The first post in what will most likely become a semi-regular series.
Found on a telephone pole across the street from Duboce Park in SF Sunday, April 8, 2009. The Vital-Orbit Personal Force Field (which will apparently protect you from malevolent apes) is a real item, which you can locate and purchase here.
PS: Although it's extremely tempting, I urge the readers of Illogical Contraption NOT to fuck about with Schlitz V.S.L. (Very Smooth Lager). Beer Advocate gave it a C+, but I beg to differ. It is a foul, foul, liquid, and my field research proved nearly disastrous (below). Just one of many sacrifices I've made to protect my readership. You're welcome.