Tuesday, April 5, 2011


I believe the children are our are future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be.

Why the Whitney Houston lyrics, you ask?
Easy: to make a point.
That point: YOU (shown at right, holding a kid) are OLD. REALLY OLD. You have no future. You live a life devoid of hope or meaning.
Children are our only hope, our only chance of salvation. You are obsolete, your youth squandered. LONG LIVE THE NEW FLESH.
Case in point: ALL of you, every single one of you, was totally taken to Coloring School by two contestants under the age of 6.

That's right. Our winners are here, and this year, it's a TIE!

Firstly, we have the winning entry sent in by reader Chris G (another longtime blogbro), a wonderfully hand-crafted Crayola-on-paper creation spun from the mind of his own offspring. And I quote (via email):

"Hey Shelby,
Here's an entry for the coloring contest from my 4 year old daughter, Unity. Unfortunately, due to her mom's insistance, the Miley Cyrus picture was deemed the only one which would not scar her mind for life.

Enjoy, Chris"


Nice job, Unity! The check is in the mail*.

*There isn't, in fact, a check in the mail. But email me your address, Chris, and Unity can expect something soon. Thanks!

And finally, we have the last winning entry of the Third Annual Illogical Contraption Coloring Contest, a totally outside-the-box entry from my own nephew Carlos (right). That's right: anyone that has been reading for over a year knows the big news here--Carlos has won the Coloring Contest TWO years in a row now, without even the slightest hint of nepotism!

Words from my sister Tamara:

"Because my child is a NON CONFORMIST with a HEAVY METAL MOHAWK, he decided that your coloring options sucked (well, actually I couldn't show him all of them, due to the pornographic nature of some, but he wasn't very excited about the Spongebob Jesus that I selected and printed for him) and has instead opted to grace you with this amazing DINOSAUR (which has a penis, by the way) and ROBOT. Enjoy."


Once again, thanks to everyone who participated. Keep an eye on the mailbox, Carlos. For real this time.


bloodler said...

alright at first i was shocked then laughing then mad, but after reading the commentary on this kids dinosaur penis robot, little bro takes the trophy for sure. there was alot of good ones this year though

Tamara said...

Woo-hoo! Carlos will be super excited. :-)

Crankenstien said...

this was rigged!

Korla said...

Hey! I'm still working on mine! This isn't fair. Hate.

Isaac said...

Carlos is the fucking man. Long live the HEAVY METAL MOWHAWK.