ESL METAL'S GREATEST HITS

Seriously, man. ESL (English as a Second Language) lyrics and heavy metal go together like peanut butter and jelly. I'm not really sure what it is that's so goddamn SATISFYING about hearing a German dude belt out broken-English lyrics about candy bars over rippin' thrash music, but the appeal just can't be denied. Quite simply, people who DON'T actually speak English ALWAYS write better metal lyrics than those who do. 100 times out of 100. I can think of thousands of examples, but today I present the first five that popped into my head when I decided to write about this subject.
Is it my smug sense of English-speaking superiority that makes this topic so interesting to me? I don't think so. I believe it's more a fascination with linguistic mutation, and how different cultures skew the King's English to bend it to their will. I guess placing this concept within the framework of heavy metal makes it all the more powerful -- the addition of skulls, blood, death, and magick can spice up any conversation.
But enough with the analysis. Let's get to the fucking meat.


- DARKTHRONE, "As Flittermice As Satans Spys"

I'm not sure what a "flittermouse" is, and I doubt Fenriz ever did either. The inclusion of a punctuation error AND a spelling error in the title ALONE get this track some major extra points.



"Flittermice of Eld Unveiled at the plenilune
Fordone by Mournful rest now seeking to be fed again
Rising terrestrial power umbraged by celestial light
That Shineth Forth from the palace of god - the palace of no return

Flittermice of Eld they peer into the morrows,
They peer the yesteryears as thoose are coming back.
Beholding the son recrucified, beholding gods race browbeaten,
Beholding the Devastation of all mortals built by them.

Flittermice of Eld they fly to blaspheme yehova
and to build thei Temple (of the) Damned on once holy pleasure ground
A Fare to Rise the Flag (of Satan), to desseminate the races,
To build the Hall of Battle and to live in Eternal Strife

Flittermice come forth from the land beyond the forest
Maltifarious Winged Black Creatures slew the angels (up so) high.
Devestation, Blasphemy, Desecration, Unholy He
who Burned the face of god with the Eye of Our Master"


- SINISTER, "Bleeding Towards The Wendigo"

I understand bleeding ON something, or even bleeding FROM something. But bleeding TOWARD something is some completely NEXT LEVEL SHIT, especially when that something is a fucking WENDIGO.


"Summon the myth of a reckless world
The beast is slaughtered by the hands of sickness
Question the myth and the ancient summoning
A disgusting sight, this diabolic ritual

Bleeding Towards The Wendigo
Carnage dreadful and forgotten

Bastard of history, the pistol pray
Hanged on the gallows free, transfixed by fear
Warned by the tribe, a useless try
Escape to victory or wait and die

Question the myth and the ancient summoning
A disgusting sight, this diabolic ritual

Dismembered by a primitive myth
Lost souls, conquered and warned
Territory settled, trespass and be consumed"


- SODOM, "Pretenders To The Throne" (see also: "Pretenders To The Thrown")

I've seen it spelled both ways, but my guess is that Sodom titled it "Thrown" originally before being corrected by some Billy Buzzkill. Whatevs. Every fucking song on both In The Sign of Evil and Obsessed By Cruelty is ESL gold. Also, "Brandish The Sceptre" = BEST METAL SONG TITLE EVER. End of discussion.



"Sitting on a throne of genocide
Our master regal and glory
Subject for suppressions land
Fairness find no place to expand
All his soldiers di to live
In labyrints of death
Buring temples in town of spell
Prepared for damnation to hell

Young blood envoyed
From endless starlight
Behats in right season
For ending the treason

PRETENDERS TO THE THRONE (thrown)
Betrayed, forgotten and alone
PRETENDERS TO THE THRONE (thrown)
Our mighty child is born

(Repeat)

You confirm me by oath with magic signs
Possesses from your masterhs brightness
You bring me forms of ever open eyes
Token erect of thorny thigh

In his tyrannical lust
He kills and tortured all who sreams
"In god we trust"
Raise the merciless fight
Against a wird might
Come on, lets overthrow only chance
Change of sovereign is our deliverance

PRETENDERS TO THE THRONE (thrown)"


- EMPEROR, "I Am The Black Wizards"

"It is delightful to feast upon the screaming souls that was destroyed in my future!"

Need I say more?



"Mightiest am I, but I am not alone in this cosmos of mine. For the black hills consists of black souls, souls that already dies one thousand deaths. Behind the stone walls of centuries they breed their black art. Boiling their spells in cauldrons of black gold. Far up inthe mountains, where the rain fall not far, yet the sun cannot reach. The wizards, my servants, summon the souls of macrocosm. No age will escape my wrath. I travel through time and I return to the future. I gather wisdom now lost. I visit again the eternally ancient caves, before a mighty Emperor thereupon came. Watching the mortals"discovering" my chronicles, guarded by the old demons, even unknown to me. Once destroyed their souls are being summoned to my timeless prison of hate. It is delightful to feast upon the screaming souls that was destroyed in my future. How many wizards that serve me with evil. I know not. My empires has no limits. From the never ending mountains black, to the bottomless lakes. I am the ruler and has been for eternity's long. My wizards are many, but their essence is mine. Forever there are in the hills in their stone homes of grief. BecauseI am the spirit of their existence. I am them."

PS:




- HYPOCRISY, "Exclamation of a Necrofag"

The ultimate example of ESL TRIUMPH. I can't even begin to wrap my mind around who this Necrofag might be or where he came from, but I know who has a clue: Hypocrisy's fellow Swedes Necrogay (who we last heard from in the ESL-flavored 'How To Name Your Death Metal Band, Part 4').



"Your standing, in front of, all those hidden graves. ??? ??? ??? ???
Murdered people you what are you gonna say ??? ??? ??? ???
Darkness is falling, its time you realize, moon eclipse is shown in your bloodshotted eyes.
Take their mind from them , have them give him mine. ??? ??? ??? ???
??? ??? ??? ??? is no way to be. Pray to your lord to spare your soul, i hell we will be.
Darkness is falling and with so its tortured your life. Demons from hell will come to walk at your side.
Angels, flying thru the sky, From hell, the best day will cost your life."


ANYONE ELSE GOT ONE?