Tuesday, March 16, 2010

NASA Ice Scientist: "Lyssianasid amphipods are METAL AS FUCK"

(Not an actual quote)

I don't usually resort to regurgitating stories from Yahoo! News, but sometimes they're just too good to ignore. Such is the case with today's tale.
It seems that scientists from NASA (apparently taking a short break from Project Bluebeam) have discovered higher life in a place they never expected -- in sub-freezing waters 600 feet below an Antarctic ice shelf!
The specimen in question, a distant cousin of the common sea shrimp known as a Lyssianasid amphipod (above right), surprised researchers by popping up on a video cable as they lowered cameras down to shoot the underside of the ice shelf. Also present when the camera returned: A foot-long jellyfish tentacle, also completely unexpected.
The discovery of the three-inch long amphipod is remarkable for a couple of reasons. Most importantly, scientists have never found (nor expected to find) anything larger than a microbe in such a setting. In water that deep, in that location, there is practically no light or heat -- it's basically a vacuum for any kind of life. "This is a first for the sub-glacial environment with that level of sophistication," was how microbiologist Cynan Ellis-Evans put it. The implications are that other harsh environments (LIKE SPACE) might be much more conducive to life than we might think.
"We were operating on the presumption that nothing's there," said NASA ice scientist Robert Bindschadler (how's THAT for a sweet job title?), "but suddenly this little fucker shows up, in a completely harsh, sterile, freezing environment, under million of tons of ice. I mean, how FUCKING METAL is that?!" (Editor's note: At least half of this quote is a fabrication)

When contacted for an official quote, the amphipod responded thusly:

"Ya'll are fucking PUSSIES. A-pod OUT."

He then jumped into his custom van, gunned the motor and peeled out with Metallica's "Trapped Under Ice" blaring loudly from the speakers.

Fuck yeah, little shrimp.

(Read the Yahoo! version here.)


Manslaughter said...

You are such a dork.

Steven said...

One of the comments to this story reads: how many millions did this cost tax payers?????

And 845 people vs 153 gave that a thumbs up?!?! They must prefer drone attacks in Pakistan over discovering life. What a bunch of soulless assholes...

Shelby Cobras said...

I stopped reading after the 3rd comment.

1st one: "MMMmmm ShRimp!"

3rd one: "To bad ObammeR want's to cut funding to NASa"


The Goodkind said...

One of the crucial differences between space and the Antarctic, and also a crucial difference when looking for life....
water and/or water ice
NASA should not be surprised to see life in water, they did just crash some shit into the moon to try and find water ice, y'know, looking for possible life?
This is why they have refrained from crashing a satellite into other less well studied extra-planetary objects, to refrain from contaminating what is believed to be water/water ice.
I suspect the source article is a fraud. But hey take solace, oceans of liquid methane are pretty metal too.