Friday, February 18, 2011

$cientology Space Jazz - SUN RA THIS AIN'T

Everyone is going bonkers over The New Yorkers' epic 26 page expose of The Church of Scientology this week. A sordid tale of slaves building magic motorcycles for Tom Cruise, brainwashing, multiple beatings by the president of the church himself and a game of bloody musical chairs (really). It's totally worth the read if you haven't dug in yet. A lot of the material isn't new for those of us that grew up around the church and their influence in Hollywood, but for the uninitated it's pretty shocking stuff. Now here is something that is pretty rare and weird, even with those way too familiar with the Scienos and their bull crap.

By the mid Seventies Scientology was in full effect and gaining power. Dianetics was on the NYT Best Sellers list and the myth (lies) that made the bulk of L Ron Hubbard's legend were still being created. This dude was said to be a war hero, an amazing chef, a master scientist, accomplished physicist, inventor of the Les Paul guitar, creator of sexting, etc. YOU NAME IT HE DID IT, and according to the church, WAS THE BEST!

One of the things he claimed to be incredible at was the art of music and sound. Just check out this page on his musical accomplishments. Wow! You would think he was a regular Miles Davis or something! No seriously.. go look at that page for a second. They claim his album "Scientology: The Road To Freedom" actually made gold status. I don't even...

Aaaanyway... there is no mention anywhere on that page or on any official Scientology page of the abomination in audio that I'm about to drop upon you. Here's a little background I found on The Ex-Scientologists Message Board from someone that actually worked on the album. The story goes like this: L. Ron put together a group of young freaky jazz musicians to get his message out. He also wanted to record them himself with a custom made mixing board that was THE FUTURE OF SOUND. The album was to be called THE POWER OF SOURCE by THE APOLLO STARS. From the guy that actually worked on the album (please excuse the Scino jargon):

" EL Ron was in the midst of making another “Technical Breakthrough” regarding sound recording! El Ron knew better than anyone! El Ron was certain! El Ron was giving Earth (within the limits of the woeful, inept and SP/DB Earthlings and their extant technology) a “new and brilliant” sound that, upon the hearing of, all civilization would piss its’ Thetan Pants!"

L. Ron Hubbard & The Apollo Stars

I guess the recording session was a complete disaster full of Hubbard's temper tantrums due to his unwillingness to take advice from actual sound engineers that knew how to work the equipment. Once it was released everyone in the church was told to pr the hell out of it. Amazing stories on the Ex-Scientologists thread if you want to read further.

The album came out to hilarious critical results. Hubbard claimed "The vinyl technology couldn't do justice to the advanced sound." From the same poster (please excuse more Scino jargon):

"The reason “the vinyl didn’t do justice to their sound” is not because they had some incredible sound that couldn’t be captured on vinyl…it was because El Ron was:
1. Incompetent as a sound engineer
2. Borderline tone deaf

3. Musically sophomoric
4. Artistically juvenile
5. Intellectually and emotionally disingenuous
6. "Victimized" by the "willful incompetence" and "ev purps" of others
7. Unable to listen to sincere advice from professionals and bona fide experts
8. Unwilling to accept help Hisself did not select, direct or control

9. Always riding one of Hisself’s hobbyhorses

10. Never uncertain, knew everything and was never ultimately wrong.

I knew the man; I had “face time” with the man.

The music itself is seriously some of the corniest shit I've ever heard. The Power Of Source being abbreviated to POS is totally appropriate. And just look at the excitement going on in this cover art:


There's a million more wacky things we can write about the church. Hopefully Cobras can delve into the pre-Scino black majik sex parties L. Ron had with Jack Parsons! (A boy can dream, right?) BUT.. here is a bonus Scientology music video starring Frank Stallone, Chick Corea, Karen Black and Leif Garrett. A MUST SEE BY ALL MEANS. ENJOY!


Shelby Cobras said...

HOLY SHIT this is an amzing score.
Looks like all those endless hours you've spent hanging out on Scientologist message boards weren't completely wasted, after all!

Shelby Cobras said...

PS This kinda sounds like BIODIGITAL JAZZ, MAN

Anonymous said...

It's the New Yorker's profile, not the NY Times.

Cory said...


Cory said...

Here's the back cover btw. Lols abound:

kevinesse said...

i've always liked the back story to this reckerd...but truth be told...sadly...I think it's a pretty great lp! I like it and listen to it once in a while! It's better than every single song the foo fighters ever recorded! thanks for the post