Die Kreuzen

I was listening to the mighty ELDOPA the other day, and I was struck by how much the song "Decomposing" reminds me of some of the slower to mid-paced tracks on Die Kreuzen's first LP. Songs like "Rumors", "All White" and "Sick People". Don't know exactly what it is, maybe just the singing.

Just how influential have these Wisconsin hardcore legends been? Have they? They fucking well should have, because their 1984 self titled is one of the most original and flat-out testicle shredding LP's of the '80s. When it came out, my bros and I would listen to it with furrowed brows, heads shaking solemnly, and the general consensus was that none of us had heard anything like it. That this was something special. 25 years later, and not one micron of it's barely-controlled-chaos intensity has been diminished. Songs like "Enemies", "Pain" and "Not Anymore" still give me sweaty palms and make me want to throw myself around the room breaking your furniture into matchsticks.

I know I'm probably preaching to the converted here, but if there's anyone who hasn't heard this slab of white-hot Milwaukee adrenaline, here it is. Doesn't matter of you're into metal, punk or whatever, you'll probably like this. I think I've heard that Corey Rusk doesn't take too kindly to file sharing, so this download link may be a bit touch and go... thank you, you've been great.

BUY
DOWNLOAD

BEAR PROOF SUIT - A SUIT TO ALTER FATE (Discography 2005 - '08)

Look up the word "Bro" in any dictionary, and you will most likely find the picture to the right included with the definition therein.
That bloody, sleeveless-Manowar-T-shirt clad motherfucker over there is blogbuddy Jon H. from Milwaukee, and you could all learn a lot from him. Jon plays drums in a kick-ass band called Truthdealer, and was kind enough to share their unreleased LP The Contrarian with the readers of Illogical Contraption awhile back. So why is this percussionist holding a guitar?
I'm getting to that, fucko. Cool your jets.

After I published that post on Truthdealer, Jon was kind enough to send me a package, containing a Truthdealer T-shirt, a couple records and a couple CDs. Hot damn.
As it turns out, Jon also plays guitar and sings in yet another project, a nifty little hardcore thing called Bear Proof Suit. Hence the photo.
Bear Proof Suit plays fast, mean punk rock songs with an acerbic wit to their lyrics (I'm starting to suspect that the clever wordplay is Jon's doing) and even some cool samples and weird little keyboard parts thrown in. This discography collects all of their recorded output since 2005, a whopping 22 tracks of chaos, violence, and weird science.
Fuck. Milwaukee rules (see also: Malachi, The Frogs, Party By The Slice). Jon rules. Like I said, you fuckers could learn alot from him.

Download HERE
Support a Bro by purchasing this thing via Urban Pirate Records heYAAAAAAAAAAR
Bear Proof Suit on Myspace

Party By The Slice!

We love pizza, we love thrash, we love you!

Party by the Slice is a hardcore thrash band from Milwaukee Wisconsin where pizza reigns mightily over all other post mosh pit food items. Far from being another bandwagon jumping party thrash band, Party by the Slice lives only for the basement show, and is D.I.Y. to the core.
One goes to see PBTS not only for their blistering live set, but also for the funniest between song banter you will ever see and hear. I have actually almost choked from laughing so hard.

Some lyrics - I love the drama / You love abuse / Party by the Slice / Drinks Gin and Juice / Veggie Sausage / And being nice / We love these things / were Party by the Slice / Here's to being old / Here's to being single / Here's to having fun / We fucking rule / Too old to be posi / Still young enough to smile.

Lyrically PBTS comes off as tongue in cheek, but you are missing the point if you just take them only at face value. Party by the Slice is a group of people trying to hold onto some youthful optimism, while aging in a world going to shit.

This is their first seven inch and is a split with New Zealanders Malparido. They also have a new split with Minneapolis's In Defence.


Check it here.
Buy it here.











Editor's note: This is the first post from brand-spankin'-new Contributing Writer DATHOR. In addition to being a High-Ranking Bro from Way Back, Dathor is a metal guru and talented guitarist who plays in the doom metal band Malachi (Myspace here) as well as the thrash troop Architects of the Aftermath. We here at IC welcome him aboard wholeheartedly and look forward to his future contributions. HAIL!

TRUTHDEALER - THE CONTRARIAN (Yet To Be Released)

With Illogical Contraption currently on the fritz and Yours Truly currently scrambling to re-up a whole shitload of files for y'all (see post below), it hasn't been the most productive time for us here at I.C. Branch Headquarters.

But Luckily, there are Bros like Jon H. from Milwaukee out there (not to be confused with John D. from Milwaukee, who also rules) looking out for the best interests of this blog at our weakest moments. I found a link to Jon's band Truthdealer in my inbox the other day, along with an additional link to download their as-yet-unreleased (hence the lack of cover art) LP The Contrarian and an open invitation to share it on I.C.

This doesn't happen very often, but let me tell you: When it does, it fucking pumps my nads. Especially when it's a band as killer as Truthdealer. I've been spinning The Contrarian almost constantly since Jon hooked me up, addicted to its catchy blend of blazing hardcore, goofy humor, cool guitar effects, and metallic crunch. These guys are mean as fuck, but FUN as fuck too, as evidenced by songs like "Nice Fucking Voice - Please Stop Singing" (it's about Bob Dylan) and "Homicide, Suicide, or Billy Joel - Your Choice". Go check out their Myspace page (link below) and then get The Contrarian immediately. This shit is white hot.

Download HERE

Below: Jon = Bro.

Truthdealer on Myspace

PS: Thanks for 100,000. I was hoping it would fall on I.C's 1 year mark (Tuesday), but you guys blew it again. Way to go.

THE FROGS - MY DAUGHTER THE BROAD (1996)

When I was a much younger man, some friends acquainted me with an odd band from Seattle (Milwaukee actually; thanks John!) called The Frogs. Although at first I discounted their music as bad, ad-libbed, lo-fi drivel, their songs began to grow on me after awhile. They were goofy as all Hell, but by God their songs stayed funny well after the first listen. In fact, they got funnier the more you heard them. I have since amassed a large-ish collection of their work, but 1996's My Daughter The Broad was my introduction to the band, and hence, I present it here.
Though it's (technically) all in jest, few bands can bring the emotional resonance that The Frogs do. Take, for instance, "Gwendolyn MacRae", in which their vocalist takes on the role of a concerned parent lamenting the disappearance of their child. "My daughter's missing / So I called the authorities", he sings, "I hope she hasn't been raped / This world's a mystery to me." Powerful shit, even though you can hear him stifling laughter throughout.
Or take a song like "I'm Sad The Goat Just Died Today", with its heartbreaking opening lines of "I'm sad because my goat just died today / Sad, my goat just fell in the hay / Heyyy". Ouch!
My initial assessment of this band could not have been more wrong. Drivel? Fie! GENIUS! Who else can title a song "Grandma Sitting in the Corner With a Penis in Her Hand Going 'No, No, No, No, No'" and make it sound perfectly natural? No one!
A novelty album? Perhaps. But a novelty album packed full of soul-searching, off-the-cuff brilliance.
Visceral. Powerful. A tour-de-force.

Download HERE

ARTIMUS PYLE - CIVIL DEAD (2001)

Awesome, doomy, crusty punk/Metal brought to you courtesy of John from Fuckface and Malachi and Jensen, the drummer from Iron Lung. Artimus Pyle (named after the drummer from Lynyrd Skynyrd) are an on-again, off-again project based in both Seattle and Milwaukee. Their songs are short and brutal, alternating between speedy thrashings and plodding thunder.

Reminiscent of both angular crust like His Hero Is Gone and sludgier fare like Grief or Eyehategod, these guys aren't afraid to take a few chances with song structure, making for one Hell of an interesting listening experience. Get this shit!

Right: Artimus Pyle, registered sex offender.
Below: Artimus Pyle, killer fucking band.

Download HERE

MALACHI - SELF-TITLED (2007)

My bros Dathan and John up in Milwaukee play in this awesome, epic, doomy crust band Malachi. Great stuff featuring killer vocals and some nice string arrangements reminiscent of Facedowninshit or Godspeed! You Black Emperor. Totally crushing, heavy shit. Doom usually ain't my bag, but this record RULES, interesting riffology and cool arrangements. John used to play in SF favorites Fuckface too. Nice.

Download HERE