DEMIGOD - SLUMBER OF SULLEN EYES (1992)

Straight up, no frills OSDM. Meat and potatoes chaos out of Finland, stripped of garnish, pretense, or bullshit. Shit, even the obligatory "death metal album intro" is only 25 seconds long! This album fucking rips, not much more to say about it. I can't believe it's taken me this long to post it. Brutal.

Download HERE

Purchase it used for $120

Myspace / Last.FM

BRUCE HAACK - HAACKULA (Unreleased, 1978)

Last time we checked on Bruce Haack it was right over here, where we discussed his psychedelic 1970 masterpiece The Electric Lucifer. In this same post, I also mentioned Haack's robo-porn album Haackula, which his record label flat-out refused to release upon its production in 1978. Well, here it is.
This is, as they say, "some F'ed up S". Equal parts Kraftwerk, proto-Nintendo, Tim and Eric, and Men's Recovery Project, Haackula was Bruce's giant middle finger to popular music, an odd, stumbling mix of groovy synthesizers and mumbled vocals with very little pretense and even less commercial appeal. Long after its initial recording, Haackula finally saw "official" release a couple years ago, at which point it was slathered with a horrendous, "modern"-looking cover (above right) and marketed to the electro-nerd masses.
Whatevs. While I prefer the artwork from Electric Lucifer and Haack's earlier children's albums (see top and below), the music and concept behind Bakula Haackula is formidable and confusing, the type of thing that must be heard to be believed.
This one is for Manslaughter, who claimed last time around that "Muttering weird asides about blowjobs and paranoia over throbbing, robotic synth music is one of my favorite pastimes." Well here you go, buddy. I'll see you at The Retreat this weekend.



Download HERE
Purchase HERE

Myspace / Last.FM / Wiki

Illogical: The Gathering

I’ll be flying up to the Bay Area this weekend for the annual IC Writers Retreat and I couldn’t be more stoked. I’ll be leading a workshop called Stick Twirling, Sweet or Lame? and I’m especially excited for Manslaughter’s bacon symposium (karma sutra maneuver?). Other highlights will include Walking the Labyrinth of the False and Ungrim, Yachtmystium Rehearsal, a tinfoil-hat craft sessions, and Shelby lecturing us on the necessity of the Oxford comma in digital journalism.

Although you’re bummed you can’t attend (wasn’t invited). I thought I’d share with you some of the materials that I’ve been studying in preparation.


Black and Roll


Heavy Soul

Ennio Morricone- Valmonts go go pad '68

KURU - IN BETWEEN WORLDS (2002)

Remember when we used to upload music here on IC? Those were good times.
As a reminder of those simpler days, here's an obscure little EP of good, old-fashioned death metal from Sacramento's Kuru. Named after a disease contracted from the consumption of human flesh, Kuru were most active in the early-to-middle part of this decade, and still play to this day (although I haven't seen any Bay Area dates in the last couple of years). In fact, my old band (my "old old" band?) shared the stage with these guys and Impaled back in 2003 or so, and they were quite a formidable grind machine (especially for a three-piece!). According to the band, their influences are "A smoldering pit filled with the expired flesh of metal-core, nu-metal, postcard punk and emo, bands and fans alike! Fuck off you sperm sucking, soul soliciting posers!!!" So there's that.
While In Between Worlds was something of a "mission statement" from the band, 2004 saw the release of Kuru's first full-length, which found them pursuing a more humorous, goregrind-esque aesthetic (see "Sleeping Bag Ass", "Sleeping Bag Ass II: The Poop Sex Sloth", and "Ass Raped By Carnival Midgets"). But I'll stick to the simpler pummeling pleasures of "Beast Hammer" and the four other tracks on this demo, thankyouverymuch. Brutal and busy (if somewhat generic) DM. If you can't hang, you're probably a SPERM-SUCKING, SOUL-SOLICITING POSER.

Download HERE

(The full-length had better cover art)

Kuru on Myspace

N.E.R.D.S. (Nerds are Extremely Rad. Duh, Stupid)

It might be chooglin' season, but let's put the jams back in the clam for a second here. What I'm about to drop here is jaws. Seriously.

(Behold...epic nerdery shreddage)

This one is for the nerds. This one is for those geeks that went to music school and get off on senseless Mixolydian mode improvisation.(ok-my fave is Phrygian-so SHOOT ME) Fucking mathematician magicians, guitar-weilding wizards.

(bet you my mom is super stoked this is still on her desktop...HAHAHA MOM)

Picture this: I'm standing in front of the stage, with this dude that HAS to be like, 21 at most, with what he refers to as his "12-string Hell-Harp" (Warr Guitar=this fucking crazy ass tap guitar thingy that covers both bass and guitar fretboards-for serious nerds only-see top pic) my mouth wide open, yes-drool might have escaped momentarily. I couldn't headbang, I couldn't throw horns, I couldn't make invisible fruits of seasonal variety. I couldn't.

Behold...the Arctopus. What the hell is an ARCTOPUS anyways? Holy flaming shitballs, Crapman. These dudes are from Cananda. (is there something with me and Canadians? Do I need to move there?)

(Giger much?)

I saw this band last year and they kinda blew my mind. I'm not really into all that technical/progressive/extreme metal stuff, (Ok-of course I love the sci-fi shit like Voivod, but I'm talking more speed metal like Nile or Necrophagist or something- I get a little lost) I'm a space truckin' kinda girl, you know? I don't think I could even put together exactly what was being laid before me, but the sheer craziness of the S.H.R.E.D.D.E.R. (Shit is Hard, Rad, Extreme, Dangerously Dirty, Explosive and Rad) that seemed to invisibly pluck every note in circular form hit home.In all honesty, I don't really listen to their music a whole lot (it's literally un-headbangable it's so extreme), but you should check it out...if you're a nerd. I mean, they mention Arnold Schoenberg, Luciano Berio and Bela Bartok (<---dude, Peter get on it) as a few of their influences. In fact, they often compose songs with Schoenberg's 12 tone technique. Woah. That's some epic meganerdom right there. Just watch this video, behold:

(try not to focus on the drummer's douchewand haircut, I dare you)

These dudes write down all their songs on sheet form. Which is amazing. That must take for fucking ever. With altering time measures of 5/4 and 6/4 and 11/8 within one song, and titles such as "You Will Be Reincarnated As An Imperial Attack Space Turtle" they won my heart, if nothing else. That is just adorable.

Anyways, there's not really a huge point to this pathetic post; as usual, just me ranting about some fucking band I saw once upon a time. It's more for me than you, as I can't remember most bands I've seen; (due to the vast radness that is my life) blogging has become somewhat of a memoir for me. So I don't forget, you know? I still think you dweebs are gonna pop a boner for a minute over these ones. Two whole albums of non-stop skull grinding classical worship. DO.IT.

Get to school, you NERD!

nano-nucleonic cyborg summoning

skullgrid

Love,

Manslaughter

IC ON NPR?

I'll admit it. I listen to National Public Radio on a near-daily basis. Nothing turns my crank like the wry witticisms of Ira Glass, the keen insight of Terry Gross, or the cocksure baritone of Cy Musiker. "All Things Considered"? "Science Friday"? Never miss 'em. I'm not kidding. NPR 24-7. Ask Peter.

Right: Two fine examples of the type of dude that listens to NPR. Just out of frame: Me.

Which is why I was more than just a little surprised, humbled, confused, angry, and delighted when Brother Seanford informed me recently that NPR has an eye on IllCon. Did you miss it? Allow me to elaborate:
Check out this article on NPR.org from June 2nd of this year, oddly titled "The Rocky Balboa Metal Montage Workout" (screencap below). The article, written by NPR staffer Lars Gotrich, offers 5 obscure-ish metal songs for your own personal Rocky-esque training montage, from Warlock in the 80's to a couple of modern bands. Prepare to get pumped:




Okay, great. Lars Gotrich (any relation to Ulrich?) thinks we should add some Christian Mistress to our "montage mix". But wait a minute. How does this guy even know about Christian Mistress? Easy. Seanford posted about this obscure band here on IC on April 29th, 2010. Is that too much of a leap of reasoning? Perhaps. But let's keep moving.
Also featured on Mr. Gotrich's "Top 5" list is another semi-obscure band, the NWOBHM beer-guzzlers known as Tank. Gotrich claims that Tank's "Run Like Hell" (from the album Filth Hounds of Hades) is another must-have montage jam, which is just a little strange. After all, Tank's Filth Hounds was featured on Cosmic Hearse in mid-February. Now, I consider The Hearse to be a tight Bro of The Contraption, and I also consider the fact that Mr. Gotrich included both Tank and Christian Mistress in his article nigh unto EMPIRICAL EVIDENCE that he has been hanging out in our neck of the blogosphere. No leap of reasoning here. Pretty obvz, Lars. At least leave a comment or something next time. But there's more.


Whaaaaaa????? HUNTRESS??? That's right. Not only was the Huntress demo featured on IC on April 1st, but (spoiler alert) Seanford actually PLAYS DRUMS in this fucking band. Caught you red-handed, buddy. And that's not all. NPR must've had Manowar on the brain after reading THIS on IC March 19th, which explains their inclusion on the "Montage Mix" as well. The evidence is really stacking up, isn't it?

It's true. NPR is on our jock. Which is all fine and good, but they could at least give us a shout-out next time. I mean, they gave Stuff You Will Hate credit when and where it was due. Lars, if you're reading (AND I KNOW YOU ARE), just bear one thing in mind: I'll buy the fucking NPR tote bag or whatever next time the fund drive comes around. But are YOU willing to support the media outlets that quench YOUR thirst for METAL? Think about it, brother. I want to keep our relationship positive, here. Throw me a fucking bone next time.

Anyways, I thought it was only fair that I supply you all with my very own Illogical Contraption Metal Montage Mix as well, because, I mean, Huntress? Come on, NPR. You can do better than that. Here are some ill jams from the personal collection of Professor Cobras, absolutely guaranteed to build musculature as well as pump nads. Stuff this bad boy in your iPod next time you're at the gym, and bask in the glory of your newly-blasted abs. Get torqued!

We'll start things off slow, working our way up to the meaty stuff. First up is Viraemia, with their slow-burn groove jam "Cancrum Oris":



Nice. You should have a little bit of a sweat going right now, and your heart rate should be up just a tad. Time to really hit those reps. Let's work those lats to some Putrefying Cadaverment -- more specifically to their uplifting workout song "Surgically Decapitated":



Right on, nice work. Let's cool down with an old classic.

Bethlehem - "Schuld Uns'res knochrigen Faltpferds"



Now is the time to really find your groove. The simple structures, straightforward tempos, and rhythmic composition of Sleep Terror should do the trick. Something along the lines of "Somnambulist Pedophile":



Alright, time to bring it home. It's been a good workout. Allow yourself to relax and cool off with the mellow sounds of Noism. Hey look, this song even has "IC" in the title! "Man IC":



Now go towel off, dude. You reek.

DEES: NUTS

Every once in awhile, an artist or political figure comes along who is so over-the-top, so mind-fuckingly absurd, that no matter one's affiliation or social beliefs, one must merely stand back in awe and confusion at their twisted vision. David Icke comes to mind, as do Charles Manson and Glenn Beck.
David Dees is just such an artist. Today's post is by no means an endorsement of Dees' political or social views (I couldn't disagree more with many of them), merely a quick exploration of the visual molestation-via-political cartoon he puts forth as his life's work. Who is David Dees? Good question.

His ENTIRE Wikipedia page reads thusly: "David Dees began his airbrush art career in the fast paced world of corporate advertising. Begging his way onto a staff position at an Atlanta sweatshop, GraphicsGroup studios, Dees was soon dealing with cutthroat art directors from New York to Chicago, creating the eye catching visuals that sold everything from cartoon package designs on kids cereal boxes, to billboards of dazzling electronics, to the newest soft drink ads.
In the eighties, setting up freelance shop in Los Angeles, Dees had success with the movie industry, painting hundreds of video covers, movie ad campaigns, and store displays for his clients Paramount, Hanna-Barbera, and Walt Disney Studios.
Then, an interest in childrens book illustrations led to a long standing association with Sesame Street, where his colourful and wacky illustrations of Cookie Monster, Big Bird, and the muppets were featured in Sesame Street Magazine nearly every month for the last 15 years, including seven covers, and recently, four Sesame Street children books for Random House and Readers Digest Publishing.
These days, long since replacing the liquid airbrushed acrylic paint with photoshop digital art, high technology has revitalized the look and feel of his artwork.
Then, in 2006, Dees came up with an original style of political art commentary inspired by the 9/11 truth movement and a passion to fight the New World Order agenda. David began creating and releasing an endless barrage of aggressive, and sometimes disturbing, photo-illustration images throughout the internet in an attempt to wake others up about the onslaught of the elite's power hungry world government plan of domination. Sarcastic to the extreme, funny in the approach, most times visually horrifying, this wild new style of illustration screams out our serious world crisis situation in a visual instant.
Patriot heroes like Hollywood film producer Aaron Russo who produced "America: Freedom to Fascism", radio talk show legend Jeff Rense, and the world renowned David Icke have all commented on this socially conscious illustration and were not shy in throwing around the term 'political art genius'.
What irony that all of David Dees' years of designing for big corporations trained an art monster who would now turn his creative power back against that very corrupt mainstream media."

What Wikipedia DOESN'T mention:

1) Dees is a Holocaust denier, "Birther", and anti-Semite.
2) Dees worships Ron Paul.
3) Dees is committed to revealing the truth behind the "Moon landing", mind control through water fluoridization, and the 9/11 conspiracy (Bush/Cheney did it, bin Laden was framed).

To me, Dees' art looks like some sort of Art Bell/No Limits Records mashup fueled by massive amounts of Tea Party crack (although a deep-seated mistrust of both Fox News and the Obama Administration are apparent in his work). Shit is pretty fucked up. Enjoy:

Dees website.
Consult this thread for more info.

Thanks(?): Cory

IT IS WHAT IT IS: The Films of Crispin Hellion Glover

Perhaps you know him as George McFly. Perhaps you know him as The Bad Guy From Charlie's Angels or maybe even Willie Wonka. But chances are, when you think of Mr. Crispin Hellion Glover, you don't think of him as a filmmaker. There are probably a few good reasons for this: Glover's films are the very definition of obscurity, difficult to locate and even more difficult to watch. His subject matter, dialogue, themes, and imagery all seem designed to invoke a creepy uncomfortableness, and sitting through either of his films (2005's What Is It? and 2007's It Is Fine! Everything Is Fine) can be a challenge. His films have been praised, ridiculed, mocked, derided, and turned into urban myth since their original release, but the nagging question remains: Is Crispin Glover a misunderstood genius, a mischevious prankster fucking with the quote unquote ART world, or something somewhere in between?


The first film in Glover's so-called It trilogy (Part 3, It Is Mine, remains unmade), What Is It? is a film with very little linear narrative, based around a cast of characters with Down's Syndrome, a bunch of naked chicks, lots of bugs, snails, and salt, and writer/editor Adam Parfrey in blackface. To hear Glover tell it, What Is It? was meant to mess with the status quo's pre-concieved notions of "good", "bad", and "offensive", hence the mentally-challenged protagonists, rampant nudity, and multiple swastikas displayed throughout (the original movie poster featured a painting of a young, naked girl, posed in front of a Nazi flag and wearing a Nazi officer's cap, with a riding crop placed in her nether regions). The film was never released on DVD, and was shown only on a brief tour that Glover made of the United States after its release. What Is It? was reportedly filmed in just two and a half weeks (spread over the course of a decade), on a budget of $150,000 (mostly money from Glover's role in Charlie's Angels), and featured only himself and Fairuza Balk in regards to any "known" film actors. I'd love to give you all a link where you could buy it or at least see a significant portion of it, but alas, the best I can do is this trailer:

(NSFW - PS: this clip has less than 2,000 views on the 'Tube, WTF?)



Pretty fuckin' loopy, right? So when do we get a DVD? Go to crispinglover.com and complain.

Right: bearded Crispin, with female fan and movie poster in question.

So how does a guy like Crispin Hellion Glover (that's his REAL middle name) follow up a debacle like What Is It?
With It Is Fine! Everything Is Fine, of course. The second film in Glover's surrealistic trilogy was written by one Steven C. Stewart, a writer/actor afflicted with cerebral palsy who spent the previous decade in a nursing home. Stewart is also the star, and most of the film consists of his psycho-sexual re-enactments/re-imaginings of twisted trysts with lingerie-clad vixens. "Disturbing" is a word that doesn't even come close to describing this film.


It Is Fine! is every bit as obscure as its predecessor, but if you're dying to see it and you live in New York City, well, LUCKY YOU. It's playing RIGHT FUCKING NOW (with personal introduction by Mr. Glover himself, of course) at the IFC Film Center. Showtimes HERE.

Trailer (again, NSFW):



At this point, you're probably asking yourself the inevitable question: "What Is It? What was that? Maybe this interview with the man himself will help you understand. Maybe not.
Maybe you should check out this comedic exchange between "David Lynch" and "Crispin Glover". Maybe not.
I cannot tell you what "IT" is. I don't understand "IT". But Crispin Glover has "IT". "IT" is obviously his. I fear "IT". But at the same time, I am drawn to "IT".

I find myself unable to elucidate any further on "IT". But there are several things I can tell you about Crispin H. Glover:

1) He is an author (of sorts), who "writes" his books by finding old books in the public domain (hence lacking copyright) and adding his own text and illustration in the margins and elsewhere. His production company, Volcanic Eruptions, has published several of these tomes since the late 80's, the most notable being Oak Mot and The Rat-Catcher.

2) Before his "breakthrough" role as George McFly in 1985's Back To The Future, he appeared on several television shows, among them Hill Street Blues, Family Ties, Happy Days, and The Facts of Life. He also played "Jimbo" in 1984's Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter. And let's not forget his hyperactive Hessian in the post-Future classic River's Edge.

3) He owns land in the Czech Republic, where both of his movies were filmed.

4) Wesley Willis wrote a song about him.

A walk down memory lane (1987, was it?):




Mr. Glover released his first and only album in 1989, with the help of Barnes & Barnes (of "Fish Heads" fame). The recording features The Hellion rapping, singing, speaking, and generally freaking out over a wide range of psychedelic tunes -- electronic, acoustic, and otherwise. There's even a cover of a Charles Manson song in there, sung in a warbling soprano. Again, the concept of "IT" plays a central role. It's pretty hard to find. LUCKY YOU:

THE BIG PROBLEM DOES NOT EQUAL THE SOLUTION, THE SOLUTION EQUALS LET IT BE

"Clownly Clown Clown". Not the album's best track (that honor belongs to "The New Clean Song"), but the only one with a music video:



I don't know what else to say. I don't get "IT".

I'll leave you with this -- quite possibly the finest 60 seconds of cinematic genius ever scraped from the bottom of the collective subconscious. From 1991's Rubin & Ed:

Heavy Breathing

It’s relatively latish and you’ve been back at the pad for an hour. Things have been going your way all night and a bone-down sesh seems almost unavoidable. Similar sense of humor, similar circle of friends, compatible taste in music, all systems are most definitely in a go mode. You put on some Six Feet Under when you got back to the pad so the energy is good. It’s too late for Night After Night, or any pre-party pump up music. You’re in need of some jams that spell B-O-N-E but also side step any semi-romantic clichés. If you put on some Curtis Mayfield right now your cover is blown. You’ve got the Coven record on at the moment and a quick jump from Satan to seduction is going to be too obvious. Think, what’s it going to be?

They were pretty into that Ngozi Family record you got off the hearse the other day so you can trust they’ll be receptive to something from deep in the stacks. And while Sabbath is appropriate for any occasion in life (births, weddings, funerals, ect.) you want to show a little class with this one. Expose your credentials without brandishing your nerd pass. Right now they’re talking about some camping trip they took with Josh Homme back in college and while your curiosity is totally peaked, you can't get it out of your head, WHAT ARE YOU GOIN TO PUT ON?

You’re not even paying attention anymore. The Coven record has two tracks left and you know you need to switch over to boner jams before the satanic mass comes on. And while you’re mostly stoked to dive into the brand new LSOD record that just came out, that’s you time stuff and you know it. That’s when it hits you. Doom Humping. You go for the Pagan Alter/Jex Thoth split and adjust the lights. They dig it, you’re in. A few of the right words and some well timed eye contact and the deal is sealed. Success. Jex Thoth is the choice and their self titled record will give you about 50 minutes to ride this beautiful stranger like a life raft in white water.






Pagan Thoth





Full length Jex



Jex Thoth is a contemporary band from San Francisco. Their new EP, Witness, just came out and It’s fuuuuuucking good. Do me a huge favor and buy it from them. Here.