Nobody's perfect, okay?
Several months ago, I announced the 2nd Annual IC Coloring Contest, offering a "smug sense of superiority" to the winner. We received nigh unto a dozen entries, running the gamut from intricate and well-crafted to sloppy and sophomoric. You guys remember that, right? Well, a couple days later, I announced the winning entry ('These Colors Don't Run', April 2nd, 2010), an astounding piece of postmodern expressionism (above) submitted by none other than my own 4-year-old nephew, Carlos. It is quite possible that there was a smidgen of nepotism involved. But probably not.
Anyhow, I offered Carlos the award of his choice as compensation for said victory. He requested "stretchy dinosaurs". Being the kind and benevolent uncle that I am, I totally flaked. 100%. Didn't follow through. Bailed, split, blew it. I suck.
But the story didn't end there.
Just this last Thursday, I was treated to an absolute literary smack-down (via voice mail) from none other than RAP MASTER MAURICE, a "mercenary revenge rapper" recently profiled on NPR for his heroic actions on behalf of the mistreated and maladjusted.
NOTICE: RAP MASTER MAURICE DOES NOT WEAR A DRESS. It is a "One-Piece Revenge Kilt".
Allow me to explain just a little further: RMM is something of a "people's poet", a guy who will deliver a clever, rhyming phone message to those who have wronged you for the paltry sum of $12 ("friendly" messages cost $19). Well, apparently my sister procured Maurice's services last week, as the aural assault that can be heard below greeted me when I hit "1" on my T-Mobile just recently. Ouch:
But Rap Master Maurice gets results. I offer my deepest, heartfelt apologies to my nephew, who will be receiving a large package containing all manner of dinosaur-related goodies in a few days (said package was shipped Priority Mail as of 3 hours ago).
I'm a guy who can admit that he messed up. And I messed up. I just hope that Lil' C can find it in his heart to forgive me.
Hey, nobody's perfect.
- If you'd like to procure Rap Master Maurice's services, just use the link to his website offered earlier in this post. Results are 100% guaranteed*.
*Results are NOT 100% guaranteed.