Thursday, August 5, 2010


Me and Sergeant D don't have much in common. He likes lame indie chicks and pop-punk, I like sci-fi and books by David Icke. He likes scene hair and "modern" hardcore, I like barbarians and unicorns. Very little common ground in the realms of pop culture. But there is one we thing we both agree on: WIGGER SLAM.
Sarge was the one who first turned me on to Cephalotripsy (BEST. WIGGER SLAM BAND. EVER.), and I can't thank him enough, as their 2007 mission statement Uterovaginal Insertion of Extirpated Anomalies has withstood the test of time, remaining on constant rotation here at ICHQ ever since. It seemed that no album would ever usurp Anomalies as the crown jewel of camo-pantsed wiggerslammery, but that was before I had discovered CONDEMNED.
Condemned consists of a bunch of the same dudes that are in Cephalotripsy, and predictably sound rather similar -- snappy, inhuman blastbeats, humorously low vocals, crunchy guitars, and mosh-inducing breakdowns. But in the battle for wigger slam dominance, Condemned takes the cake. Their slammz are even more crushing, their beats more robotic, their song titles more ridiculously generic ("Impulsive Dismemberment", "Amputated Repugnance", "Subject To Infliction", "Catharsis of Human Impurity"). And while I realize that slam metal is a highly unpopular and much-maligned subgenre here amongst the IllCon readership, I offer this, Condemned's 2007 full-length debut Desecrate The Vile, as a treat for those of us with higher standards.


Purchase HERE
New album (Realms of The Ungodly) coming this year!

Metallum / Last.FM

Seriously guys, if the breakdown at 2:00 doesn't make you get up and MOSH than I just don't know WHAT to tell you:


kittyempire said...

Mmmm, I love me some death metal. Thing is though, what's up with these brutal/slam dudes and their album titles? Seems like a lot of them follow the format: (Verb) the (Noun). Generally the verb is something nasty (ie. butcher, destroy) and the (collective) noun refers to some imagined group (the weak, the opposition etc). Consider these examples:

Consume The Forsaken
Butcher The Weak
Inbreeding The Anthropophagi
Destroy The Opposition

and the double whammy...

Trample The Weak, Hurdle The Dead

You will note above that the weak have been both trampled and butchered, which probably serves them right. Still, what's the deal with these conform-o types in the 'underground'? First it was the 'shun' bands, then the '-ment' bands, now there's this template for album titles.

Apart from the precise syntax, it has to sound BRUTAL, as 'Accomodating The Homeless' or 'Visiting The Grandparents' would not be anywhere near metal enough.

Is there a conspiracy at work in the underground? Have the DM community coalesced into a gestalt entity? Am I not-at-all underground enough to understand? Am I reading way too much into this?

Mr. Cobras, your blog is a beacon of enlightenment. Kudos to you and your contributors. Having pillaged your archives in recent times, I laughed heartily at your Latrommi concept, marvelled at your Jerry Goldsmith fixation, learned a thing or two about minimalist composers, found some truly kickass metal, discovered Damon Packard and now clued on to 'wiggerslam'.

Good times. Thanks and keep it up!

Shelby Cobras said...

Well thank you.

I, for one, find generic metal names to be both entertaining and a bonus to the overall listening experience. It just comes with the territory, don't ask me why. For example, Rottrevore's "Unanimous Approval". Now THAT'S a fucking song title! Condemned have a certain indescribable grasp of the obvious that really sets them apart from the pack.

What kills me are the overly-generic "Verb"ing + "proper noun" television and movie names, from "Killing Zoe" to "Being John Malkovitch" to "Saving Silverman" to "Eating Raoul" to "Finding Forrester" to "Finding Nemo". I hate those.

Anonymous said...

more slam!

Shelby Cobras said...

... cried out the lone voice in a sea of shocked silence

Aylmer said...

Everything about that blog makes me want to stab out my eyes and pour acid into my earholes.