Thursday, January 28, 2010


Well, it's Friday afternoon again. Time to slack off.
You guys know what that means, right? Another shitty tattoo post, duh! IC readers made it abundantly clear after the last crappy tattoo post that they aren't above laughing at someone else's mistakes -- in fact, it seems they can't get enough of it.
Today, though, I'm going to change things up just a little. Using my unparalleled skills in both MS Paint and GIMP, I will be altering pre-existing tattoo photos to make the bad good and the good bad. That's right: WIN will become FAIL, FAIL will become WIN, and quite possibly, WIN will even become FUCKWIN.

Indeed, the 'Sweet/Lame' post rises again! Behold:

Down here on the left, we have a fine example of what I would consider a pretty "sweet" tattoo. Sure, it's a fine line, but "ME" having sex with "YOUR MOM" while flipping the bird just barely lands on the "good tattoo" side of the fence.
To the right, you will find my masterfully-rendered "lame" version. This tattoo crosses the line. Are we getting the idea?

Conversely, we have the LAME full-body piece shown below. I mean, sure, this chick is dedicated to feline body mods or whatever, but if you're going to "go all the way", you might as well "GO ALL THE WAY", right? How 'bout some prosthetic teeth, facial piercings, and plastic surgery? Don't half-ass it.


Another close call: This dude's WAL*MART tramp stamp. Ballsy, yes, but this piece pretty much qualifies as nothing more than an unfunny party favor.


Add potty humor and outdated internet slang... GOLD.


We've all seen this guy before, am I right? Textbook example of a SWEET fuckin back piece, possibly the SWEETEST EVER. What could ever cause this epic collection to turn sour?

Bradley Nowell, bro.


Similarly, we have this dude (below) and his amazing Judas Priest/Mount Rushmore tat.
But I'm gonna have to blow your mind and call this piece 100% LAME. Why?

Where's the drummer, bro? This tattoo DEMANDS 100%, and you only gave it 80.

Scott Travis has been with Priest since 1989. If you don't consider him a full-fledged member of the band at this point, I think it might be time to rearrange your priorities.


HTML joke tattoos?
LAME as fuck.
With the exception of LOL*FART up there, internet-themed ink is an unequivocally BAD idea.
But I have a surprise for all of you: This tattoo is actually on the neck of Hollywood hunk Jonathan Rhys Meyers, best known for his appearances in 1996's The Disappearance of Finbar and 2005 made-for-TV movie Elvis.
The HTML "end head/start body" tattoo seems dumb and tasteless until you consider Rhys Meyers' follow-up move, the forehead tattoo shown below that he recieved right after filming From Paris With Love with Scientologist John "It's about TERRORISTS!" Travolta.


Okay, I get it.
"Stay Gold". Golden Girls. Ha. Ha.


It's a corny play on words, and conjures images of The Outsiders rather than the heartwarming cameraderie shared by elderly women in the early 90's.
Whatever happened to OLD PRIDE (below)?


Below left: Bicep tattooed on bicep? "Meta", but not meta enough. LAME.
Below right: Bicep within bicep within bicep tattooed on bicep? Now THAT's "META". SWEET.

Again: If you're going to "go all the way", GO. ALL. THE. FUCKING. WAY.
Elaborate Warhammer 40K back piece? Sooooo close, dude. But LAME.

This is how it should be done.


I have a sad prediction to make: This is NOT the last Twilight tattoo you will ever see. It fucking sucks, but it's reality.


But I have a question for Team Edward over here: What's up with the hair? I mean, does dude's wig actually look like that? I thought guys stopped doing that shit with their bangs in the late 90's, am I wrong?
Of you're going to get a Twilight tattoo, you might as well give credit where it's due.

Sweet: David Schwimmer, you are my life now.

Dumbass. Why would you get a tattoo of some fleeting internet/social networking fad that no one will even remember in 5 years? Tattoos are FOREVER, dude. Myspace IS NOT.
If you're going to get inked, go with something that will never go out of style...


Then again, we have tattoos like the one shown below. What could I possibly add or take away from this piece that would make it any SWEETER or LAMER than it already is?

Nothing, that's what.
You win, Bob Seger And The Silver Bullet Band back piece.



degelh said...

Bolt Thrower. All tattoos from now on are Bolt Thrower or beat down occurs.

Anwar Fugaloo said...

I agree. That Bolt Thrower piece is the sickest thing ever. Also, why would anyone ever get a band portrait tattoo and leave out a member? Gay.

Camellia sinensis said...

bolt thrower. why didnt i think of that. damnit. and here i wasted my entire back on Orr marshall's japanese boss lady that used to hang in Cafe Tomo. lame.

Shelby Cobras said...

Just put a big 'ol Bolt Thrower logo up above her. Makes sense to me.

Camellia sinensis said...

Yeah I could just slap Bolt Thrower above her in a chinese take-out font. Rad.

Helm said...

Bolt Thrower tattoo conquers my universe.

Viagra Pharmacy said...

The David Schwimmer one is really good, it fits perfectly, I can't believe there are so many lame people using those horrible tattoos in public.

Orcus said...

The tat is not Warhammer 40k, it's from WFB. Sorry, wargame nerd rage.

Since I'm new here, I shall prove my tabletop nerd cred with this: