NASA Ice Scientist: "Lyssianasid amphipods are METAL AS FUCK"

(Not an actual quote)

I don't usually resort to regurgitating stories from Yahoo! News, but sometimes they're just too good to ignore. Such is the case with today's tale.
It seems that scientists from NASA (apparently taking a short break from Project Bluebeam) have discovered higher life in a place they never expected -- in sub-freezing waters 600 feet below an Antarctic ice shelf!
The specimen in question, a distant cousin of the common sea shrimp known as a Lyssianasid amphipod (above right), surprised researchers by popping up on a video cable as they lowered cameras down to shoot the underside of the ice shelf. Also present when the camera returned: A foot-long jellyfish tentacle, also completely unexpected.
The discovery of the three-inch long amphipod is remarkable for a couple of reasons. Most importantly, scientists have never found (nor expected to find) anything larger than a microbe in such a setting. In water that deep, in that location, there is practically no light or heat -- it's basically a vacuum for any kind of life. "This is a first for the sub-glacial environment with that level of sophistication," was how microbiologist Cynan Ellis-Evans put it. The implications are that other harsh environments (LIKE SPACE) might be much more conducive to life than we might think.
"We were operating on the presumption that nothing's there," said NASA ice scientist Robert Bindschadler (how's THAT for a sweet job title?), "but suddenly this little fucker shows up, in a completely harsh, sterile, freezing environment, under million of tons of ice. I mean, how FUCKING METAL is that?!" (Editor's note: At least half of this quote is a fabrication)

When contacted for an official quote, the amphipod responded thusly:

"Ya'll are fucking PUSSIES. A-pod OUT."

He then jumped into his custom van, gunned the motor and peeled out with Metallica's "Trapped Under Ice" blaring loudly from the speakers.

Fuck yeah, little shrimp.

(Read the Yahoo! version here.)