Showing posts with label Classic Rock. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Classic Rock. Show all posts

Friday, January 11, 2013

V8 - Luchando Por El Metal (1983)

I've written a few pieces on my admiration for various Central and South American metal bands and the manner in which they could absorb the severity of their circumstances into their music, transmuting it into an extremity paralleled by few other artists before or since. Bands like Parabellum, Herpes, and Hadez all churned out some of the most vicious, atonal, bomb-blast anti-music ever commited to tape but I would hate to imply that all the brutality of authoritarian regimes, drug-fuled corruption, and some of the bloodier moments of Cold War spillover necessarily forced musicians into the realms of quasi-listenable discordance. There were antecedents, unique for their time and place but not really remembered for the boundary pushing of their harsher followers.  


V8 is one such band. They're widely believed to be Argentina's first metal band and it's not hard to pick out what they were attempting. Their first album, 1983's Luchando Por El Metal (Fighting For Metal – for those unversed in Spanish) almost seems a sort of missing link between late NWOBHM and early speed metal, but whereas the former genre was comprised of bands who tended to release a killer EP or two and then either fall apart or make an album consisting mainly of shitty filler material and the latter focused more on technical ability and falsetto vocals, Luchando Por El Metal is rock solid and stocked front to back with well-written catchy tunes, almost punk-ish in their rawness, not a million miles removed from a rougher Kill 'Em All (which was released four months later). 


My Spanish is a bit rusty, but from what I can tell V8's hatred of both society and hippies was surpassed only by their devotion to heavy metal (the introduction to “Parcas Sangrientas” gives way to the heavily accented shout of “HEAVY MET-AL!” in case there was any question or doubt where their alliegences lay). And it may be easy to have a laugh at the single-mindedness of it all except for two things: first, in 1979 Argentina was still a military dictatorship that had withstood decades of de facto civil war, withV8 forming during the most repressive era of that regime's rule, a time when rock music was banned and anybody performing it did so at their own peril – imprisonment and forced disappearances were the order of the day – making the act of being in a metal band one requiring a level of bravery most musicians would have trouble mustering; and second, the album fucking rules. It's a total ripper, a rager, a torpedo bonzer, and ass-pounder of the highest order. Anybody who claims to like awesome things and doesn't like this needs to take a good, long look at themselves in the mirror and try to figure out where their head's at.


V8 may have had some analogs in the Motörheads and Judas Priests of the world, but to say their music wasn't new or different not only isn't really the point, but it lays bare the cultural privelege at the heart of being able to denigrate the relevance of something because it's reminiscent of something else. V8 was new and different, at least in relation to their corner of the world, and their popularity there attests to the vacuum that they filled for the generation of people who needed something as bracing, cathartic, and anarchic as metal to be able to come to terms with a social structure so rigorously and vehemently opposed to the freer expressions of the human spirit. Also it fucking rules. 



--

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Cruisin'

Hey y'all I need your help. I'm looking to get mad laid in 2013 as my 2012 has been drier than the drum production on Danzig I. I've been training with the best Pick Up Artists in the nation, working on my extreme negging and peacocking skills. I think the perfect setting to try out my newfound talents is one of these rock n' roll cruises that all the bands are doing. Problem is I just can't figure out which one to go to! Here are just a small sampling of the band-themed cruises coming up. HELP ME PICK WHICH ONE TO GO ON!

The Kiss Kruise II seems somewhat appealing. Ladies love those big ol' Jews in clown makeup and Tommy Thayer is my favorite Ace Frehley, but in my experience it's mostly just old dads that love KISS. Also playing: Skid Row, Comedian Graham Elwood.

Lynyrd Skynrd's Simple Man Cruise I predict there is going to be some primo Southern bar hag strange to bang on this boat. According to the website, this is their 6th go-round! Some of the events scheduled include: Q&A With the band, BELLY FLOP CONTEST, Southern Rock karaoke and a tattoo social! Also playing: Doobie Brothers, Comedian Graham Elwood

311 Caribbean Cruise 2013 is like a homerun as far as hooking up with some sick ass heinas. 311 has THE HOTTEST fans and maybe, just maybe I'll get to smoke some trees with P-Nut! It's too early to list the 311 Theme Nights and other acts but I'm just going to go ahead and assume that Comedian Graham Elwood will be appearing.

The Weezer Cruise Ahh shit. This one isn't happening in 2013 :( By the looks of the lineup it looks like it was basically "The Dudes in Dinosaur Jr Cruise featuring Weezer" though. Also playing: Comedian Graham Elwood.

Mayercraft Carrier 2 Ok this has to be just one big sex boat. Everyone knows John Mayer is the biggest pimp in all of the world. I'm just worried he'll steal all the chicks for himself? Also playing: Comedian Graham Elwood.

Yes' Cruise To The Edge YES! This is going to be the #1 get together for prog cougs in 2013! I duno wtf is going on with Yes right now btw. They kicked out Jon Anderson and have a tribute band guy singing and the dude from The Buggles is playing keys. Sheesh. Still this cruise should be pretty sweet and I'm def going to hit it up. BTW my PUA name is Skeevin. If you see me on the boat say whut up. CRUISE TO THE EDGE DOWN BY THE RIVERRRRRR!

Rock Legends II There's some pretty sweet fuckin' bands playing this cruise, but there's too many of them and you just know they are going to steal all the single ladies from us civilian plebs. I REALLY don't need to compete with the current Blue Oyster Cult drummer just to get laid at sea. And I can't really concentrate on my game while Big Jim Dandy of Black Oak Arkansas is sashaying around in his sexy white spandex. Fuck this.

Might as well just call this one POSER CRUISE 2013.

Apparently there are THREE competing metal cruises that have caused some controversy in the sacred internet metal nerd scene. More on those later...

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

A Beginner's Guide To Ejaculating Everywhere.

Rising from the dollar bin like a coked-out phoenix clad in midriff-baring shirt and three days worth of stubble comes fucking Diamond Reo. Not to be confused with the country band whose name only varies by one letter (apparently this particular band took their name from the same automotive company that supplied the appellation for Reo Speedwagon), the group of lowlives in question came out of Pittsburgh in the early 70s, offered up a few albums, much of which was thoroughly forgettable Mott The Hoople knockoff bullshit, but in the middle managed the brilliant scum-rock sleaze of Dirty Diamonds.

Most of it's mid-tempo Rust Belt butt-rock of the sort that saw its apex between 1971 and 1974. Copious cowbell abuse propping up the basest of Mark Farner aspirations. The album's opener, “All Over You,” is about ejaculating (all over, as the title specifies) somebody. And while none of the other songs really get to that level of base dumbness, it definitely establishes the general tone of the album. Take “It's A Jungle Out There” - a tribute to the toughness necessary to survive the rough-and-tumble urban life, that sounds like a half-speed prophecy of “Welcome To The Jungle” both in riff and lyrical conceit and is especially funny considering none of these dudes look exactly like the kick-ass-and-take-names type. Or “Boys Will Be Boys,” a paean to dudes who do dude stuff with other dudes (possibly as homoerotic as I just made it sound, I dunno). A few tracks pick up the pace to something not a million miles removed from the NWOBHM that was congealing across the pond around the same time, but this had nothing to do with leather and spikes crowd singing about swords and dragons.

It's pure id music, all libido, adrenaline, and testosterone - subtlety (and shirts that cover the full torso) be damned. It ain't special but there's not much better for drinking a few six packs of Mickey's alone on the porch in the middle of the afternoon with all the doors open or changing your own oil or something. It's ridiculous as shit and twice as dumb but it's a fun listen, a regional anachronism, a time capsule from the era of quadrophonic sound and quaaludes. Turn the shit up and get dumb as fuck.




                                                                                     

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Total Summertime Superdistorto Good Time Destruction

So, a few beers deep last night, Cobras and I got into a trans-continental bout of posting a bunch of 70s protometal summer jams on Facebook.  I figured I could share some of that and put up a mix of shit like that I made a month or two ago for partying purposes.  It ain't comprehensive, it's poorly researched, and ignores things that most people like.  So yeah.  Just a smattering of proto-metal, meathead, scuzz rock fuzzbombs from the golden age of quaaludes and tube amps. 

1. Lucifer's Friend - Ride In The Sky
Best thing this fucking band ever did.  It's like if Zeppelin decided to skip the eunuch Viking war cry on "Immigrant Song" and throw on some bleating horns and Hammond organ. 

2. Randy Holden - Guitar Song
I decided to skip some of the bigger names in this style (Sabbath, Blue Cheer, etc.), and while Holden was a member of Blue Cheer for one album it'd be a mistake to overlook this one.  The question I have regarding this song relates to the title.  Aren't ALL Randy Holden songs guitar songs?  Least descriptive title ever.  Might as well have called it fucking "Music Song" or "Song With Structure" or something.


3. Cool Feet - Burning Desire
Fucking sick album from Luxembourg circa '76.  Apparently only 200 were pressed, so good luck ever finding an actual copy of this that doesn't cost about the same as a downpayment on a house in a respectable neighborhood with good schools and curbside recycling.  It's got everything though: tinny mid-fi production, harmonized guitars, broken English lyrics.  If you hate this you're an asshole.


4. Stray - Jericho
I love ANY song with a galloping beat.

5. Frijid Pink - Crying Shame
This band had a balance between gnarly overdriven fuzz stomp and some sorta-corny-but-sorta awesome AOR boogie slop.  Gotta love any heavy band that genuinely uses the phrase "golly gee" in the lyrics. 













6. Grannie - Saga of the Sad Jester
Apparently the Grannie LP is one of the most valuable records in the world.  Even the fucking repress sells for a cool hundo.  Can't say I get it.  A lot of it sounds like an anemic Wishbone Ash.  But this song is pretty cool, like an anemic Wishbone Ash in a good way.

7. the Scorpions - It All Depends
I know I said I was gonna stay away from bigger names, but this doesn't count.  The Scorpions circa the early '70s were a totally different beast than what they'd become later.  Even though it's the same members, it might as well be a separate fucking band.  This album and it's successor are killer.  Shame what they'd become.

8. Flower Travellin' Band - Kamikaze
The Japanese Sabbath, if one were inclined towards clumsy cross-cultural analogies that fall short of their intended purpose.  Most people would go with the "Satori" album, with good reason.  But this one sounds like it could've been an out-take from that record, so fuck it.  Excruciatingly goddamn killer band. 

9. Råg I Ryggen - Det Kan Väl Inte Vara Farligt
Fuck man these Swedes kill it.  This is for all the people (like me) who, when they hear the term "prog rock", just assume its gonna be a bunch of Guitar Center employees with 37-string guitars and pony tails. Definitely intricate musically, but that doesn't undermine the heaviness.

10. Titanic - Macumba
Same deal as the last song.  Yeah, it's proggy, but it's also got some heft to it.  And it's catchy as a motherfucker.  It would surprise me if this DIDN'T turn up sampled on a Kanye West song.

11. Captain Beyond - Raging River Of Fear
This album is fucking perfect.  More technically sophisticated than most heavy bands of the era, heavier than most technically sophisticated bands.  Proto-prog-metal with more than a small amount of Southern rock thrown in.

12. Baby Grandmothers - Somebody Keeps Calling My Name
Apparently, this band's claim to fame was supporting Hendrix during his '68 Swedish tour.  But pretty much every burnout old rock dude from this era has some story about opening for Hendrix, or learning some licks from him, or buying drugs for him.  So you know, grain of salt.  Still a good record.  It can get a little jammy, but they manage to tie it all together, feng shui-ing their shit with some weird-ass vocals.

13. Cindy Und Bert - Der Hund Von Baskerville
This totally fucking happened.
                                                                                
 Fuzz Bomb Apocalypse Summer Jam Series Vol. 1

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Scoring Spice

“Dune. Desert Planet. Arrakis. WATER.” --Kyle McLaughlin, in Lynch’s Magnum Opus, Dune
“Dune, where’s my car?” --Cobras

Many bands have tried and failed to capture the essence of Frank Herbert’s seminal, epic, orientalist space-opera, DUNE. For some, it might have been better if they had tried and died. 



It would be well-nigh impossible to document every Dune-inspired track in the universe, so these are but a sampling of the many existing varieties of Dune music. They are grouped in brackets because, as Paul Atreides has observed, "the worst potential competition for any young organism can come from its own kind."


Techno Bracket
Eon let loose in 1991 with a couple Dune-themed tracks, "The Spice Must Flow" and "Fear: The Mindkiller." "Fear: The Mindkiller" is a clear ancestor of the Mortal Kombat theme song, and samples (you guessed it!) the line "fear is the mind killer" a few thousand times. For good measure, Eon throws in a healthy dose of what sounds like the panting from Kraftwerk's "Tour De France." Because that's what Kraftwerk is awesome for-- panting.


Not shown: panting. Shown: nerding.

As bad as this may be, however, it’s still better than “German techno-pop ensemble from Münster Dune,” because by "techno pop" they mean Happy Hardcore. If you don’t know what that is, take a moment to thank the gods. You are either too young, too old, or were too under-a-rock-in-the-90s to have been exposed to this toxin. Preserve your innocence/health. If you must know, a representative track is "Can't Stop Raving," but don't say I didn't warn you. Also, Dune’s youtube page would have you know that the group is “named after the 1984 science fiction movie directed by David Lynch.” Yup. Straight from the source.

Winner: no one. No one is a winner here.

Metal Bracket
Another band of Krauts, Golem, attacked the Dune concept in their 1998 album “The 2nd Moon.” Check out the first track, The Wanderers. Featuring succinct riffage and abstract/subtly ESL lyrics (see e.g.: “Unlocking the gates of time, widening its bounds/Guarded by the maker ...facing desert ground”), Golem may actually have what it takes to make a Kwisatz Hadderach.



A further solid entry comes from Aussie rock band Buffalo (mentioned in a previous Cobras post), whose Dune Messiah takes us on a Pentagram-esque journey to Arrakis (and admit it, you always wanted to go to Arrakis with Pentagram). 



Pretty sure it would be like this...

Blind Guardian also pays a visit to the Dune-iverse in Traveller in Time. The morning sun! Of Dune! Good old Blind Guardian. If you haven’t heard this song, it’s pretty much exactly what you would expect from Blind Guardian (i.e., it is awesome, unabashed nerdery). They can really play their balisets ifyouknowwhatimean.



Picard Knows.


Also, according to a reliable source (wikipedia, duh), Iron Maiden tried to name To Tame A Land “Dune,” but Frank Herbert was having none of it. Apparently the band was told that "Frank Herbert doesn't like rock bands, particularly heavy rock bands, and especially bands like Iron Maiden." Good call on that one, F. Herb. 
Frank Herbert hates you. 
PS: Dreamtheater fans will be delighted to admit to you that Dreamtheater covered "To Tame A Land."  

Winner: Vote your choice in the comments. You are the dungeonmaster! You get to decide!

  • Blind Guardian
  • Buffalo
  • Golem
  • Iron Maiden
  • Dreamtheater

Prog/Jazz Bracket




More to F. Herb’s taste might be the smooth stylings of one Dave Matthews (!), a jazz keyboardist from Kentucky who hung out with James Brown and was apparently moved to gather together a bunch of other jazz players (Grover Washington, Eric Gale) and write several Dune-themed songs which readers should check out at their own risk. These are all on a 1977 album Dave Matthews titled, wait for it, “Dune.” The creativity here just does not end... or at least, not until the second side of the album, where Dave gives us NOT ONLY a disco-fied version of the Star Wars main theme (it was 1977, so Lucas didn’t quite know what he had on his hands), but also a limp cover of David Bowie's Space Oddity. On a related note, the only tolerable part of the latter song was sampled by MF (“Metal Face/Fingers”) Doom in Rap Snitch Knishes. You know. Like you do. Wait, what was I talking about?

Ah yes. Another entry in the Dune prog bracket are French prog rockers Dün, about whom we have previously heard. An interesting compare and contrast exercise may be done by playing Dave Matthew's "Arrakis" and Dün's “Arrakisback to back. Go on. Try it.






Winner:
  • Dave Matthews
  • Dün
Video Game Bracket
Yes, evidently there were at least two about a million soundtracked Dune videogames. Kids these days. Don’t they know about books? Require a little effort on your part, make no be-be-be-be-beeps. Anywho.

1992 saw the release of not one, but TWO Dune videogames. The first was called “Dune” by Cryo Interactive, and it carried a soundtrack called "Dune: Spice Opera." It’s not so bad, from what I can tell. Also, at 1:55 of the track embedded below, "Sign of the Worm," you can see a sweet rendering of Shai-Hulud in 1992 graphics. 


  
A competing video game company, Westwood Studios, released “Dune II” that same year; check out this sweet dialogue: “We were your pawns and Dune was your board.” The score is basically 8-bit plus. In 1998, Westwood Studios released “Dune: 2000” scored in part by professional video game composer Frank Klepaki. Good old Frank K. does a musical homage to/rip off of Toto’s score to Lynch’s Dune here on this track at about 3:22-32; otherwise, this is fairly unremarkable stuff.


Winner:
  • Dune: Spice Opera
  • Dune II
  • Klepaki
  • No one, again

Dune OST Bracket
The Lynch Dune OST has been reported on here, but I thought I might add a few words. Two of those words are "Brian Eno." Two more words are “fuck yeah.



but of course there is a fuckyeaheno.com
For the sake of completeness, here is the theme music from the Dune television series, composed by the dude who did the soundtrack to Final Destination V. If you have ever watched any sci-fi movie and heard some generic background symphonics, you’ve basically heard it. Speaking of orientalism, there’s also a Bonus New Age Track.


Winner: Toto/Eno OST. I’m sorry, this is just objective. Please send your complaints to James Madison.

Well, there you have it, friends. A smattering of the aural representations of the Dune-iverse. Please feel free to add on in the comments.


Behold Kris Mar, newest addition to the IllCon Team! Hail Kris Mar! May the rivers run red with the blood of your fallen foes, and may vampires tremble and expire at your feet just as they do under the mighty ax of Abe Lincoln!
I am impressed with the nerdiness contained herein, please feel free to contribute further in the future. Sweet.

-Cobras

Thursday, June 7, 2012

BLACK SABBATH - FORBIDDEN (1995)



You would think that after such a long absence, I might return bearing worthwhile gifts for my beloved readership, but alas, no such luck on this sunny Thursday afternoon--today I present you with naught but pure, undiluted garbage, in the form of the mighty Black Sabbath's final studio embarassment, Forbidden.
What constituted "Black Sabbath" in 1995 was a sad diminishment from even their lineup in 1992, much less the Dio years, much much less their heyday in the early-to-mid-seventies. What we have here is a broken, limping, generic-riff machine fronted by terminal no-name Tony "The Cat" Martin (above right), who even with the omnipresent Tony Iommi (no Geezer at this point--he was busy with GZR. LOL!) in tow couldn't muster an ounce of thunder on this resounding fart of an attempt at "hard rock". The handsome and talented Cozy Powell (who was later replaced by Blue Oyster Cult's Bobby Rondinelli, a dude that subsequently attempted to steal my girlfriend in the mid-00's--true story) rounded out the squadron on skins, but his servicable thumping is piss in an ocean to the utter, anachronistic misstep that is this album.

Did I mention that Ernie C from Body Count (left) was hired to produce this album? Or that esteemed thespian Ice T himself makes an appearance on the opening track? It's all true, which, in a way, is the only selling point to this album. It's pure novelty/curiosity, this ill-fated pairing of British rock legends and talentless urban street toughs, and really the only reason I brought it up today is that I find Tony Iommi's idea of what was "hip" and "edgy" in 1995 just about the most hilarious thing imaginable. His "go-to" was Body Count. Think about that shit.
Anyways, sorry to drop this turd in your proverbial punch bowl today, but hey, you can't win 'em all. Keep your head up, and just remember: RUSTY ANGELS, THEY CAN'T FLY.
Apologies.

Don't download HERE
Don't purchase HERE



Enjoy a low-budget documentary about the Tony Martin Era of Sabbath:

Friday, June 1, 2012

When drawing goes wrong pt2.

I am going to put it out there and say that it was pretty sweet seeing the level of response to the previous bad artwork post. Then the remedial prison, rehabilitation art ball rolled into the MS Paint album covers post, which we all agree was beyond awesome. To quote the head honcho, " we have the best goddamn motherfucking readers on the entire Internet, you guys rule."
On that slushy note, here is another selection of some of my favourite "bad art" album covers. Once again. Despite a complete lack of art skill and in some cases complete lack of human anatomy, I do hold a certain level of respect for these awesome images.



Pretty obvious what these guys think about all the time isn't it? I can wager it isn't being in a band.


God bless the Scorpions for consistently proving themselves to be guitar wielding numb skulls of the highest order. I have a slight bit of respect for the German chumps over the fact that when it comes to making some sort of statement, The Scorpions are always going to express it at a unbelievably low level of both class and awareness. With Animal Magnetism they surpassed themselves and wouldn't manage to beat it until 1996 when they hit us with this guy.....


See what I mean, deep stuff.


Future barbarian, biker, outlaw judge? Who knows but Battle Axe. They charged into the art the same way they approach they're sweet metal jams. With more enthusiasm than skill.


I really dig this one. Its just an awesome image. Plain and simple. Of course maybe the artist wasn't exactly up to the job but I am letting it slide.


It was mentioned last time so here it is. I never thought I would say this but Metal Magic really was a step up for these guys after Projects In The Jungle.


Karisma with a "K". Pretty sure that's a rabid walrus either escaping from some kind of imprisonment or just hanging out. Awesome.


Yes, that is a skull faced nudist raising a severed penis above its head atop a volcano. Thanks for noticing.


Everyones favourite NWOBHM never was's prove that you shouldn't fear evil. Fear death and badly drawn skulls instead.


Some evil, Christ baiting black metal? No? Oh sorry my mistake. You look like your having far to much fun at camp to be actual black metallers. She most certainly is having far to much fun streaking for Satan.


You shouldn't really expect too much when diving into the putrid trough of goregrind/pornogrind nonsense, its meant to be offensive. But this certainly plumbs some stinky depths.


Another one mentioned last time and its a cracker. Really what can you say about this? 
Once again, Any of you guys want to throw some more into the ring? We are open to suggestions for any you can think of to top these.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

PURPLE SABBATH - The Black Sabbath Born Again Demos 1983



I think it's weird that everyone is talking about Sabbath reforming sans Bill Ward. Who the heck cares in 2012? Ozzy is a ghost of his former self, they play exactly zero deep cuts. Who get excited for this shit? Internet metal nerds? Dad? I don't know.

Let's take it back and look at what was up with Sabbath in 1983. Singer Ronnie James Dio just left the band along with then-drummer Vinnie Appice to start their own band Dio. The story goes: he had an epic battle with Iommi about the mixing of Live Evil (lol divas). Original Sabbath drummer Bill Ward was coaxed back in and the new singer was none other than the legendary Ian Gillan of Deep Purple fame. 

The result? Well thats up for debate. To me Born Again is up there with Vol 4. and Masters as one of their heaviest records. I love Ian Gillan's voice. Love it. Jesus Christ Superstar is one of my favorite rock records ever (Gillan plays Jesus, n00bs) and (in my opinion) his vocals worked perfectly with Iommi's evil riffage. The album was not received well by the public and generally trashed by the music press. I think thats weird. It totally rules. WTF, people?  

Ian said he never fit in with the band and he hated the album cover. I once read he smashed a whole box of records in his home because he was so disgusted. Also I guess this version of Sabbath inspired the 'Stonehenge' scene in This Is Spinal Tap. Check out this awesome story:

The album was apparently the victim of a terrible mix that had something to do with humidity + master tapes. Thats why what I'm posting here is so important. This is the unmixed, unmastered demos for the album (+ 1 song) that somehow surfaced in 2004 and it's fucking rad. This album has never received an official release on CD which is weird but fuck it. These demos are better anyway. One of my faves.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

The 6 Shittiest Little Brother Bands Of All Time

Being the little brother of an established rock star is a mixed blessing. Sure you can get more hype for your crap band but you will forever be in the shadow of the dickhead that kicked your ass when you were little. Here at Ill Con Labs we have been doing extensive research on the phenomena of little brother bands and we have come to this conclusion: THEY ARE ALL SHITTY.

Deep inside Ill Con LABS
Through many years of studying we can now bring you the definitive list of THE TOP SIX SHITTY LITTLE BROTHER BANDS EVER (after the jump)!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

HEAVY METAL ALBUM COVERS RE-CREATED IN MS PAINT (A Retrospective)


As a direct result of Nothing Left Inside's post Saturday about shitty album art, I present you today with yet another rabbit hole, namely the short-lived trend of extreme-metal album covers being redrawn in MS Paint. Thanks to a re-posting of NLI's IllCon piece on Facebook (courtesy of internet-radio giants WMFU), the Bad Album Art thread spread far and wide, ultimately resulting in virtual Uroborous that leads right back to good 'ol IC Classic.
Our FB pal Aaron Neighbors hipped us to a shit-ton of his very own artwork (namely of the MS Paint variety) originally from a thread over on Nuclear War Now's message board (which in turn was spawned from earlier incarnations on DFFD and The Board That Shall Not Be Named), which blossomed, like the proverbial Corpse Flower, nearly overnight--eventually resulting in a stagnant pool of some of the most retardedly brilliant metal art I've ever seen. Out of respect for his diligence and hard work, we'll start with 25 of Mr. Neighbors' own designs, eventually moving on to another gallery of 25 greats from a further assortment of Nuclear War Now contributors.
This collection needs no further introduction. I believe the art speaks for itself.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

THE IRON BUTTERFLY CONSPIRACY

Iron Butterfly, mid 70's. Philip Taylor Kramer pictured at far left.

I doubt that anyone with any sort of passing knowledge of music history doesn't know who Iron Butterfly is ("In-A-Gadda-Da-Vidda"?), so I'll hop right into the meat of this story without too much preamble. Let it simply be known that despite the fact that they produced only one hit song, Butterfly has existed in one form or another, on and off, for over 45 years now, experiencing probably double-to-triple as many lineup changes as IllCon stand-bys like Incantation or Napalm Death, all the while completely avoiding record industry trappings like "record sales" or "critical acclaim". They peaked in 1969, my friends, no secret there, but have managed to cling to life, like a horde of burnout zombies, ever since.
Today's story is only tangentially related to the band itself, insofar as it revolves around a dude (Philip Taylor Kramer, pictured above right with the sick pink Warlock) who played bass, sang, and played keyboards for the band for only 3 years (1974-'77), appearing on only two critically-panned albums (Scorching Beauty and Sun And Steel, both released in 1975). Taylor's story is a zany and mysterious one, and one that I was completely unfamiliar with until last week's episode of IllCon Radio (thanks to caller "Floyd from Arkansas" for the tip).

Philip Taylor Kramer's life story is speckled with high weirdness and scientific anomaly, to the point that his stint in Iron Butterfly remains a mere footnote. After his departure from the group, he acquired a degree in aerospace engineering via night school, which he applied to numerous technological adventures in the following two decades. Kramer's abrupt "disappearance" (death? suicide? transdimensional ascension?) in 1995 remains a mystery to this day, surrounded by rumor, conspiracy, and nefarious connotation.

Band photo from another early Kramer project, Gold. Phil is again pictured at far left.

Right: Photo of a skull identified as belonging to Philip Taylor Kramer, discovered in Decker Canyon (near Malibu, CA) in 1999.

After obtaining the aforementioned degree, Phil moved on to several odd pursuits, among them helping the US Defense Department develop a guidance system for their infamous MX Missile series in the 1980's (NOT the Brazilian thrash metal band). He rode the Silicon Wave of the late 80's and early 90's in Southern California, proving himself a pioneer in the fields of both facial recognition systems (see also: BIOMETRICS) and fractal compression (I still don't 100% understand how fractal compression works, but you can start HERE and work your way out).

Eventually (and strangely), he went into business with Randy Jackson (left)--NOT the American Idol judge/former Journey bassist, but brother of our old pal Michael. They formed a company called Total Multimedia, Inc., wherein Phil served as an executive from 1990 until his cessation-to-be in 1995. The company specialized in compression techniques for CD-ROMs (special focus on the previously-mentioned "fractal" offshoot), and their greatest claim to fame was that they "developed the first video compression capable of producing full motion video from a single speed CD-ROM" in 1992.
But Phil had other interests outside of business and CD-ROM compression. He had a burning desire to discredit the theories of one man, an evil tyrant whose ideas haunted Kramer to the bitter end:



Einstein: WHAT A DICK.
Seriously. Let's skip all the biometrics/facial recognition creepiness for a second and get down to the proverbial "brass tacks". Ever heard of a little theory called "special relativity"? I bet you have.

Wikipedia: "(Special relativity) generalizes Galileo's principle of relativity—that all uniform motion is relative, and that there is no absolute and well-defined state of rest (no privileged reference frames)—from mechanics to all the laws of physics, including both the laws of mechanics and of electrodynamics, whatever they may be. Special relativity incorporates the principle that the speed of light is the same for all inertial observers regardless of the state of motion of the source.
This theory has a wide range of consequences which have been experimentally verified, including counter-intuitive ones such as length contraction, time dilation and relativity of simultaneity, contradicting the classical notion that the duration of the time interval between two events is equal for all observers. (On the other hand, it introduces the space-time interval, which is invariant.) Combined with other laws of physics, the two postulates of special relativity predict the equivalence of mass and energy, as expressed in the mass–energy equivalence formula E = mc2, where c is the speed of light in a vacuum. The predictions of special relativity agree well with Newtonian mechanics in their common realm of applicability, specifically in experiments in which all velocities are small compared with the speed of light. Special relativity reveals that c is not just the velocity of a certain phenomenon—namely the propagation of electromagnetic radiation (light)—but rather a fundamental feature of the way space and time are unified as spacetime. One of the consequences of the theory is that it is impossible for any particle that has rest mass to be accelerated to the speed of light.
"

Would YOU trust this guy?

HELL NO. Philip Taylor Kramer, missile-maker, fractal compressor, digital-face-recognizer, and stony-hippie-bass-noodler, wasn't having any of this shit. His life goal was to disprove the theory of special relativity, to develop a "warp drive" via quantum mechanics that would not only negate Einstein's "you can't go faster than the speed of light" bullshit, but also open up the gates of the cosmos. After all, wouldn't the cancellation of "E=mc2" indicate such a possibility? Kramer believed so, but his highly-coveted personal research never had a chance to fall upon the unsuspecting public.

(Anyone else keeping up with CERN's baffling "beyond the speed of light" results over there at the LHC recently? Anyone? No?)

Kramer began getting paranoid about his studies, thinking that perhaps his ambitions about space/time travel might be ruffling some feathers with his previous employers (i.e. The Man). Shit started getting weird. I'll let Wikipedia tell you the rest:

On February 12, 1995 he drove to Los Angeles International Airport to pick up an investor. He spent forty-five minutes at the airport but failed to meet the investor. Kramer did make a flurry of cell phone calls, including one to the police during which Kramer said, "I’m going to kill myself. And I want everyone to know O.J. Simpson is innocent. They did it."
He was never heard from again. This led to a massive search, many news reports, and talk show segments including an episode of
The Oprah Winfrey Show, America's Most Wanted, The Unexplained ("Strange Disappearances," first aired 5/7/2000), and Unsolved Mysteries some years later. An article in Skeptic reported numerous conspiracy theories about his death.
On May 29, 1999, Kramer's Ford Aerostar minivan and skeletal remains were found by photographers looking for old car wrecks to shoot at the bottom of Decker Canyon near Malibu, California. Based on forensic evidence and Kramer's emergency call to the police, authorities ruled his death as a probable suicide committed on the day on which he was last heard.


Cool. Seems pretty tidy. No loose ends to tie up here, folks.

Seriously, if you've SEEN The Naked Gun, you know this guy's innocent.

According to Kramer's family, he had never displayed any sort of self-destructive/suicidal qualities and was, despite his well-founded paranoias, a pretty content and easy-going guy. After all, he was a millionaire.

According to evidence gathered at the scene, he died with 40 cents in his pocket.

Nothing to see here.

Here's the previously-mentioned Unsolved Mysteries segment in its entirety. Warning: the audio is utter shit (turn it up).



More on the Iron Butterfly Conspiracy via Above Top Secret.