"... where there was nature and earth, life and water, I saw a desert landscape that was unending, resembling some sort of crater, so devoid of reason and light and spirit that the mind could not grasp it on any sort of conscious level and if you came close the mind would reel backward, unable to take it in. It was a vision so clear and real and vital to me that in its purity it was almost abstract. This was what I could understand, this was how I lived my life, what I constructed my movement around, how I dealt with the tangible. This was the geography around which my reality revolved: it did not occur to me, ever, that people were good or that a man was capable of change or that the world could be a better place through one's taking pleasure in a feeling or a look or a gesture, of receiving another person's love or kindness. Nothing was affirmative, the term "generosity of spirit" applied to nothing, was a cliche, was some kind of bad joke. Sex is mathematics. Individuality no longer an issue. What does intelligence signify? Define reason. Desire - meaningless. Intellect is not a cure. Justice is dead. Fear, recrimination, innocence, sympathy, guilt, waste, failure, grief, were things, emotions, that no one really felt anymore. Reflection is useless, the world is senseless. Evil is its only permanence. God is not alive. Love cannot be trusted. Surface, surface, surface was all that anyone found meaning in... this was civilization as I saw it, colossal and jagged..."
The joys and awesomeness of movie montage music have been extolled many a time here on Illcon. From the awesome Blood Bros mix-tapes to Cobra's in-house work out mix, we all know how hard they rule as well as the obvious mental and physical benefits that can be attained from listening to such down right manly, life affirming and brutally cool tunes.
Now, your probably wondering what all this is leading to? Well, as a sucker for soundtracks in general I routinely go through my collection and realised that out of everything I have, there is one actor who seems to have dominance over the rest of my OST shelf, that one man is Mr Sylvester Stallone.
On closer inspection I realised that he also seems to have the most relevance when it comes to pump up montages ( as well as more often than not having soundtracks that are far more entertaining than the actual films they correspond to). I mean, Rocky is the main culprit when it comes down to it. In fact, the first 4 Rocky films possess enough sweaty working out set to awesome rock music footage to power a small country. Eye of The Tiger, case in point. The ruling Kingpin of montage riffary. So in the Illcon spirit of educated the uneducated, I have pulled out my personal picks of the Stallone OST library for you good people to enjoy, kick back, work out and be cool to.
Starting of with the undisputed king of pump up soundtracks, Rocky IV. The first Rocky film I ever saw also possesses the best of the series music. Of course Eye of The Tiger is here, but so is No Easy Way Out, Sweetest Victory and Hearts On Fire. Not to mention Vince Dicola's two instrumental ass-kickers. Pure montage fury. I'm also pretty sure the film has more montages per reel than any other film.
I don't think anyone knew where Stallone was going with this film, I am pretty sure he didn't either but he made damn sure the soundtrack was solid. Ignore the stinkers from his brother Frank and the limp effort by Kenny Loggins, just focus on Sammy Hagar's timeless Winner Takes It All. Asia's Gypsy Soul, Larry Greene's Take It Higher and Giorgio Moroder's instrumental The Fight. Need a soundtrack for your next Tuesday arm wrestling meet up? Here you go.
Can a buddy cop movie go wrong? Even with Kurt Russell involved? I am afraid so. Case in point, Tango & Cash. Despite a pretty okay chemistry between the Kurtster and Stallone, Robert Z'dar swinging his giant chin around and some pretty sweet cowboy boots with a gun hidden in the heel, this was a surprisingly lumpen affair. The same can't be said of the classy score courtesy of the main man Harold Faltermeyer though. Combining the upbeat, streetwise sounds of his Beverly Hills Cop score alongside the more brooding work he cultivated on The Running Man, Mr Faltermeyer pulls another winner out the bag.
Believe it or not, this was originally what Beverly Hills Cop was going to be like. After being pushed off the project, Stallone vowed he would make the film he intended. The result was Cobra. Awesome for being so lame on so many levels. The soundtrack is worthwhile for Jean Beauvoir;s Feel The Heat, Gary Wright's lost classic Hold On To Your Vision and the instrumental efforts by Sylvester Levay. Perfect music to soundtrack some rogue policing.
You decide to make a movie about Billy Dee Williams and Stallone chasing a crazed, European bomber as he blows up innocent people. Who would you get to soundtrack it? How about organ destroying, keyboard pioneer Keith Emerson? Superb idea. Emerson crafted a pretty solid score with this one. In a very similar way to Lalo Schiffrin approaching his work on Dirty Harry from a jazz background, Emerson approached Nighthawks with a head full of prog keyboard noodling and worked unhindered until it was complete.
All this awesomeness has made me wonder when the montage actually came into use? I remember Rocky from being a kid but did such a thing exist in the 60's or 70's?
Metal brothers, we are now in Day 10 of cold turkey withdrawal from lllCon West's benevolent mother teat. I have to say, I CRITICALLY underestimated the reach of Shelby Cobras's influence and the strength of his resolve. I see now the man will stop at nothing.See, my kid hasn't stopped throwing up for two days now. How did we go from pot shots at my spelling to attempted INFANTICIDE?? Well, it's gonna take more than a few chow showers from an 18 month old to weaken MY resolve. Thanks to Jason, who rightly reminds me of my sworn duties to uphold, MONDAY MORNING MEXICAN PORNOGRIND CORNER goes on.
Uritkaria Anal is this week's featured scumfuck porn-shilling monstruos. On Divine Depravation, they eek our nearly an hour's worth of microphone-too-close-to-the-mouth guttural ejaculations, glandular skinwork, and lyrical STDs. If one jam called 'Sifilis' isn't enough for you, don't worry, this record has two. I don't quite get what happened but the recording fidelity switches gears halfway through the album and you get like these alternate versions (maybe?) that let the songs breath a little more (which, really, is what pornogrind needs isn't it? just a little more breathing space?).
has anyone used Tako to ama for pornogrind cover art yet?
Jesus Christ, what kind of distortion does that guy use on side 2 anyway? Anyone know? Not the HM2; maybe that $50 Digitech unit? I dunno, it fucking RULES though. My first band, Sticky Bear, recorded STRAIGHT to some Maxwell 60 mins. (if we were flush that week; otherwise it was Sonys). My Peavey Predator came out sounding exactly like this.
DAT FONT
You know how bad you hate it when someone says your music all sounds the same? Yeah, well, every track sounds EXACTLY THE SAME here. Flip this on the hi fi, crack open a high life, and expand your horizons.
Ichneumonidae are a large family of wasps in the order Hymenoptera (wasps, bees and ants), They are identifiable because of their antennae-which have more segments most other wasps, extremely long ovipositors(egg laying structures)-often longer than their body, and their wing structure is different than other families if you want to get technical about it. They often have long cigar shaped abdomen, but not in all species. Ichneumonidae is my favorite family of insects and a strong contender for Most Metal Organism. They earn my vote for this honor with: 1. sheer brutality, 2: literal metal and 3. a Christopher Hitchens-like disdain for god and religion. And they just look fucking cool:
1. Sheer Brutality
Most ichneumon species are parasitoids, the adult laying eggs in the host and the larvae developing within the host's body, often killing it. The main hosts for ichneumons are larvae of other insects. The female injects the eggs with her ovipositor(s), sometimes drilling into the tree that the host is living in. By sensing vibrations made by the host, she can locate it, drill into the tree and lay her eggs in it, through sometimes inches of wood.
Here is the process step by step: (from Wikipedia [check it out because the pic is much bigger])
Tapping with her antennae, the wasp detects and localizes scent and vibrations that indicate a host is present.
With the longer ovipositor, the wasp drills a hole through the bark.
The wasp inserts the ovipositor into the cavity which contains the host larva.
Making corrections.
Depositing her eggs.
Depositing her eggs.
Some species inject venom along with the eggs. The eggs hatch and the larvae develop in the host, feeding off it and killing it before emerging as an adult.
Here's a cool vid from the excellent Life in Undergrowth series on the BBC about an ichneumon that parasitizes caterpillars that live inside ant's nests:
Pretty brutal lifestyle or what?
2. Actually Metal
How do ichneumonids drill into the tree that the host lives in with just a thin ovipositor? How do the adults get out of the tree when they emerge from the host? The tip of the females ovipositor and the adults' mandibles in some species are tipped with actual METAL (zinc or maganese).
3. Disdain for Religion
Philosophers, theologians and naturalists were troubled by the cruelty and br00tality exhibited by organisms such as ichneumonid wasps and cuckoos. How could god create creatures that are so cruel if he is benevolent? Charles Darwin himself wrote:
I own that I cannot see as plainly as others do, and as I should wish to do, evidence of design and beneficence on all sides of us. There seems to me too much misery in the world. I cannot persuade myself that a beneficent and omnipotent God would have designedly created the Ichneumonidae with the express intention of their feeding within the living bodies of Caterpillars, or that a cat should play with mice.
Parasites like ichneumonids and cuckoos are and excellent challenge to the benevolence of god and creationism. In real life, shit like "cruelty" and "kindness" don't factor into survival, which is all that matters. As Darwin put it: "Let the strong survive and the weak perish."
All in all pretty fucking metal, and certainly at the top of my list for Most Metal Organism. And before yall get any ideas, I got dibs on writing a song about these sexy hellbeasts.
Yes, this post is about surf rock, by that I mean Surf Rock and not that Beach Boys crap. Fuck that shit. That is "rock about surf" and not surf rock proper.
Surf rock is a mostly instrumental guitar driven music (except in the early days it was fairly common for surf bands to shit out a pop single with a vocalist). It places great importance on melodic guitar lines played with heavy reverb. Reverb is key to surf rock. Surf bands use reverb the way death metal bands use distortion. It is hard to make the case that something is surf if it doesn't have tons of reverb. Also tremelo picking, whammy dips and palm muting are vary common techniques. Since it is instrumental for the most part there is less standard song structure than the other music of its day, though certain lines or themes are often repeated.
Surf originated in the late 50's by artists like Link Wray and the Ventures. But it was Dick Dale that made it is what it is today. He used a clean guitar tone with maximum reverb, tremelo riffs and heavy use of the whammy bar. His style included melodious guitar lines and incorporated elements from Middle Eastern and Mexican music. Sometimes a saxophone would carry the melody; an electric bass and drums made up the rhythm section.
The first true surf hit was his "Lets go Trippin'" from 1961 which became a regional hit in SoCal. Soon the trend became a national fad with both The Chantays and The Surfaris making the top 10 in 1963 with "Pipeline" and Wipe Out" respectively. Soon surf bands started popping up around the country in such as the quiet beachside communities of Boulder, Colorado (The Astronauts) Minneapolis, Minnestota (The Trashmen) Baltimore, Maryland (The Fender IV, featuring future Blue Cheer guitarist Randy Holden) and Sydney, Australia (The Atlantics). There was also a surf scene in Japan.
Surf rock began to decline in poularity in the mid-60's with the rise of the Beatles and other British invasion crap. But it never really died in the hearts of the true fans, and guys like Dick Dale managed to hold on in the Dark Ages.
More recently with the release of Pulp Fiction and the internets surf rock is experiencing something of a revival, much like psychobilly and kiddie thrash. Much like psychobilly and kiddie thrash there is some element of dressing up, but fortunately surf rock fashion isn't nearly as bad as those genres, mostly just Hawaiian shirts. The clean cut look has died along with shitting out a pop song with a singer.
Heres a list of some of my favorite current surf bands:
The Aqua Velvets
One of the first surf revival bands, the Aqua Velvets have stuck with the genre since the 80's and are still kicking.
Man or Astro-Man?
One of the higher profile revival bands, they started off as fairly trad surf, but gradually became more abstract.
Gary Hoey
Not exactly a true surf rocker, he started out as a heavy metal shredder. He tried out for Ozzy in 88 but lost to Zakk Wylde. He did some solo type shred stuff in the 90's. In 2005 he released Monster Surf, a collection of hard rock covers of classic surf songs, pretty fuckin rad if you ask me, even if he is an Affliction tool now.
The Madeira
Very progressive surf with heavy middle eastern influences. They display more dynamics than the average surf band, with acoustic passages and brooding intros.
Secret Samurai
In my opinion the best of the modern surf rockers. They play a progressive style of surf with influences from exotica and spaghetti western soundtracks. No fucking around with samples and intros, just rippin surf.
There are plenty of other good surf bands out there, just search myspace, youtube and bandcamp.
Unfortunately, the surf rock community has not figured out MediaFire and stuff like that, and there is almost nothing out there to download, and no surf mp3 blogs. Anyhoo, here's The Secret Samurai's first album, Gun Sho Gun:
Metal and surf rarely come into contact, but it does happen. Examples: the aforementioned Gary Hoey, Satch's Surfing With the Alien (not metal, but close enough), the intro to "Craving Illness" by Deceased and Agalloch's "Our Fortress is Burning... I" sounds pretty surftastic to me.
The new year is traditionally a time for optimism for the year to come, a time for starting anew. Fuck that shit.
Here is some slow, ultra depressing cult doom from England's Warning. Anchored by Solstice and Sore Throat's Rich Walker's cousin Patrick Walker, who plays guitar and sings. They did a couple of demos in the 90s and a full-length in 1999, The Strength to Dream. It's Ok but your better off spending time listening to Watching From a Distance again. They put out Watching From a Distance on Rich's Miskatonic Foundation in 2006. It is their finest hour, and also their swan song.
Tempo change is a foreign concept to these guys. Never getting above a slow crawl, this album could be monotonous if it weren't so good. They have a penchant for Revelation-style arpeggiated chords in addition to the standard doom power chord riffs. Bass: non-existant. Drumming: slow and slower.
Did I mention these guys are sad. They are, or at least Patrick Walker is. He weaves with his Ozzyish voice tales of love lost, regret and plain old loss. And the music reflects it. This album is one blob of negative emotions, real Ghostbusters 2 shit. These guys make Crowbar seem like Blink-182 or some pussy shit like that. Real touchy feely, but still killer, and one of the best post-millenial doom performances.
Warning split in 2009, but it's OK, cuz Walker started 40 Watt Sun, and they sound just like Warning. Except that the drumming on The Inside Room was a little too fast at times. Maybe Christian "Commando" Leitch will slow it the fuck down for the next album. This is doom metal for fucks sake.
Side note: isn't it strange how many doom dudes were in death metal/grind bands before going doom? Must be growing up, cuz it sure aint selling out. Ex: Patrick Walker, Rich Walker, Lee Dorrian, Jus Oborn, Fernando Opazo of Marchefunebre, My Dying Bride, etc.
Man, DoomUnicorn has been breaching all kinds of etiquette lately. Not only did he come out of nowhere with this whole "IllCon East vs. IllCon West" feud (see last post), but he added insult to injury by posting pornogrind on a Monday, which we all know is verboten. Not only that, but the guy spelled "cryptosporidium" wrong multiple times in said post--I mean, who spells "cryptosporidium" incorrectly? Rookie moves, man. Rookie moves.
Anyhow, West Coast Envy notwithstanding, we now return you to your scheduled program: Monday Morning Science Corner, the CORRECT, educated, West Coast version of Monday mornings at ICHQ. Today's subject is the "corpse flower" AKA "carrion flower", a topic recommended by These A Beast--who I thank graciously, and forgive for living on the wretched East Coast of these United States.
Wikipedia: The titan arum or Amorphophallus titanum (from Ancient Greek amorphos, "without form, misshapen" + phallos, "phallus", and titan, "giant" = "Giant Misshapen Penis") is a flowering plant with the largest unbranched inflorescence in the world. The titan arum's inflorescence is not as large as that of the Talipot palm, Corypha umbraculifera, but the inflorescence of the Talipot palm is branched rather than unbranched. Due to its odor, which is reminiscent of the smell of a decomposing mammal, the titan arum is characterized as a carrion flower, and is also known as the "corpse flower", or "corpse plant" (Indonesian: bunga bangkai – bunga means flower, while bangkai means corpse or cadaver). For the same reason, the title "corpse flower" is also attributed to the genus Rafflesia which, like the titan arum, grows in the rainforests of Sumatra.
Sumatra is also known for its vicious Rat Monkeys
The titan arum's inflorescence can reach over 3 metres (10 ft) in height. Like the related cuckoo pint and calla lily, it consists of a fragrant spadix of flowers wrapped by a spathe, which looks like a large petal. In the case of the titan arum, the spathe is green on the outside and dark burgundy red on the inside, and deeply furrowed. The spadix is hollow and resembles a large loaf of French bread. The upper, visible portion of the spadix is covered in pollen, while its lower extremity is spangled with bright red-orange carpels. The "fragrance" of the titan arum resembles rotting meat, attracting carrion-eating beetles and Flesh Flies (family Sarcophagidae) that pollinate it. The inflorescence's deep red color and texture contribute to the illusion that the spathe is a piece of meat. During bloom, the tip of the spadix is approximately human body temperature, which helps the perfume volatilize; this heat is also believed to assist in the illusion that attracts carcass-eating insects. After the flower dies back, a single leaf, which reaches the size of a small tree, grows from the underground corm. The leaf grows on a semi-green stalk that branches into three sections at the top, each containing many leaflets. The leaf structure can reach up to 6 metres (20 ft) tall and 5 metres (16 ft) across. Each year, the old leaf dies and a new one grows in its place. When the corm has stored enough energy, it becomes dormant for about 4 months. Then, the process repeats. The corm is the largest known, weighing around 50 kilograms (110 lb). When a specimen at the Princess of Wales Conservatory, Kew Gardens, was repotted after its dormant period, the weight was recorded as 91 kilograms (200 lb).
Above: Visual approximation of Amorphophallus titanum's bloom odor
Left: related "corpse flower" species Rafflesia.
So let's see here: Amorphophallus titanum is a flower that a) comes from the very-metal location of Sumatra, b) grows to as much as 20 feet tall and 16 feet wide, c) blooms only after 7-15 years of life, d) has a Latin name that means "giant, misshapen dick", and e) mimics the smell (and appearance, and temperature) of rotting flesh to attract insects. Holy fuck. That is Very Metal.
For a fucking flower, I mean.
Titan arum blooming in time lapse:
And lastly, David Attenborough breaks it down:
PS: Speaking of shit that stinks, Episode 16 of IllCon Radio is now up for download and streaming HERE. Learn about the deep UFOlogy behind Blink 182, Alan Moore’s masturbation sorcery, and the soon-to-be-released Grateful Dead MMORPG!
Lots of really cool stuff is coming up on the show in January as well, including an in-depth study of the conspiracy theories connected to Kubrick's The Shining (hint: it's a palindrome), an interview with Peaches Christ, an entire episode about Disney's ties to mind control, Illuminati symbolism, and Satan, and the return of the almighty Freeman. Turn on, tune in, and HESH OUT!
I hereby direct your attention to Cryptosporidium Parvum, a quotidian blip on the acne-pocked face of pornogrind circa late 00s. I normally have little patience for this sort of thing but CP's brand of sloppy, under-produced, overblown grind endears itself to me every time. They've got a track, "vaginal love" on their 2007 demo whose amorous title is out of place with pornogrind's usual over-the-top nomenclature and whose beginning does not sound entirely unlike "Louie, Louie." So where most bands lose you with their tales of clitoral evisceration, CP warms the heart with a track about simply loving pussy. Even if this kind of thing isn't your kind of thing (pig grunts and the like) do yourself a solid and have a couple of chuckles over the video for "Ay, Mamsheeta" below. That's right, Mamasheeta. See what they did there?
couldn't find any band photos so used this instead
After a decade of bitter infighting and rancour between two ideologically polarized camps within ICHQ, I am delighted to announce the grand opening of IllCon East, a new subdivision of IC Enterprises which is charged with ensuring East Coast considerations are factored into decision-making around marketing, product development, and systems change. This venture comes on the coattails of a debate that has been percolating beneath the surface of everyday business and has made working alongside one another no longer possible. I now present to you IllCon East's mission statement:
FUCK YOU, WEST COAST
Allow me to explain...
Here on the East Coast, being metal is a fucking chore. You have to work at it. If you're a metalhead and come from anywhere East of Sanford Parker's fiefdom, Ohio, you're already handicapped. You're fucked. You have to ship in all your bullet belts and patches from El Salvador. Out on the West Coast every other day Wormrot is playing in LA, fucking Brocas Helm is playing Gilman or whatever it's called, blah fucking blah.
2nd one from left is 9th grade me
I was just talking to These a Beast, who lives in Jersey, about what shows we'd been to recently and it was downright scornful. The only show either of has had been to in the last month was the same goddamn show, one night apart from each other. Granted, it was Inquisition, and they fucking killed, but still. West Coast's got the labels, the communal groundswell, the bands, the venues, AND legal kush. It's like the metal is being handed to you on a silver plate; all you need to do is MOSH.
And don't get me started on Black Metal. How do you have all these awesome goddamn black metal bands on the West Coast? What do YOU know about Black Metal? Any 'banger worth his Nargaroth back patch knows Black Metal is all about winter, midnight vision quests through frost-choked ravines, taking your shirt off, and takin' a pic for the album cover. What does the West Coast know about winter? Where I'm from we're living an Immortal album 30% of the entire year while your metal bands are playing flutes around the bonfire, fucking celebrating the harvest, and yukking it up over a sack of northern lights.
er, we're not all like this, promise
(Speaking of New Jersey, that's probably the most metal places on the planet ain't it? Fuck sylven forests of primordial hardwoods and awe-inspiring ocean vistas, forget Norway...New Fucking Jersey man. It's basically built on top of toxic sludge and car parts. Anyone who elects to live there voluntarily earns their spike cuffs automatically.)
is more metal than
The East Coast always seems to get left out of conversations about metal (New Yorker notwithstanding), perhaps due to regional metal xenophobia, perhaps ignorance, perhaps its the smaller profiles of the bands, maybe a combination of all this. We gave you NYDM, Dio, Grief...the nascent scuzz-BM scene (see Mutilation Rites) is giving the Black Twilight Circle a run for their money IMHO...hell we've got Florida so right there we've buttoned up 90% of the American Death Metal legacy.
ANDMANOWAR
i know u like my layout skills
Now, I'm not saying we're completely infallible. In fact, we owe you a couple of apologies: namely Liturgy, the whole Savannah/Atlanta thing (seriously, what the fuck is up with the whole Kylesa/Baroness/Mastodon scene? can someone fill me in plz thx). We MIGHT be single-handedly responsible for metalcore also, now that I think about it. Whoops lol. I hereby apologise for all our past transgressions.
So anyway, yeah, this:
WEST COAST i detect your pose all the way from here
EAST COAST trve
I rest my case.
You are cordially invited to the ceremonial ribbon cutting of the brand-new, 230 acre IllCon East campus, featuring an exclusive Evoken and Cannibal Corpse showcase*, and we will vote on IllCon East's new charter. I hereby lay down the gauntlet, West Coast pussies. The metal world is overdue for a good beef with all the trimmings, don't you think? Infantile posturing in album intros, threats of violence via YouTube, all that. How great would that be? Minus the assassinations, Varg.
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