Friday, January 8, 2010

SHITTY TITTY TATS AND OTHER WITTY TIDBITS

Since I haven't put together a post about shitty tattoos in almost a year (besides this one), I figure it's about that time again. Shitty tattoo posts are the only thing my sister will read on this blog (you're welcome, Tamara), and they're quick, easy to write, and chock full of instant gratification. No thinking neccesary. Just what the doctor ordered on a Friday afternoon.
There are "good" bad tattoos (right), and then there are just plain BAD bad tattoos. The latter are what we will explore today.


EVERYONE loves boobs. Men, women, young, old. When you are born, the first thing that happens is you get a boob crammed in your mouth. Likewise, boobs will probably be the last thing you're thinking of before you die. Dudes are obsessed with women's boobs. Women are obsessed with their own boobs.
Here is your titty-centric tattoo post. Enjoy.



PART 1: TATTOOS ON BOOBS


"FUCK YOU TAZ" ON UNICORN



"Beautiful TraDgedy". Tragic.



"COOKIE MONSTER EATING A PILE OF SHIT THAT SAYS 'PAUL' + A VATO + POOH BEAR WITH SOMETHING STUCK IN HIS ASS"



Yeah, I get it. "Hello, my face is up here. Stop looking at my chest".
Doesn't make it okay.



"COCK NECKLACE"




PART 2: TATTOOS ON DUDE BOOBS



You didn't think I was going to let you off that easy, did you?
Dudes have fun bags too (left), and a bro getting a tit tat is about ten times worse than seeing one on a chick.
Keep that in mind for the next minute or so. WELCOME TO THE NIPPLEPOCALYPSE.




Fratbros love their tribal tattoos, don't they?



This guy just defied all known laws of logic and reason by actually decreasing his already-microscopic chances of getting laid. Modern science is baffled.



Likewise here.



In Soviet Russia, police fuck YOU!



Q: Why didn't this guy just get "HARD" and "CORE" tattooed on his actual knuckles?
A: Because of his job interview at Sbarro's.



"KHAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!!!!!!"



Okay, okay. So we have "GET SHITTY" below the actual tits, and the Hamburger Helper Hand above. But bear with me for a second...
Is that Jesus Hetfield on dude's left arm?



It takes a very rare brand of douche to get an Elvis Presley portrait on his tit. But an Elvis portrait in addition to a Kurt Cobain portrait?
You win this round, Durst.




PART 3: TATTOOS OF BOOBS

Alright, then.
The previous two categories were dedicated to tattoos located on or around the boobie area. The following pieces are all tattoos OF boobs, located elsewhere on the body. The participants are both male and female (doesn't really matter), but they all have one thing in common: An absolutely INFALLIBLE sense of good taste and common decency.
Read on.



There are SO MANY things wrong with this one (below), from the phallic appearance of the "sexy" hot dog to the conceptually-incorrect way the ketchup and mustard are spraying on "her" boobs. But wait a second, is that lettuce in there? Who puts LETTUCE on a fucking hot dog?



"THE OWLS ARE NOT WHAT THEY SEEM"



Okay. I admit that this one is pretty cool.



"ASSTITS"



"THE BOOB FAIRY"





Forget the bad boobs on that fairy up there for a minute: I love it when someone gets a tattoo of someone else with a bad tattoo, such as the shitty scorpion on the fairy's leg. It just takes the whole thing to a new level. Bad tattoos within bad tattoos. Whoa.





"COPROPHILE CYBERTRANNY"



Bear with me here.
This dude got a tattoo of corny cowgirl tits (right), which is bad enough. But afterward, he decided that her tits weren't realistic enough or something, and got his tattoo an actual boob job. No joke.
Again, the image below is NOT Photoshopped. I saw pictures of the surgery online, but decided not to re-post them here (they're kind of gross).



And don't forget: If you're going to get a titty tat, there is pretty much only ONE PLACE that's going to do the job correctly.
That's right, Tattoo Studio Boobies in Japan.



If you'd like me to post more shitty tattoos, let me know in the 'Comments' section. I've got a big ol' fat folder of 'em on my desktop. Just. Sitting. There.

13 comments:

Matt said...

Thanks, I needed that.

Cracknowledge said...

Yes, please post more.

A-Word B-Word said...

Several of these came off of ugliesttattoos.com, which totally rules in every way. Have you got any others that aren't already featured? If not, a new piece of commentary is perfectly acceptable. I'm just a glutton for other peoples' mistakes

Beebop said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Peter said...

That is quite possibly the best thing Ive ever read here. I havent laughed until I cried in years. Ass boobs changed that. Thanks Cobras

Beebop said...

can you ever get to much of shitty laughable tatoos? bring it on!!!

and off the record, in some horrible way, this blog is what keeps me on the internet...I mean, reading about a beef with some lizardmanblog during the morning coffee, I wouldn't have it any other way..or would I?

Shelby Cobras said...

Wow, cool.
A/B, I got some of these off of that website, but wasn't really aware of how extensive their database was. It's pretty amazing, I've added a link to it on IC.
Peter - my pleasure.
Beebop - That is some hefty praise, i'm stoked that you're stoked. And for the record, me and Mike Magee made up. We're bros now.

Kristin said...

By the time i scrolled to "ass tits" i was in tears precipitating a total catharsis. that ruled.

Beebop said...

Shelby: Cool. Lizardmen of the world, unite?

Shelby Cobras said...

Something like that. Still waiting on this "easy to find" copy of his book, though...

Beebop said...

Shelby: I recon you'll let the little people know once you find it, right?

Shelby Cobras said...

Does a bear shit in the woods? Is the Pope Catholic? Does more booze cure a hangover?

Mister Booze said...

More tattoos? Yes please! I find this stuff fascinating and endlessly amusing.