Sunday, September 17, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 27 - TO THE CORY END (with CORY SKLAR)


Join The 27 Club with The Dads as they welcome their best friend (and father of modern podcasting) Cory Sklar (Chaki, the internationally-renowned Illogical Contraption Radio) to the show, in a dark and subtly nuanced conversation about fucking couches, doing blow, slapping bass, and dodging nukes. Will they find the creamy center of Cory's brain, and figure out what makes this funky balladeer's inner time bomb tick? Your guess is as good as mine!

Also infernally exalted herein: Playing Megadeth Covers In A Hungry Hunter In 2030, A Guy That Needs A Pocket Pussy, Lox of Love, Moving To A Monastery And Making Dungeon Synth, Can I Fuck Your Kids First?, Brown Nazis, Snorting Coke With The Guy From Iron Butterfly, Great Moments In Guns N Roses Bloopers History, Delivering A Goat Head To The Oakland Metro, Sunny Day Real Estate Agents, Mall Metal, Ken M In The Yahoo Comments, Ted McGinley: Horseman of the Apocalypse, No Snow No Show, Ian From Skrewdriver, Talking About Jawbreaker In 2017, Bumblefoot Chat, The Goth Onion, Trey Azagthoth's Pancakes, Sleep Are Still Playing, Supportive Pit Dad, The Dave Murray Color Chart, Penis Injuries, A Cacophony of Dead Musicians AKA The Ungodly Racket, A Requiem For Metal Inquisition, Bedroom Shredders, Happy Suffocation, Rivetheads, Really Nice Guys, Self-Addressed Stamped Envelopes, Crying At A Promise Ring Show For A Whole Different Reason, Are You #Triggered?, Every Other House Is Racist, Beastmaster Stuff (The Ferrets Will Save Him), C-Level vs Sea Level, Your Led Zeppelins And Your Mick Jaggers, A Lot of Cadillacs On The Block And Fringe Jackets, A Whole Lifetime of Fabricating Pussies, Girlfriend (For A Night), Quinn/Martin Productions, The Proper Plural of Abacus, Moustache Wives, The Best Possible Outcome, Na'Vi Fleshlights, Sweatpants In The Wild, Bob Eubanks Scoring Weed, A Dog That Loads Gear, Tech Death Athleticism, Bizarro-World Clickbait, The Guy That Shot Alexander Hamilton, Getting Kicked Out of The Elks Club In Snoqualmie Falls, Prison Vagina, Judging Disabled Children, Send Us Dildos!, Metal Nerds, Frank Mullen: The DMD Jackalope, The Great Milenko, Aliens And Bigfoots, Missing The 90s, The Monty Python of Death Metal (Just Less Entertaining), Is Death An "Ailment"?, Living In A Castle Like Enya, Florida Springsteen, The Kiwanis Club, Enough Hate For Burners AND Nazis, The DMD Bump, and, as always, Fatherly Advice. It's a solid "also-ran"!

Music:

Cancer, "CFC"

The Hook, "Son of Fantasy II"



DIRECT DL

Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 91 - MAKING FRIENDS AND INFLUENCING PEOPLE WITH CHARLES




Hurricane weather modification warfare / Secret space laser arms race / Face modeling on the iPhone X / The shortcomings of simulated reality / Religious implications of technological advancement / Exposing information and control of the internet / Google censorship / Global financial war motive behind Equifax hack / Extreme astrological happenings in September


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Sunday, September 3, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 26 - A PALE DADBILITATING AUTUMN (with SCOTT VERMEIRE)


In today's exhaustive expulsion of erratic estimations, the Dads are joined in the loud and stinky bowels of the Oakland Music Complex by comedian, weirdo, vocalist, and fellow dad Scott Vermeire (Sad Vicious, Talkies). After a couple shots of Jeppson's Malort, the conversation quickly turns to sadness and desperation, culminating in the cathartic howls of grown men paying tortured obeisance to their own quiet mortality. Dick jokes too!

Also contained within these cursed 80 minutes: An Awkward Encounter, One Million Tugs, Vaudeville!, The Traditional Consumption of Regional Liqueurs and Resulting Regrets (Two-Fisted Enthusiasm), Endless Elder Archons, Blowing Hobos, Fetish-Inclusive Boner Chat, When The Lights Go Out In The Practice Space, A Dickensian Gig, The Menstrual Hut, Rastafarians And Naughty Dogs, Fretless Bass Corrections Officers, The Thing That Happened At Sketchfest AKA Comedy Sucks, A Vicious Bicycle From Minnesota, The Return of The Thing About The Dog And The Peanut Butter, Investing Time And Money In Specifically Non-Marketable Entertainment Ventures, The Radley Metzger Story (A Vigorous Beej), MESSAGETRIBE!, The Smell of the Rag That The Uncle Used, A Small World, A Big Mistake, Yelling Things On Public Transportation, The World Is A Vampire, Recently-Incinerated Piles of Cash Having Sex, Dick Polaroids, The Guy With The Puppets, Really Great Rallies, A Shout Out To Kaseem Bentley, What Burns Always Returns, Breakin' On Through, A Lot of Talk About Shnarch, Shoplifting With A Broken Arm, Getting Drunk At A Wedding And Misplacing Your Child, The Jackoff Cone, True Confessions, The Return of Borscht Belt Comedy, Pornography And Telephones, Pun Guys, Nude Dads, Totebaggin', Lord Iffybottom And The Bawdy Tale of The Naked Chicken Chalupa, Jerkin' It To 'Barry Lyndon', Huggalos, Feeding The Sea Monkeys, A Little Horse, Why There Aren't Any Asian People In The Bay Area, Dad Sex, Unintentional Fatherly Advice, and, as always, the DMD Bump. We're tired of doing this!

Music:

Pavor, "Corpses"

Chaki, "Tired of Sex"


Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 90 - SUMMER OF N.A.D.




It’s too hot to make any sense. Live Lovecraft Ritual! Live Bigfoot Ritual! Live Ghost Ritual! Live Reptile Cult Murder Ritual! Live Cuban Sonic Weapon Ritual!


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Sunday, August 20, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 25 - WHO WILL NOT BE DAD (with GREG WILKINSON)


Join the Dads as they celebrate their quarter-century episode deep in the dank dungeons of Earhammer Studios, with none other than its proprietor and sole beneficiary Greg Wilkinson (Brainoil, DeathgraVe). Things get weird fast and everyone involved becomes very uncomfortable. Will the Dads get out alive?! 

Also discussed: Unexplained Swelling, The Removal of Testament-Related Memories, Oxiplegatz Chatz, Two Thirty-Gallon Trashcans Full of Empty Olympias (Courtesy of Schlong), Spiking Our Downloads By Just Dying, Nasty Sax, A Klean Kanteen Full of Urine, The Unhinged Guy From Pavor/Bethlehem, Graves At Seaside, Podcast of the Year Material, Skydiving Without A Parachute, A Totally Forgettable Recording Experience, Pig Champion On A Diet, Sacramento Jack Lemmon, The Italian Word For "Viagra", Please, My Father Was Mr. Brainoil, Grampas of Sludge, Party Fouls, Thomas Hatin' Church, Evanescencey Lady-Singing, Cambodian Food, Just "Pibb", Kids These Days And Their "Internet Memes", Chad Gailey's Green Card, Day of the Dad, Awesome Lawnmowers, The Other Deicide, Emailing From Five Feet Away, Origins of the Dickhammer, Camping With Fern, Too Extreme! vs Extreme 2, Lobotomized, Phlebotomized, Band Tinder, Fretless Bass, A Zornesque Element, You're Invited! (In Spirit), "I'll Suck Your Dick For An Old Tin Can", by Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty, Scene Luminaries, What You Can And Can't Be Proud Of, Showin' Some Ankle, Exit The Void, Closing Lots of Pornhub Tabs, Goatcunt, Terms of Endearment, Those Knuckleheads in Congress, Part 7, Diminutive Skinsman Ira Harris, Tone Boners, Alternative Rock And The Alt-Right, An Elvis Impersonator That Pisses On You, Sex Solicitation, Don't Be A Possum, You CAN Be Replaced, Listener Emails, The DMD Bump, and, of course, Fatherly/Gregerly Advice. It's a solid B minus!

Music:

Seance, "Who Will Not Be Dead"

DeathgraVe, "Seeping Through The Shoebox"

The Dads will be performing LIVE as part of the annual Illogical Contraption Halloween Special Wednesday, November 1st at the Punchline in San Francisco!

Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com


(PS: Debra Winger Dies At The End.)

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 89 - SPHINX MILLER BAND




Tune in and let me explain the Anubis Sphinx Theory, Disney's UFO disinfo campaign (including an unadvertised documentary and an unattended conference), some Wizard of Oz Mandela Effect weirdness, and Trump’s spiritual connection to Journey. Ok? Ok.


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Sunday, August 13, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 24 - CHAOS D.A.D. (with PRANJAL TIWARI)


In today’s salacious and enthralling installment, the Dads are joined by ultra-homie Pranjal Tiwari for a jocular journey full of tantalizing tales, disingenuous diatribes, and superlative stories. It’s a outre odyssey of  prolific proportions!
Also contained herein: Brazilian Fart Girls vs Cakefarts, How To Say “Sepultura”, Altar de Faygo, Don’t Be Sad About Celtic Frost, Riot Porn vs Poverty Porn vs Siqq Riff Porn, A Special Message For People Without Eyes, Aesop’s YouTube Hacks, The (Pod)Casting Couch, A Celebration of Our 100th Episode, Out of Dads, Cleaning Up The Dismembered Pig Fetus, The Clawfinger Problem, Polish Metal Beef, A Long Meandering Story About Cunty Dudes Who Don’t Understand How Money Works, Os Mutantes and Stan Getz and Brazil Nuts and Terry Gilliam’s ‘Brazil’, A Shout Out To The Pubes On The Back of ‘Cold Lake’, Supporting A Family By Touring With A Mediocre Death Metal Band, Don’t Call That Mexican A Mexican, “Troops of Doom”: The “Freebird” of Metal, Every Band In China Is A Children of Bodom Cover Band, Cherry Orchard Chat, The Good Ol’ Days of Colonialism, That Time On July 1, 1997, When Hong Kong Became ‘The Purge’ For Half An Hour, Tom Hanks Movies About Dudes With AIDS, Taking The Kids To See ‘A Serbian Film’, Elven Aerosmith: Dreams vs Reality, That Old Hobbit Who Does Sound at The Dive Bar in Vegas, Bro-piercer, Alien Fresh Jerky, Weird Al’s Underground Record Label, This Whole Nuclear Holocaust Thing, “The Vasectomy Didn’t Work”, The Panda Express Located In Shelby’s Back Yard, At The Gates: Corporate McDonald’s-Sponsored Eyeliner Mallcore Crap, The Solar-Powered Flashlight, These Colors Don’t Run, A Whole House Full of DMD Money, Puppy Diarrhea, A Guy In A Banana Suit In The Pit, Six People Paid At The Door, Bay Area Quasi-Nazi Metal Legends Blitzenhammer AKA SS Dagger, The DMD Bump, and of course Fatherly Advice. This one is a solid ground-rule double!
Music:
Sepultura, “Propaganda”
Cardinal Wyrm, “Dreams of Teeth”
Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

Sunday, July 30, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 23 - GRAVES OF THE FATHERS


Shelby and Aesop are back on the couch with Episode 23 (NOT 24), a philosophical exploration of all things political, gastrointestinal, musical, nautical, nonsensical, and psychedelic. Is it worth your time? There's only one way to find out...

"Sextons of the churchyard
Have seen unblessed things;
Ground no longer hallowed
Has sprouted new graves.


Descendants of clan
That unsurped maternity
hear whispers in their blood;
This summons of the Fathers.



Adherence to the principle
Of 'man by woman born'...
Anachronistic ritual
Soon to be obsolete.



'Forgive me Father
For I know not what I do;
My grave beckons
As irresistable as drawing breath.'"

- Lord Worm

"Bleh"

- also Lord Worm

Music:

Cryptopsy, "Graves of the Fathers"

Night Sun, "Got A Bone of My Own"






Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 88 - ERIK EXPLAINS IT ALL




I explain it all.


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Sunday, July 16, 2017

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 87 - THE AVERAGE IDEA GRAVEYARD




Erik is flying solo again! Topics include: Pandering To The Left, The Detroit Masonic Temple, This Day In Conspiracy History, Real Actual Pagan Witchcraft, Photon Teleportation, Buzz Aldrin's Illuminati Signs, Satanic Literary Corner, and More!


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Make me feel special: nightsafterdark@gmail.com