Illogical Contraption

お～すっ！　何打コリャ！
This is Schultz from Tokyo Damage Report back again with something a bit more metal.

This LP always would be in the bins at the local record store in high school. I never messed with it on account of there was a naked lady, which a) gross, and b) anyone who needed sex to sell their music that bad probably was trying to distract the purchaser from the lame music. However, after Black Flag put out their 3d disappointing album in a row, it began to dawn on me that there would never be another "damaged" LP. Which made me want to get my Flag fix in other ways - so, like some crack-head who picks bits of drywall off the floor and tries to smoke it, I picked up Feast becuase it was on SST and had Chuck Dukowski in it. But I made sure to grab by the edges so I wouldn't touch the naked lady.

Anyway I put it on the turntable with scant hopes, and then HAD MY MIND FUCKING BLOWN.

This was like some '70s, Detroit, freak-out acid rock, mixed with Black Sabbath. Recently there's been a bunch of buzz about "proto-metal" and every single time I listen to some band that's been called proto-metal, it turns out that the band is proto-suck. (makes sense, since any band who is described as "post-" anything also sucks). WURM is the only proto-metal band anyone should listen to. Not only are the riffs catchy as hell, but the guitars are super dirty sounding. And the vocals.

Check that shit out.

To me, the mark of a great vocalist is not lyrics. Rock musicians generally are not that smart, and if you add musical conformity to the general dumbness and pretention, I mean. Can't tell you how many damn times I wished there was some button or Photoshop filter or whatever where you could press it and the lyrics would change into Italian / Russian / Spanish / any language I could not comprehend. So lyrics don't make a rad singer. Nor do tight pants. What does it? BEING ABLE TO SING IN A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT VOICES, AND SWITCH BETWEEN 'EM STRATEGICALLY. All the greats did this: H.R., Iggy Pop, and Atilla from Mayhem. Oh, and JAMES FUCKING BROWN.

And the Wurm singer - simon smallwood? Is that his name? This dude has that talent. He does what the BIG FOUR can do. Why is he not fully enshrined?!?!?

He can go from a crazy "dude-from-aerosmith-getting-shanked" scream to a demented Placido Domingo opera bellow, to a bluesy vocal. . . but it all sounds just unhinged.

Anyway, peep this.

And let me know if you know any other singers that got hella stylezzz like Mrs. Brown, Pop, HR, Attila, and Smallwood. おねがいします。

WURM