Wednesday, November 11, 2009

KNOCKIN' ON THE 'WOOD

Current fascination: THE KNOCKBUSTER.
Definition (Wikipedia): "A mockbuster (sometimes also called a knockbuster) is a film, often made with a low budget, created with the apparent intention of piggy-backing on the publicity of a major film with a similar title or theme. Often these films are created to be released direct-to-video at the same time as the mainstream film reaches theaters or video outlets. Though the words are often used interchangeably, the term mockbuster implies a spoof or parody of the original film's premise, while knockbuster implies a more derivative (or knock-off) use of a successful film in the same genre."
Perpetrator: The Asylum, a film production company.


Detractors will claim that "knockbusters" are devoid of social and/or entertainment value, and at worst will claim that productions from The Asylum are tantamount to consumer fraud.
Proponents (myself definitely included) will point out that knockbusters are quite often superior to the Hollywood blockbusters which spawned them, and also feature better actors, simpler plots, and more explosions.
In fact, the whole knockbuster system is siphoning money off the bloated Hollywood blockbuster treasury by preying on the stupid and the gullible. I find this not only acceptable, but commendable.
Robin Hood-esque film company stealing from the rich and giving to the stupid? Perhaps. It is my belief that knockbusters are the wave of the future -- after all, The Asylum is the same company responsible for Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus. I'm just sayin'.

Check out a dozen quick titles from the knockbuster library. I DARE you to tell me you don't want to check out at least a couple of them. C'mon! Have you no SOUL?!?!


Above: The original, Snakes on A Plane. Tagline: "Airline food ain't what you gotta worry about."

Below: The knockbuster, Snakes on A Train. Tagline: "100 Trapped Passengers.. 2,000 Venomous Vipers!" Starring A.J. Castro and Julia Ruiz.


Trailer:




Above: The original (?), I Am Legend. Tagline: "The last man on earth is not alone."

Below: The knockbuster, I Am Omega (PS: Nice reference to the ORIGINAL original, 1971's The Omega Man). Tagline: "The Last Man Alive Must Battle a Planet of the Dead." Starring Mark Dacascos from Iron Chef and Double Dragon!


Trailer:




Above: The original, Terminator: Salvation. Tagline: "The End Begins."

Below: The knockbuster, The Terminators. Tagline: "Built to protect mankind, now programmed to destroy!" Starring A Martinez and Jeremy London.


Trailer:




Above: The original (?), The Hills Have Eyes. Tagline: "The lucky ones die first."

Below: The knockbuster, The Woods Have Eyes. Tagline: "When the sun sets, the hunt begins." Starring Frank Adonis and Michael Bolten (the knockbuster equivalent of a celebrity name)!


Trailer:




Above: The original (anyone else noticing that The Asylum tends to re-make re-makes?), The Day The Earth Stood Still. Tagline: "12.12.08 is the Day the Earth Stood Still!"

Below: The knockbuster, The Day The Earth Stopped. Tagline: "By night they will come, by day we will be gone." Directed by AND starring C. Thomas Howell. Also starring Judd Nelson!


Trailer:




Above: The original, Valkyrie. Tagline: "Many saw evil. They dared to stop it."

Below: The knockbuster, Operation Valkyrie. Tagline: "He turned against an empire to save the world." Starring: Some people. (No Trailer available.)




Above: The original, High School Musical. Tagline: "This School Rocks Like No Other!"

Below: The knockbuster, Sunday School Musical. Tagline: "Not Your Ordinary High School!" I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.


Do you really want to see a trailer, you fucking pedo?


Above: The original (re-make), Land of The Lost. Tagline: "Right place. Wrong time."

Below: The knockbuster, The Land That Time Forgot. Again, written and directed by C. Thomas Howell, who is apparently the Orson Welles of the knockbuster world.


Trailer:




Sometimes you don't even need to change the name...


(The Asylum version stars Deedee Pfieffer and hunky 80's heartthrob Greg Evigan from My Two Dads. YES PLEASE!)


Above: The original, Transformers. Tagline: "Their war. Our world."

Below: The knockbuster, Transmorphers. Starring Matthew Wolf and Amy Webber as Megan Fox and Shia LeBeouf.


Trailer:




Above: The original, Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen. Tagline: "Revenge is coming."

Below: The knockbuster, Transmorphers: Fall of Man. Tagline: "A robot invasion. A technological Armageddon. The end of life on Earth!". Starring Bruce Boxleitner from Tron!!!


Trailer:




Above: The original, Alien Vs. Predator. Tagline: "Whoever wins... We lose."

Below: The knockbuster, Alien Vs. Hunter. Tagline: "Battlezone Earth". Starring Deedee Pfieffer again.


Trailer:



Speaking of "Aliens Vs. Things", is anyone else here as stoked as I am for the upcoming Alien Vs. Ninja (below)? Anyone?


(Cricket noises.)

6 comments:

Seth J G Goodkind said...

Hmmm, yeah, kinda do want to see Snakes on a Train. Check out Tail Sting. All these Asylum releases remind me of Mad Magazine film parodies from the old days.
Also, see this, note the lead: Jailbait

Shelby Cobras said...

Brilliant. I Hope you're tuned in to Everything Is Terrible. Stampendous.

PS the Mad Magazine fold-in on the back cover was basically the conceptual Holy Grail of my entire childhood. It kind of made life worth living.

captcha: tasty po (one letter away from "tasty poo")

Beebop said...

transmorphers? come on...alien vs ninjas, now that's a movie!

regarding capchas: try conquer chicago ;)

http://img22.yfrog.com/img22/1623/3o4.png

post-felix said...

I thought you did make this whole post up but I recognize Alien v Hunter.

AMAZING POST, thanks!

Viagra Online said...

Why o why do they have to do that... It's just ridiculous how is it possible that someone could dare and watch this movies... just the transmorpehers makes me want to cry, and the Alien vs Hunter makes me want to puke....

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Isaac said...

WUT
Bro, while The Land That Time Forgot is a knockbuster by definition, it's a remake of a shitty British movie from 1975! I'm kind of surprised you haven't seen it, actually.