Tuesday, May 25, 2010


Frank Chu aka "The 12 Galaxies Guy" is a fixture in the streets of downtown San Francisco, a beloved eccentric and conspiracist as recognizable to locals as the Transamerica building or the Coit Tower. Chu's trademark black protest sign, always emblazoned with morphing, nonsensical neon phrases (above), can be seen at sports games, public gatherings, or just about anywhere the news media is present -- although its meaning is a bit more obscure. If you need any further proof of Mr. Chu's integration into the social fabric of San Francisco, please consult Google Maps and check out the "street view" of 3rd and King:

Who Is Frank Chu?

Throughout all the media coverage and internet adulation, though, Mr. Chu's message has gone, for the most part, tragically unheard. Today we take a few minutes to review the facts in the case of Frank Chu vs. The 12 Galaxies, in an attempt to shed light on one of the most far-reaching and insidious human rights travesties of our time. Chu is not so much a protester as a freedom fighter, and his story will undoubtedly inspire legions of intergalactic truth-seekers in generations to come.
I will relate Mr. Chu's story, whenever possible, in his own words (via his Myspace blog), as any embellishment or unnecessary insight on my part could result in The 12 Galaxies and the CIA transforming me into a dog.

As we all know already, Frank Chu starred in an imaginary television show in the 1980's called The Richest Family. His role led to intergalactic fame, although problems arose when payday came around. According to Mr. Chu, the leaders of The 12 Galaxies (a mysterious, powerful realm that has supplied the U.S. with all of our presidents since Jefferson) denied him payment for his role to the magnitude of "20 billions of dollars", which is why he protests to this day. According to Allexperts.com:

"Frank believes that he and his family have been filmed for years now without their knowledge and the show has aired as "The Richest Family". He found out that he was a star (and appeared on the cover of Newsweek, Time, etc.) because California Correctional Officers who were really movie stars who were really KGB agents told him---through ESP. In fact, nearly all the movie stars have ESP. Frank is not from another galaxy and never contends to be. He hasn't even visited them. He is aware of them (possibly) through ESP being sent to him by Soviet ex-presidents (alive and dead/resurrected) and KGB agents. Clinton, Hillary, and even Chelsea are "guiltied" of being in collusion with the first 12 galaxies away from our galaxy, while Frank is being aided by the Zegnotronic (120 galaxies away)."

The only way for Mr. Chu to retrieve his 20 billions, he says, is to raise awareness via protest, which will eventually result in the impeachment of Presidents Bush and Clinton and the payment of said billions. Immense amounts of "sex magic" have been perpetrated by The 12, as well as attempts to "murder God in the testicles". Chu aims to right these atrocious wrongs. In his own words:

"Ben Franklin with the 12 galaxies' populations is guilty of stealing the sex lives, trying to deprive his enemies (the Soviet presidents and their friends) of their sex lives. Also the U.N. presidents. The owner of the12 Galaxies nightclub is probably Yelstin's son, too. I met Mark Hamill at the 12 Galaxies nightclub, and he introduced himself to me as Luke Skywalker. He wanted to identify me as a movie star, so he met me. 12 galaxies with the CIA is stealing sex with sex magic. The U.N presidents and their friends can counter that type of stealing with the KGB and they can take that sex life back for themselves. They could have their second wives, or a 1,000 wives. And they can enjoy sex with orgies too. The 12 galaxies are perverted, trying to murder god in the testicles, and trying to murder Lenin in the testicles, becoming the most jealous criminals across 100,000 galaxies. They can dissapear with telepathic inventions. They can use rocket vacations to their galaxies and other populations; it's like the American airlines. More advanced than the airline vacation. They can use flying saucers, space vacations, more rockets instead of more cars. And the populations on each galaxy, maybe up to 100 billion. On each planet maybe up to 5 to 8 billions. Their architecture is more advanced, richer, and more intelligent. Taller, stronger, lighter in complexion, more eye colors, more hair colors. The eye colors are probably purple, lavender, navy, orange, wintergreen, all the colors. The same with the hair, in all colors, too. The life spans of infinities are all public. The second salaries and the second wives and the telepathic inventions can all disappear in thin air."

(Artist's approximation)

It's a simple message, and a tragic one as well. But Chu is not content to sit idly by while George Bush is Guiltied to a Zegnatronic Rocket Society. His protest is far from static. Quite to the contrary, actually, as his trademark "12 Galaxies" slogan jumped up to "1000 Galaxies" a couple years ago, and has repeatedly changed quantity since (at last count, The 12 had increased to 8,685,000,000 Galaxies). The reason for the change is easily explained:

More explanation pertaining to the superiority of The 1000 Galaxies: "I was presenting my Campaign's to The Law Office's of George Rush, Josh Arce, and to Kevin, their friend was hi-fiving me about Sarah, I met her Halloween Nite, she was making out with me as Stars and T.V. Stars, I am against The 12 galaxies constantlied burglarizing my myspace messages, with attempted murders constantlied continuing against his testicle's ruling a 1000 Galaxies! I was able to speak with Cecil William's at Glide on Thanksgiving, The fried turkey, pot roast, Ham, beers and whiskey, cake were at Mesha's place with friends from the 12 Galaxies niteclub, buttter is more profitable than margarine, it has a better taste, tastier, The taste buds are more advanced at a 1000 galaxies, butter was burglarized by the 12 galaxies."

Although Chu considers himself a Republican (it says so on his resume), assigning a one-word categorization to Chu's political beliefs would be doing them a disservice. He is neither Ostrological or Dectrological, although Omegalogical Theoretical analysis of the Thatroxillions of Populations is not yet complete. Perhaps this excerpt from Frank's blog will clarify:

"He came from a 1000 Galaxies equivalent to Ruling a 100 Galaxies with my Aunt Caroline Wong helping my Father at Vacations at other Galaxies at a 1000 Galaxies of Populations, I was on Channel 7, 5,4,2,11 concerning populations at other planets in outer space, against Them Ruling 12 Galaxies.
The Vacations are with Flying Saucers with advanced foods on Space Vacations, better than Star Trek. The foods have lighter complexion's for their animals and vegetables, higher in Proteins, Iron and Nutritionalled Vitamins! Their animals are more domesticated, different at color, different eye colors also. The 3 shapes of the planets are more sophisticated, more provacativ'd, more modern, more intelligent, taller, lighter in complexion's of their populations.
The rocket vacations have better holidays, better than thanksgiving against the 12 galaxies, better mashed potatoes at a 1000 galaxies. Better than the turkey stuffings with caroline wong, my aunt resurrected at 500 galaxies also. She is all passed away right now.
The Glide Memorial Turkey with Cecil William's he is friends with Jessie Jackson's, with Turkey Stuffing's, Peas, better advanced Turkey Stuffings better than today's Turkey Stuffings. Yams, Sweet Potatos, Mashed Potatoes, Peas & carrots, the Ranch Dressings, The Thousand island Dressings, the salads."

It's rather obvious that with a little research, Mr. Chu's messages are easily deciphered. I believe this video will serve to eradicate any lingering questions you might have:

Lunch with Frank Chu

Fuck off, Burner

So there you have it. Frank Chu, in collusion with the Zegnatronic, fighting for justice against Bill Clinton and the oppresive regime of The 12 Galaxies. The man is only working to get payments due, and his struggle is the struggle of Exoatmospheric Populations everywhere. Supporting him in his "Crusade for the first-ever impeachment of a non-acting President" is a good way to assist, but buying advertising space on the back of his sign is even better. Frank Chu needs your help!

Below: A "priceless" work by street artist Banksy located in San Francisco's Mission District, recently "Chu'd" and improved. Fuck Banksy.

To summarize, I leave you now with more prophetic words from the man himself, taken from a review of Borat he posted on his Myspace page on November 22, 2006. Chilling stuff:

"He was learning manners, she told him not to show a naked picture at the dinner table, his favorite naked son about 20 or 25 years old. He had to be taught how to use the restroom he also was brainwashed by the CIA filming him with Live Performances, The CIA with their friends are Stealing their sex lives with Massed Murdered Cases by Formered Presidents and friends, forcing him to fight his Russian friend, naked.

He was a KGB'D Russian Actor, I am The Most American, as a Formered Billionare'd on a People Magazine! Both films were against Perverted Massed Murdered Cases committed by Formered Presidents and friends with The White House!"

I hope this post has served its intended purpose: to clarify the details in the case of Mr. Frank Chu, and dispel any confusion as to his motivation and aims. Mr. Chu's message is a clear and precise one, often distorted by the media but powerful nonetheless. Long live Frank Chu, long live the Zegnatronic!


Anonymous said...

Frank Chu is the man.

Anonymous said...

$20 billions eh? Sounds like this guy's TV life is to the 12 Galaxies, what Lost is to us.

Jack said...

great album/band names in mr chu's words...
-"stealing sex with sex magic"
-trying to murder god in the testicles (or simply 'to murder god in the testicles')
-band:the most jealous criminals
album title: "across 100,000 galaxies"
-"telepathic inventions can all disappear into thin air"

Erik Del Tigre said...

Jesus, whoever Banksy-ed up that Banksy piece fucking WINS. Shit is so much better with Frank Chu it's not even funny.