Sunday, August 13, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 24 - CHAOS D.A.D. (with PRANJAL TIWARI)


In today’s salacious and enthralling installment, the Dads are joined by ultra-homie Pranjal Tiwari for a jocular journey full of tantalizing tales, disingenuous diatribes, and superlative stories. It’s a outre odyssey of  prolific proportions!
Also contained herein: Brazilian Fart Girls vs Cakefarts, How To Say “Sepultura”, Altar de Faygo, Don’t Be Sad About Celtic Frost, Riot Porn vs Poverty Porn vs Siqq Riff Porn, A Special Message For People Without Eyes, Aesop’s YouTube Hacks, The (Pod)Casting Couch, A Celebration of Our 100th Episode, Out of Dads, Cleaning Up The Dismembered Pig Fetus, The Clawfinger Problem, Polish Metal Beef, A Long Meandering Story About Cunty Dudes Who Don’t Understand How Money Works, Os Mutantes and Stan Getz and Brazil Nuts and Terry Gilliam’s ‘Brazil’, A Shout Out To The Pubes On The Back of ‘Cold Lake’, Supporting A Family By Touring With A Mediocre Death Metal Band, Don’t Call That Mexican A Mexican, “Troops of Doom”: The “Freebird” of Metal, Every Band In China Is A Children of Bodom Cover Band, Cherry Orchard Chat, The Good Ol’ Days of Colonialism, That Time On July 1, 1997, When Hong Kong Became ‘The Purge’ For Half An Hour, Tom Hanks Movies About Dudes With AIDS, Taking The Kids To See ‘A Serbian Film’, Elven Aerosmith: Dreams vs Reality, That Old Hobbit Who Does Sound at The Dive Bar in Vegas, Bro-piercer, Alien Fresh Jerky, Weird Al’s Underground Record Label, This Whole Nuclear Holocaust Thing, “The Vasectomy Didn’t Work”, The Panda Express Located In Shelby’s Back Yard, At The Gates: Corporate McDonald’s-Sponsored Eyeliner Mallcore Crap, The Solar-Powered Flashlight, These Colors Don’t Run, A Whole House Full of DMD Money, Puppy Diarrhea, A Guy In A Banana Suit In The Pit, Six People Paid At The Door, Bay Area Quasi-Nazi Metal Legends Blitzenhammer AKA SS Dagger, The DMD Bump, and of course Fatherly Advice. This one is a solid ground-rule double!
Music:
Sepultura, “Propaganda”
Cardinal Wyrm, “Dreams of Teeth”
Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

Sunday, July 30, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 23 - GRAVES OF THE FATHERS


Shelby and Aesop are back on the couch with Episode 23 (NOT 24), a philosophical exploration of all things political, gastrointestinal, musical, nautical, nonsensical, and psychedelic. Is it worth your time? There's only one way to find out...

"Sextons of the churchyard
Have seen unblessed things;
Ground no longer hallowed
Has sprouted new graves.


Descendants of clan
That unsurped maternity
hear whispers in their blood;
This summons of the Fathers.



Adherence to the principle
Of 'man by woman born'...
Anachronistic ritual
Soon to be obsolete.



'Forgive me Father
For I know not what I do;
My grave beckons
As irresistable as drawing breath.'"

- Lord Worm

"Bleh"

- also Lord Worm

Music:

Cryptopsy, "Graves of the Fathers"

Night Sun, "Got A Bone of My Own"






Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 88 - ERIK EXPLAINS IT ALL




I explain it all.


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Sunday, July 16, 2017

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 87 - THE AVERAGE IDEA GRAVEYARD




Erik is flying solo again! Topics include: Pandering To The Left, The Detroit Masonic Temple, This Day In Conspiracy History, Real Actual Pagan Witchcraft, Photon Teleportation, Buzz Aldrin's Illuminati Signs, Satanic Literary Corner, and More!


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Monday, July 3, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 22 - CHAINSAW DADSMEMBERMENT


I'm fucking tired of doing these write-ups. It's late and I have to work in the morning. We talk about Mortician in this one and then get all bummed. Listen to it, or don't. We don't fucking care. Cheers.

Music:

Mortician: "Chainsaw Dismemberment"

Thrones: "Obolus"

SOUNDCLOUD



DIRECT DL

Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

Sunday, July 2, 2017

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 86 - THE WACK LODGE AND THE TIGHT LODGE




Join Cory and Erik as we DORK THE FUCK OUT about the new season of Twin Peaks, reveal the gnostic, magickal, and alchemical underpinnings of Episode 8, and dissect the occult mythology of the entire series. Fire walk with us!


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Sunday, June 18, 2017

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 85 - AMERICAN ASTROLOGY AND OTHER HOT ISSUES




Are you CONFUSED by your own reality? Then put your faith in the stars and allow me and Charles to explain to you why all these horrible things are happening! We dissect the astrology of Donald Trump and America itself, and make some BOLD PREDICTIONS about the future of the country. Tune in!


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What's your sign? nightsafterdark@gmail.com

Sunday, June 4, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 21 - SUFFER THE CHILDREN (with Jason Cropper)


The Dads are barely holding it together, and enter a marriage-counseling office in Jingletown, USA, to see if they can miraculously salvage their podcast. Assisting them is engineer, dad, and founding member of Weezer Jason Cropper, whose indispensable advice and knowledge just might heal Death Metal Dads. Can the show be saved?!
Also on the menu: Fusion Confusion, Rockabillypocalypse, Legal Weed in Mayberry, Tissue Issues, Hobo Hand-Me-Downs, Hakuna Matata vs Napalm Death, Philosophical Explanations of Mr. Ed and Gilligan’s Island, The Power Station (Sex Club), The Power Station (Concert Venue), Cleaning Up After Dogstar, Not Playing Metal: The Path To Success, A Re-Visiting of The Barney Greenway The Big Purple Dinosaur Joke, Not Even “Milton Berle Good”, Just Eat Bugs Like In The Lion King, George Glass, Shitler’s List, A Friendly Conversation Between Friends, His Wife’s Magic Pussy, Crimpshrine Chat, Mendocino County Reggae Bands of the Late 80s and Early 90s, Schwarzenegger Soundboards and How They Are Used, Kurzweil, Jung, Freud, and Francis The Talking Mule, Blastbeats, French-Cambodian Cuisine, Getting Pitted, Funktown Graffiti and How Aesop Names Neighborhoods, Psychedelic Warriors, The ‘Judgement Night’ Soundtrack, The Colors of Weezer, Progressive Shred, Chris Cornell’s Starbucks Order, Fuzz, Gazzari’s, TV’s ‘Beauty And The Beast’ Starring Ron Perlman, Anti-Semitism, Unrepentant Potheads, I Can’t Drive 25, Head Injuries, Fatherly Advice, and a very dead-people themed DMD Bump. Get trippy!
Music:
Napalm Death, “Suffer The Children”
Piero Umiliani, “Magical Children”

Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 84 - HOUSEBOATIN' INTO THE MILKY WAY




More Trop Rock! More CERN! More Ayn Rand Satanism! More Ancient Civilizations! More Saturn Worship! OMG. How can I fit all this content into just one show? Tune in to discover.


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Sunday, May 28, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 20 - SOULS OF THE DAD


It’s our very last episode. RIPDMD.

Music:

Merciless, “Souls of the Dead”

Dust, “Thusly Spoken”




Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

Sunday, May 21, 2017

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 83 - WORKOUT WILL SET YOU FREE




It’s another solo show! Topics covered include: Ayn Rand’s Satanic influence on Rush and the Federal Reserve, Dilbert exposes the global warming hoax, lack of drugs and the teenage surveillance state and how IllCon intends to fix it, and a John Dee concept album listening party.


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Sunday, May 14, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 19 - MOMSTROSITY (with JERI SCARDINA)


In this very very special non-denominational Mother's Day episode, the Dads take a knee with Shelby's ACTUAL mom, Jeri, in an attempt to explain just exactly HOW he got to be so awesome. Myths are dispelled, legends crumble, and also they spend about 20 minutes straight talking about diaper-shitting. I dunno.
Also jabbered upon: Humboldt County Stereotypes Reinforced, Typical Deer-Repellant Salesman Maneuvers, Naming Children Sucks (Arguments For Abstinence), Cocaine Christmas With Mom, Further Complaints About Insertion, Virtual Reality Wookiee Grandpa, From Toilet To Toothbrush, Nazi Car: The Movie, Elaboration Collaboration, The Most Beautiful Taco Bell In The World, Post-Traumatic Cruiser, A Head-On Collision With The Fudge Truck, Dead Dad Revenge Selfies (Wacky Hat Edition), Those Knuckleheads In Congress: Part 2, A Paragon of Wholesomeness, Bootleg Fugazi Shirts, Fecal Chloroforms, Pants-Peeing, The Importance of Sucking First, Remembering L'Trimm, No Butt Stuff, Shitty Tipper Gore, Aesop: The College Years, Just Throw Away Your Clothes At That Point, A Good But Not Great Taco Salad, C+ Pizza Puns, BE PROUD, 12-Year-Old Shelby Kills The Record Industry, Bird Face, A Pumpkin With A 5 O'Clock Shadow, Raising A Candy-Ass, Getting Laid At Auschwitz, A Flashback To A Summer Romance Circa 1972 And The Death Metal Albums That Were Popular That Year, Garth Brooks Chat, Gay George Strait, One Listener Email, New Submission Rules, Ye Olde DMD Bump, and of course, Fatherly Advice.
Happy People's Day To All!
Music:
Monstrosity, “Imperial Doom”
Eddie Noack, “Psycho”


Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

Sunday, May 7, 2017

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 82 - REAL ACTUAL JAADOO




It’s a solo show! I discuss my doomsday prepping, dive deep on Transcension Hypothesis, review a Bollywood movie about a mentally challenged guy and an alien, and explain how to perform the Abramelin operation. Wow!


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Sunday, April 30, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 18 - AMONGST THE DAD-ACOMBS OF NEPHREN-PAA (with EZRA LUX)


The Dads sit down with a young person (Mr. Ezra Lux) for a spirited discussion on shit films, shit music, shit culture, and shit people. It’s super shitty. And yet there’s so much more!

Also discussed herein: Jerking Off In The Cops’ Waffles, The Shortest Elk, What Color Are A Deer’s Antlers?, Willing To Kill For A Tank of Slurpee, Bowing Down To The Tin Lords, 14 Cobb Salads and 88 Pastrami Reubens, Questionable Banter About Sand People, Store-Brand Metamucil Chat, I Hate Necks, The Phantom Menace: Greatest Film of All Time, Beasts of The Southern Wild V: Beasts of The Southern Wild In Space, Working Out At The James, Giving Out Hand Williams, and Hanging Out With Richard Bags, Oakland Mussolini, Folk Music Fathers, Stipulations of Shelby’s Parole, Karl Sanders: Chicken Entrepeneur, 4 Minutes of Frank Mullen Breathing, “Rock You Like A Hurricane (Get Over Here!)” by Scorpion, Dead Horse Meets Stick, Patricide Tips, Reviewing Metal Albums via Cheese Puns, The Greasy, Mayonnaise-Covered Hands of America’s Youth, Eyebrows Podcasts, Cat-Fucking, Sandwich Economics, Visit Scenic Utah!, The DMD Bump, and of course, Fatherly Advice. It’s an all-time slammer-jammer!

Music:

Nile, “Barra Edinazzu"

Creedence Clearwater Revival, "Someday never Comes"


DIRECT DL


Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Sunday, April 9, 2017

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 80 - BELIEVE IT OR YACHT




It’s a solo show! It’s also a musical extravaganza! I teach you about Trump’s owl-obsessed money man, numerology gospel, dick-slashing Megalians, space burials, CAA Illuminati lawns, and get deep into country funk.


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Ride on my owl yacht: nightsafterdark@gmail.com

Sunday, April 2, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 17 - 'ROID SECTOR


Aesop and Shelby return from a month off, re-invigorated and better than ever, with this sweeping ode to the mighty time-traveling, synthesizer-tickling entity known as NOCTURNUS. It's a dark and treacherous voyage, fraught with thrills, chills... and KILLS!
Discussed herein: Those Knuckleheads In Congress, Matthew Barney Greenway The Big Purple Dinosaur, "-ER Bands", Hot Dutch Teens, Night Ribs (A BBQ Sauce Mystery), A Message To Our Fans, Weird Dumplings, Calzone Killzone, A Travel Pussy Purchased In A German Gas Station, Brooms 'N Rashes, Dutch Kiddie Porn, Bucharest's Onion District, Mom Chat, IRL Emails & Pedal Punishment, Family Shitting Time, Half Our Age But Twice As Good, The Reverse Dekker vs. The Double Deuce, Extremity News, A Lederhosen-Clad Toddler, The Inspection Shelf, Sub-Genres, Hoagie-Genres, Grinder-Genres, Nazi Dads Bonding Over Pepe Memes, Death To False Pizza, Flagrant Use of Keyboards, ENTER THE DROIDS!, Slamming The Old Lady's Ham, More Questions About Sweatpants, K-Swiss: The Best Fucking Shoe, Yonkers Death vs. The World, Real Neat Songs, Requiem For The Naked Chicken Chalupa, Censoring Justin Ennis, Sandal Chat, Kevin Smith's Canklejorts, Unfrozen Caveman Hesher, A Wooden Bowl With Every Kind of Animal In It, as well as everyone's favorite segments: Dad Sex, Fatherly Advice, Listener Emails, and the good ol' DMD Bump!

Music:

Nocturnus, "Droid Sector"

Parliament, "Oh Lord, Why Lord/Prayer"

SOUNDCLOUD



DIRECT DL

Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

THE DEATH METAL DADS WILL BE PERFORMING LIVE WITH TALKIES AT THE LOST CHURCH IN SAN FRANCISCO THIS FRIDAY, APRIL 7 AT 10PM!

Sunday, March 26, 2017

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 79 - A LOT ABOUT LIVIN AND A LITTLE BOUT LOVE AND A LOT ABOUT SOUTH KOREAN SHADOW GOVERNMENTS




Shelby and I talk to our friend Colin in South Korea about the Illuminati-style cult recently revealed to be controlling President Park Guen-hye. There has been very little coverage of this in the American media, so tune in and wake up. Ignore the Skype issues, this one is good!


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Apply to join my cult: nightsafterdark@gmail.com

Sunday, March 12, 2017

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 78 - FOLLOW THE FUNNY




Nothing to see here, just Al and Erik shooting the shit. Topics include: NAD’s First Book Review / How To Gamble On Horses / CIA Mars Remote Viewing Attempt / UFO Researcher Of The Year / Our “Get Out” Review. Keep moving, keep moving.


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Sunday, February 5, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 16 - DAD CONGREGATION



We're one bullet away from a gay President. And that's pretty cool. 

1,000 listener emails, Dad Sex, Fatherly Advice, The DMD Bump, live audio from the Dads' appearance at SF Sketchfest 2017, and a bonus Death Metal Drive Thru courtesy of Chase from Gatecreeper.
Music:
Dead Congregation, "Martyrdoom/Hostis Humani Generis", "Subjugation"
Blood, Sweat and Tears, "And When I Die"

Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 76 - LE FLAT EARTH




Jesus take the wheel! I’m flying solo. Topics include: Trump numerology, Flat Earth memes, Musical frequencies distorting your reality, and Freemason hackers attacking the ECB. Come along, come along, come along.


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Send me some alien porn please: nightsafterdark@gmail.com

Sunday, January 22, 2017

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 75 - NATIONAL TREASURE III: RETURN OF THE HOT BREATH




WOW! It's a VERY SPECIAL EPISODE of Nights After Dark! With an ALL STAR CAST featuring Sara, Al, and Welf! We dive deep on the IllCon Sketchfest show, the CIA's remote viewing program, and the intricacies of the National Treasure franchise. It's a real good time for the whole family, except for all the swears and alien porn discussion.


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Sunday, January 15, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 15 - ABNORMALLY DADCEASED (with Dave Adelson)



Join the Dads and their very special guest Dave Adelson (20 Buck Spin) for a mind-blowing journey into the heart of darkness, the soul of silliness, the mouth of madness, and the butt of jokes.

Discussed herein: The Mistake By The Lake, Part 2, The Harrowing Tale of the 15-Inch Burrito, Shelby Does Not Know The Guest's Name, Contra Costa County's Rich Metal History, What Max Bowman Smells Like, More Talk About The Steve DiGiorgio Statue, Fundamental Misunderstandings About Distance And Time, Sports Bars, Face-Punching, Bike Rides, Aesop's Mouth Gets A Timeout, A Trip To Applebee's, An Unpleasant Hill, HM-2 Pedals, Pinning The Sadness-ometer, Sour Cream Stains, The Hellwitch House, A Chance For Shelby To Perform His Infamous Jello Biafra Impersonation, A Gratuitous Mention of Broken Hope, Playing On Demos That Don't Exist, Driving Angry, A Shout Out To Mortiis, Cancer THE BAND, Climorta Skuld, Wild Rags Chat, Dudes That Kill Their Moms, Lack of Research, The Guitarist From Pearl Jam's Uli Jon Roth Cover Band, Collecting Paul Lynde Memorabilia, Necropolis Records and Condiments and The Loo, Fake-Tittied Nuns, The DMD Bump, and, of course, Fatherly Advice. This one REALLY doesn't suck very bad!

Music:

Entombed, "Abnormally Deceased"

Queen, "All Dead, All Dead"





DIRECT DL

Contact the Dads! illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

Sunday, January 1, 2017

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 74 - WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH ANTARCTICA?




Look, it’s a solo Nights After Dark episode. If you’re listening, you probably know what to expect. I get drunk and talk about Antarctica. It’s highly magical.


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DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 14 - MULTIPLE DAD WOUNDS


In 2017’s very first episode of DMD, Aesop and Shelby ride a veritable carousel of questionable and low-brow topics, in a laudable (no wait, AUDIBLE) effort to make sense of the cruel and death-filled month that was December 2016. It’s a colon-cleansing romp of epic proportions!

Discussed herein: Truth and Freedom in Podcasting, Facefucked By Mr. Belding, All He Wanted Was A Chocolate Milk, Hate Mail From John Hand, Brett Hoffmann’s Feelings About The Broward County Jail, A Fecal “Irish Goodbye”, Carrie Fisher Chat, The Cut of George Michael’s Jib, Dan Blocker From Television’s ‘Bonanza’, The Dune Holiday Special, Cynthia Rothrock You Like A Hurricane (Of Martial Arts and Mom Jeans), The Anal-conda, Chris Hansen: TV’s #1 Cock-Blocker, Sweatpants Chat, Aesop’s Abortion, Shelby’s Speed-Pill Addiction, A Gyroscopic Thing Flying Into A Butthole In Space, Jeff Goldblum’s Cock, Suspicions About Rototomas’ Sobriety, Spermicidal Tendencies, Chugging NyQuil, Assholes From Modesto, Nuclear War Later!, The Finished-Upon Obituary Hat, Psyllium Husk Pro Tips, Rum-Chata, Cleveland: The Mistake By The Lake, Empty Nest, Dear John, and Other Sad 90’s TV Shows, Bus Boners, Extremely Liberal Use of the Word “Faggot”, The Strange and Public Termination of Gus Rios, The DMD Bump, Fatherly Advice, and a heaping portion of unsolicited “bonus material". It sucks, but you’ll learn to like it. Don’t take it personal.

Music:

Malevolent Creation, “Multiple Stab Wounds”

Q Lazzarus, “Goodbye Horses”



Contact us: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com