Sunday, March 1, 2009


A Del Tigre joint

"Dad, what‘s the best video game ever?" "That’s easy--it’s NINJA FUCKING GAIDEN SON."

So you want to follow the path of the ninja? Begin your training here. But be forewarned: this is not a game for amateurs. It takes weeks of practice and many cases of frosty brews to master the art of Ninja Gaiden. These techniques will get you started. The rest is up to you.

NINJA PRO TIP #1: If it moves, you fucking kill it.
NINJA PRO TIP #2: If you stop running, you'll probably die.
NINJA PRO TIP #3: If your girlfriend interrupts your training to bitch at you or cuddle with you, or both, employ the following tactic:

Now you are a ninja! Behave like one.

Wanna rock out to some sweet 8-bit jams and learn some ninja moves from the pros? You bet!

Now check out The Minibosses playing a cover! ROCK.

Do you like anime? I sure as hell don’t. But they made one about Ninja Gaiden. Let me know how it is.


Shelby Cobras said...

Both Ninja Gaiden and Legend of Kage were way too difficult for my pudgy little fingers. Ninja Crusaders ( was the jam because it combined evil robots, ninjas, and simplistic, Contra-esque run-to-the-right-and-kill gameplay. My NES system doesn't work so well, but if we all chip and and find a new one I have copies of all 3 of these games. Just sayin'.

Erik Del Tigre said...

See, I sucked at Ninja Gaiden until I was like 18 and my girlfriend got a fake ID...I think the alcohol-induced zen state is the key to winning. I've never beat this game sober.

Vince Neilstein said...

I call bullshit on that video demo above. How does he beat all the bosses so quickly? Gotta be Game Genie.

Erik Del Tigre said...

You know what dude? I thought the exact same thing. But then I played the first level on the emulator, and if you bring that spinning attack weapon to the boss, like he does in the demo, you can kill it with one jump. Not sure about the rest of them, though. Could he really just be that good...?