Tuesday, April 7, 2009


It never ceases to amaze me how pissed off some people get when someone voices their opinion on the internet. Take this message board, for example (link courtesy of the one and only Cory Feeling - Thanks, Bro!). On it, several contributors complain about the last post here on Illogical Contraption (see below), claiming (among other things) that I.C. is full of "'Metal For Beginners' cliches", that I.C. is a "poor man's Metal Inquisition" (Thank you!), and that I myself am a "douchelord". Message boards are great. I was highly entertained by their comments.
Anyhow, while we've got controversial subjects on the brain, I'd like to voice my opinion on another matter I've never brought up here before. I FUCKING HATE LED ZEPPELIN. There. I said it.

Above: Enough already with the "kissy-face", Rob.

I've always thought that Led Zeppelin is over-rated and overplayed, but as I grow older, my hatred has begun to run a bit deeper. Robert Plant bugs the SHIT out of me, and in my opinion the guy is barely a step above Mick Jagger on the preening-frontman evolutionary ladder. Jimmy Page has done some decent work over the years, but the sad truth is that his LIVE playing is for shit, sloppy as Hell and a tad too derivative. Zeppelin's sound is way too blues-based for my tastes, and also WAY too pompous (this is coming from a guy who likes RHAPSODY, mind you). All they really had going for them was a kick-ass drummer.
As far as pioneering 70's rock bands go, I can sum it up in a simple sentence: Sabbath was for the BROS and Zeppelin was for the HOS.

A visual aid:

Above: For the HOS. Below: For the BROS.

So there you go. Some more message-board fodder.

Opinions are like assholes. Let YOUR asshole be heard!


Erik Del Tigre said...

Ha ha, dude you're so funny and sarcastic, first joking about how Pantera sucks, and now Zeppelin. YOU!

Shelby Cobras said...

No, they DO SUCK! Wait, what?! I'm lost in a vortex of sarcasm!!! I'm confused!

Erik Del Tigre said...

The posters on that board can't comprehend that anyone would publicly claim that Pantera sucks, so they have convinced themselves that you are a master of irony, and you DON'T actually think the glam albums are better than Cowboys From Hell. It's hipster logic.

I also want to point out that there is another thread on that board entitled "Alkaline Trio Aren't Half Bad." Friend of yours, Cory?

Cory said...

thats the guy that writes Metal Inquisition.

Erik Del Tigre said...

I think Alkaline Trio blows. I also think Zeppelin is great.

Apparently I'm not metal.

TMM said...

there's something to be said for a little bit of sloppy guitar playing.

maybe I just suck????????

Shelby Cobras said...

TMM - Sloppy guitar playing = BOOOOO!

If it ain't Michael Angelo Batio or Necrophagist, it's shite!

Since we've had some issues concerning sarcasm recently, I'd just like to point out: I was being sarcastic just now.

Erik - We've all known you aren't metal for a long time now. That white "tennis club" shirt that you wear all the time? Dead giveaway.

That new fur coat thing you've been rockin lately ain't gonna score you any Metal points either.
Just sayin'...

Jim Colvill said...

why dont they just argue in your column? ha ha
panteras for meatheads and trend metallers ha ha. I kinda like eppelin though

Charles T Heckler said...

It's not so much that Zeppelin sucks but rather that they are incredibly, totally overrated.

After Bonham bit it they probably went to write some new shit and realized just how bad they sounded without him and wisely decided to call it quits.

Anonymous said...

The poor man's Metal Inquisition. That's rich. They update like once a week, have 20 writers, and Lucho is the only one doing good stuff. Then we have Shelby who may be more prolific than Brecht and Rollins combined.

Having met Robert Plant in New Mexico at an Indian pow wow turned me off of Zeppelin. I've never seen such an arrogant asshole wearing that much turquoise in my life. Giant prick. Props to Page for at least showing up to play while whacked out on smack.

Shelby Cobras said...

Thanks, Anonymous.
But to be fair, Sargeant D is still writing great stuff too. Metal Inquisition is fucking great, any comparison - positive or negative - is a compliment.

Clancy said...

Sarcasm or not, this was funny. More evidence for hos vs bros - Ozzy spent his time jumping like a frog. Plant was busy shaking his dong in everyones face.