Wednesday, December 16, 2009

TURNING WATER INTO FAYGO: Welcome To JuggaloFaith.com


Above: Harken, ninjas! Gather close and adore Insane Clown Jesus!

Okay, I hate to admit this, but I'm done making fun of Juggalos. It's just too fucking easy. It's even easier than making fun of black metal (or over-intellectualizing it, if you're a Williamsburg hipster), and making fun of black metal is REALLY easy. But before I throw in the proverbial towel on ICP ridicule, I've got to share one last tidbit with you guys, quite possibly the greatest Juggalo-related internet gem ever discovered.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you JuggaloFaith.com, a website that transforms the phrase "Jesus Christ, Juggalos?! JUGGALOS?!?! Jesus Christ." to "Jesus Christ, Juggalos. Juggalos, Jesus Christ." JuggaloFaith is your one-stop shop for Christian Juggalo needs, whether it be a visit to their own social networking site Ninja Nation or a spin on their Psycho Slot Machine. I also highly recommend a trip to the 'Hidden Truths' section of the page, where JuggaloFaith will point out all of the secret Christian messages hidden in the music and artwork of ICP and their related acts.


Above: A somber Juggalo genuflects before the annual Gathering.

Believe it or not, JuggaloFaith.com isn't the most popular website in the world (their hit counter just passed 10,000), but the site's creator Rev. B-Lotus has a message "To all the haters and non believers who post on our message board and guest book":

"Fuck the devil, fuck that shit, we believe in life legit, ain't you gettin' what we say, why you throw your soul away??"

Jesus has your back, ninjas. He walked on Faygo and fed the entire Gathering of the Juggalos with a single fish and loaf of bread. God himself has a message for you, too. He gave you His only son and created Heaven and all the Earth, but on the eighth day, God said "Thou shalt be DOWN WITH THE CLOWN!!!"


Okay, really. I'm done now. This is too easy.

Farewell, Juggalos.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I was lost but now I'm found. I shall covet no other than Violent J.
Holeee shit.

Andy Muthafukkin Bonney said...

There actually are a lot of Christian messages and hidden imagery involved in the ICP experience. Like that song, "I Stab People." It's about the greatest commandment: "Stab your neighbor as you would stab yourself."

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AWOLGina said...

Just because there are some Juggalo's who are christians (or whatever they are calling themselves) does not mean that all Juggalos, or that the bands who make their music, or the fans of same, are christians. It's hard for me to picture a christian who would tolerate the swears & content of the music, as I'm anti-religion, and enjoy some of the music, I'm definitely not in on the secret signs thing, nor could I find it from your link to their page in your article--it just goes to their main web, not to the truths. Thanks for the article though, am definitely going to be subscribing.

Cory said...

What?