SATANIC CINEMA: THE TOP 5 METAL-EST MOVIE VILLAINS OF THE 1980'S

Above: David Bowie in Labyrinth. Not even close.

The 1980's, as I may have mentioned before, were the Golden Age of cinema. Horror flicks were undeniably at their best, sci-fi and fantasy movies had reached the perfect blend of camp vs. technology, comedies and "party" movies were blowing up, and CGI had yet to fully rear its ugly head, heralding the demise of creativity in filmmaking. Today we focus on movie villains of the 80's, specifically the ones who had the most "Metal" characteristics. Metal, being the most "evil" form of music, corresponds perfectly to the demeanor and aesthetics of a good villain, and after much consideration I've narrowed it down to what I think are the top 5 Metal-est villains of the decade (plus a couple extras). A brief description and analogy are provided for each, in addition to a corresponding Metal band that shares their values and/or appearance. Brutal!


5) DARKNESS (TIM CURRY): LEGEND (1985)



Legend was a milestone in the Fantasy genre, a film chock full of unicorns, fairies, and magic, not to mention a dashing young Tom Cruise and a synth-heavy soundtrack provided by Tangerine Dream. But counterpoint to all the sissy ingredients was the foul villain Darkness, a thinly-veiled interpretation of Satan himself. Tim Curry played the part with gleeful malice, giving the Devil one of his best turns in cinema to date. As we all know, there would be no Heavy Metal without a good, strong dose of Satan, hence the inclusion of The Horned One on this list. Darkness scared the shit out of a lot of impressionable kids, many of whom turned to Metal in their adulthood, or even write blogs about it at present. Losers.



Equivalent Metal Band:

DEICIDE.
Without a doubt the most Satanic Death Metal band around, Glen Benton (right) and the fellas in Deicide write songs FOR the devil, ABOUT the devil, and not much else, to the point of the subject becoming repetitive and annoying. I'd personally like to hear them write an album about the genocide in Rwanda or the threat of global warming, but guess what? It ain't gonna happen. Deicide HATE Jesus and LOVE Satan, and they're gonna keep writing songs about it until the fires of the Apocalypse sweep clean the Earth.

Editor's Note: When Hollywood decides to remake Legend (and they will), I nominate Glen Benton to play Darkness. That would be sweet.




4) THE HUMUNGUS (KJELL NILSSON): MAD MAX 2 - THE ROAD WARRIOR (1981)



The Humungus (aka Lord Humungus) was a masked, over-the-top villain of epic proportions, terrorizing the roadways in a never-ending quest for fuel during the course of this 1981 masterpiece. Not much was revealed about Humungus, except that he was big, bad, and evil as fuck. He rocked spiked wrist gauntlets (Metal), a leather diaper (Metal), and a large, mace-like club that he used to bludgeon his foes (very Metal). Lord Humungus was not fucking around. Lord Humungus wanted to kill EVERYONE.



Equivalent Metal Band:

GWAR.
Not only does Humungus have a name perfect for the band (other members go under the monikers Oderus Urungus and Flattus Maximus), but his overall style of dress and tendency toward brutal violence make him a prime candidate for inclusion in the Gwar pantheon. Come to think of it, I think I saw a modernized version of Humungus in the Slave Pit last time I saw Gwar live (below).
Uncanny.




3) LEONARD SMALLS (RANDALL "TEX" COBB): RAISING ARIZONA (1987)



Leonard Smalls, the heavily-armed bounty hunter hired to locate Nathan Jr. in the classic Coen Brothers comedy Raising Arizona, was the quintessential biker bad-ass, a bulldog-faced brute who killed fuzzy bunnies with grenades and never hesitated to inflict great pain on anything weaker or smaller than himself. Roaring through the film astride a dirty Harley, Smalls oozed cruelty and ugliness, two qualities highly sought after in the Metal community. In my opinion, he was the highlight of this classic flick, a leather-clad barbarian out for naught but blood and money, annihilating anyone who got in his way.
In addition, Randall "Tex" Cobb, the actor who portrayed Leonard Smalls in the film, was a real-life heavyweight boxer (above), and as we all know, punching dudes in the face = METAL AS FUCK.



Equivalent Metal Band:

My first thought on this one was JUDAS PRIEST (left), due to the whole motorcycle thing. But then I got to thinking about it. Judas Priest is way too slick, clean and commercial to represent Smalls. He's a dirty, greasy, unkempt piece of shit, loud as Hell and ugly as sin. Fuck the motorcycle. Leonard Smalls is MOTORHEAD.




2) VICTOR KRUGER/THE KURGAN (CLANCY BROWN): HIGHLANDER (1986)



I had the pleasure of watching Highlander again, for the first time in many years, this past weekend. What struck me most about the film was that The Kurgan (aka Victor Kruger), ruthless villain and murderer of innocents, was WAY cooler than I remembered, a bad guy so gnarly, so vicious, so UNDENIABLY METAL that I really wish it would have been HIM who decapitated Christopher Lambert at the end of the movie, instead of the opposite. Oh well.
From his early days as a medieval warrior (above) up to his present (1986) incarnation as a leather-and-chainmail wearing punk rocker (below), The Kurgan always kept an extremely Metal-influenced appearance, whether battling Scottish peasants on a mist-enshrouded hillside or uttering vile comments to a nun in church. The Kurgan has almost ALL the neccessary elements of a rad Metal Villain: the whole sci-fi/fantasy thing, the sword, the skull-helmet, the safety pins, the leather jacket, the bad semi-mohawk/ponytail haircut, the spikes, the chains. The Kurgan (like Metal itself) is all of Middle America's nightmares come true.



Equivalent Metal Band:



VOIVOD. Seriously, in that picture up above the band photo. The Kurgan is like the fifth member of Voivod. He's got the haircut for it, plus the whole sci-fi-meets-punk-meets-Metal background. And Voivod's mascot is known as the Korgull Skull. Kurgan? Korgull? Duh.

Below: Snake, vocalist for Voivod and thief of The Kurgan's wardrobe.




1) THE PREDATOR (KEVIN PETER HALL): PREDATOR (1987)



The Predator summarizes everything awesome about science fiction AND Metal. Senseless killing (usually involving lazers), space travel, big explosions, gore, dismemberment and brutality all play a role in the Predator's legacy, in addition to possessing the ugliest mug ever committed to film (right). The Predator is the embodiment of Death Metal, a malevolent beast bent, in every way, on eradicating the human race. Bravo, Predator. Bravo.

Lesser known stuff: The man inside the suit was 7'2" tall actor Kevin Peter Hall (below), who also played the helicopter pilot in Predator. Hall didn't work much in the movies, but appeared on many television shows, including 227, Night Court, and Misfits of Science. He was also "Harry" from Harry and the Hendersons. Unfortunately, Hall died in 1991 as the result of an HIV-infected blood transfusion following a car accident.

Lesser known stuff Part 2: Jean-Claude Van Damme was originally cast to play The Predator, but was deemed too short by the producers. Although he isn't credited, it's actually HIM in the suit for the first couple of scenes.



Equivalent Metal Band:



NOCTURNUS.
Science fiction. Time travel. Lazers. Death. Aliens.
It's all there.

Maybe a little bit of Bolt Thrower (below) in there too, for sheer brutality and crusty punk/dreadlock aesthetic.





HONORABLE MENTION:

-THE BASEBALL FURIES: THE WARRIORS (1979)



First appearance of corpsepaint on villains in a mainstream film.

Equivalent Metal Band: IMMORTAL




-FREDDY KRUEGER/JASON VOORHEES/MICHAEL MYERS: FRIDAY THE 13TH/NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET/HALLOWEEN, PLUS A SHITLOAD OF SEQUELS (1978-PRESENT)



Although I'm not a huge fan of any of these guys, it must be acknowledged that these three dudes have killed LOTS of people, and that killing people IS totally Metal.

Equivalent Metal Band:



MACABRE, unabashed serial killer biographers. Macabre are obsessed with Freddy, Jason and Michael's real-world counterparts, writing odes to the likes of John Wayne Gacy, Jeffrey Dahmer, and Albert Fish over grinding Death Metal jams. A Metal power trio that represents the Horror movie power trio. 3+3=666!!!




-HANNIBAL LECTER (ANTHONY HOPKINS): THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS (1991)



Had Silence of the Lambs been released 2 years earlier, The Good Doctor would have totally made this list. A brilliant surgeon who also happens to be a bloodthirsty cannibal? Yeah, that's pretty Metal.

Equivalent Metal Band:



A toss-up between the surgical precision and sterile production of Necrophagist (above) and the straight-from-the-textbook medical terminology of goregrind pioneers Carcass (left). Just look at the cover of their 1988 clasic Reek of Putrefaction (below). It might as well be a snapshot of Dr. Lecter's basement laboratory.