Thursday, March 19, 2009

PORN: NATURE'S APHRODESIAC

A SOCIOLOGICAL INTERNET EXPERIMENT BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE GOOD FOLKS AT ILLOGICAL CONTRAPTION, INC.



As a social experiment to quell my own morbid curiosities (and also as a scam to boost much-needed publicity in formerly unexplored channels), I present a quick study in the Googling habits of the average internet sicko. Here's how it works:
I write a paragraph of mishmashed phrases, incorporating often-Googled words and names in addition to random phrases in no way related to anything. Then we see how many hits Illogical Contraption gets in the next 24 hours. Current average is somewhere around 250-300 per day. At present (12:30 PM western time) there are exactly 16,648 hits, so I'll check again in exactly one day and calculate the difference. Let's see what happens...

Hannah Montana Porn Omelette Jonas Brothers Armpit Hair Beef Stroganoff Brad Pitt Ballsack Donkey Massive Head Wound Megan Fox Gym Socks For Sale Robot Naked Untidy Nudity Corn Fritter Natasha Richardson Conspiracy Donald Duck Enormous Genitals Guacamole Butthole Bikini Porn Snuggie Slanket Pubic Nachos Angelina Jolie Poop Taco Miley Cyrus DeVito Watchmen AIG Penis Karate Alien Area 51 Scarlett Johanssen Toejam Freemason Keytar Porn King Diamond Granola Bazooka Octopus Tranny Rhinoceros Anal Pizza Nugget Britney Spears Lawnmower Nipple Flaccid Narwhal Chris Brown Jesus Herpes Complex A B C XXX Ferret Dojo Hitler Nazi Porn Obama Crocodile Boobie Shatner Wristwatch Lubricant 420 Bong Lazer Myspace Haircut Octo-Mom Rusty Trombone Chili Dog Neuter Filipino Nancy Reagan Secret Knuckle Feces Clamp Bisexual Dolphin Rubic's Cube Mickey Rourke Underwear Facebook Prius Schwarzenegger Fucking Motherfucker Pregnant Lizard People Nuclear Porn Viagra Zebra Tuxedo Nixon Gangbang Doritos Shit Porpoise Tentacle Slumdog Millionaire Primate Masturbation Rihanna Porno Pornographic

Now, we wait. Behold the power of the internet!

A note to all you Googlers who got here from searching for "Hannah Montana Armpit Porn": Sorry to waste your time. You are free to go.