I mentioned the other day that Akimbo was probably the band that I thought gave the least amount of a fuck. Whatever that means, I was totally wrong. That titles belongs to LORDZ from Louisville. I saw those dudes in LA a week or two ago and holy balls, these guys do not give a FUCK ABOUT NATHAN (when you’re from the south you don’t give a fuck about nathan apparently. Mutated from n’thun or nuttin). I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard or so much during a show. I mean, I’ve laughed at terrible bands before, but these guys were good. They just happened to be genuinely hilarious. I know for sure that I’ve never seen better banter than LORDZ when it comes to starting a set. They began like this:
Guitar player: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?
Bass player: ARE YOU GUYS SITTING DOWN? NO, PLEASE, TAKE A SEAT
Guitar player: YEAH, RELAX, SERIOUSLY, HAVE A SEAT
Bass player: ARE YOU A BUNCH OF FAGGOTS?
Guitar player: JESUS CHRIST, THIS WHOLE ROOMS FULL OF FAGGOTS
Bass player: I THINK EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU IS FAGGOT
Guitar player: IVE NEVER SEEN SO MANY GOD DAMMIT FAGGOTS
Bass player: HEY WE’RE LORDS AND YOU SHOULD BUY US A BEER
Guitar player: WE WILL SUCK YOUR DICK FOR A BEER
Bass player: BUY US A BEER, WIN A DICK SUCKING
Guitar player: I’LL SUCK EVERY DICK IN THIS ROOM
Bass player: I WILL SUCK A MANS DICK
Guitar player: I’LL SUCK A WOMANS DICK
Bass player: I’LL SUCK YOUR DICK
Guitar player: I’LL SUCK MY OWN DICK
Bass player: I’LL SUCK A BABIES DICK
Guitar player: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU FAGGOTS
Bass player: ARE YOU AFRAID?
Guitar player: ARE YOU AFRAID OF LORDS?
Bass player: ARE YOU FUCKING FAGGOTS FUCKING AFRAID?
Guitar player: WELL FUCK ALL Y’ALL, WE’RE FUCKING LORDS
And then they launched into 35 minutes of brutally loud, insanely fast, southern style, beer drenched, crossover thrash-core madness. Everyone I’ve talked to describes them as Black Flag on 45 but I think they’re a little more postmodern than that. These dudes we’re completely hammered, yet still totally tight. Loose at times, but very much on purpose. It’s like their drummer could shred, but each cymbal had the equivalent of a shark bite taken out of it. The guitar player played two full stacks, in stereo, on either side of the room, and the bass player had a gnarly rig only Jared from Big Business could totally appreciate. It was full on goofball, but full on shredding at the same time. A weird but enjoyable mix of the professional and the nonchalant. They were such pros at what they did, but what they did was say fuck you to all the pros. I don’t know. Check out their newest record, the aptly titled Fuck All Y’all Mother Fuckers. The record is good but if this post had a point it would be to convince you to go see LORDZ live. They’re on tour right now, I would highly recommended buying them a beer.
Fittingly, this record starts with two minutes of drunk banter, This Isn’t a Song Dumb Ass.