Above: Harken, ninjas! Gather close and adore Insane Clown Jesus!
Okay, I hate to admit this, but I'm done making fun of Juggalos. It's just too fucking easy. It's even easier than making fun of black metal (or over-intellectualizing it, if you're a Williamsburg hipster), and making fun of black metal is REALLY easy. But before I throw in the proverbial towel on ICP ridicule, I've got to share one last tidbit with you guys, quite possibly the greatest Juggalo-related internet gem ever discovered.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you JuggaloFaith.com, a website that transforms the phrase "Jesus Christ, Juggalos?! JUGGALOS?!?! Jesus Christ." to "Jesus Christ, Juggalos. Juggalos, Jesus Christ." JuggaloFaith is your one-stop shop for Christian Juggalo needs, whether it be a visit to their own social networking site Ninja Nation or a spin on their Psycho Slot Machine. I also highly recommend a trip to the 'Hidden Truths' section of the page, where JuggaloFaith will point out all of the secret Christian messages hidden in the music and artwork of ICP and their related acts.
Above: A somber Juggalo genuflects before the annual Gathering.
Believe it or not, JuggaloFaith.com isn't the most popular website in the world (their hit counter just passed 10,000), but the site's creator Rev. B-Lotus has a message "To all the haters and non believers who post on our message board and guest book":
"Fuck the devil, fuck that shit, we believe in life legit, ain't you gettin' what we say, why you throw your soul away??"
Jesus has your back, ninjas. He walked on Faygo and fed the entire Gathering of the Juggalos with a single fish and loaf of bread. God himself has a message for you, too. He gave you His only son and created Heaven and all the Earth, but on the eighth day, God said "Thou shalt be DOWN WITH THE CLOWN!!!"
Okay, really. I'm done now. This is too easy.