When Self-Promotion Goes Wrong Part 1

LOOK

LOOK

LOOK

LOOK

LOOK

LOOK

LOOK

LOOK

Apocryphon will also be playing in Santa Rosa Saturday, June 23rd. Details forthcoming. And let's not forget:

ILLCON RADIO RETURNS TO THE AIRWAVES AT 10PM TONIGHT RIGHT HERE. WE HAVE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DISCUSS. WE MIGHT HAVE A GUEST OR TWO. WE WILL EAT CHIPS AND AL WILL GET DRUNK. SUBSCRIBE ON ITUNES PLEASE. ALSO CALL US AT 415-829-2980. THANK YOU.

When drawing goes wrong pt2.

I am going to put it out there and say that it was pretty sweet seeing the level of response to the previous bad artwork post. Then the remedial prison, rehabilitation art ball rolled into the MS Paint album covers post, which we all agree was beyond awesome. To quote the head honcho, " we have the best goddamn motherfucking readers on the entire Internet, you guys rule."

On that slushy note, here is another selection of some of my favourite "bad art" album covers. Once again. Despite a complete lack of art skill and in some cases complete lack of human anatomy, I do hold a certain level of respect for these awesome images.

Pretty obvious what these guys think about all the time isn't it? I can wager it isn't being in a band.

God bless the Scorpions for consistently proving themselves to be guitar wielding numb skulls of the highest order. I have a slight bit of respect for the German chumps over the fact that when it comes to making some sort of statement, The Scorpions are always going to express it at a unbelievably low level of both class and awareness. With Animal Magnetism they surpassed themselves and wouldn't manage to beat it until 1996 when they hit us with this guy.....

See what I mean, deep stuff.

Future barbarian, biker, outlaw judge? Who knows but Battle Axe. They charged into the art the same way they approach they're sweet metal jams. With more enthusiasm than skill.

I really dig this one. Its just an awesome image. Plain and simple. Of course maybe the artist wasn't exactly up to the job but I am letting it slide.

It was mentioned last time so here it is. I never thought I would say this but Metal Magic really was a step up for these guys after Projects In The Jungle.

Karisma with a "K". Pretty sure that's a rabid walrus either escaping from some kind of imprisonment or just hanging out. Awesome.

Yes, that is a skull faced nudist raising a severed penis above its head atop a volcano. Thanks for noticing.

Everyones favourite NWOBHM never was's prove that you shouldn't fear evil. Fear death and badly drawn skulls instead.

Some evil, Christ baiting black metal? No? Oh sorry my mistake. You look like your having far to much fun at camp to be actual black metallers. She most certainly is having far to much fun streaking for Satan.

You shouldn't really expect too much when diving into the putrid trough of goregrind/pornogrind nonsense, its meant to be offensive. But this certainly plumbs some stinky depths.

Another one mentioned last time and its a cracker. Really what can you say about this? 

Once again, Any of you guys want to throw some more into the ring? We are open to suggestions for any you can think of to top these.

PURPLE SABBATH - The Black Sabbath Born Again Demos 1983

I think it's weird that everyone is talking about Sabbath reforming sans Bill Ward. Who the heck cares in 2012? Ozzy is a ghost of his former self, they play exactly zero deep cuts. Who get excited for this shit? Internet metal nerds? Dad? I don't know.

Let's take it back and look at what was up with Sabbath in 1983. Singer Ronnie James Dio just left the band along with then-drummer Vinnie Appice to start their own band Dio. The story goes: he had an epic battle with Iommi about the mixing of Live Evil (lol divas). Original Sabbath drummer Bill Ward was coaxed back in and the new singer was none other than the legendary Ian Gillan of Deep Purple fame. 

The result? Well thats up for debate. To me Born Again is up there with Vol 4. and Masters as one of their heaviest records. I love Ian Gillan's voice. Love it. Jesus Christ Superstar is one of my favorite rock records ever (Gillan plays Jesus, n00bs) and (in my opinion) his vocals worked perfectly with Iommi's evil riffage. The album was not received well by the public and generally trashed by the music press. I think thats weird. It totally rules. WTF, people?  

Ian said he never fit in with the band and he hated the album cover. I once read he smashed a whole box of records in his home because he was so disgusted. Also I guess this version of Sabbath inspired the 'Stonehenge' scene in This Is Spinal Tap. Check out this awesome story:

The album was apparently the victim of a terrible mix that had something to do with humidity + master tapes. Thats why what I'm posting here is so important. This is the unmixed, unmastered demos for the album (+ 1 song) that somehow surfaced in 2004 and it's fucking rad. This album has never received an official release on CD which is weird but fuck it. These demos are better anyway. One of my faves.

Download this now. 

THE METALOCALYPSE HAS BEGUN

Guess who's coming to dinner on Episode 34 of IllCon Radio tonight? You guessed it: Tommy Blacha (right), co-creator of everyone's favorite TV show Metalocalypse and voice of everyone's favorite quasi-retarded alcoholic bass player William Murderface.
That's right: Worlds are colliding, faces are melting, and everything you once thought you knew will be proven false. Please go to FCCFreeRadio.com Studio 1A at 10pm to join in the fun, and feel free to drop us a line at 415-829-2980 to join in the quasi-retarded alcoholic fun. Don't forget to subscribe on iTunes as well.

Coming soon: Kubrick conspiracies blown wide open, Apocryphon tour dates, cryptozoological breakthroughs in space, and probably several more fan-art-related posts. Stay tuned.

Also, I'm on the new episode of Pool Party Radio. Check that out, too, and don't forget to subscribe to their podcast as well. They're OK dudes.
Since I don't have the time to supply you all with anything else worthwhile or thought-provoking at the moment, instead let's just take a moment to enjoy the trailer for Antfarm Dickhole:

Not with a Bang but a Bloop

IllCon East, cubicle #435 reporting for duty. Today we're going to talk about The Bloop. If you don't already know about The Bloop, hang in there, uncle these a beast will catch you up.

Way back in '97, NOAA caught this on tape:

The sound itself is pretty unspectacular until you stumble on its story (from Wikipedia):

The Bloop is the name given to an ultra-low frequency and extremely powerful underwater sound detected by the U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) in 1997. The source of the sound remains unknown.

The NOAA's Dr. Christopher Fox does not believe its origin is man-made, such as a submarine or bomb, or familiar geological events such as volcanoes or earthquakes. The source is a mystery both because it is different from known sounds and because it was several times louder than the loudest known recorded animal, the blue whale.

Curious indeed. Animal in origin, yet notably louder than the loudest creature known to man. Which means this sound came from an animal we have not identified yet.

NOAA says the sound came from about 50 degrees South, 100 degrees West. I suspect they only publish an estimation because they don't want anyone to panic. Because if they admitted that the sound came from exactly 47 degrees South, 123 degrees West, like HP Lovecraft had predicted years prior, then we would all realize that this sound clearly came from the vestibular folds of Cthuhlu's slimy maw.

Observe:
Point A - the exact location of R'lyeh
Point B - the approximate location of The Bloop

I leave it to you to decide what the truth is.



Also, here's the best Jack Kerouac / Cthuhlu mashup novel you'll ever read: Move Under Ground. I haven't finished reading it but it has already augmented my lexicon - Manhattan is now "turd island" and big-fish-in-a-little-pond is now "king flea." I'm up to the part where R'lyeh pops up out of the ocean and Kerouac asks a 4 inch tall Ginsberg where he can find Cassady.

Also, here's Ruin Lust. Do you want breakdowns? FUCK YOU. They are a relentless onslaught of NWIWSNGDM (New Wave of Incantation Worship Super Nice Guy Death Metal). Quality of vid sucks. Enjoy it anyway.



Download / Buy? / Metallum / Last.fm

Further Down the Rabbit Hole of SHIT: Counting Crows Fan Art

So hey. The death of music blogs is upon us. It's inevitable that Illogical Contraption will get shut down eventually by the evil record companies. In light of these recent Nazi-esque crackdowns we decided to become a full time fan art blog. Enjoy!

Nailbomb - Point Blank (1994)

This album should need no introduction whatsoever.

In fact, I don't have anything relevant to say at the moment anyway.

All I know is that the picture above is a good representation of how I feel right now (and probably look). My brain is fried due to my academic ventures (its finals week) and I have been under the gun so-to-speak the last three to four weeks.
In a nutshell, this album fits my overall mood at present.

Plus, I haven't contributed a post here on IllCon for at least a couple weeks so I kind of owe it to y'all I suppose.

So without further ado, I think I'm gonna go get hammed on Oly and listen to this noise on repeat for the next few hours while trying to repress the memories of the past weeks' events...
Sounds fun huh? Why don't you join me? Crap! For Fuck's Sake, I'm out of Oly.
Nevermind.

Must. Numb. Mind. Now.

Be Proud To Commit Commercial Suicide here
not here

(unlike these guys)

Metallum / Last.FM

NORMAL MAN

At first he was all:

Then he was all:

Then he was all:

Then he was all:

Then he was all:

Then he was all:

Then he was all:

Then he was all:

Then he was all:

But then he was all:

Sam McPheeters: The man. The myth. The legend.

Tonight on IllCon Radio right over HERE. 10 pm PST.

(415) 829-2980.

Go to his website.

Buy his book.

"I am a man with a glahr in my hand.
Oh and I am a bahr with a clark in my car.
So I feel the pump of the clag in my noshus,
And I feel so glotious when I fly my bonahr."

- Men's Recovery Project

Public Enemy - Muse Sick-n-Hour Mess Age (1994)

Muse Sick-n-Hour Mess Age was released in 1994. This was a post "The Chronic" world and rap glorifying drug use and violence was already the status quo for a couple years. PE was considered "old" and "corny" by most fans of the genre and the bad reviews started flowing in before the album even came out. The decline of PE in the eyes of the record buying public happened so fast. The switch from party rap and political hip hop dominating the charts to the overwhelming rise and popularity of so called "gangsta rap" happened in the blink of an eye. It's almost as if the prison industrial complex and high level music executives had a secret meeting to  calculate the gangsta rap trend, fill up prisons and make a quick buck!  That's crazy though. That would never happen in our pure white America!

Here's the facts ("facts" being used loosely):

• People slept on this album when it came out which caused it to not have much of a legacy.
• People are fucking stupid and this album is THE BEST, ANGRIEST, most listenable Public Enemy album. (Challop)
• It's heavy as fuck.
• Chuck D's "message" is still as relevant today as it was in 1994 if not more so. His delivery is straight up fierce on this album. 
• This is Flavor Flav's best work! (Challop)
• This is the most GROWN up PE record, as they grew out of their sexism and gay-baiting lyrics of the previous releases. They learned from their mistakes and made better music.

Seriously, and I know I will get shit for this, I enjoy later-period PE more than the early shit. The Bomb Squad's "throw everything at the wall" style of production just has not aged well. See also Ice Cube's AmeriKKKa's Most Wanted. 

Bottom line: don't be like the great unwashed masses and sleep on this album. The songs are awesome, the music is powerful, heavy, funky and FUNNY. It's their masterpiece as far as I'm concerned. PE still had it in '94 no matter what the music press wants you to believe. Also check out that beautiful cover!

Download it!

Buy it!