OR: THE TOP 5 REASONS HOLLYWOOD NEEDS TO LEAVE THE COMIC BOOK INDUSTRY THE FUCK ALONE.
So once again, the Hollywood money machine has shat all over another comic book legacy, this time the alternate-reality hero-fest Watchmen. Plagued by bad casting, bad costumes, and worse CGI (as all comic book adaptations are these days), this big-budget "blockbuster" is just another installment in a string of terrible crossovers that go all the way back to the 70's. Hey Hollywood! Stop it! It doesn't translate! It looks stupid! Seriously! Stop!
And guess what? I haven't even seen Watchmen. But I don't need to. I can smell a bad movie like a burrito fart in a Smart Car.
And before you guys get all "Hey, Watchmen was pretty good, bro" on me, consider two facts: You're dealing with a man who couldn't even sit through the first 20 minutes of the "visionary masterpiece" 300 and would rather watch The Devil's Rain 10 times in a row than be subjected to that steaming dungheap The Dark Knight again. I'm just sayin'.
So here's five good examples to back up my demand, limited to only bad casting choices because, all things considered, I could go on and on about this subject for days.
#5 - NICHOLAS CAGE AS GHOST RIDER (2007)
Believe it or not, a sequel is in the works.
#4 - ARNOLD SHWARZENEGGER AS MR. FREEZE IN BATMAN & ROBIN (1997)
Consider him the glowing blue predecessor to Watchmen's Dr. Manhattan.
#3 - BEN AFFLECK AS DAREDEVIL (2003)
Another movie I had to abandon 20 minutes in. Acting... Too... Painful... Must... Hit... STOP...
#2 - GEORGE CLOONEY AS BATMAN IN BATMAN & ROBIN (1997)
All in all, this movie has to be the absolute WORST comic book adaptation ever conceived/filmed. Really.
#1 - KELSEY GRAMMAR AS BEAST IN X-MEN 3: THE LAST STAND (2006)
This horrendous foible is proof enough in itself that Hollywood has crossed the line and must be stopped at any cost.
As far as I'm concerned, the only comic book adaptations that should EVER be allowed are TV shows, and even then, only on TV shows in the 60's, 70's and 80's. The proof? Adam West as Batman and Lou Ferrigno as The Hulk. 'Nuff said.