VARIOUS ARTISTS - THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD SOUNDTRACK (1985)

To be honest, I'm not really a huge fan of any one band on the Return of The Living Dead OST (not even Roky Erickson--please direct your indignant hate mail to illogicalcontraption@yahoo.com), butt ass a hole, the whole thing just WORKS, probably just because of all the fond memories I have personally attached to this beyond-stellar 1985 masterpiece of a film. I mean, zombie movies just don't get much better than this. Real talk.



Track list:

1. Surfin' Dead - The Cramps
2. Partytime (Zombie Version) - 45 Grave
3. Nothing For You - TSOL
4. Eyes Without A Face - The Flesheaters
5. Burn The Flames - Roky Erickson
6. Dead Beat Dance - The Damned
7. Take A Walk - Tall Boys
8. Love Under Will - The Jet Black Berries
9. Tonight (We'll Make Love Until We Die) - SSQ
10. Trash's Theme - SSQ


Download HERE
Purchase HERE

*Extended version with dialogue snippets and whatnot over at Digital Meltdown

BLOODBATH - BREEDING DEATH EP (2000)

(Beware the "EXPLICIT LYRICS" on this one, guys.)

So yes, I've been largely neglecting this blog, no secrets there. But I actually sat down for several hours and wrote an epic post today about "rock supergroups", with extensive links, images, and meticulously-crafted wordplay. "Time to get back on track with IC", I thought to myself as I hammered away on sentence after eloquent sentence about ill-conceived supergroups like Gogmagog, Asia, Electronic, and Temple of The Dog.

Well, long story short, a glitch in Blogger "ate" the entire thing. Sorry.

So rather than sit here and try to recount the entire post as I had already written it, I'll just boil it down to the punchline: BLOODBATH is a "death metal supergroup" that turns the entire "supergroup phenomenon" on its head by actually being BETTER than the more-famous bands of its respective members. That Akerfeldt dude from Opeth (DO NOT WANT) is in here, along with some dudes from Katatonia (ALSO DO NOT WANT), and also Dan Swano, who actually sort of rules. I broke it all down much more thoroughly earlier this morning, but you fuckers get the idea. Bloodbath is a brutal fucking Swedeath bludgeoning where Opeth and Katatonia are the Coke Zero of extreme metal. Got it? OK.

THE ENTIRE INTERNET CAN GO FUCK ITSELF.

Download HERE
Purchase HERE

Oh wait, no....

That's the ticket.

Metallum/Last.FM

DARK QUARTERER - THE ETRUSCAN PROPHECY (1988)

Nearly two and a half years ago, our old pal Aesop described Dark Quarterer's first album as such: "Really only Italians could pull off something as bizarre and grandiose as the proggy cult doom of Dark Quarterer. The band was formed way back in 1974 by eccentric bassist/vocalist Gianni Nepi, but didn't release their amazing self titled debut album until 1987. And while I wonder what these guys must've sounded like in '74, this album shows them sort of treading the same path of backward-thinking eccentricity as Cirith Ungol and Slough Feg... Truly epic cult metal filtered through the Italian psyche with all the melodrama and pageantry that we've come to expect from the country's metal bands."

Epic indeed, but the hazy ESL present on Dark Quarterer's very own Last.FM page ups the ante even further: "The original group was formed in 1974 in Piombino and was called “Omega erre”. Eight years of playing cover followed with no concerts or performances, but a continuous effort to capture the sounds and colours of the hard and progressive rock of those years...

It was an absolute imperative for the band to reproduce the songs faithfully - they played dozens of covers of Black Sabbath, Thin Lizzy, Iron Maiden, Krokus, Grand Funk Railroad, Led Zeppelin, Uriah Heep, Gentle Giant, Genesis, Jethro Tull, Van Der Graaf Generator, Deep Purple, Ten Years After, Cream, Manowar, Michael Shenker, Colosseum... Their first composition was too light-weight harmonically and too commercial, boring even on first hearing. Fulberto Serena experimented with classical sonorities (Bach), arpeggios that were also veritable riffs, almost exclusively in the minor aiming to achieve the darkest colour possible...

So it took a lot of instinct but also many corrections and radical changes in order to achieve a final result that could not be improved upon. Only when everyone firmly believed in it was the result considered definitive. The introverted and moody personality of Fulberto contributed to disturbing pieces like the self-titled Dark Quarterer, The Entity, Gates of Hell, in which the protagonist actually wanted to live and die in the name of evil to dethrone Lucifer in the underworld!"

Are we clear on all that?
Good. Here's their second album.

Download HERE

DQ on Encyclopaedia Metallum

MASTER - ON THE SEVENTH DAY, GOD CREATED... MASTER (1991)

A series of images from the new IllCon-sponsored photography show Paul Speckmann: A RetroSPECKtive, now open at the Carnegie Museum:

"Bullet-Belt Naptime" (2002)



"The Pants-Wetter" (2007)



"The Lemmy" (2008)



"Still Life With Woodpecker" (1986)



"In League With Satan" (2010)



And lastly, A dozen pieces from the "Paul Speckmann Posing With Random Metal Dudes Throwing Up Horns" series:















ALSO: PAUL SPECKMANN = KARL HUNGUS?!?!?!?


Think about it.

Shit, I fell down a Speckmann Hole and forgot to write about the album, didn't I?
Oh well.

Download HERE
Purchase HERE

Metallum/Last.FM

PS I'm starting a new side project called PAUL SPECKMANN'S FANNY PACK. Who's in?

GOOD LORD

Essentially comprised of the core triumverate of "Stabath", "Thorgrim", and, uh, "Gor Gho Phon", Dutch black metallers UNLORD managed three solid albums between the years 1997 and 2002, two of which being those featured here today. These guys aren't revolutionaries or anything--they stick to the black metal playbook pretty tightly--but they do it really goddamn well, delivering an unrelenting onslaught of blasting, hyperspeed drums, swirling keyboards, screechy/gargly vocals, and pleasingly dissonant guitars (check out the epic riffery present on Gladiator's "Bloodgrief") in abundance.
Do you like black metal? If the answer is "yes", the chances are higher than a collegiate tourist in Amsterdam that you'll dig Unlord. Dutch BM FTW?


SCHWARZWALD (1997)

Download HERE
Purchase HERE

GLADIATOR (2000)

Download HERE
Purchase HERE

Metallum/Last.FM

SCROTUM GRINDER - THE GREATEST SONIC ABOMINATION EVER (2001)

THE FIRST WORD IN ALL OF YOUR GROUND SCROTUM NEEDS.


19 songs in just under 24 minutes. The first and only "full-length" from this semi-short-lived Tampa, Florida hardcore/grindcore quartet. Prepare your anus.

Download HERE
Purchase HERE

Last.FM

COBRAS IS DEAD

Some interesting speculation via JGD's post about Adramalech on The Living Doorway yesterday:

"Since 90% of The Living Doorway's traffic comes from our 'tarded pals over at Illogical Contraption, I'm sure you've noticed by now that Shelby has turned into some corporate shill and doesn't have time to post anymore. Or maybe he's just in jail or something. I don't know. But he's totally MIA and it's important that someone step in to provide the world with more Finnish death metal from the 1990's, at least until he finally gets fired for gross misconduct (or released on his own recognisance) and can start posting again."

Jaime then goes on to confusingly hawk products for my band, which is a) totally appreciated and b) only partially solicited:

"... head over to Apocryphon's OFFICIAL MERCHANDISE PAGE for some back-to-school shopping. It's the least you can do to help build Shelby's new corporate empire... or whatever the fuck he's doing lately.

RIP Cobras."

Wow. First off, I wholly resent the insinuation that I have died, as, to quote Mark Twain, "rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated". While the illusion of human existence can be confusing and mystical, I am, in fact, at least 85-90% sure that I am still a resident of the material plane of Earthly being. I am not dead. Just busy.
But second (and more maddening) is the suggestion that I have become some sort of "corporate shill", as if I had a commercial-minded bone in my body. Come on, Jaime. You know me better than that.
While it is true that I may or may not be starting some sort of new phase in my employment, I can neither confirm nor deny at this point that it is in any way a "corporate" power grab and/or a monumental increase in both my annual income and social status. This type of speculation is 100% unconfirmed (at this point) and only partially fueled by extensive media coverage. To wit, I give you the banner headline from a recent Huffington Post article:



I know, I know: the rumors have been rampant for the last couple days, and even though I am forbidden from speaking about the current terms of my employment and/or "CEO status" (their words), I will acknowledge that big wheels are turning. I alluded to such things a few posts ago, and not to be overly cryptic or anything, but FRUITion has arrived. Not that I can confirm anything or whatever. It's all just crazy speculation. Crazy, rampant speculation.

Shame on you, JGD, for stirring up all these silly rumors. It was an enormous breach of our conceptual, digital friendship, and we both know that it is WAY too early to talk about my (purportedly) upcoming ventures into the public spotlight. You know I can't talk about these things yet.
But what I CAN do is share a simple photo with you all. Interpret it as you will:

Hmmm....


Anyway, here is some super-top-notch deathened black metal from Temecula, CA circa 1997. This album absolutely DESTROYS.

DRACONIS - Overlords of The Greying Dawn

dl: Unseen Reflections of Interdimensional Transfixions

Metallum/Last.FM

COBRAS BREAKS THE SILENCE

Sup bros?

I know it's been awhile since I've had a minute to post on IC (I've been working 80 hour weeks, assholes, cut me a break), but the time has come to end my silence with the most important news imaginable:

Apocryphon's OFFICIAL MERCHANDISE PAGE is now online.


I know you clowns are just dying to send me your money, so go over there and get yourself a CD or a T-shirt (or both!).

I mean, just look at that thing! A high-quality cotton T-shirt bearing the infamous design created by our very own IC uber-bro Farron Loathing--for only 12 dollars (plus S&H)?!?!?!
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!?!?!

Not to mention the lovingly-crafted, hand-numbered, wooden-box-twine-bound-hand-sewn limited edition CDs we're selling (for ONLY $7!!!). Brother Peter designed and built only 100 of these babies, and they're really going fast. Check this shit out:



Now that's quality craftmanship right there.

Go buy our stuff. We'll have even more of it soon.

In other news, we now have an Encyclopaedia Metallum page as well, along with our old Last.FM, Facebook, and Bandcamp (where you can download our debut EP for free or name your price).

PS: Speaking of shameless, incessant self-promotion, DALTON's "comeback" show is at the Elbo Room in SF tonight with Winter Teeth and The Corruptors. Go to that also.