Thursday, August 25, 2011

COBRAS IS DEAD



Some interesting speculation via JGD's post about Adramalech on The Living Doorway yesterday:

"Since 90% of The Living Doorway's traffic comes from our 'tarded pals over at Illogical Contraption, I'm sure you've noticed by now that Shelby has turned into some corporate shill and doesn't have time to post anymore. Or maybe he's just in jail or something. I don't know. But he's totally MIA and it's important that someone step in to provide the world with more Finnish death metal from the 1990's, at least until he finally gets fired for gross misconduct (or released on his own recognisance) and can start posting again."

Jaime then goes on to confusingly hawk products for my band, which is a) totally appreciated and b) only partially solicited:

"... head over to Apocryphon's OFFICIAL MERCHANDISE PAGE for some back-to-school shopping. It's the least you can do to help build Shelby's new corporate empire... or whatever the fuck he's doing lately.

RIP Cobras.
"

Wow. First off, I wholly resent the insinuation that I have died, as, to quote Mark Twain, "rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated". While the illusion of human existence can be confusing and mystical, I am, in fact, at least 85-90% sure that I am still a resident of the material plane of Earthly being. I am not dead. Just busy.
But second (and more maddening) is the suggestion that I have become some sort of "corporate shill", as if I had a commercial-minded bone in my body. Come on, Jaime. You know me better than that.
While it is true that I may or may not be starting some sort of new phase in my employment, I can neither confirm nor deny at this point that it is in any way a "corporate" power grab and/or a monumental increase in both my annual income and social status. This type of speculation is 100% unconfirmed (at this point) and only partially fueled by extensive media coverage. To wit, I give you the banner headline from a recent Huffington Post article:



I know, I know: the rumors have been rampant for the last couple days, and even though I am forbidden from speaking about the current terms of my employment and/or "CEO status" (their words), I will acknowledge that big wheels are turning. I alluded to such things a few posts ago, and not to be overly cryptic or anything, but FRUITion has arrived. Not that I can confirm anything or whatever. It's all just crazy speculation. Crazy, rampant speculation.

Shame on you, JGD, for stirring up all these silly rumors. It was an enormous breach of our conceptual, digital friendship, and we both know that it is WAY too early to talk about my (purportedly) upcoming ventures into the public spotlight. You know I can't talk about these things yet.
But what I CAN do is share a simple photo with you all. Interpret it as you will:

Hmmm....


Anyway, here is some super-top-notch deathened black metal from Temecula, CA circa 1997. This album absolutely DESTROYS.

DRACONIS - Overlords of The Greying Dawn

dl: Unseen Reflections of Interdimensional Transfixions

Metallum/Last.FM

16 comments:

Reginald said...

Adramalech is pretty cool.

Shelby Cobras said...

Reginald: +1

JGD said...

I was only hawking your bands stuff in hopes that you'd give me a new Ipad.

Shelby Cobras said...

It's cool. I'm pretty sure I can get you a new iPad Mini.

Aesop said...

Hooked on Apocryphonics, I'd suck someone's dick for a shirt but would prefer to pay cash.

Shelby Cobras said...

I'm open to either option.

Shelby Cobras said...

PS I would've traded straight accross for a Goat Semen shirt.

The Ugfromumant said...

Lemme find a goat and Ill get you that goat semen shirt.

Aesop said...

That semen shirt is best left for a true lady

Manslaughter said...

Thank you kind sir. SOMEONE is jealous of the kind of shirt a "true lady" wears.

Anonymous said...

Draconis! THANK YOU!!! Only people who live in Temecula can really know what it means to sing songs about HELL.

JGD said...

ok, now I want an Apocryphon shirt, too.

Shelby Cobras said...

www.apocryphon.bigcartel.com

JGD said...

I thought maybe I'd just come over later.

Shelby Cobras said...

You sound cute, let's meet IRL

Michael Westside said...

YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT MY FRIGGING BLOG MAN.