Tuesday, September 29, 2009


O Jar Jar, lonesome, loathsome beast,
With natty dreads and ducklike beak,
Sad son of Gunga, long forlorn,
Objectified and heaped with scorn,
When Boss Nass mocked you, watched you cry,
Rastaman, Selassie I,
The swamps ran cold, we all wept too,
And darkness fell upon Naboo.

Padme's ally, Qui-Gon's bane,
On Tatooine's vast sandy plain,
With vanquished droids, your people freed,
A legacy of unsung deeds,
Your triumph lost upon deaf ears,
Your legend soiled down through the years,
Otoh Gunga's bastard son,
Long forsaken, hated, done.

For many were the critics' jeers,
They stung upon your floppy ears,
And settled like a crown of thorns,
O Dark pariah, Lucas-borne,
To walk, a ghost, obscured from sight,
Alone into that long, dark night,
Tarnished, broken, beaten down,
A king remembered as a clown.

In life-debt bound to Jedi Lords,
In death, a joke by all accords,
Slandered warrior, sadness wrought,
Upon thy head in word and thought,
The fools who spit upon your creed,
Know not your valiant acts at Theed,
Or Coruscant, The Great Grass Plains,
All epic battles fought in vain.

So as the eons carry on,
And push about their helpless pawns,
Remember Jar Jar, lonesome beast,
And shed a tear or two, at least,
No menace here, but phantom? Yea,
The sadness which his eyes betray,
I care not what the fanboys think,
... Meesa miss you, Jar Jar Binks.

This couplet brought to you courtesy of Illogical Contraption Recombinant DNA Labs, Inc. and the good people at the Jar Jar Binks Appreciation Society.


Jake said...

Very nice, but if I wrote "The Ballad of Jar Jar Binks", it would consist of four seconds of his introduction song (he had one, right?) followed by "YOU'RE DEAD!"

Shelby Cobras said...

Dude, Jake, stealing ideas from Billy Milano is never a good idea.

But if Jar Jar Binks DID have an introduction song, I would hope that it sounded something like a cross between Bob Marley and Naked City. With a hint of Phish.

Rune said...

I have been a vegetarian for ten years, but I would eat that Jar Jar Mince in a hamburger with no hesitation.