Monday, April 4, 2011


The results are in.
The Third Annual Illogical Contraption Coloring Contest, despite a slow start, has proven to be a monumental success, topping last year's turnout by a whopping 5 (!!!) entries. Artistic statements from our Illogical Brethren run the gamut from well thought out to downright silly, but they all share one common factor: IllCon's trademarked and copywritten penchant for quantum insanity and moral ambiguity--the calling card of a true IC Bro. Without further ado, I present the thirteen "runners-up" in our contest, with winner(s) being presented upon the morrow. I thank everyone who participated from the bottom of my blackened, bloodless heart, and hope that the Fourth Annual Contest will be every bit a success as the Third. You guys rule.

Check this shit out:

Our first entry comes from longtime friend of the blog The Ugfromumant, and I urge everyone to click this thing for full size. Not only does he namecheck the Stephen King King Killed John Lennon Conspiracy (see the kid's shirt on the left), but if you look really close, the kid next to that kid is wearing a fucking TRIVIUM shirt. Which is all kinds of awesome. Behold:

There is also Four Loko involved, bonus points.

Secondly, we have this lovely Lovecraftian abomination courtesy of our friend and IllCon contributor Crankenstein, a fantastic depiction of Cthulhu raining down blood and gore upon the Holy. HPL would be proud:

Next up we have John W's tribute to Omar from The Wire, a show that I'm not actually all that familiar with. But if the show is anything like John's artwork, it has to be pretty sweet:

Josh G went all Photoshop on us with this one, paying especially close attention to shading, skin tones, and realism. Dude is a pro:

Our buddy MikeTM from the hilarious I Kicked Your Car In The Balls contributed this minimalist masterpiece, which I think contains a lesson we can all learn from:

Another longtime friend of the blog, Really Good@Wounding, sent in this colorful tribute to the fallen heroes of 9/11, and I applaud his aesthetic sense and attention to detail:

Brother RyGar from (Nobody Knows) I'm New Wave has been lurking around these parts for way too long as well, and his paean to the Elder Gods is every bit as creepy as he is:

You know who fucking rules really hard? SMEG. That's who. This motherfucker is the only dude who has submitted entries in all three IC Coloring Contests, and even went the extra mile this year to create not one, but TWO pieces of timeless art. I'd love to call him this year's winner on principle alone, but I think we'll all understand how and why I made my decisions by tomorrow morning. Bravo, Smeg. Bro personified:


Lastly, we have Tyler H. This guy wanted the trophy really bad, and I was within inches of handing it to him. Tyler got drunk and created no less than FOUR separate entries in a haze of stuporous inspiration, a monumental achievement in itself. It pains me to leave such hard work and dedication (relatively) unrewarded, but I'm sure Mr. H considers the very honor of having his artwork featured on this illustrious blog rewarding enough. Right, Tyler? No?
Check it:

Seriously, that last one allllllmost won. SOOOOO close.

Tune in tomorrow for the stunning conclusion to our long and arduous tale. Champions will rise, lives will be destroyed, and the very fabric of the time-space continuum will be shredded and torn like so much coloring paper.



RyGar said...

Haha! Terrific jobs all around. Weird how that 'strangers' one kinda inspired the same reaction from different people. Birds of a feather flock at the IllCon shit-roost, i guess. I totally have that exact '3 wolves howling @ the moon shirt', BTW.

RyGar said...

Smeg's Spongebob Babay Jesus is going on my fridge. Who wants to start a web-comic?

The Ugfromumant said...

Hahaha! I love wolf shirts! We have a Wolf Shirt Wednesday here in my home town. Well only a couple of people really participate but its great to see other wolf shirt enthusiasts.

Remember 3rd Wednesday of the month wear your wolf shirt!!!

I couldn't really decide what to put on the kids shirt so I went with something almost everybody would recognize and thus Trivium was my choice.

Great work erbody! Some awesome stuff this year. The HPL rendition has to be my favorite byfar.

The Thing That Should Not Be said...

.....sooooorrrrrry, I never had time to enter. My bad :-(

Crankenstien said...

vote for me I spent alot of time on it

Anonymous said...

Shit, the accent marks around Rygar's pedophile boner should have won first place. Tomorrow better be fucking phenomenal.

Yours, RyGar

bloodler said...

eat turds in hell, c'mon man, 1st place right there

bloodler said...

look at the poo on her mouth...priceless