Friday, March 27, 2009


No, I'm not referring to the 1989 comedy The Dream Team, starring Michael Keaton and Christopher Lloyd. I'm referring to the idea of the Rock and Roll "supergroup", or, more specifically, the Heavy Metal Supergroup. Since I'm a nerd, and also because I have a tendency to daydream a little bit, I put together my own top 5 list of imaginary Metal supergroups, representing several different genres and some of those most talented musicians in the game. Anyone, living or dead, from any era, is eligible. All names are linked to an audio or video sample of some of their finest work. Maybe you think this is a waste of time. Well, some dudes play "fantasy football". I play fantasy METAL. Fuck you.


We'll start with the thrashers. Shredding guitarists are a must here, so I've chosen Watchtower-era Ron Jarzombek for composition and Bonded By Blood-era Gary Holt for insane soloing. With all that six-string chaos going on, the band will need a super-solid rhythm section. I think Rain In Blood-era Dave Lombardo and Kill 'Em All-era Cliff Burton should do the trick. Vocals? Blaine from The Accused. Duh. Oh yeah, they're called "Tainted Pacification".

TAINTED PACIFICATION - Clockwise from top left: Blaine Cook, vocals, Ron Jarzombek, rhythm guitar, Gary Holt, lead guitar, Dave Lombardo, drums, and Cliff Burton, bass.

Below: Typical crowd for a Tainted Pacification concert.


For some serious wanksmanship, my geek-lord prog/shred supergroup ("Neptune's Trident") would have to feature both Nitro-era Michael Angelo Batio AND The Great Kat (any era). Death/Atheist-era Steve DiGiorgio rocks the bass, while Rob Halford circa 1978 (click this link, seriously) provides the vocal acrobatics. I guess we need a drummer too, right? I don't know, the guy from DragonForce or something? A progressive Metal band always needs an uncredited keyboard player, too, so I would also sneak in the guy from Dream Theater. But he would have to play a KEYTAR.

NEPTUNE'S TRIDENT - Clockwise from top left: Rob Halford, vocals, Michael Angelo Batio, lead and rhythm guitar, The Great Kat, lead guitar, rhythm guitar, and violin, Dave Mackintosh, drums, and Steve DiGiorgio, bass.

Below: At certain times, Batio will play rhythm with his left hand and lead with his right, while The Great Kat shreds her violin (pictured).


If it's a 70's Metal band, it's gotta be a power trio. John Garner from Sir Lord Baltimore would anchor the unit on skins AND vocals, with late-Deep Purple/early-Rainbow Ritchie Blackmore (wearing the witch hat) on guitar and the mighty Geezer Butler rounding things out on bass. They're called "Pegasus".

PEGASUS - From left: John Garner, drums and vocals, Geezer Butler, bass, and Richie Blackmore, guitar.

Below: Pegasus fan base.


"Gorgamortis" will rip your face off and then shit it down your throat. Led by Extreme Conditions-era Kevin Sharp and featuring alternating lead and rhythm guitar work by Necrophagist's Mohammed Suicmez and Death's Chuck Schuldiner, you really can't go wrong. Throw in Cannibal Corpse/Blotted Science's Alex Webster on bass and the best goddamn Death Metal drummer ever, Terrorizer/Morbid Angel's Pete "Commando" Sandoval on the skins, and you've a recipe for some brutal fucking SHRED.

GORGAMORTIS - Clockwise from left: Kevin Sharp, vocals, Chuck Schuldiner, lead and rhythm guitar, "Commando" Sandoval, drums, Alex Webster, bass, and Mohammed Suicmez, lead and rhythm guitar.

Below: Typical Gorgamortis mosh pit.


You guys know I couldn't leave it to just one Death Metal supergroup. Here's the second, "Grief Counselor", with (pre-emo-haircut) Barney Greenway on vocals, Obscura-era Luc LeMay on rhythm guitar and Cryptopsy's Eric Langlois on bass (Blasphemy Made Flesh and None So Vile-era only, please). And of course we need Gene Hoglan from (insert the name of every awesome Metal band ever) on drums.
You guys thought I forgot Trey! HA! No way! Lead guitar, motherfuckers!

GRIEF COUNSELOR - Clockwise from left: Barney Greenway, vocals, Gene Hoglan, drums, Trey Azagthoth, lead guitar, Luc LeMay, rhythm guitar, and Eric Langlois, bass.

Below: Trey is one seriously awesome bro.

Feel free to add your own Metal supergroups in the 'Comments' section.


Steven said...

I'd replace Ritchie with Uli Jon. That would be some serious shit.

My impossible 70's band: Captain Beyond's Bobby Caldwell on drums, Ann Wilson singing, Bootsy Collins on bass, and Kansas' Kerry Livgren on guitar. I like the names 'Bosch', 'M33', and 'Derleth'.

Jim Colvill said...

nice post.

thrashers. the mighty MOMENTUM
paul baloff (v), cliff burton (b), dave lombardo (d), tommy t. baron (coroner, lg), mike sifringer (destruction, rg)

death metal. PUGILIST
john tardy (obituary, v), alec webster (cc, b), pete sandoval (d), trey azagthoth (lg), peter tagtgren (hypocrisy(old),rg)

mouth watering...

Jim Colvill said...

thanks for linking my blog, too by the way bro

The Thing That Should Not Be said...

Best band EVER would be -

Piggy (circa 1989) - Guitar
Blacky (circa 1989) - Bass
Snake (circa 1989) - Vocals
Away (circa 1989) - Drums

and they would be know where I'm going with this, right?