Tuesday, March 22, 2011


Jesus Christ, man.
My apologies to the faithful out in Contraptionland, it seems like an eternity since I've had a chance to sit down and actually focus on writing, and my neglect for your well-being and constant entertainment is inexcusable. Truth is, life has had me by the balls lo these past few weeks--although it has all been for a good cause (for the most part)--but my thoughts have never strayed far from you, my minions. Metal is a demanding mistress indeed, and even though I haven't had the luxury of free time to spend with you, despair not about my welfare... Good things have been happening, epic things.

First off, allow me to address the burning question that has undoubtedly been on everyone's mind this last week or so... THE OAKLAND BLACK/DEATH FEST: Did it suck?

The answer: Fuck no.
Quite the opposite, in fact.

The Fest was fucking amazing, and I thank Tom, Salvador, and Tony at The Metro, as well as all the Hessian warriors who came out and slayed with us. This guy over here on the left showed up (several of him, actually), and that guy down there below showed up (several of him, actually), and fourteen out of fourteen bands kicked major ass over the course of two evenings.


1) Dispirit needs to take it easy with that fog machine.
2) At this time next year, everyone is going to be hanging from the proverbial nuts of Mutilation Rites.
3) Feast is the best band ever.
4) Lucas Mann, 20-year-old shredbot and creative force behind Rings of Saturn, confirmed my suspicions that he might be a cyborg by resorting to a computerized backing guitar track. No human can play that shit.
5) Shirtless Straight Edge kids headbanging alone in a corner fill me with boundless glee.
6) The guy from Necrite (who I guess broke up after Scion Fest) decided to show up to the gig with his other band instead--without informing myself or The Metro--and upon his arrival, walked into the club, looked around, and muttered "This is fucking retarded" (no joke, those were his first words). So yeah, that guy's not a douche.

Check out some sexy footage of uber-Bros Valdur shredding the main stage on Saturday (this is like a 20-minute clip, but well worth watching):

And of course, my teenage buddies Feast completely annihilating the second stage on the second night (highlight of the Fest for me, seriously):

Luis and the other Bros (and She-Bro) in Feast were super cool, and I look forward to playing more shows with 'em in the near future.

Speaking of which...

This is going to be awesome. I met one of the dudes from Fabricant at the Fest as well, and if the Demilich-worshipping weirdo metal present on their Myspace/Facefuck pages are any indication, they are headed for big things too. Go to this show.

Fabricant Myspace/Facebook
Feast Myspace/Facebook

Other important news:

Courtesy of Guardian UK:

"There's no better way to put this: Sammy Hagar believes his mind was taken over by aliens. Years ago, before he played with Van Halen or Montrose, before he was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the American singer claims extra-terrestrials tapped into his consciousness in the California foothills. "I know there's something out there," he explained, "and someday they'll come."

Hagar's intergalactic theories have come to light with his new memoirs, Red: My Uncensored Life in Rock, written with Joel Selvin. "I was lying in bed one night ... dreaming," he recalls in the book. "I saw a ship and two creatures inside of this ship. I couldn't see their faces. I just knew that there were two intelligent creatures, sitting up in a craft in the Lytle Creek forest area about twelve miles away in the foothills above Fontana. And they were connected to me, tapped into my mind through some kind of mysterious wireless connection.


Stoked that The Thing finally got that redrighthand stuff released, but were you aware that a veritable shitstorm of IllCon-related projects are on the way as well?
Example: Seanford and boobcore pioneers Huntress have a new one coming soon.
Example: Manslaughter and her new band Owl have an OWL-bum in the works.
Example: Myself and Brother Peter's new endeavor, APOCRYPHON, just spent 10 hours laying down the groundwork for our first EP last Sunday too.

Don't even get me started on the Apocryphon side project, BOLTON THROWER...

I thank you all for your patience. I promise that a semblance of normalcy will return soon.


abdul alhazred said...

I saw Mutilation Rites last year - easily one of the top three metal shows of 2010 for me.

Crankenstien said...

Boltenthrower i love that

Manslaughter said...

Not as good as POLE BLOWER. Sheesh. Hey, you're band wasn't bad either Shelbro. Can't wait to hear the recordings', maybe IllCon is fated to start our own record lable. Names?

abdul alhazred said...


Shelby Cobras said...

Seconded. We'll all get rich giving away free music!

Nekromantis said...