Friday, June 12, 2009


Today we lay to rest the '80's/00's Action Figure Corner' series with a post on what is without a doubt the awesomest action figure ever made: ME.

Another brilliant creation from Ethanomicon over at Winsbyfilms, the "Velocidactyl" (speed-finger) figure is the crown jewel in a sizeable collection of curios, mystical talismans, and strange artifacts I have collected in the course of my 30 years on this planet. Packaged with a severed head, a can of Dino-Beer, a sawed-off shotgun, and a "Cretaur" (amazing attention to detail on that one), this is the first installment in what I'm sure will eventually become a full line of Cretaceous toys. Also, take note of the Dino Power Shred Glove on my right hand. I've actually commissioned Winsbyfilms to create a life-size reproduction of said Glove for live shows. It increases picking speed and endurance tenfold.
This has got to be the highest honor ever bestowed upon me, in a life chock-full of honor bestowage. Ethanomicon really went above and beyond the call of duty on this one, and for that, I am eternally grateful. What a Bro.

But alas, there are three distinct bummers about the Velocidactyl Action Figure:

1) Manslaughter sat on it in Chuffy's truck after a show once, bending it and damaging the packaging. I have since forgiven her for this seemingly unforgivable trangression.
2) The severed head came loose from the packaging, and is now bouncing around between my (the action figure's) feet. Which sucks, because you can't see it in the picture and it's REALLY COOL.
3) Ethanomicon toned down my musculature quite considerably in my action figure version. In real life, I'm way more blasted than that.

From the back of the package: "The story of the most brutal metal band of all time - Born after mistakenly opening a portal in time to that of the dinosaurs, destroying the space-time fabric - Hurling them 23,000,000 years into the past - Fusing them with the dinosaurs, giving them amazing powers & instruments beyond belief. They are CRETACEOUS - With the power to travel back to the ancient world & the ability to change into these creatures - Obliterating all in their path... Bow to them or die!


Seth J G Goodkind said...

I am really sad that I missed your show last April up here in Seattle. It won't happen again. You should play at the Sunset Tavern next time, they have a great venue and it's where we show splatter movies and drink.

Shelby Cobras said...

We may be back again before the end of the year... That sounds like a blast, I'll let you know as soon as further tour plans materialize. Where is the Sunset Tavern located? Hopefully we can play with Bloodhag again. I fucking LOVE those guys.

Seth J G Goodkind said...

The Sunset is a former Chinese restaurant in the Ballard neighborhood north of downtown, they have live music, usually punk or metal but it runs the gamut. Thor and Witchcraft have played there among others. I started showing kung-fu movies there because of the Chinese restaurant thing, but we run horror and other junk now. It might take some doing but we could project an old dinosaur movie onto the stage while you guys played.

Shelby Cobras said...

That sounds awesome. I will definitely contact you before we book our next tour.