Wode - Demo 2011

Its not often I rep local talent or really pay attention to what's going on in my "scene" but every now and then a band comes along that perks my interest. Wode, from my barely frost bitten locale of Manchester, have perked my interest quite a bit lately. Having been fortunate enough to witness them on quite a few occasions over the past year they have blown me away every time. A full on blizzard of harsh but melodic guitars swirling around a rampaging drum assualt and topped with hoarse desperate vocals. Along similar lines to Wolves In The Throne Room combined with touches of Dark Funeral and early Nachtmystium.
If that sounds good then you owe yourself a listen to this beast below.

Wode - Demo 2011

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A Beginner's Guide To Ejaculating Everywhere.

Rising from the dollar bin like a coked-out phoenix clad in midriff-baring shirt and three days worth of stubble comes fucking Diamond Reo. Not to be confused with the country band whose name only varies by one letter (apparently this particular band took their name from the same automotive company that supplied the appellation for Reo Speedwagon), the group of lowlives in question came out of Pittsburgh in the early 70s, offered up a few albums, much of which was thoroughly forgettable Mott The Hoople knockoff bullshit, but in the middle managed the brilliant scum-rock sleaze of Dirty Diamonds.

Most of it's mid-tempo Rust Belt butt-rock of the sort that saw its apex between 1971 and 1974. Copious cowbell abuse propping up the basest of Mark Farner aspirations. The album's opener, “All Over You,” is about ejaculating (all over, as the title specifies) somebody. And while none of the other songs really get to that level of base dumbness, it definitely establishes the general tone of the album. Take “It's A Jungle Out There” - a tribute to the toughness necessary to survive the rough-and-tumble urban life, that sounds like a half-speed prophecy of “Welcome To The Jungle” both in riff and lyrical conceit and is especially funny considering none of these dudes look exactly like the kick-ass-and-take-names type. Or “Boys Will Be Boys,” a paean to dudes who do dude stuff with other dudes (possibly as homoerotic as I just made it sound, I dunno). A few tracks pick up the pace to something not a million miles removed from the NWOBHM that was congealing across the pond around the same time, but this had nothing to do with leather and spikes crowd singing about swords and dragons.

It's pure id music, all libido, adrenaline, and testosterone - subtlety (and shirts that cover the full torso) be damned. It ain't special but there's not much better for drinking a few six packs of Mickey's alone on the porch in the middle of the afternoon with all the doors open or changing your own oil or something. It's ridiculous as shit and twice as dumb but it's a fun listen, a regional anachronism, a time capsule from the era of quadrophonic sound and quaaludes. Turn the shit up and get dumb as fuck.

                                                                                     

"It on your face / It's in your hair / It's down your back / Girl, it's everywhere"

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL? The Music of NFL Films!

OHHHHH YEAH IT'S FOOTBALL SEASON, Y'ALL. GRAB SOME COLD CANS AND CRUSH EM' DOWN YOUR FUCKIN' THROAT. ARE YOU READY TO WATCH THE BOYS THROW SOME PIGSKIN?

Here at IllCon we aren't really into the "sports" world even though senior editor Shelby Cobras is commonly seen around the office wearing various metal branded basketball shorts.

The metal world has long been connected to the gridiron. The Oakland Raiders famously use AC/DC's "Hells Bells" when entering the field. The Kansas City Chiefs like to come out to Motley Crue's "Kickstart My Heart." As obscure as those songs are, my very favorite football themed song comes from the late Layne Staley's pre-Alice In Chains project aptly titled "Alice N' Chains" (formerly Sleeze). Their love letter to the game is one of the best slap-bass GnR ripoff songs of all time. Check out these lyrics:

(Yup. This is a real thing.)

Something that we ARE actively interested in are hard-to-find soundtracks. That's why I was stoked to come across this amazing gem of a collection - Autumn Thunder: 40 years of NFL Films Music. A 10 disc compilation highlighting the kick ass compositions that accompanied the overly dramatic and amazingly photographed NFL Films productions of the 1970s. This shit fucking rules. I couldn't find the whole thing and I doubt that any IllCon reader would download everything anyway. Here now are discs 5-9. It's PLENTY to hold you over until someone gets you the whole set for Hanukkah. Most of the set highlights the work of Sam Spence. Spence was a former music professor at USC, who while in Munich in 1966, was asked to score some highlight reels for the NFL. His work has since become iconic and his music just as much as part of American culture as the game itself. According to his wiki: "...he can arguably be credited with a significant role in making American football the top professional sport in the U.S." No lie. This dude rules. Also featured here are the songs of David Robidoux, Tom Hedden and William Soden.

Disc 5. Disc 6. Disc 7. Disc 8. Disc 9.

BUY THE WHOLE AMAZING 10 DISC SET HERE

BTW we like the Redskins here because they are the most racist team.

The IllCon Guide To Corporate Instructional Rap Videos!

I've recently become obsessed with the now extinct genre of instructional rap videos from the 80s. I've been playing most of my findings on our podcast (which is live TONIGHT @ 10pm Pacific on FCCFREERADIO btw). The perfect combination of coked out CEOs making bad decisions and Reagan era crypto-racism (HEY OUR EMPLOYEES ARE POOR "URBAN" KIDS! LET'S SPEAK TO THEM ON THEIR LEVEL!). Here now I present to you my very favorites.

5. RTD Maintenance Department

Great example of "the man" trying to get on "our level" and speak "our language" through the power of "the music of the streets." I know if I was an employee of the Los Angeles' Rapid Transit Department in the 80s I would be nothing less than inspired to wake each morning and proudly crank on those buses after watching this inspiring video. Score: 6.8

4. Selling is Service



Nope. Nothing weird or awkward about these white people rapping here. Great work guys, let's put it out. 5.4

3. Pier One Imports LET'S COACHING



The most modern out of all our videos presented today. Detailing the process known as "Let's Coaching" from the geniuses ar Pier One Imports. "Let's Coaching" (Let's engage the customers! Let's make a sale!) is kind of perfect in the way it illustrates everything wrong with corporate upper management bullshit language. The awkward terminology, the emotional exploitation of their customers, the straight up lying they teach to their poor clerks. It's all there. 9.7

2. Wendy's COLD DRINKS

Wendy's are the KINGS (queens?) of instructional rap videos as you will soon see.
I'm not even going to lie. This song is fucking tight. Based around an 8 measure New Jack Swing loop Teddy Riley himself would be proud of. Reminiscent of TLC's earlier work or later DeeDee Ramone, this heartfelt lesson on how to serve cold drinks is sure to give any Wendy's employee the gusto needed to make the customer happy! Score: 8.5

1.  Wendy's Burger Rap

The classic track that made a generation learn how to love again. Not patronizing at all, this lesson on how to make a fuckin' burger has gone down in history as the premiere instructional rap video. These hamburger ladies are literal throbbing gristle. Singing gristle even! Also: doesn't feature any embarrassing white people rapping. Score: 10.0

Very Very Very Honorable Mention goes to this very incredible track released by KFC in 1987 credited to "Colonel and the Gang" on flexidisc (yes!) teaches the importance of making Chicken Littles and Shoestring fries properly, complete with references to "golden showers." If there was a video it would be number 1.

Listen to the most magical song about chicken ever recorded here.

Chicken littles are back btw. They are snackalicious. 

Mort Garson - Plantasia 1976

You guys listen to too much techy slam death grind metal. And then to chill out you dorks put on like Sunno or Neurosers or some shit like that!? IDGI YOU GUYS NEED TO CHILL HARDER

Typical IC reader NOT BEING CHILL

ME IRL BEING CHILL

Canadian Moog lord Mort Garson, famous for his EEEVIL OCCULT SYNTH albums BLACK MASS LUCIFER and ATARAXIA: THE UNEXPLAINED, was covered on IllCon before by long lost contributor Seanford here.

But there was another side to the Moog monster, a tender side. After all he was an accomplished composer working with such old dork approved acts as Doris Day, Glen Campbell and Mel Torme. So it is no surprise that he released this super chillllll album... with a bit of a twist. It's not for human consumption... it's music for plants.

That's right! Garson's 1976 release Mother Earth's Plantasia was made just for to our plant-based pals. Every track dedicated to a different green buddy. This is one of my favorite records of all time. Maybe I'm a plant.

Another lol thing: This album was only available through a promotion at Simmons Mattress stores in Southern California. Buy a mattress, get a Moog album for plants! How can you go wrong?!

Hi dere I'm a dork uncle that makes Satanic occult synth records pls download my album for plants lol.

..And A Month Passes

WE HAVE BEEN LOST. OVER A MONTH HAS PASSED AND WE NEED TO GET BACK TO EARTH. BUT NOT TO WORRY. OUR SACRED TRANSMISSIONS ARE STILL BEING BROADCAST LIVE TO THE PLANET. TONIGHT YOU MAY INDULGE.

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Abomination - Abomination (1990)

Every once in a blue moon I come across something that I totally did not expect to find. With all do respect, the record stores within the area I live lack and have lacked with regards to selection, particularly metal. On occasion when The Works still had a location here in Arcata (they consolidated into one store in Eureka) I'd come across something awesome, like the first four Iron Maiden with Dickinson on vinyl, but usually it was the same old CDs, records, and tapes I had already listened to and or sold to them. One could easily try to order something but often it took forever to come in and usually one could find it cheaper online. That's why when I visit San Francisco I make a valiant attempt to visit Amoeba Records, often getting lost within the bins and three hours later walking out the door a couple hundred dollars less.

Now, it's not to say that there isn't that rare opportunity that one does happen across here in my hometown. Such was the case last Monday when I went into Missing Link Records. Missing Link opened about three to four years ago and remained an enigma of sorts in part due to their original location being off on a side street near downtown in a quaint building but also at the time we had three other record stores, now we have only two and Missing Link has helped fill the shoes of the other two after they closed their doors. It took me the better part of a year to summon up enough curiosity to actually check the store out but since then I've been surprised at what I've been able to find in there! Now I know half the people associated with the store and as I was headed by the shop while running some errands last Monday, I figured I'd swing in...

Now they have a very small selection of LPs, CDs, tapes, comics, and random knick-knacks but looks are deceiving. It didn't take me long to discover this particular gem though: Abomination - Tragedy Strikes.

I was blown away by seeing it there. It was an original pressing to boot and in surprisingly good condition. Their sound is straight forward, old-school death/thrash from Chicago, Illinois. Their sound is quite fitting for the time of release (early '90s). Imagine the best of early Death, Morbid Angel, and Obituary with a peppering of Death Strike and a light salting of early Slayer. Then again, what the hell do I know?! I say tomato, you say tomato. Anyways...

Apparently, the band is still 'active' but have not released anything since Tragedy Strikes which was released in '91. Also knowing that Paul Speckman of Master/Death Strike fame is involved, it has to rule right?! And ruling, yes it does.

I had heard Abomination years ago through a friend of mine and was thoroughly impressed. I often stumbled upon a CD of theirs in the used bins at certain record stores or on Ebay but for whatever I never actually picked up a copy of any of their albums. Not sure why. Their self-titled debut slays so when I stumbled upon Tragedy Strikes, I figured the metal gods were telling me something and that I should pick up the LP regardless of the cost. And I am quite grateful I did! While Tragedy Strikes is not as good as Abomination itself, it is still a great album. So with that in mind, I took it upon myself to scour the internet for some sort of downloadable link and or used copy for the first album, Abomination, and I was surprised to notice a lack thereof. I had to fulfill my need and find me a copy of Abomination and while both albums were eventually rereleased as a compilation last year, nothing beats the originals. So after a painstaking search, I finally located the self-titled album and as a token of my gratitude I've uploaded a link for you to enjoy yourself!

Cheers!

 Get it Here

Encyclopaedia Metallum

When drawing goes wrong pt3. Photoshop abortions.

During the previous two installments, here and here, it gradually became apparent that even amongst the bad album artwork that plagues the Internet and peoples music collections there are even worse examples of dreadful artistic vision and crap delivery. Previous posts concentrated on art that was in the most part actually drawn/painted/dribbled out by someone. They might not have had much of a idea about anatomy or have ever seen a women naked but they at least possess, in the loosest sense, charm.

Tonight's post deals with those most heinous of culprits when it comes to bad album artwork. The Photoshop abortions. Your technology can't save you.

To kicks things off, IllCon follower SoulReaper recommended this blinding piece of ham fisted photo shopping nonsense. Dismal Euphony....dismal euphotoshoppy. Sorry.

This was always one of the first things that came into my head whenever anyone mentioned bad photo-shopping. You have all manner of tools at your disposal  yet you can't even get the lower jaw of a skull right!

Not content with making it look like some pre-1997 PC game art they just go and use the most basic, default font.

You'll never get anything started slacking off like that Mr Speckmann.

Another example of not only being dreadful ( I mean look at it!) but knocked even more for having a bog standard font. Plus, a dreadful album title.

I can wager that if this image, an angel being defeated and having its life force sucked out by a demon inside a church, had been hand drawn and coloured I would probably have thought it pretty cool. Sadly someone got to it with Photoshop first.

If ever a single image summed up the plight of the regular IllCon follower then this album cover is it.

I like Benediction. I don't like this artwork. 

I still haven't been able to work out if this band are a joke or not. I could only get about 20 seconds into this video. This artwork and album title certainly suggest its all a joke.

The soft-porn/1997 "adult" PC game vibe was perfectly nailed on these two covers by everyone's favourite band we all claim not to like.

German engineering perfection. No.

Another example of quality band let down by PS1 quality artwork. it doesn't really fit.

You send something off to the printers, you send it at the right resolution don't you. I have been aware of this one for ages but I never knew the actual band name, I still don't.

Not often do tasteless album title/artwork concepts combine with bad Photoshop. But when they do the results are pretty special.

I can spot a circular saw, cyborg eyes, pink hair, robotic boobs and what looks like parts of a motorcycle. its not a magic eye image either.

Its like the cheap version of a Minotaur. A bemused armadillo. Doesn't really chase you round the maze. Just sits there looking confused.

Hypocrisy have quite a few probable entries lurking in that back catalogue of theirs. Funnily enough nearly most of it has been reissued in recent years with different artwork. I'd like to think that's because they looked back in horror at the below image.

To top it off is the one that got mentioned the most in past correspondence. Iron Maiden have done many great things for metal but this artwork certainly wasn't one of them. In my research I came across a story about how this was originally a mock up of the concept. The band saw it and decided to use it. Maybe save a bit of money. It may be true it may not be, it does sound like something you would say after many years of reflection and you slowly come to the realisation of how lame your album art is. I always like to think that Iron Maiden don't really need to go near computer technology. keep the two separate. Ed Hunter was bad enough.

Once again I will leave it up to you guys to let me know if there are any that deserve inclusion? In all fairness I spent quite a bit of time trawling the Nuclear Blast, Spinefarm and Roadrunner back catalogues and its almost another full post on some of the lame art those guys have hidden away.

Total Summertime Superdistorto Good Time Destruction

So, a few beers deep last night, Cobras and I got into a trans-continental bout of posting a bunch of 70s protometal summer jams on Facebook.  I figured I could share some of that and put up a mix of shit like that I made a month or two ago for partying purposes.  It ain't comprehensive, it's poorly researched, and ignores things that most people like.  So yeah.  Just a smattering of proto-metal, meathead, scuzz rock fuzzbombs from the golden age of quaaludes and tube amps. 

1. Lucifer's Friend - Ride In The Sky
Best thing this fucking band ever did.  It's like if Zeppelin decided to skip the eunuch Viking war cry on "Immigrant Song" and throw on some bleating horns and Hammond organ. 

2. Randy Holden - Guitar Song
I decided to skip some of the bigger names in this style (Sabbath, Blue Cheer, etc.), and while Holden was a member of Blue Cheer for one album it'd be a mistake to overlook this one.  The question I have regarding this song relates to the title.  Aren't ALL Randy Holden songs guitar songs?  Least descriptive title ever.  Might as well have called it fucking "Music Song" or "Song With Structure" or something.


3. Cool Feet - Burning Desire
Fucking sick album from Luxembourg circa '76.  Apparently only 200 were pressed, so good luck ever finding an actual copy of this that doesn't cost about the same as a downpayment on a house in a respectable neighborhood with good schools and curbside recycling.  It's got everything though: tinny mid-fi production, harmonized guitars, broken English lyrics.  If you hate this you're an asshole.


4. Stray - Jericho
I love ANY song with a galloping beat.

5. Frijid Pink - Crying Shame
This band had a balance between gnarly overdriven fuzz stomp and some sorta-corny-but-sorta awesome AOR boogie slop.  Gotta love any heavy band that genuinely uses the phrase "golly gee" in the lyrics. 

6. Grannie - Saga of the Sad Jester
Apparently the Grannie LP is one of the most valuable records in the world.  Even the fucking repress sells for a cool hundo.  Can't say I get it.  A lot of it sounds like an anemic Wishbone Ash.  But this song is pretty cool, like an anemic Wishbone Ash in a good way.

7. the Scorpions - It All Depends
I know I said I was gonna stay away from bigger names, but this doesn't count.  The Scorpions circa the early '70s were a totally different beast than what they'd become later.  Even though it's the same members, it might as well be a separate fucking band.  This album and it's successor are killer.  Shame what they'd become.

8. Flower Travellin' Band - Kamikaze
The Japanese Sabbath, if one were inclined towards clumsy cross-cultural analogies that fall short of their intended purpose.  Most people would go with the "Satori" album, with good reason.  But this one sounds like it could've been an out-take from that record, so fuck it.  Excruciatingly goddamn killer band. 

9. Råg I Ryggen - Det Kan Väl Inte Vara Farligt
Fuck man these Swedes kill it.  This is for all the people (like me) who, when they hear the term "prog rock", just assume its gonna be a bunch of Guitar Center employees with 37-string guitars and pony tails. Definitely intricate musically, but that doesn't undermine the heaviness.

10. Titanic - Macumba
Same deal as the last song.  Yeah, it's proggy, but it's also got some heft to it.  And it's catchy as a motherfucker.  It would surprise me if this DIDN'T turn up sampled on a Kanye West song.

11. Captain Beyond - Raging River Of Fear
This album is fucking perfect.  More technically sophisticated than most heavy bands of the era, heavier than most technically sophisticated bands.  Proto-prog-metal with more than a small amount of Southern rock thrown in.

12. Baby Grandmothers - Somebody Keeps Calling My Name
Apparently, this band's claim to fame was supporting Hendrix during his '68 Swedish tour.  But pretty much every burnout old rock dude from this era has some story about opening for Hendrix, or learning some licks from him, or buying drugs for him.  So you know, grain of salt.  Still a good record.  It can get a little jammy, but they manage to tie it all together, feng shui-ing their shit with some weird-ass vocals.

13. Cindy Und Bert - Der Hund Von Baskerville
This totally fucking happened.
                                                                                
 Fuzz Bomb Apocalypse Summer Jam Series Vol. 1

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ILLOGICAL CONTRAPTION RADIO IS OFFICIALLY "OVER THE HILL" TONIGHT WITH EPISODE NUMBER 40!!!

After a long absence, I (Cobras) will be back amongst my dumb friends this evening, discussing the finer points of frat-funk, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, ill-fated mushroom trips, and the devastating break-up of longtime IllCon favorites Chumbawumba. You know where to go (link up top).
Be there at 10pm PST. Give us a ring: (415-829-2980)

(also: super secret special guest)

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