Friday, May 7, 2010

ESL METAL'S GREATEST HITS

Seriously, man. ESL (English as a Second Language) lyrics and heavy metal go together like peanut butter and jelly. I'm not really sure what it is that's so goddamn SATISFYING about hearing a German dude belt out broken-English lyrics about candy bars over rippin' thrash music, but the appeal just can't be denied. Quite simply, people who DON'T actually speak English ALWAYS write better metal lyrics than those who do. 100 times out of 100. I can think of thousands of examples, but today I present the first five that popped into my head when I decided to write about this subject.
Is it my smug sense of English-speaking superiority that makes this topic so interesting to me? I don't think so. I believe it's more a fascination with linguistic mutation, and how different cultures skew the King's English to bend it to their will. I guess placing this concept within the framework of heavy metal makes it all the more powerful -- the addition of skulls, blood, death, and magick can spice up any conversation.
But enough with the analysis. Let's get to the fucking meat.


- DARKTHRONE, "As Flittermice As Satans Spys"

I'm not sure what a "flittermouse" is, and I doubt Fenriz ever did either. The inclusion of a punctuation error AND a spelling error in the title ALONE get this track some major extra points.



"Flittermice of Eld Unveiled at the plenilune
Fordone by Mournful rest now seeking to be fed again
Rising terrestrial power umbraged by celestial light
That Shineth Forth from the palace of god - the palace of no return

Flittermice of Eld they peer into the morrows,
They peer the yesteryears as thoose are coming back.
Beholding the son recrucified, beholding gods race browbeaten,
Beholding the Devastation of all mortals built by them.

Flittermice of Eld they fly to blaspheme yehova
and to build thei Temple (of the) Damned on once holy pleasure ground
A Fare to Rise the Flag (of Satan), to desseminate the races,
To build the Hall of Battle and to live in Eternal Strife

Flittermice come forth from the land beyond the forest
Maltifarious Winged Black Creatures slew the angels (up so) high.
Devestation, Blasphemy, Desecration, Unholy He
who Burned the face of god with the Eye of Our Master"



- SINISTER, "Bleeding Towards The Wendigo"

I understand bleeding ON something, or even bleeding FROM something. But bleeding TOWARD something is some completely NEXT LEVEL SHIT, especially when that something is a fucking WENDIGO.




"Summon the myth of a reckless world
The beast is slaughtered by the hands of sickness
Question the myth and the ancient summoning
A disgusting sight, this diabolic ritual

Bleeding Towards The Wendigo
Carnage dreadful and forgotten

Bastard of history, the pistol pray
Hanged on the gallows free, transfixed by fear
Warned by the tribe, a useless try
Escape to victory or wait and die

Question the myth and the ancient summoning
A disgusting sight, this diabolic ritual

Dismembered by a primitive myth
Lost souls, conquered and warned
Territory settled, trespass and be consumed"



- SODOM, "Pretenders To The Throne" (see also: "Pretenders To The Thrown")

I've seen it spelled both ways, but my guess is that Sodom titled it "Thrown" originally before being corrected by some Billy Buzzkill. Whatevs. Every fucking song on both In The Sign of Evil and Obsessed By Cruelty is ESL gold. Also, "Brandish The Sceptre" = BEST METAL SONG TITLE EVER. End of discussion.



"Sitting on a throne of genocide
Our master regal and glory
Subject for suppressions land
Fairness find no place to expand
All his soldiers di to live
In labyrints of death
Buring temples in town of spell
Prepared for damnation to hell

Young blood envoyed
From endless starlight
Behats in right season
For ending the treason

PRETENDERS TO THE THRONE (thrown)
Betrayed, forgotten and alone
PRETENDERS TO THE THRONE (thrown)
Our mighty child is born

(Repeat)

You confirm me by oath with magic signs
Possesses from your masterhs brightness
You bring me forms of ever open eyes
Token erect of thorny thigh

In his tyrannical lust
He kills and tortured all who sreams
"In god we trust"
Raise the merciless fight
Against a wird might
Come on, lets overthrow only chance
Change of sovereign is our deliverance

PRETENDERS TO THE THRONE (thrown)"



- EMPEROR, "I Am The Black Wizards"

"It is delightful to feast upon the screaming souls that was destroyed in my future!"

Need I say more?



"Mightiest am I, but I am not alone in this cosmos of mine. For the black hills consists of black souls, souls that already dies one thousand deaths. Behind the stone walls of centuries they breed their black art. Boiling their spells in cauldrons of black gold. Far up inthe mountains, where the rain fall not far, yet the sun cannot reach. The wizards, my servants, summon the souls of macrocosm. No age will escape my wrath. I travel through time and I return to the future. I gather wisdom now lost. I visit again the eternally ancient caves, before a mighty Emperor thereupon came. Watching the mortals"discovering" my chronicles, guarded by the old demons, even unknown to me. Once destroyed their souls are being summoned to my timeless prison of hate. It is delightful to feast upon the screaming souls that was destroyed in my future. How many wizards that serve me with evil. I know not. My empires has no limits. From the never ending mountains black, to the bottomless lakes. I am the ruler and has been for eternity's long. My wizards are many, but their essence is mine. Forever there are in the hills in their stone homes of grief. BecauseI am the spirit of their existence. I am them."

PS:




- HYPOCRISY, "Exclamation of a Necrofag"

The ultimate example of ESL TRIUMPH. I can't even begin to wrap my mind around who this Necrofag might be or where he came from, but I know who has a clue: Hypocrisy's fellow Swedes Necrogay (who we last heard from in the ESL-flavored 'How To Name Your Death Metal Band, Part 4').





"Your standing, in front of, all those hidden graves. ??? ??? ??? ???
Murdered people you what are you gonna say ??? ??? ??? ???
Darkness is falling, its time you realize, moon eclipse is shown in your bloodshotted eyes.
Take their mind from them , have them give him mine. ??? ??? ??? ???
??? ??? ??? ??? is no way to be. Pray to your lord to spare your soul, i hell we will be.
Darkness is falling and with so its tortured your life. Demons from hell will come to walk at your side.
Angels, flying thru the sky, From hell, the best day will cost your life."



ANYONE ELSE GOT ONE?

14 comments:

Crankenstien said...

Accept breaker i thought was a good example too

Rollin' just like thunder,
Tryin' to get you down
Mistreatin' ev'rythin',
If you were king he'd take your crown
If you were a dead man
He'd take ya from your grave
He will not mourn for you or me

Happiness he cannot feel
And love to him is so unreal
He burns like hell, he wants you dead,
Altogether hate's all he feel
Movin' like spider, killin' off a fly
No hands, just fists, no heart, just rocks

Icicle brains
Bicycle chains

Rulin' like a tyrant,
Teasin' ev'ryone around
He drags his legs, he plants his feet
He's bothering the ground
Here and now this man
You see plans his terror free
He's born to rule, a king to be

Icicle brains
Bicycle chains

He's a breaker
He will take ya
Destroyin' all around you
He's a breaker
He's a taker
He'd kill maim destroy to the end

Movin' like a spider
Preyin' on the rest
Rulin' like a tyrant,
Tyrannosaurus rex
You could be a dead man,
And you won't know why
No hands, just fists,
No heart, just rocks

Icicle brains
Bicycle chains

He's a breaker
He will take ya
Destroyin' all around you
He's a breaker
He's a taker
He'd kill maim destroy to the end

ReallyGood@Wounding said...

I believe the flittermice in question bats, q.v. Strauss Die Fledermaus.

I'm partial to the first couple of verses of Sepultura's Troops Of Doom

Total eclipse hides the earth
The night of doom has come
Antichrist soldiers are proclaimed
To send souls to the hell

Catastrophe and destruction
Mankind is slaughtered without mercy
Suphur clouds are in the air
Legions winds corrose the universe


Legions winds corrose the universe? Srsly?

abdul alhazred said...

Zombeer by Zombie Ritual

Drink today's beer
Curled up from morning to evening
Sink into all the broken organs
Pain killing magical water

ZOM-BEER
We want more
Alcohol
We need more
ZOM-BEER

Even all guts are rot
Even trying to think hard
Only horrible thoughts comes out
Let's stop think

Rotten my body
Come to alive as Zombie
Let's gobble down ZOM-BEER
Overflow from my torn neck

We want more!

Helm said...

All things considered, I'm sure Emperor knew what they were doing with 'I am the black wizards'.

My favourite is 'ick Is Fucking Big' by Japan's Barbatos.


Dick is fucking big
Pussy is fucking tight
Anal fuck is waiting
Big dick's might

Dick is fucking big
Fuck off shaving pussy

Put it in bitch mouth
It will makes you to ill
Sexual metal holocaust will
Crush poser gay!


Dick is fucking big
Fuck off shaving pussy

I will please entry anus
Oh my god! Give me spicy pussy
Pussy is good smell
Shit is bad smell

abdul alhazred said...

This is a good game.

El Mundo Frio
People
Exposed to the fading light
Do not walk our path
Two tragedies are over
And time has past
Fading memories of people
Rewritten peace

Thing that wait in the end of journey is the endlessly dark
Anything doesn't remain there
There is not even light that shines on the land
Tears that he shed in the silence are color of blood
Hope is in the end of sky
Despair named justice

Depressed mind
Never ending vanity
Never ending destruction and chaos
Hope becomes shining blade and stabs my skin
Unforgivable absurdity
Painting the future black that we thought we trusted
The land will be closed forever
Time we fear the collapse in silence

Manipulated reality
Paradise controlled by darkness
Chasing the pleasure before our eyes
Cling on to the decayed glory
The traveler stops walking
And looks up at the gray sky
Layers of barren field
To look for the time to retrieve
Set out on a journey again

Judgment day will come
Balance of collapsed life
See the people deforming
We become aware
End is near

Can't control emotion
Can't find own rule
What people see
We figure time is over

To maintain silence
Fear hope
Get out of here immediately
Without footprints
Without scar

People
Exposed to the fading light
Do not walk our path
Two tragedies are over
And time has past
Fading memories of people
Rewritten peace

Thing that wait in the end of journey is the endlessly dark
Anything doesn't remain there
There is not even light that shines on the land
Tears that he shed in the silence are color of blood
Hope is in the end of sky
Despair named justice

Expression filled with insanity
Ecstatic smile of the dictator
The shadow of who writhe in the darkness of blood soaked history
Ruse and pillage
Fear and blind faith
Hypocrisy and information manipulation
The world at its hand

Cruel reality
Shine of soul was lost
Tak a look at the expressions of the children before us
Against the cruel reality
Rise up again
Gods bringing the hammers down
Even the lights disappears

To maintain silence
Fear hope
Get out of here immediately
Without footprints
Without scar

Shadow has fallen
Long way of journey
Days of lost freedom
I lay myself on the ground
Wait for the peaceful moment...

Aylmer said...

G.I.S.M. - Endless Blockades For The Pussyfooter has always made me piss myself:

Endless Blockades For The Pussyfooter
Endless blockades Endless blockades
Endless blockades for the pussy footer

You no way notice the demagogue
You no way notice the militaristic
You no way notice the bombing
You no way notice the death in action

They detest to awake you from fool
They detest they united masses
They detest the repressed people's scream
They detest the departed spirits in the third world

Bloody bomb Bloody Bomb
Bloody bomb descent to you

They surely send you the demagogue
They surely send you the militaristic
They surely send you the bombing
They surely send you the death in action

However, "Dick Is Fucking Big" wins by a longshot!

Camellia sinensis said...

well since we are onto the subject of germanic thrash masters Sodom, i thought now would be as good a time as any to pass along this lil gem of an album ala Tom Angelripper... metal versions to Schlagers and drunk-mans songs..ESL impairment at its finest!!!!
severely drunken english often sounds like german so what the hell why not...
added bonus: i do believe the track "when the beer goes marching in" qualifies as proto-ren rock...
your welcome.

http://www.mediafire.com/file/ehn0xmyjnyj/tom.angelripper.zip

Shelby Cobras said...

Thanks Camellia, my bro Jumanji was just telling me about this album the other night...

And yes, I agree with Aylmer. "Dick Is Fucking Big" wins.

"Sexual metal holocaust will
Crush poser gay!"

I mean, c'mon!

Helm said...

My favourite bit is how pumped up he's to please entry anus and then when things go wrong he's like no no no let me get back to spicy pussy, pussy is good smell, shit is bad smell.

Character development right there.

Anonymous said...

Re darkthrone: I bet you flittermice are bats..

vleermuizen = dutch for bats
Fledermäuse = german for bats

muizen/mäuse = mice

Guess they just made it even more eerrrm mystical

Nekromantis said...

Yes! Yes! Barbatos and GISM are LEGENDS in this game. :D

Erkarp said...

Fleshless - To Watch Them Slain

Eye on screen
To watch them die
To watch them slain
To watch them down
Their pain is keen

I like to see people die, closely
But in quiet privacy...
Hidden from their fading sights
My perfidious fancy...
I need to watch something die, statedly
Just watch...

Blood red or purple dawn
My morning ritual
My evening ordinance
My midnight possession
When someone's to be gone

I love to see you die, closely
And no distance...
Still watch...

Killed by someone
Raped by myself
Torn by the fury
Cut by your own hand
This is a long end
For me...
(3x)

I had to see you die, closely
With my assistance...
Hidden from your hidden sight
Your blood's fragrance...
I had to watch all of you die...
Just watch...

Anonymous said...

Son Of Earth (Samael) has a great one:

"Oh! bulged tummy woman!
Oh! deformed body woman!"

to his credit, he really sells it

cdg said...

If you are a false, don't entry
because you'll be burned and died!
- Sarcofago