Sunday, December 17, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 32 - SOON TO BE DAD (with GARZO)


Shelby and Aesop are joined by Peruvian maniac Garzo (Los Huaycos) to smash the language barrier sans phone service or microphones and uncover the truth about foreign Santas, time-travelling prog rock bands, future pyramids, and hairless dogs. 

Also discussed: Night Ranger Or Power Ranger?, A Guitar That Turns Into A Motorcycle, Cans vs Bottles of Beer And The Perils of Drunken Skateboarding, Shitpussies And Buttholes And Vaginas, Leafblower Week At The Yamaha Factory, Where's The Mayonnaise?, Fred Etsy, Drummer of Dismember, Lawrence of A Labia, Hulk-Cucking, Klingon Bukkake, Toilet Paper Hacks (Toilet Paper That You Cannot See), 13 Reasons Why Los Huaycos Are The Cannibal Corpse of Netflix, A Spoiling Alert, All This Fucking Shit That Is Happening, Looking For A Job In The Milky Way, Sucking The Nipple, Sharpening The Pen, Ricky Henderson In The 90s, Human Evolution And The Upside-Down, The Secret Broken Phone (Don't Tell My Wife), A Speedo And A Razor, Super Friends From Peru, Drugs And Fucking, Hebrew College, A Hundred Dollar Idea, The Trouble With Tribbles And Cum, Horny Goat Weed, Randy Scottish Basilisk Powder, Romulan Porno And The Roddenberry Estate, Being More Like Fabio, A Pinch of Nutmeg Around The Holidays, Making Christmas White Again, Sometimes In The Mountains They Don't Get Presents, Rush Rash, A Possibly Non-Existent Band Called Placebo, Jose Canseco (A Shitty Landlord), Finding Pizza In Your Bed, Hitler And UFOs And The Hollow Earth And The Illuminatus! Trilogy, Semen In Garzo's Dad's Penis, International Habits of Taxi Drivers, Falling Asleep On BART, A Drunk Santa In Your Uber, Fluorescent Birdhouses, A Special Non-Denominational Holiday Message From The Death Metal Dads, Heinous Hoodies, Garzo Only (No Mike), The DMD Bump, and, of course, Fatherly Advice. This one is punk as FUCK.

Music:

Dismember, "Soon To Be Dead"

Los Huaycos, "Huaycal Animal"

Cannibal Corpse, "The Bleeding" and Tears For Fears, "The Hurting" played at the same time

(PS Yngwie J. Malmsteen totally WAS in G3. Suck it Aesop.)

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 97 - SKI SCHOOLS OF THE ASTRAL PLANE




It's a solo episode! Easily the most fun I've had talking to myself recently. Very serious topics include: Net Neutrality / Cryptocurrencies / The Monroe Institute and the True Nature of Consciousness / Yuppie Meditations / Accelerating Science / Ghost Hunting Judicial Nominees / Ghost Dick / Bill Cooper and Lucifer 2000 / Walter Tyler and Jack Straw / Tuscaloosa Synchronicity


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Email: nightsafterdark@gmail.com

Sunday, December 3, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 31 - MITHRADADTIC (with PAUL RYAN)


In today's installment, the Dads convene upstairs at The DNA Lounge in scenic San Francisco with one-man wrecking crew Paul Ryan (Origin) to discuss licks, riffs, shreds, dicks, and donuts. It's a veritable buffet of off-color topics, ending in a crescendo of shame and horror. Join us!

Also open for debate: Your Dad's Dick, Shred Begley Jr., More Than a Feeling, Death Metal Dads (Now On Netflix), Dead On A Cruise Ship, How Sociopathetics Clip Your Toenails, BYOB Strip Clubs, Mostly Cum And Farts, The Entire Shipping Department At Camco Drum Pedals, An Automotive Diagnostic of Death Metal Music, Hot Takes About Obituary, Now With The Internet And Everything, The VP of Sweeps, Hitler Was A Vegan, Infernal Hailz/Come To Brasil, "Nature Is My Jam", Dez Cadena In A Dashiki, Topeka/Tapioca, Good Times At The Maritime Hall (RIP) and The Pound (RIP), A Lot Of Talk About Gorefest, Paul's Seaside Estate, George Lucas vs Lucas Mann, An Intimate Phone Encounter, Hatebreed Hatespeech, Fairly Biblical, The Car Crash Story, Exhumed And Their Halfway House Program, A "Covfefe" Reference, Bad Ideas For "Bonus Content", Thrash Metal Bangs, Our Stupid Ass Show, NASCAR's Mike Smith, Suffocation's Mike Smith, Strange Things Afoot In The Back Room At Guitar Center, Shelby's Racism... Exposed!, If At The Gates Were Younger And More Attractive, Steel Toe Abortions, Rubik's Cubes And Rotary Phones, The Benefits of A Plant-Based Diet, A Wizard In A Garage Making Amps and Pedals, Sixty Acres of Land In Marin, Mike And The Mechanics Chat, A Black Metal Band In Tennis Clothing, "The Bleeding", "The Hurting", "The Wizard of Oz", and "Dark Side of The Moon", Gangbanging For God, A Simply Red Cassette In A Nissan Pathfinder, The Fixie Bikes And The Ironic Moustaches, Four Kinds of Vegan Donuts, Phobiaphobic, Fatherly Advice, and of course, The DMD... Plug?

Music:

Origin, "Mithradatic"

The Manson Family, "Scratching Peace Symbols In Your Tombstone"




DIRECT DL

Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 96 - GREAT FERMI TRANSCENSION PARADOX FILTER THING




Where are all the aliens? Will and I tackle the massive, cosmos-spanning subject of the Fermi Paradox. What is the Great Filter? Are we headed for transcension? Tune in to hear us wildly speculate!


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Sunday, November 19, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 30 - SONORAN DADPRAVATION (with CHASE MASON and NATE GARRETT)


In this week's scandalous sequence, the Dads venture into the basement-level dressing rooms of Slim's in San Francisco for a mid-evening tryst with Chase Mason and Nate Garrett (Gatecreeper, Spirit Adrift). The fetid foursome find favor, and float fetishized fallacies for a fervent fifty-five (f)minutes. Listen in, and be shocked by the episode's (literal) climax!
What else is in here? Observe: A Cuckhold Discussion/Cumming On The Baby, Joshua Bling Bling, Aesop Has To Pee, Shooting Up With Boz Scaggs, Shawn Doing Weed Stuff, Moustaches And Vaping And Lies And Fidget Spinners, The Power Trippin' Rabbi, The Cost of A Gold Tooth In 2017, Buying The DMD Bump, A Message To Mom, David Lynch With Down Syndrome, Tool Fans, Lurking Rob Barrett In The Alley In The Rain, Mormon Rules About Facial Hair, Brigham Young vs Bring 'Em Young, "Recommendations For You", The OTHER Chick From Vastum, Idris Elba vs Paul Baloff, Long And Hard (But Mostly Hard), Every Woman Sitting On A Cake, Cryptopsy Taco Supremacy, Group Chat Chat, Origins of The Pingy Snare, Herpes vs "Mic Rash", Attila's Traveling Hairstylist, If Gatecreeper Was A Movie, Lots of Rotting Meat On Set, White People In The Kitchen, The Spirit of Full Disclosure, The M. Night Shyamalan of Shameful Masturbation, Jessica Tandy's PornHub Page, Incriminating Talk About Meth, John Leguizamo Getting His Dick Stuck In A Bottle, Legitimately Weirded Out, Death Metal Drive Thru, The Heyday of Mediafire, LMFAO (Lick My Fuckin Ass Out), Chuck Norris/Chuck Taylor, A Total Candy-Ass, Hockey Without The Sticks, Michael Jordan's Hitler Moustache, Musings On Crud Wizard And Luxury Factory, Action Pants, Not "Drunk" Just "Right", Phantasm Bros, Cosmic Hearse + Methadone, The Wet Bandits, Riffs And Fists, Troll 2 And The Gorilla With The Jetpack, The Thing About Aesop And That Movie "Spun", and a complete lack of all normalcy or regular segments. Enjoy responsibly!
Music:
Gatecreeper, "Craving Flesh"
Spirit Adrift, "Curse of Conception"


DIRECT DL

Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com


NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 95 - WHO CREATED THE SOY BOY?




Charles and I discuss the role of Military AI in controlling US politics, personal identity, and reality itself. This one goes deep!


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Sunday, November 12, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 29 - DAD SILENCE (THE RETURN OF EUGENE ROBINSON)


Writer, fighter, singer, strangler, poet, and all-around badass Eugene Robinson (Oxbow, Whipping Boy, Bunuel, Ozy.com) welcomes the Dads back into his fortress of solitude for a spirited discussion about art, violence, sex, philosophy, and staying the fuck away from the headliner’s beer. Popeye the dog is also present.

Also nestled comfortably herein: Why Zeppelin Sucks, Horny Goat Weed, Racially Identifying As “Television”, In Need of A Skilled Cocksman, The Harvey Weinstein Seven, Aesop’s Porn Appearance, Craft Services, The Case of The Missing Stripper Pole, Cum And Ladders, Guys Who Can Fight, The Huff Huff Woof Woof Thing, Those Competitions Where They Put A Leather Vest On A Dog And Then Strap A Pallet of Cinderblocks To The Vest And Then The Dog Drags Them Around, Dubbed In Spanish, That Wolf From Looney Toons With The Bugged-Out Eyes, Why Tarantino Sucks, Plagiarism And Pedophilia, A Black Guy With A Saxophone, Giving Guns To Depressed Kids For Christmas, Max’s Kansas City: A Lesson In False Advertising, Real Creep Shit, The Department of Parks And Recreation And Fistfighting, ‘Les Miserables’ Except Set In A Punk House, The Exploding Meth Lab, Stealing Riffs From Robert Deathrage, The Meat Shits/Anal Cunt Split, Obituary Hat Chat, Hittin’ On A Dead Nun, Peep Show Secrets, “Good Incubus” Vs. “Bad Incubus”, Spoilers About Darth Vader, A 14" Sharpened Screwdriver With A Taped Handle, Jerking Off In Houseplants, Impending News About Burl Ives, Harvey Milk And Eggs And Wine And Gravy And Pancakes, Breen Day, The Tardy Brothers’ Cat Rescue, Keeping The Party Polite, The Shitty Dude Algorithm, Slipping Mother Theresa The Tongue, The DMD Bump, The Reverse DMD Bump, and, of course, Fatherly Advice. What an episode!

Music:

Obituary, “Dead Silence”

Alice Donut, “Mummenschantz Pachinko”

Oxbow, “Cold And Well-Lit Place”




DIRECT DL

Also contained in this episode is audio of the Death Metal Dads’ live appearance (also with Eugene) at the Illogical Contraption Post-Halloween Decompression Fiasco Weds, Nov 1, at the Punchline in SF. Video coming soon!

Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

Sunday, November 5, 2017

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 94 - 3 SIMPLE RULES FOR HUNTING MY TEENAGE YETI




Trump and His Meteor Wall / The Warren Buffett-Jimmy Buffett Continuum / Goosebumps Synthwave / Yeti Hunting in Nepal / Joan Baez and Her Satanic Ritual Abuse Songs / Cuban Sonic Weapon Audio / Stranger Things Question / Mystery Babylon


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Email: nightsafterdark@gmail.com

Sunday, October 29, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 28 - EVIL DAD

The Dads are back after a long absence, and dive into a veritable treasure trove of Floridian folklore, spanning the dirty basements that spawned Death to the cocaine-crusted speedboats fearlessly captained by Jimmy Buffett. Also more Sweatpants Chat.

Further pontifications as follows: Oh, The Huge Manatee, The TV That You Watch The News On That Is Also On The News On TV, A Furious Rant About Dickholes And Buttflaps, A Requiem For Tom Petty, Rat Weed And Playgrounds, DMD Gets A New Recording Device, How Many Marleys?, The Inert Police Force of Colorado Springs, Colorado, That Thing That Happened With The Dick Pics And The Oakland Police Department, Lieutenant Joe Kenda Always Gets His Man, How To Not Make Friends And Not Influence People, Interdimensional Lovecraft Portal Shit, Sunn Ra))), Alameda: Where The Past And The Future Collide, Supportive Funky Kong ASMR Videos, Friendly Crackheads, YOU'RE NO PRIZE!, Listener "Rod" And The Sweatpants Conundrum, Blood Duster: Season 12 Material, Euro Porn Dudes, A Cautionary Tale, Real-Ass Trainheads, Huey Lewis' Cock, Militia Etheridge, The Artimus Pyle Defense, Death The Band Vs. Death The Activity, Aesop's Connection To The Hijackers Responsible For 9/11, Head Parrothead, Stories of The Intercoastal Waterway, Manatees: The Morons of The Sea, A 40 Dollar Coke-Booger, The Thrill-Seeking Teens of Hollywood, Florida, A Lot of Talk About John Hand, Freeway Rick Rozz, Death Metal Grandpas, 6 Months of Community College And The Resulting Consumption of Hot Pockets, An Angular, Spindley, Fucked Up Thing, Aura Noir Cologne, The Mind Lamp, Shelby Getting Exposed As A Total Hippie, Dad Sex, The DMD Bump, and, as always, Fatherly Advice. Be nice to dogs!

Music:

Death, "Evil Dead"

Manilla Road, "Flaming Metal System",



DIRECT DL

Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

CATCH THE DEATH METAL DADS LIVE THIS WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 1ST, AT THE ILLOGICAL CONTRAPTION POST-HALLOWEEN DECOMPRESSION FIASCO AT THE PUNCHLINE SF!

Sunday, October 15, 2017

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 93 - LEGENDS OF THE MOTHMAN




Come along with me and special guest WILL as we explore the history of the Mothman and the Flatwoods Monster (with a detour into the Men in Black), discuss famous encounters, and pull it all together by exposing the possible driving force behind the recent rash of sightings in Chicago. It's a wild ride!


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MOTHMAN TSUNAMI VIDEOS:




Email: nightsafterdark@gmail.com