit: The Forbidden Zone is the perfect vehicle for their particular brand of jerky, sinister New Wave, and what little affection I hold for them stems almost entirely from this film (and Back To School). It should also be noted that this soundtrack was the first ever from Danny Elfman, long before he scored classics like Batman, Beetlejuice, Edward Scissorhands, or, um... Sweeney Todd. So there's that.


Above and below: Two examples of obscure, short-lived Forbidden Zone paraphernalia -- A full FZ lapel pin set, featuring the cast of characters (above), and the "Forbidden Zone Trap" (below), which, for some reason, came packaged with strange, ape-like action figures.



"The Alphabet Song" - ???:



Believe it or not, The Forbidden Zone DID follow something that sort of resembled a plot, and it ran thusly:

A local Venice Beach pimp/drug dealer/landlord, while in the process of stashing some heroin in the basement of one of his tenements, stubles accross a secret passage to The Sixth Dimension. Thinking nothing of it, he rents the building out to the Hercules family, which consists of Frenchy, Flash, and Grandpa Hercules (above left), a washed-up Jewish wrestler with a chip on his shoulder. Flash and Frenchy soon encounter Squeezit Henderson, who has also been to The Sixth Dimension and in fact lost his transgendered brother/sister, René, there. Then someone gets kidnapped, and then there's a bunch of weird music, and then Herve Villachaize shows up as King Fausto (accompanied by Queen Doris and the aforementioned human frog, Bust Rod), then there's some violence, then some people get stuck in a septic tank, and then a prison, and then Danny Elfman shows up as Satan and there's a big musical encore or something.
But like a good acid trip, you shouldn't let the plot concern you too much. Just kick back and enjoy the visuals.

Like almost all good renegade cinema, The Forbidden Zone has a completely patched-together, low-budget vibe, with the scenery appearing to be put together out of crayons and paper maiche and the cast consisting of mostly untrained, amateur actors. Reportedly, the only actor actually paid for his work in the film was Herve Villachaize (left, who you probably remember from The Love Boat). But despite its lack of coherence, budget, or adequate clothing, The Forbidden Zone is a Hell of an entertaining movie, conducive to any social gathering in which alcohol, illegal chemicals, or pervasive insanity are present.

Another clip:



And another:



Below left: Nils from Sleepytime Gorilla Museum. Below right: Danny Elfman as Satan.

Separated at birth?


----------------------------------------------------------------------

Above: The entire cast (and probably crew) of The Forbidden Zone gather for the big musical finale (colorized version).

Netflix it here. Buy it here. And do it soon, because a sequel is coming in 2010. I shit you not.

THE OFFAL TRUTH: MONDAY MORNING MOVIE MADNESS, PART 17

Today's special: Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky, AKA Lik Wong, AKA Strength King.



Above and left: Ricky was born with the strength of 20 men. Ricky feels no pain. Ricky knocks down stone walls with one punch. Please don't fuck with Ricky.

Basically the Citizen Kane of Hong Kong gorror flicks, 1991's Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky was director Lam Ngai Kai's ode to all things violent, bloody, and over-the-top in modern cinema. Heads explode, jaws are torn clean out of people's skulls, punches are thrown completely through stomachs, and the disembowelments, beheadings, and dismemberments all come fast and furious.
But despite its relatively tiny budget, Riki-Oh also happens to be a very original, well-made film, chock full of semi-convincing (I use the term loosely) special effects, stylistic jump-cuts, and weird artsy sequences that wouldn't be out of place in a highbrow German coffee house film. But don't get me wrong: It's still pure PULP, dishing out the instant gratification that all gorehounds need to keep their interest aroused.

Trailer:



Riki-Oh (Fan Siu Wong, also known Stateside as "Ricky") is a young man tormented by inner demons. His girlfriend offs herself after witnessing a heroin deal, and seeking violent retribution on the gang responsible, Ricky finds himself serving a ten-year maximum security bid for manslaughter. But unfortunately for Ricky, we are now in the magical year 2001, and all Chinese prison systems have been privatized. This means, of course, that the warden is a total dick, and that he is running an illegal opium farm inside the prison via a group of powerful inmates known as the Gang of Four. Although Ricky is a peaceful dude who avoids fighting at all costs, it soon becomes apparent that the Gang of Four and the warden want him dead, by any means neccessary.



This is where it gets fun. As inmate after inmate attempts to take Ricky out, a series of fight scenes ensue, which escalate both in gore and intensity as the film plays out. In fact, the gore is laugh-out-loud awesome, as evidenced by a couple scenes shown below. As the DVD packaging of Riki-Oh proclaims: "It's Evil Dead 2, Braindead, and The Matrix times ten, turned up to eleven!". Not far off, although the Matrix reference is both inaccurate and unneccesary. Riki-Oh indeed "goes to eleven", and stays there for a solid 90 minutes.
Ever seen a dude attempt to strangle another dude with his OWN INTESTINES? Thanks to Riki-Oh, you can now, along with a multitude of other scenes so unspeakably gory that they will change your life (for the better) forever. Here's a hint: Giant mutant thrown into a meat grinder? It goes to eleven. Duh.



SPOILERS:







Due to its 'Category III' rating (the Chinese equivalent of NC-17), Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky was a box office failure in its homeland, but a strong international cult following has kept it alive and profitable throughout the years. It was originally based on a Japanese manga (titled simply Riki-Oh -- check it out here), and was originally shot as an anime series. But the live action version is the real deal. A sequel to The Story of Ricky was produced a couple years later (entitled Dint King, Inside King, AKA Story of Ricky 2, AKA Super Powerful Man), but it received very poor distribution outside China and is both hard to find and only loosely connected to the original.
You can find Ricky on Netflix here, buy him on Amazon here, or watch him via YouTube playlist here.

Ricky goes to ELEVEN. Remember that.