Friday, January 30, 2009


Yeah, I know. EVERYONE and their Grandma has written about how silly Black Metal is. But it's Friday, and I'm out of ideas. Sorry. I'll try harder next week.

PS: Just a reminder to go see Dalton with The Grannies and The Fast Takers tomorrow night (Saturday) at Bender's. TRUE Black Metal brutality!!!

Above: Dude from Waitan rocks the "I just ate six Sloppy Joes and then got sick all over myself" look. I bet all the ladies totally want to smooch it to him after the set. Hottness.

Above: A less traditional take on the Black Metal band photo, courtesy of Norway's M Eternal. Corpsepaint has been replaced with understated eye makeup, and spikes and leather replaced with dapper suspenders. Very postmodern.
Below: A completely traditional take on the Black Metal band photo. All you aspiring Black Metallers take note. This is what EVERY band picture should look like.

Then there's stuff like this:

Below: Rob Darken, notoriously racist/Nationalist member of Poland's Graveland. Boots courtesy of Dustin Hoffman in "Hook".

Dear Diary:

"Their art of death is infernal,
like their life eternal.
See the castle so proud,
but yet so grey and cold.

Grey and cold.
Grey and cold."

Below: "All" and "It" of Vondur and Abruptum. I really like this one because it looks like they're huddled together under the sheets with a flashlight, trying not to wake Mom and Dad. I bet they sleep on bunk beds, too. And on Saturdays, Father takes them to the city in the new Prius, to go shopping for sneakers. EVIL sneakers.

Above and below: Examples of last Summer's hottest look, Suburban Black Metal. Unfortunately, all these kids abandon the scythes, swords, and corpsepaint as soon as they discover World of Warcraft and porn. Too bad.

Above: Horgh and Abbath from Immortal try their hand at a baseball-themed band photo. As Abbath slides into home base, Horgh screams, "YEEEEERRR OOOOUUUT!!!". Kudos to these guys for at least trying to bridge the age-old gap between Jock and Nerd factions.

Left: Galder from Dimmu Borgir and Old Man's Child. No caption needed.

Above: Stian Aarstad, keyboard player for Dimmu Borgir. A sad example of how his bandmate Galder's "bald, white, bug-eyed dude" look can go horribly wrong with the addition of a half-cape and top hat.
Below: The Stian Aarstad Fan Club, a sad example of how the "Stian Aarstad" look can go horribly wrong with the addition of a heavy Insane Clown Posse influence.

Below: Finally, someone else noticed what I pointed out a long time ago. Namely, that Zartan (Cobra villain and Dreadnok liasion) is totally Black Metal.

And last but definitely not least, the BEST Black Metal video EVER, Immortal's "Call of The Wintermoon":


Peter said...

2nd best black metal video of all time also is Immortal.
Just after the 4:00 min mark when he runs across the hill to meet his buddy and rock out with their unplugged guitars is incredible.

Shelby Cobras said...

i was looking for that one!!! ira showed that one to me. SOOOO epic.

Aesop said...

Oh c'mon. Fish in a barrel, Shelby, fish in a barrel.

Shelby Cobras said...

with a shotgun, dude. sorry.

Anonymous said...

You mean Ridiculous in the ist krieg sense. Right??? Like it's ridiculous how evil and brutal my double bat wing bladed axe is?


James said...

Good old Immortal! Possibly the #3 black metal video as well?

I love how the drummer looks like he came straight from the Renaissance festival; no makeup, but has pirate shirt.