Cindy und Bert singen "Black Sabbath Paranoisch"

Download this awesomeness here.

FUBAR IS A SUPER ROCKER

(For desired effect, please shotgun a beer every four sentences while reading this post)

What is it with Canada and white-trash alcoholic buddy movies? They're so fuckin' good at it, right? They gave us Bob and Doug McKenzie. They gave us Trailer Park Boys. Even Wayne's World (despite the blatant absence of massive alcohol consumption and American location) could be lumped in the genre, if only in spirit and tone. For some reason, Canada has cornered the market on movie and television productions about dirtbag brosephs chugging suds in backwoods areas. Why? Search me.
But what is quite possibly the finest film in said genre is also the one most often overlooked, a semi-obscure little gem of a mockumentary released in 2002 titled Fubar. If you've seen it, you know what I mean. If not, well, YOU SHOULD. Let's take a look, shall we?

Trailer:



Fubar was the full-length directorial debut of one Michael Dowse, a film-within-a-film about a small movie crew (headed by Gordon Skilling's Farrell Mitchner) making a documentary about two headbanging boozebros, Terry (David Lawrence) and Dean (Paul Spence). Terry and Dean's lives consist of little else besides shotgunning beer, manicuring their "hockey hair" (read as: Canadian mullets), and occasionally jamming out in the basement. They pretty much have it made. But things, as always, soon get complicated.
Part of what makes Fubar so goddamn watchable is the weird charisma of Spence's Dean, a completely shiftless douchebag with a bad moustache who you can't help but root for beginning at the first frame. He's a piece of shit, a violent drunk, a deadbeat dad, you name it. But Dean, at his core, has a heart of gold. Just listen to the lyrics he wrote for a song entitled "Woman Is A Danger Cat". OBVZ.

(Fun fact: Paul Spence also played Senator Ask Aak in Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of The Sith. No fucking kidding.)

SHOTGUN!



There are multiple factors that compel this movie from the level of "sloppy underfunded art house flick" to that of "awesome mandatory bro-fest". For one, it sports a gonzo hessian spirit akin to perennial IC favorites like Heavy Metal Parking Lot or Metallimania, blurring the line between reality and parody so well that several people within the film itself don't realize that they're participating in a work of fiction. Like the drunken fist-fighting jocks (another story altogether). In a way, Fubar surpasses like-minded movies like Gummo with its sheer joie de vivre -- even at its most depressing moments it's still a comedy, and a damn fine one at that.
When the aforementioned complications set in, the laughs keep coming. Sure, Deaner has been diagnosed with almost-surely-terminal testicular cancer (or "ball cancer", as he affectionately calls it), but does HE look worried about it? HELL NO! It's time to fucking PARTY like there's no tomorrow, right? Because for all he knows, there might not be one.

LIFE LESSON:

Another factor that sets Fubar apart from the rest of the pack is the plot twist that occurs about halfway through. I've made it a point not to reference said plot twist in any video clips contained herein because I don't want to spoil it for anyone, but let it just be said that it is one of the most unexpected turns of storyline you'll ever experience. Just when you think the movie's gonna go all sappy and emotional, it punches you square in the nose -- and reveals that it had more heart than you expected all along. It's brutal, it's metal, it works on very deep levels.
This is definitely a flick to check out when you're about eyeballs-deep in frosty hops, preferably with a roomful of Bros in a like-minded state. Fubar, after all, is a movie about being a Bro through thick and thin, about throwing up the Horns when life gets you down and laughing in the very face of death and disaster. It may be raunchy (I have been informed that the word "fuck" is uttered a total of 274 times during the course of its 76 minutes) and it may be lowbrow, but Fubar is still a "FILM" in the "artistic" sense, a modern fable about the lives of a couple extraordinary everymen. And what is a "fable" really, if not just another word for "history"?

THOR, "Fubar Is A Super Rocker" (from the Fubar OST). Not his finest hour, bet hey, fuck it, right?



I hear Fubar 2 is in the works, and I'm not sure how I feel about it.
Go Netflix it or buy it and tell me what you think.

CANNIBAL OX - THE COLD VEIN (2001)

NYC trip-hop duo featuring established rappers Vast Aire and Vorgul Mega (with help from superproducer El-P). I can't really write about hip-hop without sounding like a colossal douche ("phat beats", "dizzope rhymes", etc.), so let it just be said that this album is really weird and really good and you should check it out if you like rad stuff. OK.

Download HERE
Purchase HERE

Last.FM / Myspace

WINDIR - 1184 (2001)

For me at least, the honeymoon with "folk metal" ended right around the time Finntroll stopped looking like this and started looking like this (mid-00's?). But there are Viking/Folklore/Mythologycore Black Metal bands that will forever withstand the test of time -- they are few and far between, to be sure, but Sogndal, Norway's WINDIR are definitely among them. Blending a curious mix of accordion, occasional drum machine, ambient, spacey synth, and "traditional" BM instrumentation (live drums, guitar, bass, screeching vocals), Windir put out a string of solid, folklore-driven albums between 1994 and 2004, led by multi-instrumentalist frontman Valfar (above right).
Sounding a bit like last week's offering Hellspawn, Windir's aural assault was a well-calculated cacophony of orchestral madness, whip-smart and not at all kvlt. Although the band began as Valfar's one-man project, the steady addition of more and more musicians to the fray was a wise one, as Windir's sound grew fuller and more realized over the years. Unfortunately, Valfar was trapped in a snowstorm and froze to death in 2004, putting an abrupt end to the career of one of Norway's finest folk-metal outfits. Pretty fucking metal.

Download HERE
Purchase HERE

SognaMetal (posthumous DVD tribute to Valfar featuring Finntroll, Enslaved, and the surviving members of Windir) on Blockbuster (???) / Century Media / Amazon.UK

Metallum / Last.FM / Website

RIP Terje “Valfar” Bakken 1978-2004

BURNING DAN: Lol @ Douche

As much as I hate to say it, gang, Summer is winding to a close. Despite one last stubborn heat wave edging its way into the usually-foggy Bay Area, things are definitely "chilling out", as the season for camping trips and beach parties tips its hat for one final adieu. But there is ONE event left to look forward to this year. That's right, fuckers: BURNING MAN.

Right about now, you're probably having the same Burning Man concerns as all the rest of us here at ICHQ: What do I do to set myself apart at The Man this year? How do I express my "individuality" in a way that won't call too much attention to me and/or offend other attendants? There must be some sort of "trippy" skill I can master in the next week or so...

Well, friends, you're in luck. I know you were planning on taking some stilt-walking classes on the fly, but between you and me, I heard a group of dudes talking about stilt-walking at the Precompression Party back in June, so that's no longer "unique" or "challenging". But I'll tell you what is: FIRE-DANCING. It's hip, it's now, it's sure to make you the toast of The Playa. And I've got just the guy to teach it to you: BURNING DAN.

Dude that shirt is awesome, seriously.

If Burning Dan (real name: Dan Gordon-Levitt) looks familiar, it's probably because he looks alot like his famous brother, Joseph Gordon-Levitt -- an actor best known for his work on a late 90's docu-drama about reptilian shapeshifters (right). But Dan doesn't need to ride anyone's coattails -- after all, he's a Master Burner well versed in the ways of both Rave and Yoga Culture. This guy lives Namaste and has his Chakras lined up to some seriously cosmic shit, bro. You can tell by his sweet dreads.

There are three basic things you need to understand about Burning Dan before you can absorb his teachings:

1) Burning Dan builds pillow forts on airplanes:

2) Burning Dan is fond of creating animated .gif files:

3) Burning Dan's favorite color is "watermelon":

Left: Dan is proud of his "customized" "watermelon" Converse.

But that isn't all. Dan Gordon-Levitt is a fountain of style, fashion, and good ol' Burner wisdom. I urge you all to explore his website and blog, which can be found here: Burningdan.net.

(You'll be seeing more of Dan and his friends at the new IC-sponsored Tumblr page LookAtThisFuckingBurner.com, launching next month!)

ENJOY!





PS: For those of you who don't read the Comments section -- THIS happened:

Thanks to IC reader Shoelundo for the image. This wonderful juxtaposition is the best thing since, um... THIS:

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

By Del Tigre

This shit will blow your mind.

BUTTHOLE SURFERS - AFTER THE ASTRONAUT (1998)

By Del Tigre



What's up gang? Tired of listening to metal? No? TOO FUCKING BAD. Ever wanted to hear the Butthole Surfers' unreleased techno album? No? TOO FUCKING BAD. Most of these songs were re-recorded for the shitstorm that was "Weird Revolution," but these early versions are way more awesome. Let's face it, if you don't download this based on the cover alone, you're a epic poser. Get into it, poser.




(Pro tip: You don't deserve a song this awesome.)


Track Listing:
1. Weird Revolution
2. Intelligent Guy
3. Jet Fighter
4. Imbuya
5. Mexico
6. Venus
7. The Last Astronaut
8. Yentel
9. Junky Jenny in Gaytown
10. They Came In
11. I Don't Have a Problem
12. Turkey & Dressing
Download

ATROCITY - INFECTED (1990)

No no no no no no. Not the shitty goth-metal Atrocity. This is the REAL Atrocity, straight out of Torrington, Conneticut. Short, fast, ugly grindcore songs done right, with titles like "Unseen Death", "Bludgeoned To Death", "Toxic Death", "In The Wake of Death", "Death Factories (Raised For Slaughter)", and "Malevolent Death Thirst" (their 1992 follow-up was titled The Art of Death). You know what to expect: Dirty, sloppy, blastbeat-ridden jams with bad solos and no fucking frills whatsoever. This whole album might be nothing but a 3-years-later rehash of Scum, but COME ON, MAN. Look at the afro. Now look at the album cover. Now back to the afro. Back to the album cover.
If you aren't downloading this by now, you probably need your bro-pulse checked.

Download HERE
Purchase HERE (b/w The Art of Death)

Metallum / Myspace

Got any English in ya?

Hello....hello...*tap* *tap* *tap*...is this thing on? Good day to you. I have been invited by your esteemed Mr Cobras to contribute to this 'blog', which I consider a most singular honour. For those of you who don't know, which would be most of you, I am English. I shall try to speak slowly and not use too many English colloquialisms, such as 'marmalise', 'loo', 'pavement' and 'aluminium'. You may expect my first post forthwith. Chin chin!

Death and Mashes

You know what the best part of death is? Reincarnation.
This is the best possible reincarnation of these two.

HERE