Wednesday, August 26, 2009


Above: Cornelius Von Jackhelln, the Matisyahu of electro-metal.

Making predictions about the constantly-evolving musical landscape of today (especially metal) can be a difficult task. With the rise of weird offshoots like Screamo Crunk, Wigger Slam, Autotune Black Metalcore, and Pirate Power Metal, foreseeing the immediate future of metal is nigh unto impossible. I've already prophesied the rise of Tigger Slam in 2010, but the question remains: What do we have to look forward to between NOW and THEN?
The answer, my friends, comes in the form of a one-man "KICK ASS ELECTRONIC DARKCORE!" (his words) band from Berlin (via Norway) called G.U.T.
This is NOT "Gut", the pornogrind/hip-hop group that Sargeant D over at Metal Inquisition mantains a constant boner for. This is "G"(period)"U"(period)"T"(period), an early 90's Ministry/Nine Inch Nails-meets-early 90's Darkthrone/Mayhem crossover project which vaults over cultural, social, and musical boundaries with the ease of a corpsepainted gazelle.
What's that? You think that the whole shitty electronica-plus-kvlt BM idea is a thing of the past? Well, as much as I appreciate your astute observations, you are absolutely wrong. G.U.T. is the next big thing, and for several good reasons.


- As evidenced by the photo above, Cornelius Von Jackhelln, despite his raver-esque tendencies and jaunty attire, wears a Mjöllnir amulet around his neck. He is obviously down with Thor.
- On his first (and only) release, My Only Drug Is Madness, G.U.T. aka Cornelius does a techno-fied cover of Darkthrone's "Transylvanian Hunger". Hella DARK, bro.
- G.U.T. only has 650 friends on Myspace! Now THAT'S "kvlt".


- Get a load of his outfit. While he doesn't actually bandy the word "steampunk" around (that I know of), the fedora and quasi-Victorian suit are a dead giveaway. I think it's a pretty safe bet that Cornelius has some sort of elaborate copper monocle (right) stashed away in his breast pocket.
- Archaic techno music = Steampunk.
- And his name? "Cornelius Von Jackhelln"? You can't get much more steampunk than that. Get this dude a Juggalo bass player and a "scene kid" on drums and you might just have the most significant cultural mash-up since the Village People.

As if the meeting of black metal and steampunk weren't significant enough, G.U.T. has another thing going for him:


- Check out these lyrics from the title track of his album for proof:

"Music is the way I share what I have seen
My only drug is madness my bloodstream is clean
Why do you need powder to behave like a star
I say like Kurt Cobain, come as you are"

Pretty obvious as it is, but the reference to straight edge poster boy Kurt Cobain confirms it completely. Anyone at all familiar with Nirvana knows that Mr. Cobain's lyrics contained a powerful anti-drug message, especially in songs like the aforementioned "Come As You Are" and the lesser known B-side "Shooting Herion Into My Dick With A Dirty Needle" (lyrics available upon request).

- Knowing that a common way to achieve notoriety in straight edge circles is to court a somewhat "druggie" image (SxE hardcore bands do the same by rocking tattoos, baggy pants, and sideways ballcaps), Cornelius wisely posed for the photo below in Berlin circa 2007, dressing as a Colombian coke lord straight out of Miami Vice.

Furthermore, G.U.T. is poised to be the probable successor to Günther as Scandinavia's next international sex symbol. He is a sexy bitch by any measure, but he does not shy from sexual issues in his music, either. Check out these handwritten lyrics to the song "Mastur-Bator", which are proudly displayed on G.U.T.'s Myspace page:

That's right.

"Admire my weapon a missile filled with cream."

Such creative double entendres and whimsical innuendos are completely alien to black metal culture, but G.U.T. is unafraid to GO THERE, much to the delight (I assume) of legions of female fans.
But Cornelius is no misogynistic clubhound. He also has his sensitive side, penning odes to desire and broken-heartedness such as "The Beauty and The Bitch", from which lyrics can be found below:

G.U.T. is fond of driving his inspirational messages home with snippets of lyrics scrawled out in Magic Marker and prominently added to his Myspace page. One such snippet, also from "Beauty and The Bitch", can be found below. Heart-wrenching stuff:

Indeed, G.U.T. has the potential to become the biggest one man metal band/international sex symbol since Brian Voth from Fireaxe (right). But despite his austere BM/steampunk persona and straight edge ideals, G.U.T. is really only here for ONE reason: TO GET THE FUCKING PARTY STARTED. Cornelius Von Jackhelln wants to ROCK your ass, HARD, and get some booties shaking on the dancefloor. How many black metal bands are bold enough to make that claim?
Just one, man.
Just one.
How do I know?

Because I read it in Magic Marker on his Myspace page.

Check out G.U.T.'s Myspace page here. Get a signed, hand-numbered copy (HOLY SHIT!) of My Only Drug Is Madness here.


Steven said...

The first picture is an Amish guy wearing a bullet belt.

Anonymous said...

I don't trust those straight edge folks. They're addicted to something besides shitty hardcore and clean living. Little holier than thou assholes.

Andreas Deranged said...

Uhm... Cornelius Jakhelln (without the "von") has been 50% of the Norwegian, very pretentious but always awesome "avantgarde black metal" band SOLEFALD with the keyboardist from Borknagar. He's published several books of poetry, most of the focusing on pagan Norse religion, has a bunch of degrees from various universities, and has even published a children's book. Why he's having fun with GUT I don't know, but his main project is SOLEFALD. Check'em out. Good shit.