Tuesday, June 28, 2011

A CONSPIRACY TO END ALL CONSPIRACIES: The Stanggressive Hyperbole of Alex Jones Finally Dovetails Into Undeniable Truth

The biggest news story of the year just broke, and chances are you haven't heard a goddamn thing about it. This is HUGE, nigh unto Earth-shattering. I want you to watch the following video very, very closely, for it holds the key to our collective future as a cohesive human civilization.

PS: "Stanggressive" = "Stupid" + "Angry" + "Aggressive".

Now, I'm no friend of Alex Jones. I thought his infiltration of the Bohemian Grove Owl Orgies was pretty cool, but beyond that, his Limbaugh-esque demeanor and penchant for unneccesary shouting has kept me away. He's a douche, long story short, and, like fellow circus barker Glenn Beck, makes up for lack of substance with an overabundance of volume.

But HOLY SHIT has he blown this one wide open.

I'm sure we're all aware of the Bilderberg Group already, but the revelation that these power-hungry Illuminati overlords are controlled by multi-dimensional aliens via DMT vision-quests? Fucking Hell! Where's the CNN coverage? MSNBC? The Daily Show?

Jones' assertation that Dimethyltryptamine hallucinations guide the major power decisions made by the ruling financial elite is nothing short of a total revelation for society as we know it, and the fact that mainstream media has ignored the story only strengthens its case. The shape-shifting DMT "machine elves" that Jones refers to in the above video are the true manipulators of all the major media outlets, after all, hence their total silence on the matter.

But let's take a minute to discuss these "elves". Originally popularized by psychedelic guru Terence McKenna (left), these multi-dimensional creatures choose to communicate via drugs like ayahuasca (which contains Dimethyltryptamine), and appear in the lore of many cultures accross the globe. Machine elves (also known as "fractal elves" or "self-transforming elf machines") are totally real, and their existence can be proven by the fact that they have a Wikipedia page.

Check out McKenna's description of the Fractal Elf/DMT experience from said page:

At about minute one or two of a DMT trip, according to McKenna, one may burst through a chrysanthemum-like mandala, and find:

There's a whole bunch of entities waiting on the other side, saying "How wonderful that you're here! You come so rarely! We're so delighted to see you!"
They're like jewelled self-dribbling basketballs and there are many of them and they come pounding toward you and they will stop in front of you and vibrate, but then they do a very disconcerting thing, which is they jump into your body and then they jump back out again and the whole thing is going on in a high-speed mode where you're being presented with thousands of details per second and you can't get a hold on [them ...] and these things are saying "Don't give in to astonishment", which is exactly what you want to do. You want to go nuts with how crazy this is, and they say "Don't do that. Pay attention to what we're doing".

What they're doing is making objects with their voices, singing structures into existence. They offer things to you, saying "Look at this! Look at this!" and as your attention goes towards these objects you realise that what you're being shown is impossible. It's not simply intricate, beautiful and hard to manufacture, it's impossible to make these things. The nearest analogy would be the Fabergé eggs, but these things are like the toys that are scattered around the nursery inside a U.F.O., celestial toys, and the toys themselves appear to be somehow alive and can sing other objects into existence, so what's happening is this proliferation of elf gifts, which are moving around singing, and they are saying "Do what we are doing" and they are very insistent, and they say "Do it! Do it! Do it!" and you feel like a bubble inside your body beginning to move up toward your mouth, and when it comes out it isn't sound, it's vision. You discover that you can pump "stuff" out of your mouth by singing, and they're urging you to do this. They say "That's it! That's it! Keep doing it!".

We're now at minute 4.5 [of the trip] and you speak in a kind of glossolalia. There is a spontaneous outpouring of syntax unaccompanied by what is normally called "meaning". After a minute or so of this the whole thing begins to collapse in on itself and they begin to physically move away from you. Usually their final shot is that they wave goodbye and say "Deja vu! Deja vu!".

From Terence McKennaLand: Terence McKenna (1946—2000) has been studying the ontological foundations of Shamanism and the Ethnopharmacology of spiritual transformation for the past quarter century. An innovative theoretician and spellbinding orator, Terence has emerged as a powerful voice for the psychedelic movement and the emergent societal tendency he calls The Archaic Revival. Poetically dispensing enlightened social criticism and new theories of the fractal dynamics of time, Terence deobfuscates many aspects of the visionary lexicon, and then some. As Artist Alex Grey suggests, "In the twilight of human history, McKenna's prescription for salvation is just so crazy it might work."

"Joe Rogan knows what I'm talking about."

Whoa. That's a whole SHITLOAD of information to process. First, that the existence of Fractal Elves is a very real and provable fact, but second (and most importantly), that said Elves are a MALEVOLENT, EXTRA-DIMENSIONAL ALIEN FORCE!
I can't say it's much of a surprise: as Mr. Jones said before, politicians often stumble about in a weird, zombie-like haze, and the fact that they are all tripping super fucking hard on DMT all the time explains quite a bit.
The wool has been pulled back, revealing what I think many of us suspected already: The Bilderberger/Illuminati/reptilians are high as shit on hallucinogens, communicating through channels undiscovered by modern science with malevolent robot elves. Fuck.

OF COURSE this is why the Bible forbids drug use! It all makes so much sense now!

1 Peter 5:8 - "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour."

Galatians 5:19-21 - "Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God."

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 - "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."

Translation: "Don't trip on DMT, it will make you see the Fractal Elves that control the government, bro."

A simple equation:


So there you go. I am again forced into a grudging, mutual-respect-based stalemate with Alex Jones, based solely on his unwavering dedication to truth and justice. Illogical Contraption salutes you, Mr. Jones, and we pledge our allegiance to you in the upcoming battle with the Annunaki-reptilian/Fractal-based self-transforming elf machines. You have once again exposed The Man Behind The Curtain, and this time, when he approaches in the guise of a "jewelled self-dribbling basketball", we will see him for what he is: pure, unadulterated EVIL.



Cory said...

Oh Del Tigre talks to the machine elves all the time.

Erik Del Tigre said...


Anonymous said...

Divine Moments (of) Truth, baby!



Anonymous said...

Great post! As much as a i hate alex jones's personality, a lot of what he talks about is based on some sort of fact. They say DMT is releaed from the pineal gland only apon birth and death. yopo or ahuasca can produce a similar effect.
It has to be some type of conspiracy! Drinking flouridated water calcifies your pineal gland, Its got to be some form of psychic castration for the masses.

Mister Booze said...

As cool as this post was the comment from Anonymous is +1000 win. Tying DMT, reptoids, and the Illuminati in with water fluoridation? Genius.

BILLONEY! said...

Video link was taken down - http://youtu.be/9suiYflDc4g

Shelby Cobras said...

Thanks Bill

mikey bloodbath said...

Been without internet too long and missed out on greatness. Thanks for the read Cobras