On this, the eve of the birth of Our Lord And Savior Jesus Christ, I've obtained for you the one gift that keeps on giving all year long... GANG RAPE.
No need to thank me, just kick back and soak in the blistering, metallic hardcore of this three-quarters female Swedish terror unit by the warmth of a crackling fire, perhaps while you sip at a warm, spiced holiday beverage. Bask in the nostalgia of simpler days with ESL-flavored crust-bangers like "Tell Me No Shit", "Your Life Sucks", and "Come To Conclusion", all while your Yule log is relentlessly assaulted by an avalanche of crunchy guitars, hoarse, screeching vocals, and quasi-D-beat drum pummeling. Drift off into whimsical reverie with the charmingly ham-fisted cautionary tale "Satan At The Wheel", which expounds clumsily on the dangers of drunk driving over an almost nu-metal-esque riff for almost three minutes. Yes, Christmas is a time for you and me... And GANG RAPE.
I've loved this band ever since I was introduced to them via this very same album almost a decade and a half ago. And now, I pass the legacy along to you, Dear Reader. Shove No Fate right up your chimney-hole and keep it there--as a memento of our friendship, our trust, of goodwill towards men and Gang Rape for all.
Just a quick birthday note for my sweet lady Jaybird--the Dog to my Beth (above), the Dagon to my Incubus (below), the Cassandra to my Wayne, the Cagney to my Lacey, the Marge to my Homer, the Niemi to my Swayz, the sober yin to my raging yang. On behalf of the entire Contrap-Nation, I wish you the most special of days. Here's to many, many more.
NOW LET'S FUCKING PARTY
(Bonus shot: Peter as Violent J, Manslaughter as Eric Adams, and Jaybird as Dog, October 30, 2010. Killer bro sesh.)
Despite obvious physical challenges and a lifetime of hardship and misfortune, Bushwick Bill has defied the odds to become one of the WORST rappers in the game. Seriously. Have you ever heard another rapper as off-time as Bill? Have you ever heard another rapper mispronounce as many words or delve into subject matter as repellent or intentionally "controversial"? Have you ever heard another rapper rhyme "nuthin" and "fuckin" so frequently? He's awful. But that doesn't mean his first non-Geto Boys solo effort, Little Big Man, isn't a classic. Quite to the contrary, in fact. Despite Bill's best attempts to sabotage it with his slow wit and shameful cadence, LBM straddles a fine line between Miami booty-bass trunk jams, early-90's Dirty South horrorcore, and straight-up gangsta rap, managing to remain truly offensive in a time and place where being offensive had become the norm. Yes, Bill is a misogynistic, violent, hateful, stupid, loud little fucker. But you would be too if you were that shitty of a rapper.
There is literally NOTHING good about the music on this album. Complete garbage. Stop reading.
But there's something about the juxtaposition of words and images here that I can't help but find kind of charming. The fact that Bill chose to name it after the 1992 Van Damme-Lundgren sci-fi/action star vehicle of the same name, adding the word "small" in the middle... The early-00's Master P vibe to it... That cover art... JESUS, that cover art!
Disturbing Trends In Youth "Rock Culture", Part 666
May the Gods bless Rockabilia.com. Not only is it an excellent spot to pick up sweet Immortal and Defeated Sanity gear without all the trouble of getting off the couch and going to shows, but it is also a lifeline of sorts for all of us Olds--a place where we can voyeuristically inspect the trends and fashion of our younger counterparts, laughing maniacally all the way. And what a strange and fascinating world it is, that of tween "rocker culture": a place where our septugenarian sensibilities are rendered obsolete, where the aesthetics of "metal" have turned into a neon teddy-bear nightmare unrecognizable to the faithful. Indeed, I cannot claim to "understand" the style or clothing of the age-challenged--that is a job for Sergeant D. What I can do is notice odd trends as I scan through my Rockabilia catalog in search of grim and frostbitten treasures, identify them, and then share them with you here, where we can all point, laugh, and speculate on what the future could possibly hold.
But enough talk, let's commence with the pointing and laughing.
I'll start with a very specific T-shirt trend, and then branch off into much more nebulous territory. That specific trend is the "art-less" T-shirt, with the word "FUCKING" added. Observe:
ATTACK! ATTACK!, "No Fucking Respect"
BORN OF OSIRIS, "Fuckin Bow Down"
AS BLOOD RUNS BLACK, "Bring The Motherfuckin Ruckus"
By far my favorite: ATTACK! ATTACK!, "Crab Fucking Core"
How do we know when a youth fashion movement has reached its proverbial "crest"? Easy: when the Olds start biting it. Again, observe:
"MACHINE FUCKING HEAD"
DEVIL DRIVER, "I Could Fucking Care Less"
ARCH ENEMY, "Pure Fucking Metal"
"FUCKIN SLAYER"
One more from the kids:
BLESS THE FALL (?)
Did anyone else notice something that this Bless The Fall (Beyatch?) shirt has in common with a few of the others? Namely the Born of Osiris and As Blood Runs Black designs up top there? If you answered "some sort of weird suburban-white-kid attempt at urban sensibilties", you win. The art-less "fucking" shirt trend is closely related to the "ironic ghetto" trend that so many young uhhh... "metal"? bands have embraced as of late. I suspect that this "ironic appreciation of hip-hop culture" in heavy metal will soon merge with the oncoming retro-nu-metal movement, leaving many rich suburbanite tweens confused about who exactly they are making fun of. But this is pure speculation. We'll just have to wait and see.
Until then, let's point and laugh at a couple more "ghetto metal" treasures:
OCEANO are "Bringin' The Beef"!(?)!
And yes, I am truly saddened to report that there is, in fact, a "rap-metalcore" band actually called DEEZ NUTS. I apologize.
Wow.
I'll throw a couple more unrelated designs at you before I get outta here, just a few random entries in the Rockabilia T-Shirt Hall of Fame:
And of course we can't forget our old friends IWRESTLEDABEARONCE:
Yep. Thoroughly depressing. Let's cheer up with a new video from Gold Panda (thanks to The Living Doorway for the recommendation):
Ahhhh, that's better. Maybe I'm not so out of touch with youth culture after all.
Before I go, and while we're still on the subject of the Rockabilia:
I'm sure many of you are planning on sending me anonymous Christmas gifts this year. It's totally cool, I appreciate it, and of course it's all part of the territory when it comes to the whole "Blog Hero-Worship" thing. But I've got some corny gifts in the past, and that shit needs to stop. Allow me to just drop one huge hint here, before I end this thing.
I've mentioned Serge Gainsbourg before. This is his soundtrack for the film Cannabis, which he also starred in, smoked weed in, and boned down in. That's a G move. This guy is a total G.
This record is good times. That's all I got. Easily worth it for the title track alone.
So I’m reading everyone’s top tens (and bottom 20’s) and it blows my mind how many people are suckling the teet of Kvekrtak. Seriously? I understand that listening to real black metal all the time can bum you out and your little ears might get tired from all the frosty grimness but come the fuck on. I know what you’re looking for, you want a band that makes BM fun. You want BM for good times, upbeat, wake up early, pot of coffee, I’m going to clean my apartment BM. Sure man, that’s fine. But don’t be such a fucking tween about it. You’re an adult, listening to bubblegum black metal is ball shrinking behavior. But still, I sympathize. And although the new Inquisition record is the only thing I listen to anymore (best record of 2010), I have been known in the past to reach for some more melodic or upbeat metal for parties and social occasions. So, if you’re looking to get amped and get some shit done, or if you’re djing a party with mixed company, go ahead, put on some At the Gates, or some Arch Enemy, or Goatwhore, or Black Breath, or Satyricon, or even later Dissection. Or better yet, just put on some Witchery. Just don't be a pussy about it.
You guys know the fucking score already. First day of the new season = sweet new compilation (NOT A FUCKING "MIXTAPE", SALLY) courtesy of the Bro Patrol over here at IC. Hence far:
What have we now for the one-year anniversary of the "Don't Call It A Mixtape"? Easy! A compilation of damn near ALL my favorite tracks from 2010, from the brutal (Monumental Torment) to the epic (Inquisition) to the weird (Meads of Asphodel) to the silly (David Cross) to the stupid (Cretaceous) and back again. I know, I know: I already swore off year-end "best of" lists. Whatever. Download this sucker, give 'er a listen, and tell me just how LAME I am for liking this crap. I could care less.
Combine the Winter 2010 Non-Mixtape with the last two (semi) modern metal mixes I've posted here on IllCon, and you've got yourself a pretty cohesive collection representing the Soundtrack To Life, as it were, around ICHQ for the last year! Gee whiz!
Aug 25th: "MODERN METAL MIX", posted HERE, dirct DL HERE
This too
Sept 22nd: "CLUBBING TO DEATH" mix, posted HERE, direct DL HERE
Also, this
HOORAY FOR SHITTY METAL! HOORAY FOR ILLOGICAL CONTRAPTION! HOORAY FOR FUCKING WINTER!!!!
Long story short: 1977's Hausu AKA House, a psychedelic-schoolgirl horror-romp directed by Nobuhiko Obayashi, is the BEST FUCKING MOVIE EVER. I will not entertain any argument to the contrary. This is a fact. It is pure insanity that I hadn't seen this movie until a week and a half ago, and I am now a changed man. There are no words to describe the experience. Either you've been there or you haven't. Wikipedia says this: "The film is about a schoolgirl traveling with her six classmates to her ailing aunt's country home, where they come face to face with supernatural events as the girls become devoured by the home one by one." I say that any attempt at trying to explain this film is doing it a disservice.
Sweet fan art
Hausu is just plain nuts--funny, weird, and completely "outsider"--while still being almost as creepy as this:
... or this:
But like I said, explanation = disservice. How about I show you a quick preview, and then let Hausu explain itself... With pictures?
Oh wait, that last one wasn't from Hausu at all! That was from some shitty cartoon I saw last week. The name escapes me, but i think it was called Desecration of A Masterpiece or something like that...
Hausu has finally received international release, meaning you can now get it on Netflix. But I recommend just buckling down and buying it instead. This thing warrants repeat viewing.
Metallum/Last.FM
Posts
