Thursday, July 30, 2009

"I thirst you ALL to accompany, and also to wigwag outdoors with your cock outdoors." (A re-re-post)

This morning, as I Google-searched "illogical contraption" in search of any sort of I.C.-related news (I do this more often than I probably should), I stumbled upon a website/blog thing, called "evil dead" (screencap shown above), which re-posted an inconsequential piece from June 11th about upcoming shows in the Bay Area. I'm not sure what "evil dead" is all about (they are advertised as "another excellent weblog"), but it seems that they took the content of the original post and ran it through some sort of ESL/Mad Libs filter before displaying it. The results are confusing, contradictory, and altogether AWESOME. By the way, the "evil dead" piece is the SEVENTH result if you Google I.C., so SOMEONE out there is reading it. I don't really know what to make of all this.
Read my original post here. The "evil dead" version is reprinted in its entirety below. Images and italics (on the best phrases) are my addition.

"I fathom that this pile drive purely be fitting to surprise 5% of our readers (those who reside in or about the Bay Area). But that’s friendly of the unbroken pornographic that Illogical Contraption was built upon. 20 posts that like 5% of the readership each? That’s a 100% celebrity price! Awesome! Looking on account of some ardent Summer frolic? Look no fresh than Kaptain Kobras’ Krazy Koncert Kalendar, your one-stop betray on account of wigwag ‘n’ fly awesomeness in the San Francisco Bay Area! Trying to method a vacation, but deprivation a devoted to conclusion to method it about? We’ve got you covered. Need to learn your break down into of fart- or dinosaur-themed corpulent metal? No fine kettle of fish.

Just veld BORED? Not anymore. This Summer’s gonna sizzle, and now’s the constantly to available a faЗade fuss position on account of all the ardent action!-Monday, June 15th at the Elbo Room (647 Valencia in SF): Live Evil, Freeball & Lightning (members of Drunk Horse), and Dalton. This Summer promises to be not later than paralysed a elevation the BEST in modern retention, with a unbroken shitload of bands (that I’m in) playing a unbroken shitload of shows, make up for in your backyard! Check outdoors the agenda minuscule than minuscule down, then strap on your boogie shoes and sweetest pair off of Oakleys. Epic Bro Rock. Monday nights RULE!!!-Friday, June 19th at SUB-Mission (formerly Balazo Gallery), 2183 Mission at 18th: Skitzo, Farticus, Cretaceous, Savage Machine, and Fluff Grrl (click here on account of join forces together links and stuff). A shades of night of disparity, metal, and intricate bodily functions. It’s door guy/booker Michael’s birthday.

-HOLY SHIT THIS SHOW IS GONNA RULE – Friday, June 26th at Annie’s Social Club (917 Folsom): Tres Hombres XXX (ZZ Top bridge join forces together featuring Brian Fucking Kehoe, daft shredmaster from both Kehoe Nation and M.I.R.V.), Turbonegra (all-girl Turbonegro bridge band), and Dalton. Buy him a beer. (July drive be a doltish month on account of shows, as Dalton enters the studio to surprise down their exceptionally anticipated full-length launching album and shoots a video. But Pentagram (YAY!) and Nachmystium (BOO!) are playing at the DNA Lounge July 2nd.

(Decisions, decisions.)-Sunday, Aug 2nd at the Evil Dead Shed in Concord, CA: Cretaceous with more bands TBA, directly again locate on not later than our pals the Diablo Valley Pyrate Punx. Be forewarned, eventually: Yes and Asia are playing that SAME NIGHT at the Regency Ballroom. The most modern be noticeable we played at this surprise back was unforgettable. Dirty, backyard mosh pits RULE. Did I gift that Cretaceous is in the make of mixing a defame spankin’ creative 5-song EP? Way safer than the most modern anecdote, I asseverate you.

-Tuesday, August 4th at The Knockout (3223 Mission Street in SF): Dalton, Farticus, and my bros Thirtythreeandathird (from Arcata — mostly download their demo here). Putting someone to boot me behind the mixing directors is continually a clever pornographic. Tuesdays are the NEW Monday!So there you get it. A WHOLE GODDAMN SUMMER of dreadful music, brought to you including the exquisiteness of Illogical Contraption and Kaptain Kobras himself.

I thirst you ALL to accompany, and also to wigwag outdoors with your cock outdoors."

I'm not sure what the meaning of all this is, and I haven't yet had the time to research it further. But I can tell you one thing: I wish that "evil dead/weblogs/edublogs" would rewrite ALL of my posts. This one in particular is a VAST improvement over the original. If you're out there, "evil dead" guy, please contact me.

Check out the mysterious Edublogs version, in its original location, here. (Editor's note: Do so at your own risk. The Heckler explained in the 'Comments' section that this whole Edublogs thing -- along with many others -- are just designed for advertising and spreading malware viruses. Sweet)


atanamar said...

Ah man, I almost shit my pants laughing. Everything on that site is hilarious:

"The awareness behind the Big Lunch Event is, plainly, to descend from people outdoors in the streets, having lunch with their neighbours and so erection up the community character needed to hook a modification to your city compass."

Charles T Heckler said...

advanced blogspam/seo

spider crawls for certain topics and automatically creates a "blog" that is just a vehicle for ads. The content is ripped off from elsewhere. They run it through a language filter to try and obscure the content so it appears original.

this is why it shows up high in a google search.

it's also likely that the blog you linked has some kind of malware scripting that downloads viruses and whatnot to your pc. hosting that shit pays real good.

For you WinXP users I recommend:


or even better:

Shelby Cobras said...