Sunday, November 6, 2011

Frozen by Icewinds-Danzig III: How the Gods Kill

Cryptic Winterstroms have enshrouded The North Abyss (Flagstaff) in The Winter of the Ages (about three inches of snow). That means I have to do my legally required "winter" post, as stipulated in the Blogger Terms and Conditions.
I could easily shit out a review of an Immortal, Ulver, Dissection, Old Wainds or almost any other black metal album and fulfill my legal duties. But I'm not gonna do that this year. I'm gonna do a post on the album that most represents cold, freezing and winter to me: Danzig III: How the Gods Kill.

Danzig III doesn't have any songs about winter, coldness or freezing; and its production is quite warm, so why does it make icy shivers run down my back and my hands numb just thinking about it?

For the past two summers I've worked at the campground in the Grand Canyon National Park. I spend most of my time sitting on my ass, taking tourists money and yelling at French "people." It's nice because I get to flirt with hot European chicks and get paid a ton of fuckin money. It sucks because it seems that every hot Euro chick has a faggy Eurotrash boyfriend, I have to talk with fat Americans and French "people".

Last fall I stayed on during the school year and worked weekends at the canyon. Minus "start up costs:" gas, coffee, lunch and Taco Bell, I still had a take home of about $100 a week. The downside? I had to get there. The Grand Canyon is about 75 miles from Flag on US 180 and SR 64, and I figured out I could get from my dorm, gas up and to work in and hour and a half including gassing up and going through the south entrance. That means I was driving at about 80-90mph almost the whole time. At this time my whip was missing a driver's side window. Why didn't I get it fixxxed with the insane $$$ I was earning at the time or with the savings from the summer? Cuz I spent it all on an half stack and a 42" TV and I spent most of my weekly earnings on booze and Mexican food, and I'm a cheap motherfucker.
September and early October weren't so bad, but once it started getting cold round late October it started getting pretty rough. 25°F at 90mph is pretty cold even with the heat cranked in my car; some days I'd have to wait in the office for 30min until my hands were warm enough to type. Couple this with a screaming hangover almost every day and 5 hours of sleep on a good day or 2 hours on a bad one and you got a pretty rough commute.

Where does Danzig III fit in? I can distinctly remember the five cd's I had in the car: Danzig II: Lucifuge, Danzig III, Beheaded-Ominous Bloodline, Kataplexia-Supreme Authority and Thin Lizzy-Jailbreak. Brutal death gets muffled by 90mph wind through the window, I'd listened to Danzig II too many times by the time it started getting cold and I was getting tired of skipping all the crappy tracks on Jailbreak. That meant I was listening to Danzig III a lot, and singing along to keep myself awake. So from now on Danzig III will always be linked with ball shrinking coldness and Icewinds.

Music? Sounds like Danzig, and III is my favorite. If you like him, you already have the album; if you don't like him then you aren't gonna download it.

kinda like a dog w/ seven pupils in its eye/kinda like a madness that refuses to subside


16 comments:

Helm said...

Only quality posts so far, Judge. Glad you're on board.

Judge Shredd said...

Glad you liked it. Glad to be aboard.

23 Wolves said...

Yeah, it was a cool story! Cold, even!

Anonymous said...

It must be the "younger set" of readers who think you're cool. I think you're mostly full of shit and bravado. Anyone who likes Danzig but hates Amon Amarth is just a dumbass. More trips to Metal Devastation, less trips to the 2nd Floor men's rooms at Cline Library.

Judge Shredd said...

Damn straight grampa, all I got is shit and bravado.

Anyone who likes Amon Amarth and not Danzig is a asshat who doesn't know good music. Amon Amarth is shitty Swedish melo-death with down syndrome. Danzig is excellent classic rock with extra pinch harmonics.

Shelby Cobras said...

Dude, don't bite. I guarantee anyone without the balls to enter a proper "name" is either your malevolent neighbor or your best bro trying to get the best of you. Don't even bother giving pathetic, contrarian, maggot-infested sack-o-turd trolls like this the time of day. Word up.

Helm said...

and fuck Amon Amarth

Anonymous said...

fuck you

"sorrow throughout the nine worlds" is good. I'd say "great" but I dislike using that word looselly (wouldn't be all that loose in that case, though).

Anonymous said...

*loosely*

Shelby Cobras said...

You should have titled this one Danzig III: How The Gods Chill.

Ambassador MAGMA said...

Who likes Amonymous Armarth? Seriously.

I'm just Danzig with myself.

Cory said...

French onion soup and a Wendy's chicken sandwich for the fine anon sir.

23 Wolves said...

Can't they BOTH be okay?

Patrick Hughes said...

Guys, let's not let hyperbole get the best of us as emotions run high. Amon Amarth is clearly wholly mediocre Swedish melo-death with down syndrome.

Shelby Cobras said...

I like Amon Amarth.

DoomUnicorn said...

What is amon amarth? i always thought it was a t shirt or whatever