Saturday, October 9, 2010

Trying to find a Special Lady...

Hey she bros, Ive been trying to find myself a new lady friend. Think you might fit the bill? Read my craigs list ad below...

Satanic Sexual Ritual

Date: 2009-06-18, 5:13PM
Looking for a woman with evil appetites.
We will have nasty, evil, sweaty, probably illegal sexual encounters in order to bring about the rise of Lucifer. (ie Satan)
Must be willing to do all styles of sexual positions, except Missionary. That is the Lord's Way, and we will have none of that. Besides, if we do it Missionary, Satan gets angry and a kitten dies. I like kittens.
Must be into anal. For that is Satan's Alley. Must like blow jobs (Swallowing Lucifer's Gravy) and Hand Jobs (Milking the Evil Goat)
Must be into slight S&M (Safe word: Pink Sock)
Must be into erotic and evil costumes and lingerie. Leather Thongs, spikes, boots, black and evil bras that accentuate your bosom, Boba Fett costumes.
Must be willing to deep throat. (So that my satanic appendage will be closer to your black soul)
Must be into strap-ons so that I may feel the "Power of Beezlebub" coursing thru my lower intestines.
The perfect encounter will be this:
Meeting you at one of our local eatery's. Plying you with ample alcoholic libations. Enjoying a nice piece of animal flesh. Tipping the waiter only 10% instead of 15 to 20% (Because we are EVIL!) Taking you back to my lair. Removing your Gothic Garb, laying you roughly upon my "Sacrifice Altar" (Twin size futon), and promptly begin to nibble on your Satanic Slit. (Please shave before the ritual, as it's hard to be evil when you got pubes stuck in your fillings) Whence you are all moist with the Power of The Dark Lord's Juices, I will remove my cape and trousers and proceed to fill you with the Sceptre of His Infernal Majesty. You will writhe in pleasure so deep, it will call forth the Evil One himself! After 4 to 7 minutes of the most intense sexual experience of your God Fearing life, we will perform a Satanic Snuggle, until you gently fall asleep in my powerful arms.

If this taps into the Primordial Jelly you have buried deep down in your Dark Soul, then contact me and we will make beautiful, agonizing "love" together. We will combine our desires and perform rituals so evil, it will awaken the Evil Ancient One from His Firey Nap! He will spill forth from the Bowels of Hell like so much premature Satanic Ejaculate!!
Hails to the Evil One!!

Location: Santa Barbara
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Original URL:

Edit: Im perfectly content with my current special lady.


stonerphonic said...

Sooooo had me at "must be into... Boba Fett costumes", then brought it all the way home with "a Satanic Snuggle, until you gently fall asleep in my powerful arms".

Really really hard to not use "fuckwit" without the prexix "total" when describing The Dark One's Servant, also known as 1228602341.

I'm so gunna contact this cocksmoker with "services or other commercial interests".... coz that would be really evil of me... hehehe...

thanx Pete. nice...

The Thing That Should Not Be said...

Is it Sir Simon Milligan, by any chance?