Sunday, December 17, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 32 - SOON TO BE DAD (with GARZO)


Shelby and Aesop are joined by Peruvian maniac Garzo (Los Huaycos) to smash the language barrier sans phone service or microphones and uncover the truth about foreign Santas, time-travelling prog rock bands, future pyramids, and hairless dogs. 

Also discussed: Night Ranger Or Power Ranger?, A Guitar That Turns Into A Motorcycle, Cans vs Bottles of Beer And The Perils of Drunken Skateboarding, Shitpussies And Buttholes And Vaginas, Leafblower Week At The Yamaha Factory, Where's The Mayonnaise?, Fred Etsy, Drummer of Dismember, Lawrence of A Labia, Hulk-Cucking, Klingon Bukkake, Toilet Paper Hacks (Toilet Paper That You Cannot See), 13 Reasons Why Los Huaycos Are The Cannibal Corpse of Netflix, A Spoiling Alert, All This Fucking Shit That Is Happening, Looking For A Job In The Milky Way, Sucking The Nipple, Sharpening The Pen, Ricky Henderson In The 90s, Human Evolution And The Upside-Down, The Secret Broken Phone (Don't Tell My Wife), A Speedo And A Razor, Super Friends From Peru, Drugs And Fucking, Hebrew College, A Hundred Dollar Idea, The Trouble With Tribbles And Cum, Horny Goat Weed, Randy Scottish Basilisk Powder, Romulan Porno And The Roddenberry Estate, Being More Like Fabio, A Pinch of Nutmeg Around The Holidays, Making Christmas White Again, Sometimes In The Mountains They Don't Get Presents, Rush Rash, A Possibly Non-Existent Band Called Placebo, Jose Canseco (A Shitty Landlord), Finding Pizza In Your Bed, Hitler And UFOs And The Hollow Earth And The Illuminatus! Trilogy, Semen In Garzo's Dad's Penis, International Habits of Taxi Drivers, Falling Asleep On BART, A Drunk Santa In Your Uber, Fluorescent Birdhouses, A Special Non-Denominational Holiday Message From The Death Metal Dads, Heinous Hoodies, Garzo Only (No Mike), The DMD Bump, and, of course, Fatherly Advice. This one is punk as FUCK.

Music:

Dismember, "Soon To Be Dead"

Los Huaycos, "Huaycal Animal"

Cannibal Corpse, "The Bleeding" and Tears For Fears, "The Hurting" played at the same time

(PS Yngwie J. Malmsteen totally WAS in G3. Suck it Aesop.)

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 97 - SKI SCHOOLS OF THE ASTRAL PLANE




It's a solo episode! Easily the most fun I've had talking to myself recently. Very serious topics include: Net Neutrality / Cryptocurrencies / The Monroe Institute and the True Nature of Consciousness / Yuppie Meditations / Accelerating Science / Ghost Hunting Judicial Nominees / Ghost Dick / Bill Cooper and Lucifer 2000 / Walter Tyler and Jack Straw / Tuscaloosa Synchronicity


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Email: nightsafterdark@gmail.com

Sunday, December 3, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 31 - MITHRADADTIC (with PAUL RYAN)


In today's installment, the Dads convene upstairs at The DNA Lounge in scenic San Francisco with one-man wrecking crew Paul Ryan (Origin) to discuss licks, riffs, shreds, dicks, and donuts. It's a veritable buffet of off-color topics, ending in a crescendo of shame and horror. Join us!

Also open for debate: Your Dad's Dick, Shred Begley Jr., More Than a Feeling, Death Metal Dads (Now On Netflix), Dead On A Cruise Ship, How Sociopathetics Clip Your Toenails, BYOB Strip Clubs, Mostly Cum And Farts, The Entire Shipping Department At Camco Drum Pedals, An Automotive Diagnostic of Death Metal Music, Hot Takes About Obituary, Now With The Internet And Everything, The VP of Sweeps, Hitler Was A Vegan, Infernal Hailz/Come To Brasil, "Nature Is My Jam", Dez Cadena In A Dashiki, Topeka/Tapioca, Good Times At The Maritime Hall (RIP) and The Pound (RIP), A Lot Of Talk About Gorefest, Paul's Seaside Estate, George Lucas vs Lucas Mann, An Intimate Phone Encounter, Hatebreed Hatespeech, Fairly Biblical, The Car Crash Story, Exhumed And Their Halfway House Program, A "Covfefe" Reference, Bad Ideas For "Bonus Content", Thrash Metal Bangs, Our Stupid Ass Show, NASCAR's Mike Smith, Suffocation's Mike Smith, Strange Things Afoot In The Back Room At Guitar Center, Shelby's Racism... Exposed!, If At The Gates Were Younger And More Attractive, Steel Toe Abortions, Rubik's Cubes And Rotary Phones, The Benefits of A Plant-Based Diet, A Wizard In A Garage Making Amps and Pedals, Sixty Acres of Land In Marin, Mike And The Mechanics Chat, A Black Metal Band In Tennis Clothing, "The Bleeding", "The Hurting", "The Wizard of Oz", and "Dark Side of The Moon", Gangbanging For God, A Simply Red Cassette In A Nissan Pathfinder, The Fixie Bikes And The Ironic Moustaches, Four Kinds of Vegan Donuts, Phobiaphobic, Fatherly Advice, and of course, The DMD... Plug?

Music:

Origin, "Mithradatic"

The Manson Family, "Scratching Peace Symbols In Your Tombstone"




DIRECT DL

Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 96 - GREAT FERMI TRANSCENSION PARADOX FILTER THING




Where are all the aliens? Will and I tackle the massive, cosmos-spanning subject of the Fermi Paradox. What is the Great Filter? Are we headed for transcension? Tune in to hear us wildly speculate!


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Sunday, November 19, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 30 - SONORAN DADPRAVATION (with CHASE MASON and NATE GARRETT)


In this week's scandalous sequence, the Dads venture into the basement-level dressing rooms of Slim's in San Francisco for a mid-evening tryst with Chase Mason and Nate Garrett (Gatecreeper, Spirit Adrift). The fetid foursome find favor, and float fetishized fallacies for a fervent fifty-five (f)minutes. Listen in, and be shocked by the episode's (literal) climax!
What else is in here? Observe: A Cuckhold Discussion/Cumming On The Baby, Joshua Bling Bling, Aesop Has To Pee, Shooting Up With Boz Scaggs, Shawn Doing Weed Stuff, Moustaches And Vaping And Lies And Fidget Spinners, The Power Trippin' Rabbi, The Cost of A Gold Tooth In 2017, Buying The DMD Bump, A Message To Mom, David Lynch With Down Syndrome, Tool Fans, Lurking Rob Barrett In The Alley In The Rain, Mormon Rules About Facial Hair, Brigham Young vs Bring 'Em Young, "Recommendations For You", The OTHER Chick From Vastum, Idris Elba vs Paul Baloff, Long And Hard (But Mostly Hard), Every Woman Sitting On A Cake, Cryptopsy Taco Supremacy, Group Chat Chat, Origins of The Pingy Snare, Herpes vs "Mic Rash", Attila's Traveling Hairstylist, If Gatecreeper Was A Movie, Lots of Rotting Meat On Set, White People In The Kitchen, The Spirit of Full Disclosure, The M. Night Shyamalan of Shameful Masturbation, Jessica Tandy's PornHub Page, Incriminating Talk About Meth, John Leguizamo Getting His Dick Stuck In A Bottle, Legitimately Weirded Out, Death Metal Drive Thru, The Heyday of Mediafire, LMFAO (Lick My Fuckin Ass Out), Chuck Norris/Chuck Taylor, A Total Candy-Ass, Hockey Without The Sticks, Michael Jordan's Hitler Moustache, Musings On Crud Wizard And Luxury Factory, Action Pants, Not "Drunk" Just "Right", Phantasm Bros, Cosmic Hearse + Methadone, The Wet Bandits, Riffs And Fists, Troll 2 And The Gorilla With The Jetpack, The Thing About Aesop And That Movie "Spun", and a complete lack of all normalcy or regular segments. Enjoy responsibly!
Music:
Gatecreeper, "Craving Flesh"
Spirit Adrift, "Curse of Conception"


DIRECT DL

Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com


NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 95 - WHO CREATED THE SOY BOY?




Charles and I discuss the role of Military AI in controlling US politics, personal identity, and reality itself. This one goes deep!


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Sunday, November 12, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 29 - DAD SILENCE (THE RETURN OF EUGENE ROBINSON)


Writer, fighter, singer, strangler, poet, and all-around badass Eugene Robinson (Oxbow, Whipping Boy, Bunuel, Ozy.com) welcomes the Dads back into his fortress of solitude for a spirited discussion about art, violence, sex, philosophy, and staying the fuck away from the headliner’s beer. Popeye the dog is also present.

Also nestled comfortably herein: Why Zeppelin Sucks, Horny Goat Weed, Racially Identifying As “Television”, In Need of A Skilled Cocksman, The Harvey Weinstein Seven, Aesop’s Porn Appearance, Craft Services, The Case of The Missing Stripper Pole, Cum And Ladders, Guys Who Can Fight, The Huff Huff Woof Woof Thing, Those Competitions Where They Put A Leather Vest On A Dog And Then Strap A Pallet of Cinderblocks To The Vest And Then The Dog Drags Them Around, Dubbed In Spanish, That Wolf From Looney Toons With The Bugged-Out Eyes, Why Tarantino Sucks, Plagiarism And Pedophilia, A Black Guy With A Saxophone, Giving Guns To Depressed Kids For Christmas, Max’s Kansas City: A Lesson In False Advertising, Real Creep Shit, The Department of Parks And Recreation And Fistfighting, ‘Les Miserables’ Except Set In A Punk House, The Exploding Meth Lab, Stealing Riffs From Robert Deathrage, The Meat Shits/Anal Cunt Split, Obituary Hat Chat, Hittin’ On A Dead Nun, Peep Show Secrets, “Good Incubus” Vs. “Bad Incubus”, Spoilers About Darth Vader, A 14" Sharpened Screwdriver With A Taped Handle, Jerking Off In Houseplants, Impending News About Burl Ives, Harvey Milk And Eggs And Wine And Gravy And Pancakes, Breen Day, The Tardy Brothers’ Cat Rescue, Keeping The Party Polite, The Shitty Dude Algorithm, Slipping Mother Theresa The Tongue, The DMD Bump, The Reverse DMD Bump, and, of course, Fatherly Advice. What an episode!

Music:

Obituary, “Dead Silence”

Alice Donut, “Mummenschantz Pachinko”

Oxbow, “Cold And Well-Lit Place”




DIRECT DL

Also contained in this episode is audio of the Death Metal Dads’ live appearance (also with Eugene) at the Illogical Contraption Post-Halloween Decompression Fiasco Weds, Nov 1, at the Punchline in SF. Video coming soon!

Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

Sunday, November 5, 2017

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 94 - 3 SIMPLE RULES FOR HUNTING MY TEENAGE YETI




Trump and His Meteor Wall / The Warren Buffett-Jimmy Buffett Continuum / Goosebumps Synthwave / Yeti Hunting in Nepal / Joan Baez and Her Satanic Ritual Abuse Songs / Cuban Sonic Weapon Audio / Stranger Things Question / Mystery Babylon


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Sunday, October 29, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 28 - EVIL DAD

The Dads are back after a long absence, and dive into a veritable treasure trove of Floridian folklore, spanning the dirty basements that spawned Death to the cocaine-crusted speedboats fearlessly captained by Jimmy Buffett. Also more Sweatpants Chat.

Further pontifications as follows: Oh, The Huge Manatee, The TV That You Watch The News On That Is Also On The News On TV, A Furious Rant About Dickholes And Buttflaps, A Requiem For Tom Petty, Rat Weed And Playgrounds, DMD Gets A New Recording Device, How Many Marleys?, The Inert Police Force of Colorado Springs, Colorado, That Thing That Happened With The Dick Pics And The Oakland Police Department, Lieutenant Joe Kenda Always Gets His Man, How To Not Make Friends And Not Influence People, Interdimensional Lovecraft Portal Shit, Sunn Ra))), Alameda: Where The Past And The Future Collide, Supportive Funky Kong ASMR Videos, Friendly Crackheads, YOU'RE NO PRIZE!, Listener "Rod" And The Sweatpants Conundrum, Blood Duster: Season 12 Material, Euro Porn Dudes, A Cautionary Tale, Real-Ass Trainheads, Huey Lewis' Cock, Militia Etheridge, The Artimus Pyle Defense, Death The Band Vs. Death The Activity, Aesop's Connection To The Hijackers Responsible For 9/11, Head Parrothead, Stories of The Intercoastal Waterway, Manatees: The Morons of The Sea, A 40 Dollar Coke-Booger, The Thrill-Seeking Teens of Hollywood, Florida, A Lot of Talk About John Hand, Freeway Rick Rozz, Death Metal Grandpas, 6 Months of Community College And The Resulting Consumption of Hot Pockets, An Angular, Spindley, Fucked Up Thing, Aura Noir Cologne, The Mind Lamp, Shelby Getting Exposed As A Total Hippie, Dad Sex, The DMD Bump, and, as always, Fatherly Advice. Be nice to dogs!

Music:

Death, "Evil Dead"

Manilla Road, "Flaming Metal System",



DIRECT DL

Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

CATCH THE DEATH METAL DADS LIVE THIS WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 1ST, AT THE ILLOGICAL CONTRAPTION POST-HALLOWEEN DECOMPRESSION FIASCO AT THE PUNCHLINE SF!

Sunday, October 15, 2017

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 93 - LEGENDS OF THE MOTHMAN




Come along with me and special guest WILL as we explore the history of the Mothman and the Flatwoods Monster (with a detour into the Men in Black), discuss famous encounters, and pull it all together by exposing the possible driving force behind the recent rash of sightings in Chicago. It's a wild ride!


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MOTHMAN TSUNAMI VIDEOS:




Email: nightsafterdark@gmail.com

Sunday, October 1, 2017

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 92 - H.A.A.R.P. ROCK




Featuring Such Classic Hits As: What Does A Lady Bigfoot Smell Like? / Loose Change Jackpot / Parrothead Parties / Weather Modification Jams / Star Trek Occultism / Woke Ass Jim Carrey / DMT Machine


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Sunday, September 17, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 27 - TO THE CORY END (with CORY SKLAR)


Join The 27 Club with The Dads as they welcome their best friend (and father of modern podcasting) Cory Sklar (Chaki, the internationally-renowned Illogical Contraption Radio) to the show, in a dark and subtly nuanced conversation about fucking couches, doing blow, slapping bass, and dodging nukes. Will they find the creamy center of Cory's brain, and figure out what makes this funky balladeer's inner time bomb tick? Your guess is as good as mine!

Also infernally exalted herein: Playing Megadeth Covers In A Hungry Hunter In 2030, A Guy That Needs A Pocket Pussy, Lox of Love, Moving To A Monastery And Making Dungeon Synth, Can I Fuck Your Kids First?, Brown Nazis, Snorting Coke With The Guy From Iron Butterfly, Great Moments In Guns N Roses Bloopers History, Delivering A Goat Head To The Oakland Metro, Sunny Day Real Estate Agents, Mall Metal, Ken M In The Yahoo Comments, Ted McGinley: Horseman of the Apocalypse, No Snow No Show, Ian From Skrewdriver, Talking About Jawbreaker In 2017, Bumblefoot Chat, The Goth Onion, Trey Azagthoth's Pancakes, Sleep Are Still Playing, Supportive Pit Dad, The Dave Murray Color Chart, Penis Injuries, A Cacophony of Dead Musicians AKA The Ungodly Racket, A Requiem For Metal Inquisition, Bedroom Shredders, Happy Suffocation, Rivetheads, Really Nice Guys, Self-Addressed Stamped Envelopes, Crying At A Promise Ring Show For A Whole Different Reason, Are You #Triggered?, Every Other House Is Racist, Beastmaster Stuff (The Ferrets Will Save Him), C-Level vs Sea Level, Your Led Zeppelins And Your Mick Jaggers, A Lot of Cadillacs On The Block And Fringe Jackets, A Whole Lifetime of Fabricating Pussies, Girlfriend (For A Night), Quinn/Martin Productions, The Proper Plural of Abacus, Moustache Wives, The Best Possible Outcome, Na'Vi Fleshlights, Sweatpants In The Wild, Bob Eubanks Scoring Weed, A Dog That Loads Gear, Tech Death Athleticism, Bizarro-World Clickbait, The Guy That Shot Alexander Hamilton, Getting Kicked Out of The Elks Club In Snoqualmie Falls, Prison Vagina, Judging Disabled Children, Send Us Dildos!, Metal Nerds, Frank Mullen: The DMD Jackalope, The Great Milenko, Aliens And Bigfoots, Missing The 90s, The Monty Python of Death Metal (Just Less Entertaining), Is Death An "Ailment"?, Living In A Castle Like Enya, Florida Springsteen, The Kiwanis Club, Enough Hate For Burners AND Nazis, The DMD Bump, and, as always, Fatherly Advice. It's a solid "also-ran"!

Music:

Cancer, "CFC"

The Hook, "Son of Fantasy II"



DIRECT DL

Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 91 - MAKING FRIENDS AND INFLUENCING PEOPLE WITH CHARLES




Hurricane weather modification warfare / Secret space laser arms race / Face modeling on the iPhone X / The shortcomings of simulated reality / Religious implications of technological advancement / Exposing information and control of the internet / Google censorship / Global financial war motive behind Equifax hack / Extreme astrological happenings in September


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Sunday, September 3, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 26 - A PALE DADBILITATING AUTUMN (with SCOTT VERMEIRE)


In today's exhaustive expulsion of erratic estimations, the Dads are joined in the loud and stinky bowels of the Oakland Music Complex by comedian, weirdo, vocalist, and fellow dad Scott Vermeire (Sad Vicious, Talkies). After a couple shots of Jeppson's Malort, the conversation quickly turns to sadness and desperation, culminating in the cathartic howls of grown men paying tortured obeisance to their own quiet mortality. Dick jokes too!

Also contained within these cursed 80 minutes: An Awkward Encounter, One Million Tugs, Vaudeville!, The Traditional Consumption of Regional Liqueurs and Resulting Regrets (Two-Fisted Enthusiasm), Endless Elder Archons, Blowing Hobos, Fetish-Inclusive Boner Chat, When The Lights Go Out In The Practice Space, A Dickensian Gig, The Menstrual Hut, Rastafarians And Naughty Dogs, Fretless Bass Corrections Officers, The Thing That Happened At Sketchfest AKA Comedy Sucks, A Vicious Bicycle From Minnesota, The Return of The Thing About The Dog And The Peanut Butter, Investing Time And Money In Specifically Non-Marketable Entertainment Ventures, The Radley Metzger Story (A Vigorous Beej), MESSAGETRIBE!, The Smell of the Rag That The Uncle Used, A Small World, A Big Mistake, Yelling Things On Public Transportation, The World Is A Vampire, Recently-Incinerated Piles of Cash Having Sex, Dick Polaroids, The Guy With The Puppets, Really Great Rallies, A Shout Out To Kaseem Bentley, What Burns Always Returns, Breakin' On Through, A Lot of Talk About Shnarch, Shoplifting With A Broken Arm, Getting Drunk At A Wedding And Misplacing Your Child, The Jackoff Cone, True Confessions, The Return of Borscht Belt Comedy, Pornography And Telephones, Pun Guys, Nude Dads, Totebaggin', Lord Iffybottom And The Bawdy Tale of The Naked Chicken Chalupa, Jerkin' It To 'Barry Lyndon', Huggalos, Feeding The Sea Monkeys, A Little Horse, Why There Aren't Any Asian People In The Bay Area, Dad Sex, Unintentional Fatherly Advice, and, as always, the DMD Bump. We're tired of doing this!

Music:

Pavor, "Corpses"

Chaki, "Tired of Sex"


Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 90 - SUMMER OF N.A.D.




It’s too hot to make any sense. Live Lovecraft Ritual! Live Bigfoot Ritual! Live Ghost Ritual! Live Reptile Cult Murder Ritual! Live Cuban Sonic Weapon Ritual!


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Sunday, August 20, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 25 - WHO WILL NOT BE DAD (with GREG WILKINSON)


Join the Dads as they celebrate their quarter-century episode deep in the dank dungeons of Earhammer Studios, with none other than its proprietor and sole beneficiary Greg Wilkinson (Brainoil, DeathgraVe). Things get weird fast and everyone involved becomes very uncomfortable. Will the Dads get out alive?! 

Also discussed: Unexplained Swelling, The Removal of Testament-Related Memories, Oxiplegatz Chatz, Two Thirty-Gallon Trashcans Full of Empty Olympias (Courtesy of Schlong), Spiking Our Downloads By Just Dying, Nasty Sax, A Klean Kanteen Full of Urine, The Unhinged Guy From Pavor/Bethlehem, Graves At Seaside, Podcast of the Year Material, Skydiving Without A Parachute, A Totally Forgettable Recording Experience, Pig Champion On A Diet, Sacramento Jack Lemmon, The Italian Word For "Viagra", Please, My Father Was Mr. Brainoil, Grampas of Sludge, Party Fouls, Thomas Hatin' Church, Evanescencey Lady-Singing, Cambodian Food, Just "Pibb", Kids These Days And Their "Internet Memes", Chad Gailey's Green Card, Day of the Dad, Awesome Lawnmowers, The Other Deicide, Emailing From Five Feet Away, Origins of the Dickhammer, Camping With Fern, Too Extreme! vs Extreme 2, Lobotomized, Phlebotomized, Band Tinder, Fretless Bass, A Zornesque Element, You're Invited! (In Spirit), "I'll Suck Your Dick For An Old Tin Can", by Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty, Scene Luminaries, What You Can And Can't Be Proud Of, Showin' Some Ankle, Exit The Void, Closing Lots of Pornhub Tabs, Goatcunt, Terms of Endearment, Those Knuckleheads in Congress, Part 7, Diminutive Skinsman Ira Harris, Tone Boners, Alternative Rock And The Alt-Right, An Elvis Impersonator That Pisses On You, Sex Solicitation, Don't Be A Possum, You CAN Be Replaced, Listener Emails, The DMD Bump, and, of course, Fatherly/Gregerly Advice. It's a solid B minus!

Music:

Seance, "Who Will Not Be Dead"

DeathgraVe, "Seeping Through The Shoebox"

The Dads will be performing LIVE as part of the annual Illogical Contraption Halloween Special Wednesday, November 1st at the Punchline in San Francisco!

Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com


(PS: Debra Winger Dies At The End.)

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 89 - SPHINX MILLER BAND




Tune in and let me explain the Anubis Sphinx Theory, Disney's UFO disinfo campaign (including an unadvertised documentary and an unattended conference), some Wizard of Oz Mandela Effect weirdness, and Trump’s spiritual connection to Journey. Ok? Ok.


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Sunday, August 13, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 24 - CHAOS D.A.D. (with PRANJAL TIWARI)


In today’s salacious and enthralling installment, the Dads are joined by ultra-homie Pranjal Tiwari for a jocular journey full of tantalizing tales, disingenuous diatribes, and superlative stories. It’s a outre odyssey of  prolific proportions!
Also contained herein: Brazilian Fart Girls vs Cakefarts, How To Say “Sepultura”, Altar de Faygo, Don’t Be Sad About Celtic Frost, Riot Porn vs Poverty Porn vs Siqq Riff Porn, A Special Message For People Without Eyes, Aesop’s YouTube Hacks, The (Pod)Casting Couch, A Celebration of Our 100th Episode, Out of Dads, Cleaning Up The Dismembered Pig Fetus, The Clawfinger Problem, Polish Metal Beef, A Long Meandering Story About Cunty Dudes Who Don’t Understand How Money Works, Os Mutantes and Stan Getz and Brazil Nuts and Terry Gilliam’s ‘Brazil’, A Shout Out To The Pubes On The Back of ‘Cold Lake’, Supporting A Family By Touring With A Mediocre Death Metal Band, Don’t Call That Mexican A Mexican, “Troops of Doom”: The “Freebird” of Metal, Every Band In China Is A Children of Bodom Cover Band, Cherry Orchard Chat, The Good Ol’ Days of Colonialism, That Time On July 1, 1997, When Hong Kong Became ‘The Purge’ For Half An Hour, Tom Hanks Movies About Dudes With AIDS, Taking The Kids To See ‘A Serbian Film’, Elven Aerosmith: Dreams vs Reality, That Old Hobbit Who Does Sound at The Dive Bar in Vegas, Bro-piercer, Alien Fresh Jerky, Weird Al’s Underground Record Label, This Whole Nuclear Holocaust Thing, “The Vasectomy Didn’t Work”, The Panda Express Located In Shelby’s Back Yard, At The Gates: Corporate McDonald’s-Sponsored Eyeliner Mallcore Crap, The Solar-Powered Flashlight, These Colors Don’t Run, A Whole House Full of DMD Money, Puppy Diarrhea, A Guy In A Banana Suit In The Pit, Six People Paid At The Door, Bay Area Quasi-Nazi Metal Legends Blitzenhammer AKA SS Dagger, The DMD Bump, and of course Fatherly Advice. This one is a solid ground-rule double!
Music:
Sepultura, “Propaganda”
Cardinal Wyrm, “Dreams of Teeth”
Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

Sunday, July 30, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 23 - GRAVES OF THE FATHERS


Shelby and Aesop are back on the couch with Episode 23 (NOT 24), a philosophical exploration of all things political, gastrointestinal, musical, nautical, nonsensical, and psychedelic. Is it worth your time? There's only one way to find out...

"Sextons of the churchyard
Have seen unblessed things;
Ground no longer hallowed
Has sprouted new graves.


Descendants of clan
That unsurped maternity
hear whispers in their blood;
This summons of the Fathers.



Adherence to the principle
Of 'man by woman born'...
Anachronistic ritual
Soon to be obsolete.



'Forgive me Father
For I know not what I do;
My grave beckons
As irresistable as drawing breath.'"

- Lord Worm

"Bleh"

- also Lord Worm

Music:

Cryptopsy, "Graves of the Fathers"

Night Sun, "Got A Bone of My Own"






Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 88 - ERIK EXPLAINS IT ALL




I explain it all.


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Sunday, July 16, 2017

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 87 - THE AVERAGE IDEA GRAVEYARD




Erik is flying solo again! Topics include: Pandering To The Left, The Detroit Masonic Temple, This Day In Conspiracy History, Real Actual Pagan Witchcraft, Photon Teleportation, Buzz Aldrin's Illuminati Signs, Satanic Literary Corner, and More!


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Make me feel special: nightsafterdark@gmail.com

Monday, July 3, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 22 - CHAINSAW DADSMEMBERMENT


I'm fucking tired of doing these write-ups. It's late and I have to work in the morning. We talk about Mortician in this one and then get all bummed. Listen to it, or don't. We don't fucking care. Cheers.

Music:

Mortician: "Chainsaw Dismemberment"

Thrones: "Obolus"

SOUNDCLOUD



DIRECT DL

Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

Sunday, July 2, 2017

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 86 - THE WACK LODGE AND THE TIGHT LODGE




Join Cory and Erik as we DORK THE FUCK OUT about the new season of Twin Peaks, reveal the gnostic, magickal, and alchemical underpinnings of Episode 8, and dissect the occult mythology of the entire series. Fire walk with us!


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Drink deep and email: nightsafterdark@gmail.com

Sunday, June 18, 2017

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 85 - AMERICAN ASTROLOGY AND OTHER HOT ISSUES




Are you CONFUSED by your own reality? Then put your faith in the stars and allow me and Charles to explain to you why all these horrible things are happening! We dissect the astrology of Donald Trump and America itself, and make some BOLD PREDICTIONS about the future of the country. Tune in!


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What's your sign? nightsafterdark@gmail.com

Sunday, June 4, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 21 - SUFFER THE CHILDREN (with Jason Cropper)


The Dads are barely holding it together, and enter a marriage-counseling office in Jingletown, USA, to see if they can miraculously salvage their podcast. Assisting them is engineer, dad, and founding member of Weezer Jason Cropper, whose indispensable advice and knowledge just might heal Death Metal Dads. Can the show be saved?!
Also on the menu: Fusion Confusion, Rockabillypocalypse, Legal Weed in Mayberry, Tissue Issues, Hobo Hand-Me-Downs, Hakuna Matata vs Napalm Death, Philosophical Explanations of Mr. Ed and Gilligan’s Island, The Power Station (Sex Club), The Power Station (Concert Venue), Cleaning Up After Dogstar, Not Playing Metal: The Path To Success, A Re-Visiting of The Barney Greenway The Big Purple Dinosaur Joke, Not Even “Milton Berle Good”, Just Eat Bugs Like In The Lion King, George Glass, Shitler’s List, A Friendly Conversation Between Friends, His Wife’s Magic Pussy, Crimpshrine Chat, Mendocino County Reggae Bands of the Late 80s and Early 90s, Schwarzenegger Soundboards and How They Are Used, Kurzweil, Jung, Freud, and Francis The Talking Mule, Blastbeats, French-Cambodian Cuisine, Getting Pitted, Funktown Graffiti and How Aesop Names Neighborhoods, Psychedelic Warriors, The ‘Judgement Night’ Soundtrack, The Colors of Weezer, Progressive Shred, Chris Cornell’s Starbucks Order, Fuzz, Gazzari’s, TV’s ‘Beauty And The Beast’ Starring Ron Perlman, Anti-Semitism, Unrepentant Potheads, I Can’t Drive 25, Head Injuries, Fatherly Advice, and a very dead-people themed DMD Bump. Get trippy!
Music:
Napalm Death, “Suffer The Children”
Piero Umiliani, “Magical Children”

Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 84 - HOUSEBOATIN' INTO THE MILKY WAY




More Trop Rock! More CERN! More Ayn Rand Satanism! More Ancient Civilizations! More Saturn Worship! OMG. How can I fit all this content into just one show? Tune in to discover.


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Send all houseboat tales to: nightsafterdark@gmail.com

Sunday, May 28, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 20 - SOULS OF THE DAD


It’s our very last episode. RIPDMD.

Music:

Merciless, “Souls of the Dead”

Dust, “Thusly Spoken”




Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

Sunday, May 21, 2017

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 83 - WORKOUT WILL SET YOU FREE




It’s another solo show! Topics covered include: Ayn Rand’s Satanic influence on Rush and the Federal Reserve, Dilbert exposes the global warming hoax, lack of drugs and the teenage surveillance state and how IllCon intends to fix it, and a John Dee concept album listening party.


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Let's hit the gym: nightsafterdark@gmail.com

Sunday, May 14, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 19 - MOMSTROSITY (with JERI SCARDINA)


In this very very special non-denominational Mother's Day episode, the Dads take a knee with Shelby's ACTUAL mom, Jeri, in an attempt to explain just exactly HOW he got to be so awesome. Myths are dispelled, legends crumble, and also they spend about 20 minutes straight talking about diaper-shitting. I dunno.
Also jabbered upon: Humboldt County Stereotypes Reinforced, Typical Deer-Repellant Salesman Maneuvers, Naming Children Sucks (Arguments For Abstinence), Cocaine Christmas With Mom, Further Complaints About Insertion, Virtual Reality Wookiee Grandpa, From Toilet To Toothbrush, Nazi Car: The Movie, Elaboration Collaboration, The Most Beautiful Taco Bell In The World, Post-Traumatic Cruiser, A Head-On Collision With The Fudge Truck, Dead Dad Revenge Selfies (Wacky Hat Edition), Those Knuckleheads In Congress: Part 2, A Paragon of Wholesomeness, Bootleg Fugazi Shirts, Fecal Chloroforms, Pants-Peeing, The Importance of Sucking First, Remembering L'Trimm, No Butt Stuff, Shitty Tipper Gore, Aesop: The College Years, Just Throw Away Your Clothes At That Point, A Good But Not Great Taco Salad, C+ Pizza Puns, BE PROUD, 12-Year-Old Shelby Kills The Record Industry, Bird Face, A Pumpkin With A 5 O'Clock Shadow, Raising A Candy-Ass, Getting Laid At Auschwitz, A Flashback To A Summer Romance Circa 1972 And The Death Metal Albums That Were Popular That Year, Garth Brooks Chat, Gay George Strait, One Listener Email, New Submission Rules, Ye Olde DMD Bump, and of course, Fatherly Advice.
Happy People's Day To All!
Music:
Monstrosity, “Imperial Doom”
Eddie Noack, “Psycho”


Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

Sunday, May 7, 2017

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 82 - REAL ACTUAL JAADOO




It’s a solo show! I discuss my doomsday prepping, dive deep on Transcension Hypothesis, review a Bollywood movie about a mentally challenged guy and an alien, and explain how to perform the Abramelin operation. Wow!


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Send your doomsday prep tips to: nightsafterdark@gmail.com

Sunday, April 30, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 18 - AMONGST THE DAD-ACOMBS OF NEPHREN-PAA (with EZRA LUX)


The Dads sit down with a young person (Mr. Ezra Lux) for a spirited discussion on shit films, shit music, shit culture, and shit people. It’s super shitty. And yet there’s so much more!

Also discussed herein: Jerking Off In The Cops’ Waffles, The Shortest Elk, What Color Are A Deer’s Antlers?, Willing To Kill For A Tank of Slurpee, Bowing Down To The Tin Lords, 14 Cobb Salads and 88 Pastrami Reubens, Questionable Banter About Sand People, Store-Brand Metamucil Chat, I Hate Necks, The Phantom Menace: Greatest Film of All Time, Beasts of The Southern Wild V: Beasts of The Southern Wild In Space, Working Out At The James, Giving Out Hand Williams, and Hanging Out With Richard Bags, Oakland Mussolini, Folk Music Fathers, Stipulations of Shelby’s Parole, Karl Sanders: Chicken Entrepeneur, 4 Minutes of Frank Mullen Breathing, “Rock You Like A Hurricane (Get Over Here!)” by Scorpion, Dead Horse Meets Stick, Patricide Tips, Reviewing Metal Albums via Cheese Puns, The Greasy, Mayonnaise-Covered Hands of America’s Youth, Eyebrows Podcasts, Cat-Fucking, Sandwich Economics, Visit Scenic Utah!, The DMD Bump, and of course, Fatherly Advice. It’s an all-time slammer-jammer!

Music:

Nile, “Barra Edinazzu"

Creedence Clearwater Revival, "Someday never Comes"


DIRECT DL


Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Sunday, April 9, 2017

NIGHTS AFTER DARK: EPISODE 80 - BELIEVE IT OR YACHT




It’s a solo show! It’s also a musical extravaganza! I teach you about Trump’s owl-obsessed money man, numerology gospel, dick-slashing Megalians, space burials, CAA Illuminati lawns, and get deep into country funk.


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Ride on my owl yacht: nightsafterdark@gmail.com

Sunday, April 2, 2017

DEATH METAL DADS: EPISODE 17 - 'ROID SECTOR


Aesop and Shelby return from a month off, re-invigorated and better than ever, with this sweeping ode to the mighty time-traveling, synthesizer-tickling entity known as NOCTURNUS. It's a dark and treacherous voyage, fraught with thrills, chills... and KILLS!
Discussed herein: Those Knuckleheads In Congress, Matthew Barney Greenway The Big Purple Dinosaur, "-ER Bands", Hot Dutch Teens, Night Ribs (A BBQ Sauce Mystery), A Message To Our Fans, Weird Dumplings, Calzone Killzone, A Travel Pussy Purchased In A German Gas Station, Brooms 'N Rashes, Dutch Kiddie Porn, Bucharest's Onion District, Mom Chat, IRL Emails & Pedal Punishment, Family Shitting Time, Half Our Age But Twice As Good, The Reverse Dekker vs. The Double Deuce, Extremity News, A Lederhosen-Clad Toddler, The Inspection Shelf, Sub-Genres, Hoagie-Genres, Grinder-Genres, Nazi Dads Bonding Over Pepe Memes, Death To False Pizza, Flagrant Use of Keyboards, ENTER THE DROIDS!, Slamming The Old Lady's Ham, More Questions About Sweatpants, K-Swiss: The Best Fucking Shoe, Yonkers Death vs. The World, Real Neat Songs, Requiem For The Naked Chicken Chalupa, Censoring Justin Ennis, Sandal Chat, Kevin Smith's Canklejorts, Unfrozen Caveman Hesher, A Wooden Bowl With Every Kind of Animal In It, as well as everyone's favorite segments: Dad Sex, Fatherly Advice, Listener Emails, and the good ol' DMD Bump!

Music:

Nocturnus, "Droid Sector"

Parliament, "Oh Lord, Why Lord/Prayer"

SOUNDCLOUD



DIRECT DL

Contact: illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com

THE DEATH METAL DADS WILL BE PERFORMING LIVE WITH TALKIES AT THE LOST CHURCH IN SAN FRANCISCO THIS FRIDAY, APRIL 7 AT 10PM!