Monday, April 5, 2010


Okay, show of hands: who likes EVIL FUCKING METAL? I'm not talking about that quote unquote "evil" stuff that the Hot Topic poseurs bandy about, I'm talking about face-shredding, baby-eating, pick-scraping, meat-throwing, corpse-fucking, Jesus-beating, balls-kicking, pig's-head-on-a-spike brandishing HATE METAL, the type that peels paint and kills small housepets on contact. You sick fucks with your hands in the air need to head over to Thulsa Mood and have a look around. Created by Saskatchewan's Bastard Son BradethQ (above right), the 'Mood is a virtual cornucopia of festering metal goodies, blackened and otherwise. I urge anyone with a thirst for blood (and/or comic book adaptations of the works of Robert E. Howard) to dig deeper.

- Cobras

PS: Speaking of blood...

So I got axed to do a collection of songs based on the theme of BLOOD. Neat! When I think of heavy metal lyrics and blood, I usually think of altars, rituals, chalices and whatnot. Or slightly uncomfortable stances on Nationalism and ancestors and 'homelands'. Or vampires. Or straight-up gore. Goddamn, there's a beautiful rainbow of topics that pertain to blood. Being the free-thinking creative type that I am, I started to look through my collection for songs with blood or bleeding and stuff in the song title. But that doesn't mean that I just slapped together a bunch of blood-related tracks and called it a day (or did I?). Oh no, I've whittled down from many songs a pointed stick of mostly metal to poke you in the ear with. Get out your cotton swabs! So grab a nice cuppa and draw a bath Countess Bathory-style, cause this is what I came up with:

1. Profanatica - Spilling Holy Blood - A catchy little track from these American black metal stalwarts. More of an ugly early death metal vibe on this one.
2. Akitsa - Sang Nordique - A throbbing, hypnotic and bleak track performed by grumpy Quebecers.
3. Reverend Bizarre - Blood on Satan's Claw - With a chorus featuring high-pitched vocals delivered in a fashion that the Finnish seem to be able pull off so well. All hail the Bizarre Reverend.
4. Impaled Nazarene - Angel Rectums do Bleed - So I've heard. Pure class from ImpNaz, this is the first in a trilogy of bleeding angel rectum-themed tracks (yep) that continues over the next couple of albums.
5. Coffins - Blood and Bone - I proclaim this to be one of the heaviest tracks of the last few years. Japanese Autopsy-style doom-death.
6. Brocas Helm - Blood Machine - A jaunty tune from this killer NWOBHM-inspired band.
7. Order From Chaos - Blood And Thunder - Pummeling as fuck.
8. Blasphemy - Weltering in Blood - Just welterin' in it. One of the most influential bands in the genre, the powerlifting Canadians belch out some black filth.
9. Beherit - Werewolf, Semen and Blood - A tune from their classic Drawing Down the Moon album from these disciples of Blasphemy. Clearly one of the best song titles of all time.
10. The Meads of Asphodel - Blood Blasted Holy War - Heyyyy, one of my favourite Meads songs! Mirai Kawashima of Sigh lends his synth-playing fingers for this track.
11. His Hero Is Gone - Internally Bleeding - A minute and a half of seething sludgy-ness as a buffer before:
12. Revenge - Blood Division - If this song was a person they'd beat the shit out of me then vomit mustard gas onto my face.
13. Slough Feg - Cauldon of Blood - Our gracious host recently covered most of what I could think to say about this brilliant band. Just because, here's a picture that I took of Mike Scalzi and Adrian Maestas (partially obscured by flying metalhead hair) when I saw them play in Calgary last year:

Adrian looks like Abbath, but with hair instead of corpse paint.

My photo-editing skills are unparalleled.
14. Mutiilation - Tears of a Melancholic Vampire - There's nothing more tough and Metal than a crying depressed vampire.
15. World Burns To Death - Boiling Blood - Super upbeat and optimistic Texan hardcore.
16. Deströyer 666 - Levens Bloed - It means "Life's Blood". The Aussies speak a little German on this one. Good stuff.
17. Necrovation - Breed Deadness Blood - Great, great track of Swedish death metal in the style of the greats. Definitely one of the best bands doing this kind of thang.
18. Discharge - The Final Bloodbath - For the final song, get it? Shit, I'm clever.

All right sluts, thanks for reading! Here you go:

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